Fic: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep (21/?)
Nov. 24th, 2007 07:41 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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nickngregTitle: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep
Rating: R for strong language.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: None.
Summary Nick has faced a lot but the worst is yet to come.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here
Previous parts of this story can be found here
Steve very gently moved Greg’s arm off Bobby and laid it down between them. Then he carefully pulled the blankets down off Bobby and silently breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that his lover was wearing a loose t-shirt and a pair of cotton sleeping pants they used when they visited their respective parents. He knew there was nothing going on and he trusted Bobby completely but down at the bottom of his soul, he had to admit he was glad that there was no skin to skin contact. After all, no one could deny that Bobby was one hot dude and Greg, well like Bobby often said, ‘Greg was so darned cute sometimes you just wanted to squeeze him to death’.
He leaned over and gently kissed Bobby awake. When his love smiled even before he opened his eyes, the last tiny tendril of doubt disappeared. Bobby wrapped his free arm around Steve and pulled him down for a ‘not so gentle’ kiss; one with a little fire to it. Steve responded completely but eventually, a serious need for oxygen made them both pull back. Steve didn’t say a word, just cocked his head at Greg and looked expectantly at his partner. Bobby looked over and carefully pulled his arm out from under Greg. When he did, the blankets slipped down even further and Steve could see Greg was completely wrapped in one of their extra large bath sheets; only his arms were outside the towel. There was no way in hell, any sort of funny business had occurred.
Bobby carefully slid out of bed and grabbed Steve by the hand and led him into the bathroom with him. Steve started to close the door but Bobby told him to leave it open a crack. He didn’t want the room to be completely dark and he wanted to listen for any sounds from his bed partner.
Bobby knew his bladder was about to bust and it was with great satisfaction that he let loose. After that many years together, peeing in front of his long-time love wasn’t even a blip on his ‘weird’ scale. In fact, most of the time, like now, they would hold each other while they peed. When he finished, Steve carefully shook off the last drop and tucked him back in his loose pants and went over to the sink to wash his hands. Just as he turned on the water, he turned to Bobby and said, “Okay, Country. Start ‘splaining.”
Bobby went through the whole thing from the moment Archie turned to leave his lab until him telling Steve to leave the door open a crack. Steve had to be nudged half way through to turn off the water and dry his hands. When Bobby got through, he said, “Babe, are you sure you heard Greg say what you’ve just told me.”
Bobby didn’t blame Steve for questioning him; he was still in shock just remembering the ugly words. “Yeah, I did and there is only one meaning I can come up with; Nick raped him and not just once. Steve, from the terror in his voice it was pretty clear; he was livin’ it over and over again. No wonder he’s not sleeping. I knew you would understand but I got to admit, I really thought I would be awake long before you got home. What time is it anyway?
When Steve told him it was almost 11.00pm, Bobby almost hollered out loud, “Jesus Christ, I need to get ready for work. Why did you let me sleep so long? Where’s Chels? Didn’t she worry when I didn’t come at least kiss her hello and good night?”
Steve calmed his irate mate down and answered all his questions. He told him he figured if their rambunctious daughter didn’t wake him up, he really needed the sleep. And now that he’d heard the story, he was glad because that meant that Greg slept also. And speaking of Greg, what were they going to do.
Bobby thought for a minute and finally said, “I don’t know what else to do except keep him here with us. I know this is asking you to go above and beyond with me but he’s got to sleep and he’s got to eat.”
Steve shook his head and said, “You know I’m not going to stop you from helping a friend. Hell he’s as much my friend now as he is yours and I’ve got to admit, when you slipped your arm out from under him and the blanket slid down, I could see under the edge and you can see every rib in his chest. He’s almost nothing but skin over bone. How long has this been going on?”
“As near as I can figure, a little more than two weeks now. He does everything he can think of to stay awake. He’s living on coffee and not much else. His hands shake almost all the time and he said he’s having trouble concentrating and remembering stuff that used to be as familiar to him as his own name. I’m worried sick about him.”
Just then, they both heard movement in the bedroom and both men left the bathroom as quickly as possible just in case Greg was having another nightmare. Fortunately he was just waking up. He was one surprised puppy to see Bobby and Steve looking down at him. He was even more surprised when he looked around and realized he wasn’t at home or Nick’s or the guest room. He frowned a little and said, “How did I get in your bed?” He pulled the blankets up and looked down at himself and looked back up at them with a very puzzled expression on his face and added, “And I seem to be wearing the world’s biggest bath towel; I think!”
Steve grinned at him and said, “Well according to the gal at ‘Linen ‘n’ Things’, it’s a bath sheet. Greg, get up wash your face and hands, put some clothes on and join us in the kitchen.” Bobby was about to argue with his spouse about getting Greg up until Greg’s stomach let out a growl that sounded almost dangerous. Everyone laughed and that broke the tension. Bobby and Steve headed for the kitchen and Greg got up and started to get himself ready.
* * * *
Bobby and Greg had eaten two bowls of stew apiece along with rolls, salad and a relish plate loaded with carrots, celery and cherry tomatoes. There had been a heated argument about Greg going to work which Greg won simply by telling Bobby, he’d had the best sleep he’d had in days and he was ready to try to pick up his life again.
Steve looked at Greg very seriously until Greg dropped his eyes to the table and shut up. Steve said, “Greg, look at me. One night’s sleep is not going to make up for the neglect you’ve heaped on your scrawny, little hide for the last couple of weeks.”
Greg started to interrupt him when he called him scrawny but a stern, ‘Huh-huh’ from Steve shut him up real quick. He ducked his head and grabbed the last tomato and stuffed it in his mouth to keep himself from getting scolded again.
“Here’s what we’re gonna do. You are coming home with Bobby at the end of your shift and if you two don’t get off at the same time, you’re still coming home here to sleep. You will sleep with either Bobby or me until you get a handle on these night terrors you’re having. You will call Alan and start seeing him again.”
Greg almost strangled trying to get the tomato swallowed so he could talk back. “Why do I have to see Alan, I’m all through with him. I don’t need him. I just need some sleep. I don’t want to bother Alan with bad dreams.”
Steve folded his arms, assumed his ‘parental stance complete with glare’ and said, “Greg, this is not open for negotiation, you will do this or we will do it for you. I would like you to act like an adult here.”
Greg, in turn, folded his arms and assumed his stern expression. It would have worked so much better if he didn’t remind both Steve and Bobby of their daughter when she was in a pouting mood. “Alright, I will call Alan as soon as I get a chance.”
“No, spoiled brat, you will call Alan as soon as we get home tomorrow” Bobby in turn folded his arms. Hell, why should he be the only one not assuming the position.
“Jesus Keerist…Okay, Okay….I will call him when we get home tomorrow. BUT, when I wake up, I’m going back to my place.”
Both Steve and Bobby started talking at the same time telling him he was not, he was staying right there with them. Greg let them both run out of air and then said, “Look guys, I know you are just looking out for me BUT you need time with each other and Chelsi needs time with both of you without any interruptions. I will be fine, especially if I sleep again like I did today. I never have any problems when I’m awake and I need to spend time in my own space, take care of my fish and just generally enjoy the home I worked so hard to make for myself.”
Bobby looked at Steve who was smiling at Greg with an expression on his face just like the one he got when Chelsi brought home an ‘A’; complete pride. He grinned and thought again how lucky he was to have this wonderful man in his life, his home, his bed. “Okay, pardner; it’s a deal.”
Steve held up his hands and said, “Hold on, both of you. I have one more condition. You both wear t-shirts and briefs or sleeping pants.”
Greg looked at Steve with a grin on his face and said, “What’s the matter, big guy? Afraid I might try to take advantage of your bed warmer.”
Steve shook his head. “No, I don’t think you’re the kind of ass-hole who would repay a kindness like that.” Greg hung his head a little and lost the grin. “Besides, even if you tried, I know my man wouldn’t jeopardize what we have, not even for a cute little pup like you. No, I want you both decent because I’m not hiding anything from our daughter. She’s gonna want to at least look in on her daddy and I’m gonna tell her that Greg is staying with us until he gets over the bad dreams he’s having. I just want to make sure when she sticks her head in the bedroom, all she sees is her daddy and her Uncle Greg trying to catch up on their sleep.”
Steve had started clearing the table while he was talking and was currently leaning back against the kitchen sink. Greg got up, walked over to Steve and just collapsed against his big, warm body. He put both arms around him and held on tight. Steve calmly wrapped his arms around Greg and hugged him back. Finally Greg pulled his head out of Steve’s shoulder and said with a deep sigh, “You know, every time I start feeling sorry for myself, I think about you two and what kind of men and what kind of friends you are. I stop my pity party because I figure somewhere, somehow along the way, I must have done something right to have you two for friends. God must have liked me for something and I try to act so that you two will be proud of me.”
Steve didn’t say a word, just hugged the young man tighter and kissed the top of his head. Bobby cleared his throat and said, “OK, Sanders, unhand my man and let’s get this show on the road. Crime waits for no man ya know,”
* * * * * * * * * *
Alan was not a happy therapist. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help Greg and technically, Greg was still half of a client. He was treating Nick as part of a couple unit with Greg in order to be able to share information they wanted the other to know. He was angry because Greg was having bad dreams.
One of the reasons Alan was such a good healer was because he had a sixth sense that almost bordered on the psychic. He often took two completely opposite statements and put them together to get a working hypothesis for a couple’s problems. The minute he heard Greg trying to explain he thought his dreams were a hold-over from the James case, he knew the guy was lying. The scene with Nick right after his ‘relapse’ flashed in his mind.
* * * * * * * * * *
“My point is, no one knows the horrible secret you’ve uncovered about yourself.” Alan who was trained to watch his patient’s closely, noticed a visible flinch when he said that. So someone else did know what had sent Nick spinning down into depression.
* * * * * * * * * *
Alan made one of his leaps. He knew, just as sure as he knew he was the greatest psychiatric therapist in the US, that Greg was dreaming about the ‘horrible secret’ that sent Nick into a depressive slump. What ever it was, it was bad and because Nick thought he was so depraved he didn’t want his loved ones around him, it had to be something Nick had done. Greg was dreaming and puking….it was something Nick had done to Greg. Damn he was good and for once, he was really sorry he was.
Marie heard a thump from Alan’s office and went to see if he’d dropped some books or knocked something over. There wasn’t a patient in there so she didn’t have to worry about him being in physical danger. At least she didn’t think she did. When she opened the door and saw him quietly banging his head on his desk, she went into his bath, got a towel and brought it out. When he raised his head to bang it again, she quickly slipped the towel onto the desk. When Alan didn’t get the satisfying bang he was expecting, he opened his eyes, stared at the offending towel and looked up into Marie’s calm face. He knew her; she was assuming her ‘mother handling capricious child’ mode.
He straightened up and glared at her. “You do know, I am perfectly capable of monitoring my own treatment, don’t you?”
“I realize I don’t have a bunch of letters behind my name but it doesn’t take a genius to know that banging one’s head against a solid surface is a classic symptom of autism NOT treatment.”
“Marie, we both know that some of the smartest people in the world never went to college. You are not a shrinking violet so you are obviously ‘handling me’. Aren’t you?”
“Do you want to be handled? I know it’s been a while since you’ve had a night out with one of your bimbo’s. Are you suffering from sexual tension? I’m sure I can find an escort service with a suitable staff if you feel the need of a different type of ‘treatment’.”
“God, I wish I had the guts to fire you, you insufferable woman. How I ever let you take control of my life I will never know. You must have slipped some mind control drug in my food. I know if I were in my right mind, I would never allow you to get away with the crap you do.”
Can you tell these two people have been together for a long time now and are completely comfortable with each other? If you’re old enough to remember Perry Mason, just think of Marie as Alan’s Della Street and yes, if they would both just open their eyes, they would realize they are perfect for each other. But that’s another story.
Marie walked around the desk and sat down in the comfortable ‘patients’ chair. “Come on doc, spill. What’s got you so upset; too many patients? I can close our client cases to new patients for a while and try to reschedule the existing ones.”
“No, it’s not that. It’s Nick and Greg.”
“Why am I not surprised. I knew when I heard Greg’s voice on the phone that he had regressed and you would be ready to work 18 hours a day to get him fixed again. What’s happened?”
After so many years as his office manager/personal assistant, Marie had become almost as good as Alan was at reading their clients. He had no qualms what-so-ever about discussing his patients, their problems and possible courses of treatment with her. She was an excellent sounding board and when Alan was being brutally honest with himself, he admitted, he would not be nearly as good as he was if he didn’t have her commonsense approach to keep him from straying off point. He unloaded on her about his two favorite/most exasperating patients.
After he had told her everything, she just sat there. He was used to the silence by now and knew not to rush her. She was cataloging everything he had told her, comparing statements, posture, reactions and putting all of it into a clear time-line. Finally she sighed and said, “You know don’t you?”
“Yeah I know, I was hoping I was wrong.”
“No, Nick was not only mentally cruel to Greg; the lack of key, refusal to allow him to keep his music and clothes in his house wasn’t the only problems. Nick either sexually or physically abused Greg. You have to figure out if Nick does know what he did….”
“I know he does. That’s what caused his melt down right after we started his therapy.”
“I agree. Right now, the most important thing is to find out how Greg feels about it and help him to accept and move on.”
Alan said, “And now you know, why I was banging my head on the table. I swear Marie, if there ever were two people meant for each other, it’s those two. There was an attraction the moment they met and that’s never been disputed by either. The flame just grew through the years they worked together. It probably was what helped both of them get through the disasters they have endured. You talk to them separately and it’s just so obvious, they are each other’s hero. They both believe the other is noble and brave and every good thing a human being is supposed to be. But now, Greg not only has to face the fact that his ‘hero’ brutalized him but he’s getting his face rubbed in it every time he closes his eyes.”
Alan lay his head back down on his desk and stayed there for a second. “I have no idea whether I should try to help them get over this and get back together or to gently but firmly separate them and tell them to never darken each other’s door again.”
When Marie didn’t answer him, he raised his head and looked at her and said, “Well?”
Marie stood up and walked over to the office door. As she opened the door, she turned around and said, “Querido, you know you are the world’s biggest romantic. You believe in happy ever after and alls well that ends well. You cannot ‘not’ try to get them together. It would go against every single cell of your body.” She threw him an impudent kiss and gently closed the door behind her.
For the billionth time since the day he hired her, Alan realized she was once again, one step ahead of him. He pressed the intercom and told her he was going to the clinic and to call Greg and tell him to be in his office as early as possible the next morning.
* * * * * * * * * *
In what had become a habit, Nick and Alan had dinner in the public room with a table full of other patients. They took their after dinner coffee and went to Alan’s office. They settled down and visited for a short time. No mention of cases or patient/doctor interaction, just two guys talking about the news and sports and Bush’s latest foot-in-mouth gaffe. Finally, Nick asked Alan how much longer he thought he would have to stay at the clinic.
Alan finished his coffee thoughtfully and said, “You know Nick, you have made terrific progress the last couple of months. I think you are finally accepting your sexuality and you seem to see where your inner conflicts have caused you to exhibit some pretty weird behavior. Is that a fair statement?”
Nick laughed and told Alan, he thought he’d been pretty understated by just calling it ‘weird’. The laughter covered some painful weeks for Nick. When he realized he had deliberately gone to ‘Ball and Chain’ looking to be punished, he had to have a few days to himself just to accept what he knew was true. Alan had not given him an inch. He made him realize and accept that he knew deep down, he might not come out of the club whole; hell if he were honest and Alan would allow nothing else, he knew he might not come out at all. He’d gone to the club hoping it would be either an end or a beginning. Thanks to good friends, it was ‘the’ beginning; the beginning of everything. Nick accepted he was gay; not bisexual, not confused, not conflicted but just plain ‘gay’. He loved women; as friends, co-workers and relatives. He did not have nor could he pretend to have sexual feelings about women. Even his experience with Kristi had been more a case of fooling around or experimentation rather than an attempt at a really serious relationship. In fact, when he forced himself to face the truth, he realized he had never had an orgasm with a woman that even came close to a simple hand job from a man. And when compared to his sexual relationships with Greg, well, there simply was no comparison. Greg blew every one out of the box.
Alan looked at Nick. He knew he had to walk a tightrope now. He could not let Nick know what he suspected. Suspected hell, he knew it as sure as he’d been in the room with the two men and watched it happen. He could not let any of that show. Nick was just as much his patient as Greg was and it was not evident that while Nick might not have MPD, he had a battle going on inside his mind, heart and soul. There were two Nick’s. Alan was almost 95% sure that the real Nick was the sweet man that Greg and Bobby and Steve and Nick’s parents knew and loved so deeply. But there was that damned 5% that kept him from sleeping soundly at night.
“Nick, there are two areas left and they are the most important of all. We need to explore your relationship with Greg AND we need to figure out what incident caused your mental confusion to begin with. I think we both know the cause happened a long time ago. You’ve told me over and over that you had an idyllic childhood, something right out of the story books but that can’t be true and you know it. Something happened and you have to turn Jillian’s light of truth on that something to get it out in the open and get it under control.”
“We both know that what ever happened was the direct cause of your problems with Greg. Now, you’ve asked me several times about things Greg has talked about and because of Greg’s openness and desire to help you, he has given me a pretty, free hand about talking to you. In that spirit, I want you to know, when Greg first came to me, I asked him what he wanted to get out of our sessions. He said he wanted to know what he did wrong because he did not want to think that he would never have a loving relationship again in his whole life. He didn’t want the five months he spent with you to be the pattern for the rest of his life on this earth. Can you be as brave as he is?”
Rating: R for strong language.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: None.
Summary Nick has faced a lot but the worst is yet to come.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here
Previous parts of this story can be found here
Steve very gently moved Greg’s arm off Bobby and laid it down between them. Then he carefully pulled the blankets down off Bobby and silently breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that his lover was wearing a loose t-shirt and a pair of cotton sleeping pants they used when they visited their respective parents. He knew there was nothing going on and he trusted Bobby completely but down at the bottom of his soul, he had to admit he was glad that there was no skin to skin contact. After all, no one could deny that Bobby was one hot dude and Greg, well like Bobby often said, ‘Greg was so darned cute sometimes you just wanted to squeeze him to death’.
He leaned over and gently kissed Bobby awake. When his love smiled even before he opened his eyes, the last tiny tendril of doubt disappeared. Bobby wrapped his free arm around Steve and pulled him down for a ‘not so gentle’ kiss; one with a little fire to it. Steve responded completely but eventually, a serious need for oxygen made them both pull back. Steve didn’t say a word, just cocked his head at Greg and looked expectantly at his partner. Bobby looked over and carefully pulled his arm out from under Greg. When he did, the blankets slipped down even further and Steve could see Greg was completely wrapped in one of their extra large bath sheets; only his arms were outside the towel. There was no way in hell, any sort of funny business had occurred.
Bobby carefully slid out of bed and grabbed Steve by the hand and led him into the bathroom with him. Steve started to close the door but Bobby told him to leave it open a crack. He didn’t want the room to be completely dark and he wanted to listen for any sounds from his bed partner.
Bobby knew his bladder was about to bust and it was with great satisfaction that he let loose. After that many years together, peeing in front of his long-time love wasn’t even a blip on his ‘weird’ scale. In fact, most of the time, like now, they would hold each other while they peed. When he finished, Steve carefully shook off the last drop and tucked him back in his loose pants and went over to the sink to wash his hands. Just as he turned on the water, he turned to Bobby and said, “Okay, Country. Start ‘splaining.”
Bobby went through the whole thing from the moment Archie turned to leave his lab until him telling Steve to leave the door open a crack. Steve had to be nudged half way through to turn off the water and dry his hands. When Bobby got through, he said, “Babe, are you sure you heard Greg say what you’ve just told me.”
Bobby didn’t blame Steve for questioning him; he was still in shock just remembering the ugly words. “Yeah, I did and there is only one meaning I can come up with; Nick raped him and not just once. Steve, from the terror in his voice it was pretty clear; he was livin’ it over and over again. No wonder he’s not sleeping. I knew you would understand but I got to admit, I really thought I would be awake long before you got home. What time is it anyway?
When Steve told him it was almost 11.00pm, Bobby almost hollered out loud, “Jesus Christ, I need to get ready for work. Why did you let me sleep so long? Where’s Chels? Didn’t she worry when I didn’t come at least kiss her hello and good night?”
Steve calmed his irate mate down and answered all his questions. He told him he figured if their rambunctious daughter didn’t wake him up, he really needed the sleep. And now that he’d heard the story, he was glad because that meant that Greg slept also. And speaking of Greg, what were they going to do.
Bobby thought for a minute and finally said, “I don’t know what else to do except keep him here with us. I know this is asking you to go above and beyond with me but he’s got to sleep and he’s got to eat.”
Steve shook his head and said, “You know I’m not going to stop you from helping a friend. Hell he’s as much my friend now as he is yours and I’ve got to admit, when you slipped your arm out from under him and the blanket slid down, I could see under the edge and you can see every rib in his chest. He’s almost nothing but skin over bone. How long has this been going on?”
“As near as I can figure, a little more than two weeks now. He does everything he can think of to stay awake. He’s living on coffee and not much else. His hands shake almost all the time and he said he’s having trouble concentrating and remembering stuff that used to be as familiar to him as his own name. I’m worried sick about him.”
Just then, they both heard movement in the bedroom and both men left the bathroom as quickly as possible just in case Greg was having another nightmare. Fortunately he was just waking up. He was one surprised puppy to see Bobby and Steve looking down at him. He was even more surprised when he looked around and realized he wasn’t at home or Nick’s or the guest room. He frowned a little and said, “How did I get in your bed?” He pulled the blankets up and looked down at himself and looked back up at them with a very puzzled expression on his face and added, “And I seem to be wearing the world’s biggest bath towel; I think!”
Steve grinned at him and said, “Well according to the gal at ‘Linen ‘n’ Things’, it’s a bath sheet. Greg, get up wash your face and hands, put some clothes on and join us in the kitchen.” Bobby was about to argue with his spouse about getting Greg up until Greg’s stomach let out a growl that sounded almost dangerous. Everyone laughed and that broke the tension. Bobby and Steve headed for the kitchen and Greg got up and started to get himself ready.
* * * *
Bobby and Greg had eaten two bowls of stew apiece along with rolls, salad and a relish plate loaded with carrots, celery and cherry tomatoes. There had been a heated argument about Greg going to work which Greg won simply by telling Bobby, he’d had the best sleep he’d had in days and he was ready to try to pick up his life again.
Steve looked at Greg very seriously until Greg dropped his eyes to the table and shut up. Steve said, “Greg, look at me. One night’s sleep is not going to make up for the neglect you’ve heaped on your scrawny, little hide for the last couple of weeks.”
Greg started to interrupt him when he called him scrawny but a stern, ‘Huh-huh’ from Steve shut him up real quick. He ducked his head and grabbed the last tomato and stuffed it in his mouth to keep himself from getting scolded again.
“Here’s what we’re gonna do. You are coming home with Bobby at the end of your shift and if you two don’t get off at the same time, you’re still coming home here to sleep. You will sleep with either Bobby or me until you get a handle on these night terrors you’re having. You will call Alan and start seeing him again.”
Greg almost strangled trying to get the tomato swallowed so he could talk back. “Why do I have to see Alan, I’m all through with him. I don’t need him. I just need some sleep. I don’t want to bother Alan with bad dreams.”
Steve folded his arms, assumed his ‘parental stance complete with glare’ and said, “Greg, this is not open for negotiation, you will do this or we will do it for you. I would like you to act like an adult here.”
Greg, in turn, folded his arms and assumed his stern expression. It would have worked so much better if he didn’t remind both Steve and Bobby of their daughter when she was in a pouting mood. “Alright, I will call Alan as soon as I get a chance.”
“No, spoiled brat, you will call Alan as soon as we get home tomorrow” Bobby in turn folded his arms. Hell, why should he be the only one not assuming the position.
“Jesus Keerist…Okay, Okay….I will call him when we get home tomorrow. BUT, when I wake up, I’m going back to my place.”
Both Steve and Bobby started talking at the same time telling him he was not, he was staying right there with them. Greg let them both run out of air and then said, “Look guys, I know you are just looking out for me BUT you need time with each other and Chelsi needs time with both of you without any interruptions. I will be fine, especially if I sleep again like I did today. I never have any problems when I’m awake and I need to spend time in my own space, take care of my fish and just generally enjoy the home I worked so hard to make for myself.”
Bobby looked at Steve who was smiling at Greg with an expression on his face just like the one he got when Chelsi brought home an ‘A’; complete pride. He grinned and thought again how lucky he was to have this wonderful man in his life, his home, his bed. “Okay, pardner; it’s a deal.”
Steve held up his hands and said, “Hold on, both of you. I have one more condition. You both wear t-shirts and briefs or sleeping pants.”
Greg looked at Steve with a grin on his face and said, “What’s the matter, big guy? Afraid I might try to take advantage of your bed warmer.”
Steve shook his head. “No, I don’t think you’re the kind of ass-hole who would repay a kindness like that.” Greg hung his head a little and lost the grin. “Besides, even if you tried, I know my man wouldn’t jeopardize what we have, not even for a cute little pup like you. No, I want you both decent because I’m not hiding anything from our daughter. She’s gonna want to at least look in on her daddy and I’m gonna tell her that Greg is staying with us until he gets over the bad dreams he’s having. I just want to make sure when she sticks her head in the bedroom, all she sees is her daddy and her Uncle Greg trying to catch up on their sleep.”
Steve had started clearing the table while he was talking and was currently leaning back against the kitchen sink. Greg got up, walked over to Steve and just collapsed against his big, warm body. He put both arms around him and held on tight. Steve calmly wrapped his arms around Greg and hugged him back. Finally Greg pulled his head out of Steve’s shoulder and said with a deep sigh, “You know, every time I start feeling sorry for myself, I think about you two and what kind of men and what kind of friends you are. I stop my pity party because I figure somewhere, somehow along the way, I must have done something right to have you two for friends. God must have liked me for something and I try to act so that you two will be proud of me.”
Steve didn’t say a word, just hugged the young man tighter and kissed the top of his head. Bobby cleared his throat and said, “OK, Sanders, unhand my man and let’s get this show on the road. Crime waits for no man ya know,”
* * * * * * * * * *
Alan was not a happy therapist. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help Greg and technically, Greg was still half of a client. He was treating Nick as part of a couple unit with Greg in order to be able to share information they wanted the other to know. He was angry because Greg was having bad dreams.
One of the reasons Alan was such a good healer was because he had a sixth sense that almost bordered on the psychic. He often took two completely opposite statements and put them together to get a working hypothesis for a couple’s problems. The minute he heard Greg trying to explain he thought his dreams were a hold-over from the James case, he knew the guy was lying. The scene with Nick right after his ‘relapse’ flashed in his mind.
* * * * * * * * * *
“My point is, no one knows the horrible secret you’ve uncovered about yourself.” Alan who was trained to watch his patient’s closely, noticed a visible flinch when he said that. So someone else did know what had sent Nick spinning down into depression.
* * * * * * * * * *
Alan made one of his leaps. He knew, just as sure as he knew he was the greatest psychiatric therapist in the US, that Greg was dreaming about the ‘horrible secret’ that sent Nick into a depressive slump. What ever it was, it was bad and because Nick thought he was so depraved he didn’t want his loved ones around him, it had to be something Nick had done. Greg was dreaming and puking….it was something Nick had done to Greg. Damn he was good and for once, he was really sorry he was.
Marie heard a thump from Alan’s office and went to see if he’d dropped some books or knocked something over. There wasn’t a patient in there so she didn’t have to worry about him being in physical danger. At least she didn’t think she did. When she opened the door and saw him quietly banging his head on his desk, she went into his bath, got a towel and brought it out. When he raised his head to bang it again, she quickly slipped the towel onto the desk. When Alan didn’t get the satisfying bang he was expecting, he opened his eyes, stared at the offending towel and looked up into Marie’s calm face. He knew her; she was assuming her ‘mother handling capricious child’ mode.
He straightened up and glared at her. “You do know, I am perfectly capable of monitoring my own treatment, don’t you?”
“I realize I don’t have a bunch of letters behind my name but it doesn’t take a genius to know that banging one’s head against a solid surface is a classic symptom of autism NOT treatment.”
“Marie, we both know that some of the smartest people in the world never went to college. You are not a shrinking violet so you are obviously ‘handling me’. Aren’t you?”
“Do you want to be handled? I know it’s been a while since you’ve had a night out with one of your bimbo’s. Are you suffering from sexual tension? I’m sure I can find an escort service with a suitable staff if you feel the need of a different type of ‘treatment’.”
“God, I wish I had the guts to fire you, you insufferable woman. How I ever let you take control of my life I will never know. You must have slipped some mind control drug in my food. I know if I were in my right mind, I would never allow you to get away with the crap you do.”
Can you tell these two people have been together for a long time now and are completely comfortable with each other? If you’re old enough to remember Perry Mason, just think of Marie as Alan’s Della Street and yes, if they would both just open their eyes, they would realize they are perfect for each other. But that’s another story.
Marie walked around the desk and sat down in the comfortable ‘patients’ chair. “Come on doc, spill. What’s got you so upset; too many patients? I can close our client cases to new patients for a while and try to reschedule the existing ones.”
“No, it’s not that. It’s Nick and Greg.”
“Why am I not surprised. I knew when I heard Greg’s voice on the phone that he had regressed and you would be ready to work 18 hours a day to get him fixed again. What’s happened?”
After so many years as his office manager/personal assistant, Marie had become almost as good as Alan was at reading their clients. He had no qualms what-so-ever about discussing his patients, their problems and possible courses of treatment with her. She was an excellent sounding board and when Alan was being brutally honest with himself, he admitted, he would not be nearly as good as he was if he didn’t have her commonsense approach to keep him from straying off point. He unloaded on her about his two favorite/most exasperating patients.
After he had told her everything, she just sat there. He was used to the silence by now and knew not to rush her. She was cataloging everything he had told her, comparing statements, posture, reactions and putting all of it into a clear time-line. Finally she sighed and said, “You know don’t you?”
“Yeah I know, I was hoping I was wrong.”
“No, Nick was not only mentally cruel to Greg; the lack of key, refusal to allow him to keep his music and clothes in his house wasn’t the only problems. Nick either sexually or physically abused Greg. You have to figure out if Nick does know what he did….”
“I know he does. That’s what caused his melt down right after we started his therapy.”
“I agree. Right now, the most important thing is to find out how Greg feels about it and help him to accept and move on.”
Alan said, “And now you know, why I was banging my head on the table. I swear Marie, if there ever were two people meant for each other, it’s those two. There was an attraction the moment they met and that’s never been disputed by either. The flame just grew through the years they worked together. It probably was what helped both of them get through the disasters they have endured. You talk to them separately and it’s just so obvious, they are each other’s hero. They both believe the other is noble and brave and every good thing a human being is supposed to be. But now, Greg not only has to face the fact that his ‘hero’ brutalized him but he’s getting his face rubbed in it every time he closes his eyes.”
Alan lay his head back down on his desk and stayed there for a second. “I have no idea whether I should try to help them get over this and get back together or to gently but firmly separate them and tell them to never darken each other’s door again.”
When Marie didn’t answer him, he raised his head and looked at her and said, “Well?”
Marie stood up and walked over to the office door. As she opened the door, she turned around and said, “Querido, you know you are the world’s biggest romantic. You believe in happy ever after and alls well that ends well. You cannot ‘not’ try to get them together. It would go against every single cell of your body.” She threw him an impudent kiss and gently closed the door behind her.
For the billionth time since the day he hired her, Alan realized she was once again, one step ahead of him. He pressed the intercom and told her he was going to the clinic and to call Greg and tell him to be in his office as early as possible the next morning.
* * * * * * * * * *
In what had become a habit, Nick and Alan had dinner in the public room with a table full of other patients. They took their after dinner coffee and went to Alan’s office. They settled down and visited for a short time. No mention of cases or patient/doctor interaction, just two guys talking about the news and sports and Bush’s latest foot-in-mouth gaffe. Finally, Nick asked Alan how much longer he thought he would have to stay at the clinic.
Alan finished his coffee thoughtfully and said, “You know Nick, you have made terrific progress the last couple of months. I think you are finally accepting your sexuality and you seem to see where your inner conflicts have caused you to exhibit some pretty weird behavior. Is that a fair statement?”
Nick laughed and told Alan, he thought he’d been pretty understated by just calling it ‘weird’. The laughter covered some painful weeks for Nick. When he realized he had deliberately gone to ‘Ball and Chain’ looking to be punished, he had to have a few days to himself just to accept what he knew was true. Alan had not given him an inch. He made him realize and accept that he knew deep down, he might not come out of the club whole; hell if he were honest and Alan would allow nothing else, he knew he might not come out at all. He’d gone to the club hoping it would be either an end or a beginning. Thanks to good friends, it was ‘the’ beginning; the beginning of everything. Nick accepted he was gay; not bisexual, not confused, not conflicted but just plain ‘gay’. He loved women; as friends, co-workers and relatives. He did not have nor could he pretend to have sexual feelings about women. Even his experience with Kristi had been more a case of fooling around or experimentation rather than an attempt at a really serious relationship. In fact, when he forced himself to face the truth, he realized he had never had an orgasm with a woman that even came close to a simple hand job from a man. And when compared to his sexual relationships with Greg, well, there simply was no comparison. Greg blew every one out of the box.
Alan looked at Nick. He knew he had to walk a tightrope now. He could not let Nick know what he suspected. Suspected hell, he knew it as sure as he’d been in the room with the two men and watched it happen. He could not let any of that show. Nick was just as much his patient as Greg was and it was not evident that while Nick might not have MPD, he had a battle going on inside his mind, heart and soul. There were two Nick’s. Alan was almost 95% sure that the real Nick was the sweet man that Greg and Bobby and Steve and Nick’s parents knew and loved so deeply. But there was that damned 5% that kept him from sleeping soundly at night.
“Nick, there are two areas left and they are the most important of all. We need to explore your relationship with Greg AND we need to figure out what incident caused your mental confusion to begin with. I think we both know the cause happened a long time ago. You’ve told me over and over that you had an idyllic childhood, something right out of the story books but that can’t be true and you know it. Something happened and you have to turn Jillian’s light of truth on that something to get it out in the open and get it under control.”
“We both know that what ever happened was the direct cause of your problems with Greg. Now, you’ve asked me several times about things Greg has talked about and because of Greg’s openness and desire to help you, he has given me a pretty, free hand about talking to you. In that spirit, I want you to know, when Greg first came to me, I asked him what he wanted to get out of our sessions. He said he wanted to know what he did wrong because he did not want to think that he would never have a loving relationship again in his whole life. He didn’t want the five months he spent with you to be the pattern for the rest of his life on this earth. Can you be as brave as he is?”
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Date: 2007-11-25 02:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-25 08:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-25 11:57 am (UTC)Next chapter, next chapter !!
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Date: 2007-11-25 04:28 pm (UTC)I have been fighting with myself ever since I started the story, well actually ever since this thing took a turn for the dark side, about whether I wanted Nick and Greg together at the end. It was not a given and it's still not at this time. What I want is for them to be strong and mentally confident and if not able to be lovers then at least to be good life-long friends.
I think Marie knows Alan better than he knows himself and she knows his ultimate intention is for all his patients to be able to form lasting relationships with someone they can love with all their heart.
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Date: 2007-11-25 06:48 pm (UTC)Poor Greg but lucky Greg ... *giggle* he gets to cuddle with Bobby! :D
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Date: 2007-11-25 07:56 pm (UTC)