Fic: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep (26/28)
Dec. 3rd, 2007 10:35 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
jayceepat.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
nickngregTitle: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep
Rating: PG-13.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: None. If you made it through Chapter’s 22 and 24, you can handle anything.
Summary: All the pieces of the puzzle come together.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here
Previous parts of this story can be found here
It was almost 9.00pm. Dr. Perkins was sitting in his office. He was somewhat pissed that the vodka seemed to be affecting him physically but was doing nothing to calm his jumbled thoughts. He was pretty sure he knew Nick’s story. He’d played the recording over and over.
Why do I keep calling it a tape recorder when it’s digital and it’s been digital for several years now? Is this even possible? I need to do some research on the onset of puberty and try to make some sense of this mess. Good God, how has he managed to function all these years? How deep did he have to bury this shit? I’m amazed he can make it through a shift at work, much less function at the level he does. How could he live through the last twenty-four years and not be a raving maniac? I need to call Phillip and check on him.
Alan buzzed Phillip’s personal pager and had him on the line at once. “How’s he doing Phillip?”
“He’s resting quietly. He’s turned over twice since I came on duty at 5.00. Russell said he hadn’t moved at all while he was here. If it wasn’t for the fact that I can feel his chest rise when I put my hand on him, I’d be worried.”
“I’ve got to get some sleep. I’m as tired as he is right now. If he is still sleeping at midnight, try to wake him and get him to go to the bathroom. If he can’t, don’t worry about it. If he’s sleeping that soundly, housekeeping can just change his bedding. If you can get him up, be sure and get some water down him before he goes back to sleep. Who is taking over for you at 1.00 am?”
There was a silence as Phillip obviously checked something then he said, “Roger is supposed to replace me but personally, I would rather have someone else here. Nick has never met Roger. If he’s had the kind of day Russell described, he does not need to see a strange face sitting beside his bed when he wakes up. Oh, Dr. Perkins can you hold for just a minute? This is Russell beeping in and it might be about Nick.” Alan said sure and leaned his aching head back against his chair. He was almost dozing when Phillip came back on the line.
“Hey, are you still there?”
Alan answered him and asked if the call was about Nick.
“Yeah it was. Russell said Charles is about to have a cow. He’s worried sick about his favorite patient and he’s coming back in to take over from me.”
Alan just groaned and said, “He does not need to be there; not with stitches and I know he was running a slight fever earlier.”
“You know that and I know that but you know Charles. He takes his responsibilities very seriously and between you and me; I bet his TLC approach does as much to heal our patients as your therapy.”
“Please don’t try to spare my feelings. We both know he probably has more wins than I do right now. Okay, as long as he just sits with Nick and doesn’t try to perform any physical acts, I’ll let it go….and Phillip.”
“Yes, Dr. Perkins?”
“You tell the stubborn old coot, I just may come down during the night to check on both of them.”
Phillip snickered quietly into the phone. “I’ll tell him. Should I use your exact words?”
“Hell Yes!”
Alan got up and headed down the hall to his suite at the clinic. He had thought briefly about taking the bottle with him but decided there was no point in putting his liver and kidney’s in danger if he couldn’t get blotto while he was doing it.
He knew he should call Greg but he was just too tired. He was too tired for everything except…he stripped off his clothes, grabbed a large bottle of water and swigged down half of it trying to get 2 salt tables and 2 aspirin down his dry throat, then he dialed the one number he knew he had to call.
“Hola, this is Marie.”
“Marie, I just wanted to tell you….”
“What did you want to tell me, Doctor?”
“Call me what you called me the other day.”
“What, boss?”
“No it was a different word; started with ‘c’ or ‘k’ or somethin’.”
“Querido.”
“That’s it. What does that mean?”
“I’ll tell you someday when you’re sober. Goodnight mi amor.”
“What does that mean?” Alan was talking to a dial tone but he could still her soft, throaty laugh and the sigh in her voice. Mi Amor. He had to get a Spanish to English Dictionary. Tomorrow right after he hit the books and started proving his theory about Nick. Alan slept; dreaming about dark brown eyes that switched from a frightened, scared male face to a smiling, teasing female face.
* * * * * * * * * *
When Greg woke up, he was alone in the big comfortable bed but he was warm and happy. He felt like he’d slept for days instead of hours and he had the strangest feeling; a little tingly like he’d been held and cuddled for hours. Sure you have Sanders. You really think your two best friends are going to feed you, see to it that you are bathed and taken care of AND hug you and make you feel wanted like you used to feel with Nick. Man you are one hell of a dreamer.
He headed for the bathroom, took care of his personal needs, got dressed and went out find his hosts. Steve was sitting in the big recliner in the living room with Chelsi sprawled across his lap reading to him. When Greg came into the room and leaned over the recliner to give the little girl a hug and a kiss, she jumped up and followed him out to the kitchen.
“Well, young lady, to what do I own the honor of your company. I can’t believe you left your Papa to come with me.”
Chelsi giggled and threw both arms around Greg’s waist and said, “Papa said we would have dinner when you woke up and I’m hungry so I’m glad you’re awake.”
“I should have known. It’s not my fatal charm that’s bewitched you; it’s your hungry, little gut.” He reached down and tickled her round, little tummy. She just collapsed over his arm and they both wound up on the kitchen floor engaged in a ferocious tickle fight. When their fun was interrupted by a tapping foot and a ‘Ahem’ they stopped and looked up into Bobby’s scowling face.
“Hey Steve, you remember those discussions we’ve been having about having another kid? I think we just got one.”
Chelsi squealed out loud and threw herself on top of Greg. “You’re my brother. I don’t have to call you Uncle Greg anymore. I can call you Greggo now. Does this mean you’re going to live with us? You can’t have my bedroom because I’m a girl and I need my space but we’ll figure it out.”
Greg was trying to get up, answer Chelsi who was excitedly bouncing up and down on top of him and get away from Bobby before he killed him. He backed up across the kitchen floor until he came to an abrupt halt when he felt two very solid legs up against his back. Steve leaned down and peeled his happy, excited daughter off Greg and sat her to one side. Then he leaned back down and put his hands under Greg’s armpits and picked up him just as easily.
Chelsi was still bouncing up and down with excitement and it took both Steve and Bobby to call their happy little girl to order. She did calm down but wrapped herself around Greg and asked him again if he was going to move in with them and be her brother. Greg looked helplessly at Bobby who finally took pity on him and picked up Chelsi. He gave her a big hug and kissed her.
“Sweet heart, I know that Greg plays with you just like another kid but he actually is an adult, with his own life and his own place to live. But I promise he will always be welcome here whenever he has time to come play with you. How’s that?”
She looked over at Greg. “I guess it all depends on you Greg. Will you come over and play with me sometime?”
Greg walked over and put his arms around the little doll. “Princess, I can’t think of anything I would like more. What do you say we go start a game of Uno while we’re waiting for Daddy to get dinner on the table?” She wiggled down out of Bobby’s arms and ran to get the game.
Steve walked over to Greg, ruffled his hair and then fastened his hand in his curls and pulled his head over so he could drop a kiss on top of his head. “Good save Brother Greg. I’ll join you and we’ll let Bobby get back to his woman’s work.”
Bobby was ready to bitch loudly until Steve turned back toward him and bared his fangs at him. Oh Oh…busted. “Yeah, I’ll have dinner ready in a few.”
As Greg left the kitchen, Steve looked at his lover and said, “If I can get that little barrel of worms into bed at a decent hour, I promise, you are going to have to sit on a cushion at work tonight.” Bobby felt his skin tingle and grow warm and wondered briefly if he could get away with slipping a shot of kid’s Nyquil in his daughter’s Kool-Aid.
* * * * * * * * * *
Alan woke up slowly; it was a painful experience. He felt like a pride of lions had used his tongue for a litter pan. Keeping his eyes open required great thought and effort. It also caused excruciating pain. It took a while to make it to the bathroom but large applications of alternating hot and cold water finally convinced him he was going to live and some day in the near future, he might be happy about the idea. He ordered a large glass of bloody Mary mix, hot coffee and toast. When he finished his meal he felt like he had just advanced from road kill to walking wounded. He left his lair, walking slowly and carefully and went to see about his patients. He had five currently in residence at the clinic; one alcoholic, one meth head, one middle aged woman addicted to prescriptions meds, Brady who was in a class by himself and Nick.
His spirits lifted slightly as he worked his way through his cases. His alcoholic was sober and finally was over the shakes. He was remorseful like all sobered up drunks. Alan knew this was the time to get him in a lifetime program and invested in some serious self examination. His meth head was a lost cause. You just cannot win every case and as much as it hurt to admit it even to himself, he couldn’t save them all. She’d been a goner from the very first time she took a hit of the crystal death. He was really feeling good when he left his 3rd patient. Mrs. Louise Hawkins had finally admitted with no pushing from him that the only pain she needed medication for was the pain she felt in her soul. She lost her husband, seven year old son and 3 month old baby daughter when a drunk driver slammed into their car one lovely summer night. She had no one left to love and care for and she was a woman who was born to care for people. Alan made a note on her chart to talk to Marie for input on her treatment and to make sure she and his first patient were in the same group sessions. It would be good for both of them.
For the first time since the kid was admitted to Meijer Clinic, Alan felt a little ray of hope for Brady. He was eating breakfast in a shirt with the sleeves rolled up. The tiny fine scars were almost invisible against his newly tanned skin. He looked healthier than Alan had ever seen him. He knew that Nick’s constant interest and care and the visits from Nick’s friend Rob had a lot to do with his improved attitude. Come on you coward; four down and the main event is waiting. Let’s go see how or should I say WHO Nick is this morning.
Nick was up, dressed and sitting in his chair talking on the phone when Alan stuck his head in. Nick gave him a small smile and mouthed “Mom” at him. Alan smiled the way he did every time he thought of Jillian Stokes and mouthed back “Say hello for me”. He sat down in the other club chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and leaned back and relaxed. Nick finished his visit with his mom and said, “Hey, I look better than you do. That’s a first.”
Alan opened one eye and looked at his patient. “Nick, I’m 52 and you’re 34. You always look better than I do. It’s a fact of life. How are you feeling?”
“Like I been rode hard and put away wet and not ‘rode’ in a good way.”
“Do you remember any of our session yesterday?”
“More than I want to remember, but none of it is clear. It’s all jumbled up together with my dream, the fight with Greg, the trips to the clubs for the last eight years; everything is one huge stew crammed into my head.”
“Are you ready to start making some sense of it all?”
When Nick didn’t answer right away, Alan opened both eyes and sat up. He could not lose him; not now, now when they were so close. But he couldn’t push him either. This had to be Nick and no one else. Finally Nick looked up at him with sad brown eyes that suddenly made Alan think of another time he’d seen those eyes but every thing was different. The thought was too hard to hang onto and follow up in his aching head. So he let it go and waited for Nick’s decision.
“God I don’t want to do this. I’ve got partial memories and none of them are pleasant. I can’t figure out what I know from what I think I know from what I’m afraid to know.”
“Nick, I swear to you, you don’t have to do this alone. I will be with you every step of the way. Bobby, Steve, Rob, Greg and your parents are all just waiting to help when ever we need them. You’ve even got friends here who want to help.”
“Yeah, I vaguely remember Charles and Russell and Phillip; one or the other of them was there every time I opened my eyes.”
“They were and Brady has asked me at least 5 times a day for the last two days if he can come see you. He says when he’s afraid to think about what’s going on with him, you read to him. He wanted to come read to you. Nick, I have an idea what’s happened. I’m not going to do the work, you are, but I will be here with you. I’m finally on the same page with everyone else. You are someone special to so many people. You are worth repairing. I believe it, your folks, your friends believe it; you have to believe it too.”
Nick took a deep breath and held it for a minute. He let out a deep sigh and said, “Okay. How do we do this?”
“We do it a little different. We start over from the beginning. We go through everything; your weekly trips to the clubs, your excesses after Nigel Crane and Walter Gordon, your infatuation with Greg, the five months you two spent together including your attacks on him…”
Nick jerked when he said that and let out a small, strangled little moan. “Nick, I’m not going to even try to pretend what you did was alright but there was a reason and if you want to make sure it never happens again, either with Greg or anyone else, you have to understand what that reason was.”
Nick looked up and said, “So far, it sounds just like what we’ve been doing all along.”
“This time, we do it and relate everything to what happened when you were a child.”
Nick got up and began pacing around the room. Alan straightened up and slipped his hand in his pocket to grasp his pager. Nick stopped his pacing and turned back towards the alert doctor. “Don’t worry Alan, I’m not gonna go crazy on you again. But I’m not gonna pretend that I’m gonna enjoy this either. Let’s get started.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Over the next few weeks, the two men really did go through hell together. They tore Nick’s life apart. Nick had to go through things he’d forgotten for years and he had to understand them until he was able to explain to Alan, why he did the things he did, what was the cause, the reasons. They dug and they picked and probed and argued until there was only one thing left and Nick just could not wrap his head around it.
“I’m telling you Nick, you are not a monster; a freak. You aren’t now and you weren’t then. It does happen; it happened to you.”
“How come I’ve never heard about it before? I’ll bet if we went out to the common room and picked five people at random, not a single one of them would know what they hell we’re talking about. So how can you say I’m normal? I was a freak, a monster then and it’s stayed with me all my life. It’s why I did what I did to Greg, it’s why I go to gay clubs and let strangers fuck me. I’m not normal Alan. I’m not fit to be around normal people.”
“Nick, on May 14, 1939 Lina Medina gave birth to a six pound baby boy in Lima, Peru.”
“Good for her, what the hell does that have to do with me?”
“Lina was 5 years, 7 months and 21 days old when she gave birth to her son. She is the youngest recorded confirmed mother in medical history and it’s authenticated completely with pictures, medical documents and thoroughly researched articles in some very prestigious medical journals. The condition is now referred to as ‘precocious puberty’ and yes, it’s not common BUT it’s also a fact; a documented medical fact. And it’s going to be happening more and more because it’s also a fact that studies indicate that breast development in girls and pubic hair in boys is starting earlier than in previous generations. As a result, "early puberty" in children as young as 9 and 10 is no longer considered abnormal.”
“You mean it’s happened before?”
“Yes it’s happened before. Lina is the youngest mother on record but there are reports of boys as young as 8 with viable sperm and the ability to ejaculate. You were uncommon BUT you weren’t a monster or a freak. You were just a little more mature than the average nine almost ten year old boy.”
“Jesus, what causes it?”
“It can be triggered by tumors or cysts. There are some diseases that can cause a surge in endocrine levels but it also can just spontaneously occur. When you first came to the clinic you were in a coma for almost eight days. We needed information so we talked with your parents and they gave us permission to access your medical records. Do you remember being in the hospital when you were almost seven?”
“Yeah, I got a sore throat that didn’t go away and I was tired all the time. They thought I might have mono or something.”
“Do you remember what your final diagnosis was?”
“Not really, I remember getting a lot of Jell-O because of my sore throat. I think I had to take pills every day but after a year or so, I was fine and I didn’t have to take the pills anymore.”
“Nick, you’re final diagnosis was Acquired hypothyroidism. It’s more common as children reach puberty or teenage years, but can still appear in young children. It is also more common in girls than in boys but it does happen and it evidently happened to you. Now I can’t say for sure but problems in the ovaries for girls or thyroid gland for boys can, very rarely, trigger the onset of puberty ahead of schedule. In about 5% of boys, precocious puberty is inherited. Starting puberty early can be passed to the son from the father or to the son from the maternal grandfather through the mother (who will not be affected by the disorder). Did anything happen right around the time of your violation; any sort of traumatic event? Come on…think Nick, you are so close to having complete control.”
Nick was wearing holes in the rug. He was pacing back and forth and shaking his head in disagreement with what Alan was saying. He didn’t want to believe this, he didn’t want to think about this. It was too weird, too strange and Oh God, it was too familiar. Nick stopped dead in his tracks. He looked up at Alan, a look of almost terror on his face.
Alan jumped to his feet and hurried over to grab Nick by his arms. He held him firmly. “Nick, talk to me. What is it? What have you remembered? Come on, Nicky, you’re scaring me. Talk to me!”
Nick reached out and grabbed hold of Alan; he leaned into him until he was almost resting his head on his shoulder. He was shaking so hard, Alan could hear his teeth chattering. “I remember Alan, I remember it all, every single thing. I remember. Let me sit down.”
Alan got him a bottle of water and Nick drank half of it down without stopping. Alan stayed beside him, rubbing his shoulders and helping him to get into his breathing exercises. After a long time, Nick was almost calm again. He looked up at his doctor and realized he was looking at his friend. Alan had said he would be there with him every step and he had been. He’d gone to the wall with him and Nick now trusted him completely. “I’m ready to tell you everything now. You’ve earned it.”
Alan turned away and leaned back against his desk. He smiled at Nick and said, “You know, I cannot believe I am about to say this but….as long as I have been waiting to hear this, there is someone else who deserves to hear your story. He’s earned the right.”
Nick swallowed hard and slowly began to nod his head. “Greg.”
“Yes, Greg. He’s stood by you, supported you, been there for you and I believe he’s already forgiven you. Are you ready to tell him why he’s gone through months of hell?”
“Call him. Ask him if he can come down.”
“I’ll do better than that. I’ll drive us up to my office in town and he can meet us there. Are you ready to get out of here?”
“I’m ready to do what ever it takes to let him know how sorry I am. Let’s take a road trip.”
Rating: PG-13.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: None. If you made it through Chapter’s 22 and 24, you can handle anything.
Summary: All the pieces of the puzzle come together.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here
Previous parts of this story can be found here
It was almost 9.00pm. Dr. Perkins was sitting in his office. He was somewhat pissed that the vodka seemed to be affecting him physically but was doing nothing to calm his jumbled thoughts. He was pretty sure he knew Nick’s story. He’d played the recording over and over.
Why do I keep calling it a tape recorder when it’s digital and it’s been digital for several years now? Is this even possible? I need to do some research on the onset of puberty and try to make some sense of this mess. Good God, how has he managed to function all these years? How deep did he have to bury this shit? I’m amazed he can make it through a shift at work, much less function at the level he does. How could he live through the last twenty-four years and not be a raving maniac? I need to call Phillip and check on him.
Alan buzzed Phillip’s personal pager and had him on the line at once. “How’s he doing Phillip?”
“He’s resting quietly. He’s turned over twice since I came on duty at 5.00. Russell said he hadn’t moved at all while he was here. If it wasn’t for the fact that I can feel his chest rise when I put my hand on him, I’d be worried.”
“I’ve got to get some sleep. I’m as tired as he is right now. If he is still sleeping at midnight, try to wake him and get him to go to the bathroom. If he can’t, don’t worry about it. If he’s sleeping that soundly, housekeeping can just change his bedding. If you can get him up, be sure and get some water down him before he goes back to sleep. Who is taking over for you at 1.00 am?”
There was a silence as Phillip obviously checked something then he said, “Roger is supposed to replace me but personally, I would rather have someone else here. Nick has never met Roger. If he’s had the kind of day Russell described, he does not need to see a strange face sitting beside his bed when he wakes up. Oh, Dr. Perkins can you hold for just a minute? This is Russell beeping in and it might be about Nick.” Alan said sure and leaned his aching head back against his chair. He was almost dozing when Phillip came back on the line.
“Hey, are you still there?”
Alan answered him and asked if the call was about Nick.
“Yeah it was. Russell said Charles is about to have a cow. He’s worried sick about his favorite patient and he’s coming back in to take over from me.”
Alan just groaned and said, “He does not need to be there; not with stitches and I know he was running a slight fever earlier.”
“You know that and I know that but you know Charles. He takes his responsibilities very seriously and between you and me; I bet his TLC approach does as much to heal our patients as your therapy.”
“Please don’t try to spare my feelings. We both know he probably has more wins than I do right now. Okay, as long as he just sits with Nick and doesn’t try to perform any physical acts, I’ll let it go….and Phillip.”
“Yes, Dr. Perkins?”
“You tell the stubborn old coot, I just may come down during the night to check on both of them.”
Phillip snickered quietly into the phone. “I’ll tell him. Should I use your exact words?”
“Hell Yes!”
Alan got up and headed down the hall to his suite at the clinic. He had thought briefly about taking the bottle with him but decided there was no point in putting his liver and kidney’s in danger if he couldn’t get blotto while he was doing it.
He knew he should call Greg but he was just too tired. He was too tired for everything except…he stripped off his clothes, grabbed a large bottle of water and swigged down half of it trying to get 2 salt tables and 2 aspirin down his dry throat, then he dialed the one number he knew he had to call.
“Hola, this is Marie.”
“Marie, I just wanted to tell you….”
“What did you want to tell me, Doctor?”
“Call me what you called me the other day.”
“What, boss?”
“No it was a different word; started with ‘c’ or ‘k’ or somethin’.”
“Querido.”
“That’s it. What does that mean?”
“I’ll tell you someday when you’re sober. Goodnight mi amor.”
“What does that mean?” Alan was talking to a dial tone but he could still her soft, throaty laugh and the sigh in her voice. Mi Amor. He had to get a Spanish to English Dictionary. Tomorrow right after he hit the books and started proving his theory about Nick. Alan slept; dreaming about dark brown eyes that switched from a frightened, scared male face to a smiling, teasing female face.
* * * * * * * * * *
When Greg woke up, he was alone in the big comfortable bed but he was warm and happy. He felt like he’d slept for days instead of hours and he had the strangest feeling; a little tingly like he’d been held and cuddled for hours. Sure you have Sanders. You really think your two best friends are going to feed you, see to it that you are bathed and taken care of AND hug you and make you feel wanted like you used to feel with Nick. Man you are one hell of a dreamer.
He headed for the bathroom, took care of his personal needs, got dressed and went out find his hosts. Steve was sitting in the big recliner in the living room with Chelsi sprawled across his lap reading to him. When Greg came into the room and leaned over the recliner to give the little girl a hug and a kiss, she jumped up and followed him out to the kitchen.
“Well, young lady, to what do I own the honor of your company. I can’t believe you left your Papa to come with me.”
Chelsi giggled and threw both arms around Greg’s waist and said, “Papa said we would have dinner when you woke up and I’m hungry so I’m glad you’re awake.”
“I should have known. It’s not my fatal charm that’s bewitched you; it’s your hungry, little gut.” He reached down and tickled her round, little tummy. She just collapsed over his arm and they both wound up on the kitchen floor engaged in a ferocious tickle fight. When their fun was interrupted by a tapping foot and a ‘Ahem’ they stopped and looked up into Bobby’s scowling face.
“Hey Steve, you remember those discussions we’ve been having about having another kid? I think we just got one.”
Chelsi squealed out loud and threw herself on top of Greg. “You’re my brother. I don’t have to call you Uncle Greg anymore. I can call you Greggo now. Does this mean you’re going to live with us? You can’t have my bedroom because I’m a girl and I need my space but we’ll figure it out.”
Greg was trying to get up, answer Chelsi who was excitedly bouncing up and down on top of him and get away from Bobby before he killed him. He backed up across the kitchen floor until he came to an abrupt halt when he felt two very solid legs up against his back. Steve leaned down and peeled his happy, excited daughter off Greg and sat her to one side. Then he leaned back down and put his hands under Greg’s armpits and picked up him just as easily.
Chelsi was still bouncing up and down with excitement and it took both Steve and Bobby to call their happy little girl to order. She did calm down but wrapped herself around Greg and asked him again if he was going to move in with them and be her brother. Greg looked helplessly at Bobby who finally took pity on him and picked up Chelsi. He gave her a big hug and kissed her.
“Sweet heart, I know that Greg plays with you just like another kid but he actually is an adult, with his own life and his own place to live. But I promise he will always be welcome here whenever he has time to come play with you. How’s that?”
She looked over at Greg. “I guess it all depends on you Greg. Will you come over and play with me sometime?”
Greg walked over and put his arms around the little doll. “Princess, I can’t think of anything I would like more. What do you say we go start a game of Uno while we’re waiting for Daddy to get dinner on the table?” She wiggled down out of Bobby’s arms and ran to get the game.
Steve walked over to Greg, ruffled his hair and then fastened his hand in his curls and pulled his head over so he could drop a kiss on top of his head. “Good save Brother Greg. I’ll join you and we’ll let Bobby get back to his woman’s work.”
Bobby was ready to bitch loudly until Steve turned back toward him and bared his fangs at him. Oh Oh…busted. “Yeah, I’ll have dinner ready in a few.”
As Greg left the kitchen, Steve looked at his lover and said, “If I can get that little barrel of worms into bed at a decent hour, I promise, you are going to have to sit on a cushion at work tonight.” Bobby felt his skin tingle and grow warm and wondered briefly if he could get away with slipping a shot of kid’s Nyquil in his daughter’s Kool-Aid.
* * * * * * * * * *
Alan woke up slowly; it was a painful experience. He felt like a pride of lions had used his tongue for a litter pan. Keeping his eyes open required great thought and effort. It also caused excruciating pain. It took a while to make it to the bathroom but large applications of alternating hot and cold water finally convinced him he was going to live and some day in the near future, he might be happy about the idea. He ordered a large glass of bloody Mary mix, hot coffee and toast. When he finished his meal he felt like he had just advanced from road kill to walking wounded. He left his lair, walking slowly and carefully and went to see about his patients. He had five currently in residence at the clinic; one alcoholic, one meth head, one middle aged woman addicted to prescriptions meds, Brady who was in a class by himself and Nick.
His spirits lifted slightly as he worked his way through his cases. His alcoholic was sober and finally was over the shakes. He was remorseful like all sobered up drunks. Alan knew this was the time to get him in a lifetime program and invested in some serious self examination. His meth head was a lost cause. You just cannot win every case and as much as it hurt to admit it even to himself, he couldn’t save them all. She’d been a goner from the very first time she took a hit of the crystal death. He was really feeling good when he left his 3rd patient. Mrs. Louise Hawkins had finally admitted with no pushing from him that the only pain she needed medication for was the pain she felt in her soul. She lost her husband, seven year old son and 3 month old baby daughter when a drunk driver slammed into their car one lovely summer night. She had no one left to love and care for and she was a woman who was born to care for people. Alan made a note on her chart to talk to Marie for input on her treatment and to make sure she and his first patient were in the same group sessions. It would be good for both of them.
For the first time since the kid was admitted to Meijer Clinic, Alan felt a little ray of hope for Brady. He was eating breakfast in a shirt with the sleeves rolled up. The tiny fine scars were almost invisible against his newly tanned skin. He looked healthier than Alan had ever seen him. He knew that Nick’s constant interest and care and the visits from Nick’s friend Rob had a lot to do with his improved attitude. Come on you coward; four down and the main event is waiting. Let’s go see how or should I say WHO Nick is this morning.
Nick was up, dressed and sitting in his chair talking on the phone when Alan stuck his head in. Nick gave him a small smile and mouthed “Mom” at him. Alan smiled the way he did every time he thought of Jillian Stokes and mouthed back “Say hello for me”. He sat down in the other club chair, put his feet up on the ottoman and leaned back and relaxed. Nick finished his visit with his mom and said, “Hey, I look better than you do. That’s a first.”
Alan opened one eye and looked at his patient. “Nick, I’m 52 and you’re 34. You always look better than I do. It’s a fact of life. How are you feeling?”
“Like I been rode hard and put away wet and not ‘rode’ in a good way.”
“Do you remember any of our session yesterday?”
“More than I want to remember, but none of it is clear. It’s all jumbled up together with my dream, the fight with Greg, the trips to the clubs for the last eight years; everything is one huge stew crammed into my head.”
“Are you ready to start making some sense of it all?”
When Nick didn’t answer right away, Alan opened both eyes and sat up. He could not lose him; not now, now when they were so close. But he couldn’t push him either. This had to be Nick and no one else. Finally Nick looked up at him with sad brown eyes that suddenly made Alan think of another time he’d seen those eyes but every thing was different. The thought was too hard to hang onto and follow up in his aching head. So he let it go and waited for Nick’s decision.
“God I don’t want to do this. I’ve got partial memories and none of them are pleasant. I can’t figure out what I know from what I think I know from what I’m afraid to know.”
“Nick, I swear to you, you don’t have to do this alone. I will be with you every step of the way. Bobby, Steve, Rob, Greg and your parents are all just waiting to help when ever we need them. You’ve even got friends here who want to help.”
“Yeah, I vaguely remember Charles and Russell and Phillip; one or the other of them was there every time I opened my eyes.”
“They were and Brady has asked me at least 5 times a day for the last two days if he can come see you. He says when he’s afraid to think about what’s going on with him, you read to him. He wanted to come read to you. Nick, I have an idea what’s happened. I’m not going to do the work, you are, but I will be here with you. I’m finally on the same page with everyone else. You are someone special to so many people. You are worth repairing. I believe it, your folks, your friends believe it; you have to believe it too.”
Nick took a deep breath and held it for a minute. He let out a deep sigh and said, “Okay. How do we do this?”
“We do it a little different. We start over from the beginning. We go through everything; your weekly trips to the clubs, your excesses after Nigel Crane and Walter Gordon, your infatuation with Greg, the five months you two spent together including your attacks on him…”
Nick jerked when he said that and let out a small, strangled little moan. “Nick, I’m not going to even try to pretend what you did was alright but there was a reason and if you want to make sure it never happens again, either with Greg or anyone else, you have to understand what that reason was.”
Nick looked up and said, “So far, it sounds just like what we’ve been doing all along.”
“This time, we do it and relate everything to what happened when you were a child.”
Nick got up and began pacing around the room. Alan straightened up and slipped his hand in his pocket to grasp his pager. Nick stopped his pacing and turned back towards the alert doctor. “Don’t worry Alan, I’m not gonna go crazy on you again. But I’m not gonna pretend that I’m gonna enjoy this either. Let’s get started.”
* * * * * * * * * *
Over the next few weeks, the two men really did go through hell together. They tore Nick’s life apart. Nick had to go through things he’d forgotten for years and he had to understand them until he was able to explain to Alan, why he did the things he did, what was the cause, the reasons. They dug and they picked and probed and argued until there was only one thing left and Nick just could not wrap his head around it.
“I’m telling you Nick, you are not a monster; a freak. You aren’t now and you weren’t then. It does happen; it happened to you.”
“How come I’ve never heard about it before? I’ll bet if we went out to the common room and picked five people at random, not a single one of them would know what they hell we’re talking about. So how can you say I’m normal? I was a freak, a monster then and it’s stayed with me all my life. It’s why I did what I did to Greg, it’s why I go to gay clubs and let strangers fuck me. I’m not normal Alan. I’m not fit to be around normal people.”
“Nick, on May 14, 1939 Lina Medina gave birth to a six pound baby boy in Lima, Peru.”
“Good for her, what the hell does that have to do with me?”
“Lina was 5 years, 7 months and 21 days old when she gave birth to her son. She is the youngest recorded confirmed mother in medical history and it’s authenticated completely with pictures, medical documents and thoroughly researched articles in some very prestigious medical journals. The condition is now referred to as ‘precocious puberty’ and yes, it’s not common BUT it’s also a fact; a documented medical fact. And it’s going to be happening more and more because it’s also a fact that studies indicate that breast development in girls and pubic hair in boys is starting earlier than in previous generations. As a result, "early puberty" in children as young as 9 and 10 is no longer considered abnormal.”
“You mean it’s happened before?”
“Yes it’s happened before. Lina is the youngest mother on record but there are reports of boys as young as 8 with viable sperm and the ability to ejaculate. You were uncommon BUT you weren’t a monster or a freak. You were just a little more mature than the average nine almost ten year old boy.”
“Jesus, what causes it?”
“It can be triggered by tumors or cysts. There are some diseases that can cause a surge in endocrine levels but it also can just spontaneously occur. When you first came to the clinic you were in a coma for almost eight days. We needed information so we talked with your parents and they gave us permission to access your medical records. Do you remember being in the hospital when you were almost seven?”
“Yeah, I got a sore throat that didn’t go away and I was tired all the time. They thought I might have mono or something.”
“Do you remember what your final diagnosis was?”
“Not really, I remember getting a lot of Jell-O because of my sore throat. I think I had to take pills every day but after a year or so, I was fine and I didn’t have to take the pills anymore.”
“Nick, you’re final diagnosis was Acquired hypothyroidism. It’s more common as children reach puberty or teenage years, but can still appear in young children. It is also more common in girls than in boys but it does happen and it evidently happened to you. Now I can’t say for sure but problems in the ovaries for girls or thyroid gland for boys can, very rarely, trigger the onset of puberty ahead of schedule. In about 5% of boys, precocious puberty is inherited. Starting puberty early can be passed to the son from the father or to the son from the maternal grandfather through the mother (who will not be affected by the disorder). Did anything happen right around the time of your violation; any sort of traumatic event? Come on…think Nick, you are so close to having complete control.”
Nick was wearing holes in the rug. He was pacing back and forth and shaking his head in disagreement with what Alan was saying. He didn’t want to believe this, he didn’t want to think about this. It was too weird, too strange and Oh God, it was too familiar. Nick stopped dead in his tracks. He looked up at Alan, a look of almost terror on his face.
Alan jumped to his feet and hurried over to grab Nick by his arms. He held him firmly. “Nick, talk to me. What is it? What have you remembered? Come on, Nicky, you’re scaring me. Talk to me!”
Nick reached out and grabbed hold of Alan; he leaned into him until he was almost resting his head on his shoulder. He was shaking so hard, Alan could hear his teeth chattering. “I remember Alan, I remember it all, every single thing. I remember. Let me sit down.”
Alan got him a bottle of water and Nick drank half of it down without stopping. Alan stayed beside him, rubbing his shoulders and helping him to get into his breathing exercises. After a long time, Nick was almost calm again. He looked up at his doctor and realized he was looking at his friend. Alan had said he would be there with him every step and he had been. He’d gone to the wall with him and Nick now trusted him completely. “I’m ready to tell you everything now. You’ve earned it.”
Alan turned away and leaned back against his desk. He smiled at Nick and said, “You know, I cannot believe I am about to say this but….as long as I have been waiting to hear this, there is someone else who deserves to hear your story. He’s earned the right.”
Nick swallowed hard and slowly began to nod his head. “Greg.”
“Yes, Greg. He’s stood by you, supported you, been there for you and I believe he’s already forgiven you. Are you ready to tell him why he’s gone through months of hell?”
“Call him. Ask him if he can come down.”
“I’ll do better than that. I’ll drive us up to my office in town and he can meet us there. Are you ready to get out of here?”
“I’m ready to do what ever it takes to let him know how sorry I am. Let’s take a road trip.”
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 04:50 am (UTC)WAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOO! You're amazing! Can't wait for the next chapter!
*holds bowl out to you!* *Giggle*
no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 01:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 01:58 pm (UTC)*Smooch*
no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 04:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 01:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-05 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 05:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 01:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 10:53 am (UTC)i really love brother Greg (after blanket Greg^^)
can't wait to see the end.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 01:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 01:01 pm (UTC)I can't believe how fast you are writing them either! I haven't even found time to look (and write more) on the last 3 of mine, and you are just posting complete, long chapters in the mean time!
I love the fact that it's comming to an end (because I want to see Nick get through this) but at the same time; I hate getting to the end, because I don't want to stop reading it.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 01:52 pm (UTC)Any my thanks to you for being one of them. Remember, you're aiming for the 10th.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-04 09:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-05 12:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-05 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-06 12:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-05 05:27 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for taking the ride with me. All of you are great traveling companions.