Fic: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep (28/28)
Dec. 6th, 2007 04:17 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
jayceepat.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
nickngregTitle: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep
Rating: R.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: Brief mention of non-con.
Summary: Lots of changes.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here
Previous parts of this story can be found here
Alan was pacing his living room wondering for the millionth time during the last two years how a woman who said all she had to do was put on her earrings and a little spritz of perfume could take 45 minutes for those two tasks.
When Marie finally came down the stairs and did her little ‘exhibition twirl’ at the bottom, he forgot his irritation and thought again for the millionth time during the last two years that he was the luckiest man in the world.
At another home, in another part of town, Warrick Brown was waiting for his special lady to come down their staircase. It had taken him and Catherine more that two years to get on the same page but now that they were, he knew he was the luckiest man in the world.
Steve’s mother had just left with a very excited Chelsi. They were going to have a Shrek marathon; all three in order. She didn’t even mind that her daddies were going to a party without her. She was pretty sure a grown up party would be dull; not nearly as much fun as her evening with Shrek.
Bobby came into the room and walked over to his partner. He and Steve had just celebrated their sixteenth anniversary. They were both still in a haze of happiness. When they first met, neither one had even considered the fact that they would see each other again let alone have a child, build a home and spend 16 wonderful years together. Bobby looked at his love, his Steve. He was a big handsome man. When he thought about him, an old country song played in his head; A Brown Eyed Handsome Man. That was his Steve. He knew he was the luckiest man in the world.
All over Las Vegas, people were getting ready to go to a party at Nick Stokes. It was so good to have Nick back. It had been a long, hard six months without him at the Crime Lab. They did have a new CSI and it had taken a while but Ronnie Lake slowly but surely began to fit into the team. She was young and eager but she was no Nick. She didn’t have his experience; his attention to detail that often saw evidence that could have been overlooked, nor did she have his genuine care and concern for the victims. She was getting there; she would be a keeper.
Meantime, the man in question was in the kitchen double checking everything for the last time. He had just finished all the preparations for his ‘Killer Margarita’s’ when he heard a voice in his head say “My God Nick, these are better than any bar drink.”
It was so real Nick turned around to see if he was still alone. There was no one in the kitchen with him. Then he realized that’s what Greg had said almost three years ago after his last party. He’d stayed after everyone left to help Nick clean up and when they were done, Nick had fixed them each a drink. Greg had taken a swallow and told him they were better than any bar drink, then he’d asked why Nick’s bedroom door was closed.
Nick had taken him into his bedroom and kissed him and told him he didn’t want a one night quickie. He’d thought he had found the Holy Grail but like so many men from the beginning of time, he’d taken everything and given nothing back and he’d been cast out of heaven. God it had been such a long, painful fall to earth or in his case all the way to hell itself.
The memories overtook him so quickly he wasn’t prepared for the emotional onslaught and he leaned forward and put his hands flat on the table and tried to breath the way Alan had taught him so long ago. He was forcing himself to try to stay calm and ride this through and then he felt two arms slide around his waist. A hand gently slid up his chest forcing him to stand up and lean back against a slim body that held more strength than any one but him could ever know.
Greg held Nick tight against him and said, “Let it go. Tonight’s for us and our friends. There’s no room for bad thoughts or ghosts from the past. We fought them remember; we fought them apart and together and they’re all gone. It’s just you and me baby. Tonight our house is party central.”
Nick turned around and looked at his love and he was not at all ashamed to admit, his life. He’d come so close to losing this love, this life, this man. He remembered his question two long years ago: “Greg. Can you forgive me and give me another chance?”
He waited a lifetime for the answer and when it came it was so Greg. “Yes and No.”
Yes he could forgive him and no he couldn’t give him another chance. No he couldn’t forgive him and yes he could give him another chance. Nick had finally said, “I have no idea what you just told me.”
“Well welcome to the club Stokes, now you’re just as confused as I am. In some ways, you acting like a dick was the best thing that ever happened to me. If it hadn’t of been for that, I would never have gone to Bobby and I wouldn’t have him and Steve in my life, or Alan. I probably would never have been hurt enough myself to know what Mr. Emerson was going through and I wouldn’t have had the privilege of knowing him or my foster brothers and sisters and I sure as hell would never have just blindly gone with Annabelle candle shopping and wound up knowing the most unforgettable character I’ve ever met. None of that would have happened to me if you hadn’t treated me the way you did.”
Greg looked at Nick and realized he hadn’t a clue what he was talking about. All that happened while he was coming apart. “It’s okay Nick, neither one of us is crazy. That all happened after you and I broke up. We weren’t talking so you didn’t know any of it. But all these people have made such a difference in my life; in me. I’m glad for everything that happened to me after I walked out of your house. I like ‘the me’ I am right now. I like my life and my friends and my interests. I don’t want to go back to being ‘happy-go-lucky’ Greg and I sure don’t want to go back to being your bitch/ho.”
Nick could not have been more surprised if Greg had walked over and punched him in the face. He physically recoiled. “I never thought of you like that Greg.”
“No, when you were holding me down with a knee in my back shoving yourself inside my ass with no lube and even worse with no kisses or caresses, that’s sure in hell what I felt like. I am grateful that it wasn’t rape. You didn’t think of yourself as raping me but Nick I don’t give a damn whether it was rape or ‘punishment’, I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t a thing to be raped or a child to be punished. I was supposed to be your lover, your partner both at home and at work and oh yeah, let’s talk about ‘home’. You sure have a twisted idea of sharing and just what a ‘home’ is supposed to be. Two drawers, no key. Do you remember the Barker Case?”
Nick thought hard and finally said, “Wasn’t that the one where the family was killed and it turned out the guy’s ‘wife’ was actually his sister and their daughter was….”
“Yeah that’s the one. Do you remember how many hours we all worked on that case?”
“God, it was a nightmare. I think at one time everyone on the night shift was on that and you…”
“Yeah, me. Who was it who spent 52 solid hours trying to separate the DNA so we could figure out who killed who first? It was me you ass-wipe and you know what I got for my trouble? When I got ‘HOME” to “MY HOUSE”, I couldn’t get inside for a hot shower or a good nights sleep in bed because all I had was a garage door opener and you had locked the back door. I had to sleep in the back seat of my car because by then I knew there was no way I was going to be able to drive back to my apartment. So Nick; why don’t you just tell me how you thought of me because I sure would like to know.”
Nick had just stared at this stranger who for some reason looked just exactly like his Greg.
God knows he and Greg had some knock-down battles during their time together but this was different. This was not a spoiled kid whining for something he wanted nor was this a frightened, terrified lover trying to understand what he’d done to cause Nick to hurt him so badly. This was a grown man, almost righteous in his anger, laying out the facts and demanding an answer. And God help him, Nick could not give him one.
“Greg, I can’t tell you how I thought of you then because I guess, I was just too sick to really know. I can tell you how I think of you right now.” Nick paused to see if Greg even wanted to listen to him.
“Oh please do, I would like to have some facts to relate to, after all, we’re both CSI’s, we have been taught to collect all the evidence we can find.”
“Okay, I think that right now, I’ve never seen anyone stronger or surer of himself than you are. I look at you and I see everything I could ever want in a friend, a lover or a life-time partner. I look at you and I see a man anyone would be proud to belong to. I look at you and I see love; complete, honest, lifetime love. I look at you and I feel such sadness and regret that I had a treasure like you and was too dumb to know it. I look at you and I think that I want to spend the rest of my life telling you and showing you how much I love you.” Nick did not realize that tears were rolling down his cheeks while he was talking.
Greg stood there for a long while then said, “Do you realize Nick, that’s the first time you’ve ever used the word ‘love’ and me in the same sentence?”
“Yes, I do. That’s one of the things I remembered when I had that first breakdown at the clinic. I knew I’d told you, I just knew it. God knows I’d thought it often enough but I went through all our time together and when I got to the end, I knew, I’d never said it to you; never told you the most important bond between us and I sure never showed you.”
Greg started walking back and forth and then around Alan’s office. Finally Alan got up and opened the door on the back wall of his office which led out into a small private courtyard. Neither Nick nor Greg had ever seen the little garden; they’d never even noticed the door but now Greg just nodded a thank you at Alan and added the space in the courtyard to his area.
Nick started to speak once but Greg just held his hand up to stop him and Nick shut up and waited.
Nick was thinking, Waited for the World to Change. What is that from? It’s so familiar I can almost see someone….dancing no, singing, no….both. Cath and I at the club dancing to John Mayer singing that song. Now I’m sitting here waiting for the world to change and I don’t know which way’s it’s going. If Greg wants nothing more to do with me there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it except pick up the pieces and try to go on. I think I’d better plan on looking for something somewhere else. There is no way in the world I can be in the same town with him knowing what I’ve lost. Oh oh, here he comes.”
Greg walked back into the office and sat down in the chair. He looked at Nick and then he looked over at Alan. “Here’s the way it’s going to be; at least as far as I’m concerned. Right now I don’t even know if I can trust you on the job. So we both work to get that trust back. We see Alan together and separately. I don’t want any telephone calls that don’t relate to work. I don’t want any drop by’s. You don’t show up in my home unless or until I invite you. I don’t want any of those puppy dog looks across the table in the break room and if I do happen to go out with someone, I do not want to have to look at a sorrowful, ‘why have you betrayed me’ expression anywhere. Is that agreed?”
Nick started to answer Greg but was interrupted by him. “Don’t just say Oh Yes. You think about it because this isn’t going to take a few days or weeks or even months. I may never be able to trust you enough to try a personal relationship again. You have no idea how badly you hurt me and I don’t just mean physically. That healed in a few days. The other wounds are still open and bleeding and they may never close. Are you willing to try knowing you may never get what you want?”
Nick looked at Greg and thought about that first night together. He thought about the hours spent wrapped up together on the couch watching ‘Meercat Manor’. He remembered the night Flower died and how he’d made love to Greg all night to take away the sorrow. He remembered holding him in his arms at Lake Mead and kissing him; just kissing him until there was nothing in the world except the feel, the touch and the sweet, sweet taste of his lips and mouth.
He took a deep breath. “I’m more than willing. I’m not a gambler like Warrick but even I know when it’s time to take a chance on winning the jackpot of a lifetime.”
It had taken more than a year; but it had all been worth it. Nick had been surprised so many times during the eighteen months he finally lost count. The first one came when he got back to work and discovered a completely different attitude towards Greg. Everyone had always had a soft spot for him but it was based on the combination of his genius and his goofy antics. He was regarded almost like an idiot savant younger brother. Now, there was an air of equality in their relationships. He almost fell off his chair when he heard Catherine ask him to come over and give her some ideas for Lindsay’s new bedroom.
There was another rude awakening when he went to Greg’s apartment for the first time. It was an accident. Greg’s car wouldn’t start. He and Greg were on a 419 at an upscale area on Greg’s side of town. Grissom decided that Nick should pick Greg up on the way and they would worry about his car later. Grissom had called Greg to relay their plans and Nick had asked to speak with him before Grissom hung up. He asked Greg if he was okay with the arrangement and did he want him to just wait downstairs. Greg said no, he really needed a shower and he was pretty sure Nick would get there before he was ready so just come on upstairs. He’d leave a key outside the door, behind the plate hanging on the wall beside the door. Nick thought that sounded a little odd but he was so happy to hear Greg’s lack of concern about him coming to his place he forgot in his excitement and he headed out.
When he got to Greg’s place, he was surprised again at how nice the apartment complex was kept. There were flowers and grassy plots. It had been repainted since the last time Nick had been there. He went upstairs and discovered the interior walls had been painted also and Greg’s door was ‘RED’. What the hell! On closer inspection, it wasn’t actually red it was a soft, shimmery, almost glowing red. On the wall next to the door was a ceramic plaque that read, SOM MAN REDER, SÅ LIGGER MAN. Nick remembered Greg telling him a story about how Grandpa Hojem came to America. He’d gotten Grandma Hojem pregnant and he always told Greg, Som Man Reder, Sa Ligger Man. One sleeps in the bed one has made. He chuckled out loud and carefully reached behind the plate. He felt the key, removed it and stepped into…..another time and place. This could not be Greg’s apartment. There was color everywhere and flowers and candles and beautiful furniture and the place was clean. There were books and magazines on the coffee table and when Nick had done a full circle he found himself looking at the most beautiful table and mirror he’d ever seen. Nick had grown up with a family of crafters, wood workers and DIY’ers so he knew the minute he saw the table it was walnut; solid, dark gorgeous black walnut.
“Do you like it?” Greg had come into the room while Nick was lost in the feel and look of the table.
“My God Greg, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Nick literally bit his tongue to keep from adding ‘except for you’. “Your whole apartment is…..I just don’t have words to describe it. It’s so beautiful but it’s so exactly like you.”
Greg smiled; an open, happy genuine smile at Nick and said, “Thank you. I’m really pretty proud of it if I do say so myself. I did it but oh I had so much help from Bobby and Steve and Warrick. Even Hodges came over and not only did my counters and back-splashes but he actually taught me how to do it as well.”
Nick had a whole new level of respect for his young friend, co-worker and hopefully someday lover.
Things might have gone on this way forever if Greg had not fallen through a booby trapped attic at one of their crime scene’s. The board had been deliberately weakened and when Greg put his weight on the board, it gave way. He fell through the floor but while trying to get back out, he put more weight on some other boards which also gave way and he wound up hanging head down with his leg caught and his knee hyper-extended over a beam. His ligaments were badly torn and he was helpless and in a lot of pain. The doctor who treated him told his team he would have been better off if the leg had been broken. A break was a lot easier to heal than ripped and torn ligaments. He was going to be off work and in bed for weeks.
By the time they were told he would live and actually function again, Nick looked worse than he did. When the doctor said Greg could leave the hospital if he had someone with at all times for the first 2 weeks, Grissom told Nick to take a couple of nights off and get Greg home and get him settled and they would see about working up some sort of schedule to take care of him. The lab and PD had very good insurance so there would be no problem about getting a full time day nurse and for the first two weeks, they could even get a 2nd shift but that left one 8 hour shift left for his friends to cover.
For Nick, it was heaven and hell to be there caring for Greg. He could pamper him and wait on him to his heart’s content. And he did just that. If Greg fussed, he just pointed to the printed instructions and told him he was just following doctor’s orders.
By the end of the sixth week, Greg was impossible to be around and Nick was beginning to wonder if he really did want to spend the rest of his life with this insufferable pain in his ass. Bobby came in one night and tracked Nick down to ask him if it was his night to baby sit. “Yes it is. Please tell me you want to do it instead.”
“Aww, what’s the matter Nicky? Is there trouble in Paradise?” Bobby could be sarcastic when he wanted to be.
“He’s impossible Bobby. I know he’s bored and his knee is still so red and swollen but Jesus Keerist, he’s driving me insane.”
“Well, I got something that might entertain him for a while. “
“OH God, please anything, anything at all to keep him from complaining just for a little while. What do you have?”
“This is season one of Torchwood.”
“What the hell is Torchwood?”
“Oh that’s right, you’re not a Sci Fi fan are you?”
“Not really but I don’t care; if it will keep him amused and entertained and QUIET I don’t care what it is.”
Bobby gave him a brief rundown on Torchwood, handed him the package and went back to his lab. Nick was reading the back of the jacket so he didn’t see the evil little grin on Bobby’s face. If he had, he might have asked a few more questions.
He got to Greg’s and started his exercise in self control. Greg was really on a tear and trying to get him fed and then do his exercises and get him bathed and into clean clothes was an ordeal that left Nick with a bloody tongue and the inside of his cheek and needing a shower of his own.
He set up the DVD and got the player ready with Greg insisting every step of the way that he did not want to watch some lame cowboy movie or another bird tape. Nick turned around and said, “For God’s sake Greg, you’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t share my interest in anything. This is from Bobby. He thought you might enjoy it. Its season one of a British show called Torchwood. He say’s it’s sort of a spin off from Doctor Who and that Torchwood is an anagram of Doctor Who. He thought you might like it. Now do you want to watch it or do you just want to lay here and sulk for a while.”
Greg very ungraciously told him to start the damn thing. Nick said fine, he was going to go take a shower and lay down. Greg could call him if he needed anything. When Nick got everything cleaned up, the kitchen policed, himself fed and showered he headed off to bed. He listened briefly at the door but all he could hear was a man’s voice saying, “The 21st century, that’s when it all happens.” He went to bed hoping he would get a few hours before his patient began complaining again.
Nick woke to a feeling of well being he hadn’t felt since Greg was injured. He was a little groggy and it took him a while to realize he felt good because he’d slept with no interruptions at all. Wow. That’s the first time that ever happened. He went to the door and looked down the hall. He could see light coming from the living room so either Greg was still watching or he’d fallen asleep watching the show. Either way, Nick’s bladder was screaming for attention so he went to the bathroom, washed his hands and brushed his teeth and his hair before he headed out to see what his fussy love was up to.
Can you tell Nick’s attitude towards Greg has reverted back after a good nights sleep?
He walked into the room with a smile on his face. “Hey Greggo did you like the….?”
Greg was sitting up in the hospital bed and he had tears on his cheeks. Nick rushed over to the bed. “My God Greg, what’s the matter? Are you in pain? Why didn’t you call me? What is it Love? What do you need me to do?” Nick was frantic. Greg was just sitting there crying. Finally he turned towards Nick and said, “Nick would you do anything for me?”
“Of course I would; anything at all.”
“Come sit here on the bed.”
Nick moved things aside so he could sit on the bed next to Greg but Greg insisted he sit even closer. He moved up until he was almost face to face with Greg. There were no lines of pain on his face but his eyes were filled with tears. “What is it, sweetheart? What do you need?”
Greg looked at him for a long moment then he reached up, took Nicks face in his and pulled him forward until they were sharing a very sweet, salty wet kiss. Nick was sure he was still asleep and dreaming. After all, he’d dreamed about kissing Greg so many times during the last year plus, this would be nothing new but this kiss was so much better that all the others he’d dreamed. This kiss had sound and touch and taste; the wonderful taste of Greg’s mouth. That taste had haunted Nick for so long that he didn’t want this dream to ever end. It wasn’t until he felt Greg pull back that he realized it wasn’t a dream. Greg had just kissed him and I mean he had really kissed him.
“Not that I’m complaining but what was that for and why now?” Nick was afraid this was just some feverish impulse because of Greg’s injury and he needed to know how to act.
“That DVD I was watching? This guy slips through a warp back into the 1940’s. He’s gay and he meets this really hot guy and there is instant attraction but then he finds out who the guy is and he knows he’s going to be killed in the war the next day. He wants to tell the guy but back in the 40’s gay’s had it a lot worse than we do today but at the very end, the guy gets with the program and he pulls Captain Jack, that’s the head of Torchwood, out on the dance floor and they almost kiss and then there’s this huge flash of light and the portal opens up and he has to go back to 2007 because he’s like the head of the group that fights aliens to keep the world safe and he can’t stay with this man he’s fallen so hard for and he starts to go through the portal but then he turns around and comes back and they kiss. Oh God Nick, I’ve never, ever seen two guys kiss like that on TV in anything. I could not believe what I was seeing. It was so sweet and hot and wonderful and you knew he was kissing the guy for the last time and that kiss would have to take the place of all their times together.“
“Greg, baby please stop, take a breath. You’re scaring me. That’s it, take a deep breath, now take another. That’s my good boy. So that kiss upset you?”
“No Nick, it didn’t upset me. It made me realize; I’m waiting for all sorts of assurances from you that everything is going to be perfect. But no one can ever expect perfect. If none of the bad things had happened between us, I wouldn’t have expected perfect. So why do I now? I can spend the rest of my life looking for perfect when I already have it right here, right now. I love you Nick. Let’s you and me look for perfect together. Okay?”
“Oh Greg, that is so Okay. You just can’t imagine how okay that is. I love you so much. Can I send your day nurse home; in fact can I just fire her and spend the day holding you and kissing you and taking care of you and looking for perfect?”
“Sounds like a plan to me. Now kiss me until she gets here and you know, if you lay her off now, you have to give her a week’s severance pay.”
“Baby, if I had it, I’d give her a year’s severance pay but yes I know and I’ll take care of it. Now can we commence the kissing until she gets here?”
“Let the kissing commence!”
* * * * * * * * * *
A loud knock brought Nick back from the past to his wonderful future. He and Greg had spent yesterday with Greg’s ‘foster brother’ Evan Barton. They had spent hours combining their lives and fortunes. They drew up living wills and living trusts. Greg’s name was now on the mortgage to Nick’s house as co-owner. Their 401K’s, their accounts everything was now in joint custody. If someday, their state allowed same-sex marriages, they would go through the ceremony but for now, this, followed by dinner at an expensive 4 star restaurant followed by a long session of love making on their deck in their back yard followed by the exchange of engraved white gold bands would do very nicely.
Tonight they would be celebrating with their friends; the people who wished them well now and for all time.
Nick kissed his lover, his mate, his true partner and went with him to greet their guests and welcome them to their home.
Rating: R.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: Brief mention of non-con.
Summary: Lots of changes.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here
Previous parts of this story can be found here
Alan was pacing his living room wondering for the millionth time during the last two years how a woman who said all she had to do was put on her earrings and a little spritz of perfume could take 45 minutes for those two tasks.
When Marie finally came down the stairs and did her little ‘exhibition twirl’ at the bottom, he forgot his irritation and thought again for the millionth time during the last two years that he was the luckiest man in the world.
At another home, in another part of town, Warrick Brown was waiting for his special lady to come down their staircase. It had taken him and Catherine more that two years to get on the same page but now that they were, he knew he was the luckiest man in the world.
Steve’s mother had just left with a very excited Chelsi. They were going to have a Shrek marathon; all three in order. She didn’t even mind that her daddies were going to a party without her. She was pretty sure a grown up party would be dull; not nearly as much fun as her evening with Shrek.
Bobby came into the room and walked over to his partner. He and Steve had just celebrated their sixteenth anniversary. They were both still in a haze of happiness. When they first met, neither one had even considered the fact that they would see each other again let alone have a child, build a home and spend 16 wonderful years together. Bobby looked at his love, his Steve. He was a big handsome man. When he thought about him, an old country song played in his head; A Brown Eyed Handsome Man. That was his Steve. He knew he was the luckiest man in the world.
All over Las Vegas, people were getting ready to go to a party at Nick Stokes. It was so good to have Nick back. It had been a long, hard six months without him at the Crime Lab. They did have a new CSI and it had taken a while but Ronnie Lake slowly but surely began to fit into the team. She was young and eager but she was no Nick. She didn’t have his experience; his attention to detail that often saw evidence that could have been overlooked, nor did she have his genuine care and concern for the victims. She was getting there; she would be a keeper.
Meantime, the man in question was in the kitchen double checking everything for the last time. He had just finished all the preparations for his ‘Killer Margarita’s’ when he heard a voice in his head say “My God Nick, these are better than any bar drink.”
It was so real Nick turned around to see if he was still alone. There was no one in the kitchen with him. Then he realized that’s what Greg had said almost three years ago after his last party. He’d stayed after everyone left to help Nick clean up and when they were done, Nick had fixed them each a drink. Greg had taken a swallow and told him they were better than any bar drink, then he’d asked why Nick’s bedroom door was closed.
Nick had taken him into his bedroom and kissed him and told him he didn’t want a one night quickie. He’d thought he had found the Holy Grail but like so many men from the beginning of time, he’d taken everything and given nothing back and he’d been cast out of heaven. God it had been such a long, painful fall to earth or in his case all the way to hell itself.
The memories overtook him so quickly he wasn’t prepared for the emotional onslaught and he leaned forward and put his hands flat on the table and tried to breath the way Alan had taught him so long ago. He was forcing himself to try to stay calm and ride this through and then he felt two arms slide around his waist. A hand gently slid up his chest forcing him to stand up and lean back against a slim body that held more strength than any one but him could ever know.
Greg held Nick tight against him and said, “Let it go. Tonight’s for us and our friends. There’s no room for bad thoughts or ghosts from the past. We fought them remember; we fought them apart and together and they’re all gone. It’s just you and me baby. Tonight our house is party central.”
Nick turned around and looked at his love and he was not at all ashamed to admit, his life. He’d come so close to losing this love, this life, this man. He remembered his question two long years ago: “Greg. Can you forgive me and give me another chance?”
He waited a lifetime for the answer and when it came it was so Greg. “Yes and No.”
Yes he could forgive him and no he couldn’t give him another chance. No he couldn’t forgive him and yes he could give him another chance. Nick had finally said, “I have no idea what you just told me.”
“Well welcome to the club Stokes, now you’re just as confused as I am. In some ways, you acting like a dick was the best thing that ever happened to me. If it hadn’t of been for that, I would never have gone to Bobby and I wouldn’t have him and Steve in my life, or Alan. I probably would never have been hurt enough myself to know what Mr. Emerson was going through and I wouldn’t have had the privilege of knowing him or my foster brothers and sisters and I sure as hell would never have just blindly gone with Annabelle candle shopping and wound up knowing the most unforgettable character I’ve ever met. None of that would have happened to me if you hadn’t treated me the way you did.”
Greg looked at Nick and realized he hadn’t a clue what he was talking about. All that happened while he was coming apart. “It’s okay Nick, neither one of us is crazy. That all happened after you and I broke up. We weren’t talking so you didn’t know any of it. But all these people have made such a difference in my life; in me. I’m glad for everything that happened to me after I walked out of your house. I like ‘the me’ I am right now. I like my life and my friends and my interests. I don’t want to go back to being ‘happy-go-lucky’ Greg and I sure don’t want to go back to being your bitch/ho.”
Nick could not have been more surprised if Greg had walked over and punched him in the face. He physically recoiled. “I never thought of you like that Greg.”
“No, when you were holding me down with a knee in my back shoving yourself inside my ass with no lube and even worse with no kisses or caresses, that’s sure in hell what I felt like. I am grateful that it wasn’t rape. You didn’t think of yourself as raping me but Nick I don’t give a damn whether it was rape or ‘punishment’, I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t a thing to be raped or a child to be punished. I was supposed to be your lover, your partner both at home and at work and oh yeah, let’s talk about ‘home’. You sure have a twisted idea of sharing and just what a ‘home’ is supposed to be. Two drawers, no key. Do you remember the Barker Case?”
Nick thought hard and finally said, “Wasn’t that the one where the family was killed and it turned out the guy’s ‘wife’ was actually his sister and their daughter was….”
“Yeah that’s the one. Do you remember how many hours we all worked on that case?”
“God, it was a nightmare. I think at one time everyone on the night shift was on that and you…”
“Yeah, me. Who was it who spent 52 solid hours trying to separate the DNA so we could figure out who killed who first? It was me you ass-wipe and you know what I got for my trouble? When I got ‘HOME” to “MY HOUSE”, I couldn’t get inside for a hot shower or a good nights sleep in bed because all I had was a garage door opener and you had locked the back door. I had to sleep in the back seat of my car because by then I knew there was no way I was going to be able to drive back to my apartment. So Nick; why don’t you just tell me how you thought of me because I sure would like to know.”
Nick had just stared at this stranger who for some reason looked just exactly like his Greg.
God knows he and Greg had some knock-down battles during their time together but this was different. This was not a spoiled kid whining for something he wanted nor was this a frightened, terrified lover trying to understand what he’d done to cause Nick to hurt him so badly. This was a grown man, almost righteous in his anger, laying out the facts and demanding an answer. And God help him, Nick could not give him one.
“Greg, I can’t tell you how I thought of you then because I guess, I was just too sick to really know. I can tell you how I think of you right now.” Nick paused to see if Greg even wanted to listen to him.
“Oh please do, I would like to have some facts to relate to, after all, we’re both CSI’s, we have been taught to collect all the evidence we can find.”
“Okay, I think that right now, I’ve never seen anyone stronger or surer of himself than you are. I look at you and I see everything I could ever want in a friend, a lover or a life-time partner. I look at you and I see a man anyone would be proud to belong to. I look at you and I see love; complete, honest, lifetime love. I look at you and I feel such sadness and regret that I had a treasure like you and was too dumb to know it. I look at you and I think that I want to spend the rest of my life telling you and showing you how much I love you.” Nick did not realize that tears were rolling down his cheeks while he was talking.
Greg stood there for a long while then said, “Do you realize Nick, that’s the first time you’ve ever used the word ‘love’ and me in the same sentence?”
“Yes, I do. That’s one of the things I remembered when I had that first breakdown at the clinic. I knew I’d told you, I just knew it. God knows I’d thought it often enough but I went through all our time together and when I got to the end, I knew, I’d never said it to you; never told you the most important bond between us and I sure never showed you.”
Greg started walking back and forth and then around Alan’s office. Finally Alan got up and opened the door on the back wall of his office which led out into a small private courtyard. Neither Nick nor Greg had ever seen the little garden; they’d never even noticed the door but now Greg just nodded a thank you at Alan and added the space in the courtyard to his area.
Nick started to speak once but Greg just held his hand up to stop him and Nick shut up and waited.
Nick was thinking, Waited for the World to Change. What is that from? It’s so familiar I can almost see someone….dancing no, singing, no….both. Cath and I at the club dancing to John Mayer singing that song. Now I’m sitting here waiting for the world to change and I don’t know which way’s it’s going. If Greg wants nothing more to do with me there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it except pick up the pieces and try to go on. I think I’d better plan on looking for something somewhere else. There is no way in the world I can be in the same town with him knowing what I’ve lost. Oh oh, here he comes.”
Greg walked back into the office and sat down in the chair. He looked at Nick and then he looked over at Alan. “Here’s the way it’s going to be; at least as far as I’m concerned. Right now I don’t even know if I can trust you on the job. So we both work to get that trust back. We see Alan together and separately. I don’t want any telephone calls that don’t relate to work. I don’t want any drop by’s. You don’t show up in my home unless or until I invite you. I don’t want any of those puppy dog looks across the table in the break room and if I do happen to go out with someone, I do not want to have to look at a sorrowful, ‘why have you betrayed me’ expression anywhere. Is that agreed?”
Nick started to answer Greg but was interrupted by him. “Don’t just say Oh Yes. You think about it because this isn’t going to take a few days or weeks or even months. I may never be able to trust you enough to try a personal relationship again. You have no idea how badly you hurt me and I don’t just mean physically. That healed in a few days. The other wounds are still open and bleeding and they may never close. Are you willing to try knowing you may never get what you want?”
Nick looked at Greg and thought about that first night together. He thought about the hours spent wrapped up together on the couch watching ‘Meercat Manor’. He remembered the night Flower died and how he’d made love to Greg all night to take away the sorrow. He remembered holding him in his arms at Lake Mead and kissing him; just kissing him until there was nothing in the world except the feel, the touch and the sweet, sweet taste of his lips and mouth.
He took a deep breath. “I’m more than willing. I’m not a gambler like Warrick but even I know when it’s time to take a chance on winning the jackpot of a lifetime.”
It had taken more than a year; but it had all been worth it. Nick had been surprised so many times during the eighteen months he finally lost count. The first one came when he got back to work and discovered a completely different attitude towards Greg. Everyone had always had a soft spot for him but it was based on the combination of his genius and his goofy antics. He was regarded almost like an idiot savant younger brother. Now, there was an air of equality in their relationships. He almost fell off his chair when he heard Catherine ask him to come over and give her some ideas for Lindsay’s new bedroom.
There was another rude awakening when he went to Greg’s apartment for the first time. It was an accident. Greg’s car wouldn’t start. He and Greg were on a 419 at an upscale area on Greg’s side of town. Grissom decided that Nick should pick Greg up on the way and they would worry about his car later. Grissom had called Greg to relay their plans and Nick had asked to speak with him before Grissom hung up. He asked Greg if he was okay with the arrangement and did he want him to just wait downstairs. Greg said no, he really needed a shower and he was pretty sure Nick would get there before he was ready so just come on upstairs. He’d leave a key outside the door, behind the plate hanging on the wall beside the door. Nick thought that sounded a little odd but he was so happy to hear Greg’s lack of concern about him coming to his place he forgot in his excitement and he headed out.
When he got to Greg’s place, he was surprised again at how nice the apartment complex was kept. There were flowers and grassy plots. It had been repainted since the last time Nick had been there. He went upstairs and discovered the interior walls had been painted also and Greg’s door was ‘RED’. What the hell! On closer inspection, it wasn’t actually red it was a soft, shimmery, almost glowing red. On the wall next to the door was a ceramic plaque that read, SOM MAN REDER, SÅ LIGGER MAN. Nick remembered Greg telling him a story about how Grandpa Hojem came to America. He’d gotten Grandma Hojem pregnant and he always told Greg, Som Man Reder, Sa Ligger Man. One sleeps in the bed one has made. He chuckled out loud and carefully reached behind the plate. He felt the key, removed it and stepped into…..another time and place. This could not be Greg’s apartment. There was color everywhere and flowers and candles and beautiful furniture and the place was clean. There were books and magazines on the coffee table and when Nick had done a full circle he found himself looking at the most beautiful table and mirror he’d ever seen. Nick had grown up with a family of crafters, wood workers and DIY’ers so he knew the minute he saw the table it was walnut; solid, dark gorgeous black walnut.
“Do you like it?” Greg had come into the room while Nick was lost in the feel and look of the table.
“My God Greg, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Nick literally bit his tongue to keep from adding ‘except for you’. “Your whole apartment is…..I just don’t have words to describe it. It’s so beautiful but it’s so exactly like you.”
Greg smiled; an open, happy genuine smile at Nick and said, “Thank you. I’m really pretty proud of it if I do say so myself. I did it but oh I had so much help from Bobby and Steve and Warrick. Even Hodges came over and not only did my counters and back-splashes but he actually taught me how to do it as well.”
Nick had a whole new level of respect for his young friend, co-worker and hopefully someday lover.
Things might have gone on this way forever if Greg had not fallen through a booby trapped attic at one of their crime scene’s. The board had been deliberately weakened and when Greg put his weight on the board, it gave way. He fell through the floor but while trying to get back out, he put more weight on some other boards which also gave way and he wound up hanging head down with his leg caught and his knee hyper-extended over a beam. His ligaments were badly torn and he was helpless and in a lot of pain. The doctor who treated him told his team he would have been better off if the leg had been broken. A break was a lot easier to heal than ripped and torn ligaments. He was going to be off work and in bed for weeks.
By the time they were told he would live and actually function again, Nick looked worse than he did. When the doctor said Greg could leave the hospital if he had someone with at all times for the first 2 weeks, Grissom told Nick to take a couple of nights off and get Greg home and get him settled and they would see about working up some sort of schedule to take care of him. The lab and PD had very good insurance so there would be no problem about getting a full time day nurse and for the first two weeks, they could even get a 2nd shift but that left one 8 hour shift left for his friends to cover.
For Nick, it was heaven and hell to be there caring for Greg. He could pamper him and wait on him to his heart’s content. And he did just that. If Greg fussed, he just pointed to the printed instructions and told him he was just following doctor’s orders.
By the end of the sixth week, Greg was impossible to be around and Nick was beginning to wonder if he really did want to spend the rest of his life with this insufferable pain in his ass. Bobby came in one night and tracked Nick down to ask him if it was his night to baby sit. “Yes it is. Please tell me you want to do it instead.”
“Aww, what’s the matter Nicky? Is there trouble in Paradise?” Bobby could be sarcastic when he wanted to be.
“He’s impossible Bobby. I know he’s bored and his knee is still so red and swollen but Jesus Keerist, he’s driving me insane.”
“Well, I got something that might entertain him for a while. “
“OH God, please anything, anything at all to keep him from complaining just for a little while. What do you have?”
“This is season one of Torchwood.”
“What the hell is Torchwood?”
“Oh that’s right, you’re not a Sci Fi fan are you?”
“Not really but I don’t care; if it will keep him amused and entertained and QUIET I don’t care what it is.”
Bobby gave him a brief rundown on Torchwood, handed him the package and went back to his lab. Nick was reading the back of the jacket so he didn’t see the evil little grin on Bobby’s face. If he had, he might have asked a few more questions.
He got to Greg’s and started his exercise in self control. Greg was really on a tear and trying to get him fed and then do his exercises and get him bathed and into clean clothes was an ordeal that left Nick with a bloody tongue and the inside of his cheek and needing a shower of his own.
He set up the DVD and got the player ready with Greg insisting every step of the way that he did not want to watch some lame cowboy movie or another bird tape. Nick turned around and said, “For God’s sake Greg, you’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t share my interest in anything. This is from Bobby. He thought you might enjoy it. Its season one of a British show called Torchwood. He say’s it’s sort of a spin off from Doctor Who and that Torchwood is an anagram of Doctor Who. He thought you might like it. Now do you want to watch it or do you just want to lay here and sulk for a while.”
Greg very ungraciously told him to start the damn thing. Nick said fine, he was going to go take a shower and lay down. Greg could call him if he needed anything. When Nick got everything cleaned up, the kitchen policed, himself fed and showered he headed off to bed. He listened briefly at the door but all he could hear was a man’s voice saying, “The 21st century, that’s when it all happens.” He went to bed hoping he would get a few hours before his patient began complaining again.
Nick woke to a feeling of well being he hadn’t felt since Greg was injured. He was a little groggy and it took him a while to realize he felt good because he’d slept with no interruptions at all. Wow. That’s the first time that ever happened. He went to the door and looked down the hall. He could see light coming from the living room so either Greg was still watching or he’d fallen asleep watching the show. Either way, Nick’s bladder was screaming for attention so he went to the bathroom, washed his hands and brushed his teeth and his hair before he headed out to see what his fussy love was up to.
Can you tell Nick’s attitude towards Greg has reverted back after a good nights sleep?
He walked into the room with a smile on his face. “Hey Greggo did you like the….?”
Greg was sitting up in the hospital bed and he had tears on his cheeks. Nick rushed over to the bed. “My God Greg, what’s the matter? Are you in pain? Why didn’t you call me? What is it Love? What do you need me to do?” Nick was frantic. Greg was just sitting there crying. Finally he turned towards Nick and said, “Nick would you do anything for me?”
“Of course I would; anything at all.”
“Come sit here on the bed.”
Nick moved things aside so he could sit on the bed next to Greg but Greg insisted he sit even closer. He moved up until he was almost face to face with Greg. There were no lines of pain on his face but his eyes were filled with tears. “What is it, sweetheart? What do you need?”
Greg looked at him for a long moment then he reached up, took Nicks face in his and pulled him forward until they were sharing a very sweet, salty wet kiss. Nick was sure he was still asleep and dreaming. After all, he’d dreamed about kissing Greg so many times during the last year plus, this would be nothing new but this kiss was so much better that all the others he’d dreamed. This kiss had sound and touch and taste; the wonderful taste of Greg’s mouth. That taste had haunted Nick for so long that he didn’t want this dream to ever end. It wasn’t until he felt Greg pull back that he realized it wasn’t a dream. Greg had just kissed him and I mean he had really kissed him.
“Not that I’m complaining but what was that for and why now?” Nick was afraid this was just some feverish impulse because of Greg’s injury and he needed to know how to act.
“That DVD I was watching? This guy slips through a warp back into the 1940’s. He’s gay and he meets this really hot guy and there is instant attraction but then he finds out who the guy is and he knows he’s going to be killed in the war the next day. He wants to tell the guy but back in the 40’s gay’s had it a lot worse than we do today but at the very end, the guy gets with the program and he pulls Captain Jack, that’s the head of Torchwood, out on the dance floor and they almost kiss and then there’s this huge flash of light and the portal opens up and he has to go back to 2007 because he’s like the head of the group that fights aliens to keep the world safe and he can’t stay with this man he’s fallen so hard for and he starts to go through the portal but then he turns around and comes back and they kiss. Oh God Nick, I’ve never, ever seen two guys kiss like that on TV in anything. I could not believe what I was seeing. It was so sweet and hot and wonderful and you knew he was kissing the guy for the last time and that kiss would have to take the place of all their times together.“
“Greg, baby please stop, take a breath. You’re scaring me. That’s it, take a deep breath, now take another. That’s my good boy. So that kiss upset you?”
“No Nick, it didn’t upset me. It made me realize; I’m waiting for all sorts of assurances from you that everything is going to be perfect. But no one can ever expect perfect. If none of the bad things had happened between us, I wouldn’t have expected perfect. So why do I now? I can spend the rest of my life looking for perfect when I already have it right here, right now. I love you Nick. Let’s you and me look for perfect together. Okay?”
“Oh Greg, that is so Okay. You just can’t imagine how okay that is. I love you so much. Can I send your day nurse home; in fact can I just fire her and spend the day holding you and kissing you and taking care of you and looking for perfect?”
“Sounds like a plan to me. Now kiss me until she gets here and you know, if you lay her off now, you have to give her a week’s severance pay.”
“Baby, if I had it, I’d give her a year’s severance pay but yes I know and I’ll take care of it. Now can we commence the kissing until she gets here?”
“Let the kissing commence!”
* * * * * * * * * *
A loud knock brought Nick back from the past to his wonderful future. He and Greg had spent yesterday with Greg’s ‘foster brother’ Evan Barton. They had spent hours combining their lives and fortunes. They drew up living wills and living trusts. Greg’s name was now on the mortgage to Nick’s house as co-owner. Their 401K’s, their accounts everything was now in joint custody. If someday, their state allowed same-sex marriages, they would go through the ceremony but for now, this, followed by dinner at an expensive 4 star restaurant followed by a long session of love making on their deck in their back yard followed by the exchange of engraved white gold bands would do very nicely.
Tonight they would be celebrating with their friends; the people who wished them well now and for all time.
Nick kissed his lover, his mate, his true partner and went with him to greet their guests and welcome them to their home.
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Is it Christmas eve already?
Date: 2007-12-06 10:56 pm (UTC)Som man reder, så ligger man...
Torchwood... and my favourite episode!
What an ending to a really good story! THANK YOU for writing it!
Re: Is it Christmas eve already?
Date: 2007-12-06 11:19 pm (UTC)Thanks to you for reading and thank you so much for giving me the idea for Greg's welcoming sign out side his apartment. It fit as though it had been waiting for me all this time.
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Date: 2007-12-06 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-07 01:23 am (UTC)I don't want to be sad.
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Date: 2007-12-07 04:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-07 01:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-07 02:37 pm (UTC)You know if you do write a Steve/Bobby fic I'll read it! *grin* No matter where you post it, I'll be there.
*Smooch* have a great holiday love!
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Date: 2007-12-07 09:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-07 01:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-07 03:03 pm (UTC)I love how Greg realizes he's ready (i should find and watch this serie).
Love you for your stories... and I'll be definitely be looking out for more of them :-)
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Date: 2007-12-07 10:21 pm (UTC)The hero, Captain Jack is openly gay both on the series and in real life. He also happens to be unbelievably gorgeous. I almost weep for womankind everywhere each time I see him.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this story. I argued with myself right down to the end about separating them and maybe writing another story to follow up on their futures or putting them back together. When I took a break to watch my TIVO'd 'Torchwood' episode, I knew I had the reason for them to get back together now.
I'm going to take a break I think till after the first of the year and then we'll see if my brain is still working.
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Date: 2007-12-07 04:39 pm (UTC)PS, Yea for Torchwood fixing all the world's problems! *hugs Nick/Greg and Jack/Jack*
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Date: 2007-12-07 10:26 pm (UTC)Watching this episode was what made me decide to get the guys back together because I could just see Greg Sanders watching this and getting into the spirit of the story completely.
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Date: 2007-12-08 10:24 pm (UTC)We don't really know much about what happened to Nick but it's long been a popular subject for fan-fiction writers. I racked my brains trying to come up with something a little original to make it interesting.