nickngreg | (no subject)

Title: Still
Author: kieksterbanjo
Rating: Chapter 6: PG-13
Summary: There's no end to fatherhood...

A/N: Sorry for the long drought. Hopefully you all enjoy the chapter though =)

Chapter 6

“How do I look Daddy?” Nick turned at the voice from the stairs behind him and smiled.

He reached out a hand, which Isabelle grasped as she almost floated down the rest of the stairs onto the main floor, “You look like a princess.” Nick commented, taking the hand he held in his and spinning his daughter around, watching the lilac dress his mother had bought for her granddaughter flow.

“What about me Dad?” Nick looked up again and his smile widened as Angelica walked slowly down the stairs in a beautiful blue dress Jillian had bought for her. He didn’t get to see his eldest daughter dressed up very often; too athletic to care much about what she wore. But the odd time, like that day for the her grandparents anniversary party, when she did dress up, Nick was struck by what a beautiful woman his little girl was growing up to be and it both elated and scared him.

Nick extended his other hand, which Angelica took, and he spun both his daughters around before looping their arms with his, “I couldn’t think of more beautiful dates to bring to the party.” He said simply, making both Angelica and Isabelle smile.

“Hey what about me? Don’t I get a date?” Greg asked dejected as he walked into the main hall. His fake look of hurt melted as he saw how beautiful his daughters looked and how handsome his husband looked, dressed in a classic black suit and tie.

Isabelle and Angelica giggled and Nick smiled, leaning down to whisper in his daughters’ ears, “I guess I can’t hog both of you. Which of you would do your father the honour of being his date to the party?”

“I will.” Angelica smiled, letting go of Nick’s arm and looping her arms with Greg’s, “You look very handsome Daddy.” She smiled and Greg straightened up with a smug look on his face, adjusting his dark blue tie on his light blue dress shirt, making Angelica giggle.

“Where are the boys?” Nick asked as the foursome made their way through the house to the backyard where the party was being held. No guests had arrived other than Nick’s sisters and their respective families but the sheer number of them made it look like the party had already started.

“Charlie and Aidan were teaching Austin how to tie a tie the last time I saw them.” Greg noted, opening the back door and ushering Angelica through it, “Aidan mentioned he was looking for you though. Said he wanted to talk to you all morning but you’ve been on the go since we woke up.” He added and Nick nodded. Due to the simple fact that himself and Will were staying at the ranch they had been enlisted to make sure the party was set up correctly. Nick hadn’t had a chance to sit down since getting out of bed almost 9 hours earlier.

“Did he say about what?” Nick asked curiously laughing as both he and Greg lost their ‘dates’ for the evening to the girls’ cousins. Greg shook his head with a shrug before linking his hand with Nick’s.

“You look incredibly handsome Mr. Stokes.” He said softly with a sweet smile.

Nick smiled back, subconsciously fixing his tie, “As do you Mr. Sanders.” He answered.

“Ties are stupid.” Both Nick and Greg turned at the grumbled comment to find Charlie, Aidan and Austin making their way through the back door. The comment had come from Austin; who was pouting as he tugged at his black tie.

Nick’s sister Joelle laughed as she came up to the little group and straightened Austin’s tie for him, “I think you look handsome.” She said with a smile. Austin was having none of it though and just stared before making his way further into the backyard without a word.

“Some one woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” Joelle commented.

“Apparently.” Nick mumbled as he watched Austin’s retreated back with a concerned scowl.

“Hey Dad I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second.” Aidan said and Nick was in the middle of nodding when a call rang out from the depths of the backyard.

“Nick! Joelle! We need your help!” It had been Will who made the call, struggling with table clothes blowing in the wind.

“Can we talk later?” Nick asked apologetically and Aidan nodded with a sigh. Nick gave an apologetic shrug before he and Joelle jogged towards their brother.

“Is the food out yet?” Charlie asked to no one in particular before making his way down the porch steps and into the backyard.

Greg watched him go before turning to Aidan, “Do you want to talk to me about what’s up?” He asked. He knew it was a tendency of Aidan’s to go to Nick before he went to Greg when something was bothering him. It didn’t necessarily bother Greg but it wasn’t going to stop him from helping Aidan when he could.

Aidan hesitated but then sighed, “It may actually be easier to talk to you about it.” Greg’s eyebrows furrowed as he followed Aidan back into the house, wondering what exactly could be wrong.

“Is everything okay?” Greg asked.

Aidan bit his lower lip with another sigh. He was really starting to scare Greg, “Okay I know that you and Dad have always wanted me to go into criminal forensics when I go to school but I’ve been thinking lately about doing something else.” Aidan said quickly before biting his lip again.

“What something else?” Greg asked curiously, not expecting that to come out of his son’s mouth.

Aidan remained quiet for a second before whispering, “Journalism.”

“Really?” Greg asked surprised.

“I just…” Aidan’s words caught in his throat and he spluttered out the start of several more sentences before raising his hands up and bringing them down to slap against his sides, shaking his head as he said simply, “There’s just something about it that I like. I’m really sorry.”

Greg laughed and Aidan looked up sharply, surprised and confused, “Aidan you have nothing to be sorry about.” Greg said as he continued to chuckle, mostly out of relief considering he was worried something was really wrong with his eldest.

“I don’t?” Aidan asked surprised, “But I always thought you and Dad expected me to go into criminal forensics like you guys.”

Greg shook his head and sat down on the couch, gesturing for Aidan to join him, “We only got behind the idea of you becoming a CSI because YOU wanted to be a CSI. The only thing Dad and I want is for you to be happy, in whatever profession you choose; whether that be a CSI or a journalist or a circus entertainer.”

Aidan chuckled, “You seriously wouldn’t be upset if I wanted to become a circus performer?”

“We’re actually considering offering it to one of your siblings as a viable option.” Greg deadpanned, making Aidan laugh, “Okay so we may have problems if you wanted to become a circus performer, but this is your life and you have to do what you feel is right for you; no matter what I or Dad or anyone else says or thinks.”

Aidan smiled and breathed a sigh of relief, revealing how scared he’d been to disclose his change in potential major. Greg smiled too, “So. Journalism.” He said contemplatively.

“Yeah. Journalism.” Aidan echoed.

“You should change your name to something catchy so when it’s at the bottom of the column people go ‘Wow’. Something like…Aidan Malone.” Greg said thoughtfully.

Aidan chuckled, “I think I’ll stick with Sanders-Stokes. It’s a cooler last name in general. Hyphens are very in right now.”

-- -- --

Nick smiled as he looked around the ranch’s backyard. The party was in full swing and the multitude of formally dressed people in the large backyard made it look reminiscent of a wedding reception complete with a ‘head table’ of sorts consisting of Nick’s parents and 6 of their oldest and dearest friends who had been their wedding party so many years before.

Nick became aware of a body next to him and turned to find a twenty something year old man he’d never seen before, complete with nose ring, standing a little inside the socially acceptable stranger bubble, “Everyone seems to be having fun.” The man said suddenly.

Nick’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked around to see if perhaps the man was talking to someone else. In the general area, however, it was only he and Nick and it was because of that that Nick felt compelled to answer, “Uh yeah.” He said slowly.

The man looked over with a smile before sticking out his hand, something he should have done in the first place and saying, “I’m Ty, Rebecca’s boyfriend.” Nick nodded and shook the extended hand, trying not to dwell on the fact that his niece Rebecca was only 18 while Ty was at least 23.

“Nick, Rebecca’s uncle.” Nick introduced before falling silent again. He’d moved away from the crowd to think and didn’t really feel like striking up conversation with his niece’s nose pierced boyfriend.

“Ohhhh you’re THAT uncle.” Ty said with a knowing nod.

Okay Nick really wasn’t liking this kid and made a mental note to talk to his sister about her daughter’s choice of male companionship, “And what would THAT be?” Nick asked skeptically.

Ty’s eyes widened and he said almost apologetically, “Oh no I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I mean I knew a guy in college who was gay and he was a really nice guy.”

Nick just stared for a moment or two and then with an unbelieving shake of his head, he chuckled to himself before turning without another word to head inside the house.

He found himself moments later at the door to his father’s study; a place the Stokes children were rarely allowed to enter when they were kids. As they had grown older however, Bill had allow them to do their homework there because of how quiet the space was and before long the study became just another room in the house to hang out in, or fool around in if you were Will Stokes.

As Nick entered the study, that hadn’t changed at all over the years, he ran a hand over the edge of the mahogany desk that had always looked so big when he was little and would walk in to give his father a hug before bedtime. He was struck by just how much one’s perspective of things changed. Things that seemed so large, over time had shrunk and things that seemed small and almost insignificant had over time become large and overwhelming.

“A lot on your mind, Pancho?” Nick spun, startled by the voice to find his father at the entrance of the study; studying Nick with a soft smile.

Nick chuckled, putting a hand to his chest, “You scared me Dad.” He said letting out a breath.

“Now,” Bill said pointing a finger in the air as he walked into the study, “I know something is troubling you. You haven’t called me ‘Dad’ since you were six.”

Nick’s eyebrows furrowed as if he hadn’t even realized what he had said, “Not since Will convinced me that Cisco meant Dad in Turkish.” He chuckled.

Bill chuckled softly, “I didn’t have the heart to tell you otherwise. I still don’t understand why you were so obsessed with Turkey when you were little.”

“I liked the food.” Nick said with a sheepish chuckle and a shrug.

“So what were you thinking about?” Bill asked, looking at Nick curiously.

Nick sighed, “About going back to Vegas tomorrow night and leaving Aidan here.”

Bill nodded knowingly and sat on the brown leather couch, “Seeing any of your children off to college is hard.” He said.

Nick nodded, “Yeah but it would be different if he was just going up state. He’s moving two states away!” He exclaimed.

“And I wouldn’t know anything about watching a son move two states away to follow a dream.” Bill said pointedly and almost laughed as the realization dawned on Nick face.

“That was still different though.” Nick defended, “I was almost 25 when I moved to Vegas. Aidan just turned 18.”

“I hate to break it to you Pancho, but it doesn’t matter how old they get, it’s still no picnic to have them so far away.” Bill confessed, “But you soon realize that no matter how far away they are they’re still your children, and will ALWAYS return home. Knowing that, makes it a lot easier to be happier and more proud of them when they create an amazing life for themselves half a country away.”

Nick bit his bottom lip as his eyes filled slightly at his father’s words. Bill Stokes had been an amazing father to his seven children, but he’d always been the stoic supporter; all of his children knowing he cared without every really being told as such. Therefore to be on the receiving end of such a statement had Nick reacting unreasonably emotional.

“Yeah I guess you’re right.” Nick said in a thick voice as he coughed to compose himself.

“Is that the only thing bothering you?” Bill asked as if he could see right through Nick.

Nick shook his head looking away from his father, “Do you ever regret anything you did as a parent?” He asked and the question took Bill off guard.

He was silent for a moment before answering, “No.” He said finally making Nick turn towards him, surprised, “All seven of you turned out to be intelligent, loving, witty, determined adults. I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome and therefore whatever shortcomings your mother and I worried about in our parenting when you were younger no longer matter. I wouldn’t change a thing.” Nick nodded, “Do YOU regret anything?”

Nick let out of a harsh breath and once again looked away, “Sometimes.” He said slowly.

“What do you regret?” Bill asked.

Nick shrugged, “I know Greg and I have been good parents. I just…Sometimes I wonder…wonder what would have happened…if I’d let my children grow up with a mother and a father instead of two fathers.”

“I can tell you what would have happened.” Bill said instantly, without hesitation. Nick looked over at him, waiting for him to continue, “You would have been miserable and that would have passed onto your children.”

“You think so?” Nick asked.

“You seriously feel that way?” Nick’s eyebrows furrowed when the question was asked not by his father…but by his son. Nick turned to find Aidan standing in the doorway of the study, a look of surprise on his face, obviously having heard at least part of the conversation.

Three generations of Stokes’ men stood silently for a long moment, none really knowing how to break the silence between them.

“I’m…going to go check in with your mother.” Bill said slowly, nodding to both Aidan and Nick before making his way out of the room; figuring Nick and Aidan would want to talk alone.

Once alone, the silence stretched on for a few more minutes before Nick coughed and spoke, “How much of that did you hear?”

Aidan made his way into the room and sat on the leather couch Bill had just vacated, “You honestly think the five of us would have been better off if we had a mom and dad instead of you and dad?”

Nick diverted his eyes, embarrassed his son had heard him, “You guys went through a lot when you were little. As your father, all I want to do is to keep you from feeling sad and knowing that something I did caused you sadness?” He shook his head, unable to finish the thought.

“You can’t keep us from feeling sad all the time Dad.” Aidan said truthfully, “As much as you try, and believe me I know you try a lot, we’re going to get hurt and we’re going to be sad sometimes. You don’t get to choose who you fall in love with so you can’t blame yourself for other people’s stupidity towards different kinds of love. You told ME that once.” Aidan smirked, “Personally I don’t think any one of us suffered because we never used the word ‘Mom’ growing up. Because really that’s all that was missing. A word.”

“So you don’t feel like we let you down?” Nick asked softly. He hadn’t even known he’d spoken the question until he heard Aidan speak.

“There was this time when I was ten,” Aidan started and Nick waited for him to continue, “and there was a thunderstorm so fierce outside that one of the trees in the backyard lost like three branches.” Nick nodded, actually remembering the storm. They had planted that tree three days after they had moved into their current house and were saddened by the loss, “You came into our room because Charlie was crying. I remember pretending to be asleep. I didn’t want Charlie, or you, to know just how scared of the storm I was.” He shook his head and laughed softly to himself, “After you finished calming Charlie down I figured you were going to leave the room but I felt the edge of my bed dip. You just…put your hand on my back and I relaxed almost instantly.” He looked at Nick with wonder in his eyes, “Like you just KNEW I had been scared and needed to know that you were there to keep me safe.”

Nick didn’t actually remember the specific moment, but he did remember that the simple action of laying a hand on the back’s of his children as they slept was something he had done almost habitually since they were born; a way to almost reassure himself that they were still there. He found it incredible how Aidan got something totally different from the move that Nick hadn’t even know any of the kids knew about.

“I don’t know why I remember that specific moment…but I think it’s because it was that moment when I was able to fully appreciate how completely there for me you…and Dad were and are. It doesn’t scare me to think about being alone here without you guys because I know you’re always just a phone call or a plane ride away.” Aidan paused to take a deep breath, “Does that sound like someone who was let down by his parents?”

Nick let out a watery chuckle and shook his head, “I guess we did a pretty good job didn’t we?” He asked and Aidan chuckled.

“Yeah. Yeah you did.” Aidan said getting up and moving to hug his father.

“Come on let’s get back to the party.” Nick said pulling Aidan by the shoulder, “Did you come by for a reason?” Nick asked realizing Aidan hadn’t said why he was there in the first place.

“It can wait until later.” Aidan shrugged and Nick nodded, “Though before I forget, and while I have you here, did you know that Dad had a green duck when he was little that he carried around everywhere named Maury?” He asked.

“You know I didn’t know that, but considering your Dad used to make bombs when he little? Not much surprises me anymore.” Nick said even though he made note to tease Greg about Maury at some point.

“Dad used to make bombs?” Aidan asked surprised. Nick nodded, “He had a…colourful childhood didn’t he?” He hadn’t meant it to be overly funny but when Nick stopped and almost doubled over with laughter, Aidan couldn’t help but find the comment funny as well.

As Nick calmed down he let out a breathy sigh, “You don’t know the half of it.” He said simply as the two continued their way outside.

-- -- --

“Hey Nicky.” Nick smiled as he sidled up next to his sister Joelle and his brother in law, Thomas.

“Having fun?” Nick asked and both Thomas and Joelle nodded, “Oh, Tom are you aware of the man, and I use the term literally, you’re daughter is dating?” Nick asked looking across the backyard to Ty who was talking to Rebecca.

Thomas laughed as he shook his head, “As far as boyfriends go, Ty could be a lot worse. It hard to see your little girl with any one though, but you can’t really tell her she can’t date.”

“I plan to do that when Angelica and Isabelle get old enough.” Nick said determined and Thomas laughed again.

“Just you wait.” Was all he said.

The small group fell into a comfortable silence; there wasn’t much to say but that didn’t seem to matter. The silence was broken when Charlie came upon the group, “Dad, can I have twenty bucks?”

Nick cocked an eyebrow, “For what?”

Charlie shrugged, scratching the back of his neck, “Uncle Will is starting a poker game at one of the tables.”

“And it’s a twenty dollar buy in.” Nick said disbelievingly and watched Charlie redden in the face. He knew his son to well, “How much is it really?”

Charlie sighed, “Two dollars.”

Nick just shook his head with a smirk, “I don’t have any cash on me. You’ll have to ask Dad.” He said pointing his glass in Greg’s direction.

Charlie shook his head, “I already did. He told me to ask you.”

Nick laughed, “Then it would look like you’re out of luck.”

“I’ll spot you the two dollars.” Joelle offered already looking inside her purse.

“You don’t have to do that Jo.” Nick said as he watched Charlie’s eye light up.

“It’s two dollars Nick. It’s fine.” She said producing the two dollar bills, “And I’m only doing it because he looks so charming in his suit.” She said gesturing to Charlie, “You sure do clean up nice Charles.” She gave a confused laugh when both Nick and Charlie winced, “What?” She asked.

“Ixnay on the ArlesChay.” Nick said out of the corner of his mouth.

Joelle looked at Charlie with a look of shock, “You don’t like your name?” She asked.

Charlie shrugged, “I like Charlie…just not Charles. Makes me sound like an old fart.”

Joelle was about to comment when a scream sounded from somewhere in the background and the party erupted into a whirlwind of commotion; people running towards the source of the scream, crowding around it, screaming directions at each other. It all happened so fast that Nick, Joelle, Charlie and Thomas stood frozen; confused and unaware of what had happened.

“Nick! Joelle!” Will’s voice broke through the commotion, so reminiscent of earlier that afternoon. But unlike that afternoon, it was not a tablecloth he was asking them to help with, it was damage control.

Nick knew damage control. He knew what needed to be done to minimize distress in stressful situations…He just didn’t know what stressful situation he was trying to minimize, “Charlie go watch Austin and Isabelle.” He said figuring he would take care of the things he was sure needed to be done.

“What happened Dad?” Charlie asked, trying to crane his neck over the partygoers to see what they were all flocking around.

“Charlie. Go.” Nick demanded and watched as Charlie stumbled back with a bewildered expression before breaking into a jog to go find his little brother and sister. Nick would have answered his son, it was just that he didn’t know what had gone wrong.

“Nick, come on!” Joelle encouraged pulling Nick by the hand as they jogged towards the centre of the commotion, unaware as to what they would find. Fire? Someone hurt? Someone…worse?

As they ran, Nick’s eyes scanned the faces in the backyard, searching for the ones that made up his family. Only Aidan was visible after his quick scan, standing with his arms crossed near the middle of the crowd, a pained look on his face as he looked down at the cause of the upheaval.

Horrifying pictures flashed through Nick’s mind as he wondered what could possible greet them when he and Joelle reached the centre of the circle. Who could be hurt? Was he about to see something that would destroy his whole world? He wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

He tried to catch Aidan’s gaze to get an idea but his eldest child’s gaze remained stubbornly fixed on the object of everyone’s attention, “Oh my god.” It wasn’t until Joelle spoke with a gasp that Nick had realized they’d reached the centre of the circle and as Joelle turned to bury her face in Nick’s chest, Nick’s eyes fell on a scene he had never wanted to see.

TBC

A/N: Here’s hoping I get the next chapter out reasonably fast. This one took me forever to write so hopefully the next one will come easier. Thanks for reading and don’t forget to leave feedback if you’ve got it! =)