Fic: Enough

[sheneversaid.livejournal.com]

Title:Enough
Rating:NC-17 to be safe, but probably more of an R
Warnings: A little profanity. A little sex.
Summary: And Greg told himself that it wasn’t everything, but it was enough.
Spoilers: passing mention of Stalker, Play with Fire, Grave Danger, and Fannysmackin'
A/N: This is my first Nick/Greg fic and only my 4th fic ever in any fandom. So, let's keep those expectations low, kittlings. 

Greg wanted Nick from the moment they’d met. That was no surprise. After all, Nick was gorgeous and it wasn’t like Greg had never found another man attractive. He’d never put limits on himself in other aspect of his life, why should something as fun as sex be any different? So the surprise wasn’t that he wanted Nick, it was how much he wanted Nick. In the past his attraction to guys had been pretty vague and usually passed quickly. He’d never really acted on it before. But when he met Nick a feeling of pure want had hit him like a physical blow. Nick smiled at him and it felt like a sucker punch to the gut. He’d had to dig his finger nails into his palm just so he wouldn’t do something phenomenally stupid like jump Nick right there in the DNA lab and attack him with his mouth. When Nick walked out of the lab that day Greg was left with four crescent shaped indentions in each palm. He expected that the lust would disappear over time, but they didn’t. Every time Nick smiled at him (or looked at him, or walked into a room, hell, all he had to do was see him pass by or hear his voice from down the hall) Greg had the same overwhelming urge to jump him.

When Greg started exploring his attraction to men a short time after meeting Nick he told himself it had nothing to do with the other man. And if every guy he picked up just happened to have short dark hair and dark eyes, well, that was just a coincidence. And if, on occasion, it was Nick’s face that floated before his eyes instead of the guy he was with, well, that didn’t mean anything at all. It wasn’t like he was accidentally calling out Nick’s name when he came. Not after that one time, anyway. So he picked up the occasional guy and he told himself that it wasn’t everything, but it was enough.

So, alright, fine. He wanted Nick. And if it had stayed at just wanting Nick he probably would’ve been okay. But, no, it wasn’t enough for Nick to just be absolutely gorgeous; he had to go and be a genuinely nice guy. The bastard. After a while of working with Nick the blinding lust had abated just enough to allow to Greg to actually concentrate on what Nick was actually saying instead of being fascinated by the way his lips moved and Greg had found that Nick was not only the most genuinely nice person he’d ever met, he was funny and intelligent and had great taste in video games. So, they’d become friends. Sort of. They were work-friends, anyway. Which basically meant Greg had a huge crush on Nick and Nick actually knew Greg existed. And he told himself that was enough. And even as time went by and they became real friends instead of just work friends Greg still pushed his less than platonic feelings for Nick away and told himself he was okay with just hanging out with Nick and Warrick and occasionally the other CSIs. He was finally part of the team and while it wasn’t everything, it was enough.

And it might have continued to be enough, if they could just stop having all these near death experiences. Greg knew theirs was a dangerous job, but really, being held at gunpoint, stalkers, labs blowing up - it was all a little much. So, Greg had finally gotten the message. Life was short and sometimes it sucked pretty hard. Especially for them. So he knew he should probably suck it up and tell Nick. It’s what he would tell his friends if any of them had been so stupid as to go and develop feelings for someone who would never have them back. It’s what his friends would tell him if they had any clue. You know, if he had ever actually said any of this out loud. But Greg rarely even let himself think about it for any extended period of time, much less confide in anyone else. So there was no one to push him.

Until Nick was kidnapped by a madman and buried alive. And thank God they had found him in time. But as was expected everything changed after that. And even after they’d gotten through the rough first couple of months and Nick was finally acting more like himself and Greg was almost feeling like he could breath again, everything was still different. Most noticeably Warrick got married. Which meant that these days they’re trio was often down to just Nick and Greg. Greg had been afraid that with Warrick unavailable they would just stop hanging out altogether, so when Nick had offhandedly reminded Greg after shift that it was his turn to buy the pizza Greg was pretty sure his smile was so big he’d pulled a cheek muscle. It had been slightly awkward at first, though it was possible that was just Greg. But eventually they fell into their easy rhythm of banter and teasing. And then somehow at some point they’d started talking about everything. Greg opened up more to Nick than he had to anyone else. They talked about their families and their childhoods. Greg was pretty sure that he never would have made it after the whole thing with Demitrius James if it weren’t for Nick. Nick had been there every step of the way, from when he woke in the hospital to when he took the stand in the courtroom. And when Greg reached the point that he felt he might go crazy if he didn’t get it out, Nick listened to Greg talk about how guilty he felt and how scared he’d been. And just when Greg was feeling a complete fool for unloading all that on someone else Nick had opened up about being kidnapped and buried alive. And they’d talked about how it felt to think you were going to die and the linger fear that neither could seem to shake completely.

So they’d talked and talked about everything and anything. And Greg fell in love.
He knew he should probably say something to Nick. After all, it didn’t look like this was going away anytime soon. And this was so much more than a crush. This was love like Greg had never really felt before. He wanted to be a part of Nick’s life. He wanted to grow old with Nick and maybe even have a family with him. He wanted to know everything about Nick. So, Greg was in love. And he was terrified.

He now spent all his time with Nick trying not to do something stupid like gaze longingly or blurt out declarations of undying love over whatever video game they were playing that night. He spent most of the evenings torn between talking himself out of being in love with Nick and falling a little more in love with him with everything he did. Part of Greg wanted to confess everything to Nick, just so it wouldn’t always be in the front of his mind, on the tip of his tongue. The problem was aside from being in love with Nick, Greg liked him. He liked being Nick’s friend and hanging out with him. And Greg was pretty sure that any declarations of love would mean the end of their friendship as it was now. Not that Greg thought Nick was homophobic, but even the most open-minded person would have a hard time dealing with a friend having romantic feelings toward them. It was bound to make things awkward and uncomfortable and eventually they would just stop hanging out, alone or when the team hung out together. And for Greg if keeping his feelings a secret meant having Nick in his life it was worth resigning himself to a lifetime of being just friends. So, Greg contented himself to being Nick’s buddy and did his best to keep all longing looks under the radar. And he told himself it wasn’t everything, but it was enough.

It probably would’ve continued on indefinitely if Nick hadn’t had the day from hell one Thursday. It started out like most of their shifts. Greg and Nick had drawn a 419 out in North Vegas. Everything was fine till the got out to the crime scene and found that the db was a young boy who had been found buried in an underground storage cellar. Which was bad enough for Nick, who still hadn’t gotten completely over his issues with enclosed spaces. And as the case played out and the evidence piled up it became clear that it was an abuse case and that the vic had been sexually abused by an older girl who worked in the after school program that the boy was a part of. Greg knew that Nick always took cases involving children and abuse really hard, though he wasn’t sure why. He had his suspicions but Nick had never mentioned anything. So Greg never brought it up. But this case made it clear that something was definitely going on with Nick. He was on edge and between his claustrophobia and whatever was going on inside his head it seemed he was barely hanging on. Fortunately, the case was pretty straightforward and they were able to put it to rest quickly.

Thinking that Nick could probably use a chance to unwind he invited him over to watch a movie. He aimed for nonchalant but he suspected he came out sounding nervous. But if he sounded nervous, Nick didn’t say anything about it. He just sat quietly on the bench staring into his locker for a long couple of seconds before nodding in agreement. It was an awkward night with Nick sitting silently on the couch, staring off into space and Greg babbling endlessly about everything and nothing as he ordered the pizza. Anything to fill the silence. Finally, after he’d ordered the pizza and gotten them beers and basically run out of things to keep himself busy, he sat down by Nick on the couch and decided to just bite the bullet.

“Listen man, I know something was going on with you today.” Nick looked away, shaking his head so Greg pushed on “I’m not trying to push but I just …” Greg trailed off. “I’m messing this up. I just wanted you to know I’m here. If you ever need someone to talk to about – about anything at all - I’m here.” Finally, Nick turned to face him and his eyes were red-rimmed and so distressed that Greg felt his heart break. “oh Nicky,” he sighed reaching out and putting squeezing Nick’s shoulder. And suddenly it was if a dam burst and Nick was pouring out the story – everything that had happened when he was a boy with his babysitter. There were tears pouring down Nick’s face and Greg was fairly sure that he was tearing up too, sitting here listening to Nick tell his painful story. Suspecting it was one thing, but knowing, hearing Nick’s broken voice tell it was horrible. Greg had no idea what to do or say. He was terrified he would screw this up. So he stayed quiet. Greg sat silently even as Nick finished his story and sat with his head bowed. Greg knew he should say something, anything. Nick had just shared this huge part of himself and Greg was just sitting there like an idiot but he just couldn’t get his voice to work. Nick finally shook his head and whispered, “I knew it. It was too much to put on you. I shouldn’t have - ”
“No!” Greg said, louder than he had intended, making Nick jump slightly. “Sorry. Sorry. I just – You know I have this tendency to say exactly the wrong thing and I just really, really don’t want to do that this time.” At some point his hand had moved from Nick’s shoulder to the back of his neck and his thumb was sweeping over the skin just below his ear without actually realizing it. “I can’t even imagine how hard it was for you today, having to relive the some of the worst times of your life. I just -- I just don’t want to make this day any worse.”
Finally Nick looked up and met his eyes for the first time since they’d started this whole thing. “No, G” he said softly, “you’re the only thing that made this day bearable.” Greg felt his heart clench at Nick's whispered words. Could he mean as much to Nick as Nick meant to him. They sat silently for a moment, their eyes locked. For a second he could’ve sworn Nick was leaning in slightly but the moment was ruined when the doorbell buzzed loudly. They both jumped slightly and Nick let out an awkward laugh. Greg cleared his throat. “Must be the pizza.” Greg could feel himself blushing as he stood and went to the door.

When he returned to the living room with the pizza and beers the tension had almost disappeared. The rest of the night Nick was quiet but more relaxed than he’d been all day. The talked and ate pizza and started a movie. Greg knew the day had left Nick emotionally wrung out and exhausted so he wasn’t surprised when halfway through the movie he noticed Nick had fallen asleep. He let him sleep to the end wondering if Nick would wake on his own. As the credits rolled he softly shook Nick awake. “C’mon Nicky, you can sleep here tonight. Too dangerous for you to be driving this tired. C’mon.” he said pulling Nick off the couch and leading him into the bedroom. “m’sleepy Greggo” Nick mumbled as he leaned on Greg to stay upright. “I know you are, Nicky. You can have the bed. I think you need a good night’s sleep and the couch isn’t all that great.” Nick shuffled down the hallway and Greg felt his heart constrict at how adorable Nick looked rubbing his eyes with his fists. He looked just like a little boy and Greg fell a little more in love.

Greg led him to bedroom trying not to think of how many of his fantasies had started exactly this way. He sat Nick on the bed and as he turned to turn on the bedside lamp, Nick stretched out on his back on the bed, and seemingly fell asleep. Greg bent over Nick’s feet and unlaced his boots, removing them. There was no way he was going any further than that. He already felt dirty fighting off fantasies of Nick after he’d had such a rough day. There was also no way he was getting Nick under the comforter now so he went to get a blanket out of the hall closet for him. When he came back Nick had curled slightly on his side facing the edge of the bed. Greg spread the blanket over him. Nick’s face looked so peaceful and young Greg couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and running his fingertips lightly over Nick’s cheek. He let his fingertips drift over Nick’s lips. His gaze moved over Nick’s face up to his eyes. Which were open. And looking right at Greg. Well, fuck.

He tried to jerk his hand away but Nick stopped him by gently grabbing his wrist. Greg’s mind spun with a thousand ridiculous excuses but when he opened his mouth he couldn’t get anything out. All thought flew out of his head as Nick slowly brought Greg’s wrist up to his lips placing a gentle kiss on the soft skin there. All of Greg’s breath left him in a woosh as all his blood headed south. Nick brought his other hand up slowly and cupped Greg’s face. Nick’s eyes never left his as his thumb slowly ran over Greg’s bottom lip. Nick’s eyes never left his as he slid his hand to around the back of Greg’s neck and was pulled him closer. Greg had just a moment to freak out just a little and then they were kissing and all thought flew out of Greg’s head. His eyes slid shut as Nick’s lips moved over his. His lips were soft and strong at the same time and when he ran his tongue along Greg’s bottom lip Greg let his mouth fall open with no hesitation. He sucked Nick’s tongue into his mouth earning a moan from Nick, which Greg found instantly addicting. He couldn’t wait to coax more of those moans from Nick.

Soon, they had to pull apart to breathe. Greg hesitated to meet Nick’s eyes wondering what he would see in those eyes. Anger? Regret? When he did finally look up he saw none of those things. Only happiness, with a slight tinge of fear. Could Nick be afraid of Greg’s reaction? If he was nervous, he must have been reassured by whatever he saw in Greg’s eyes because he gave Greg a huge smile- the smile that made his eyes crinkle and never failed to cause Greg’s heart to skip a beat. Greg felt his own grin split his face and then they were both laughing. Greg leaned back down as Nick rolled to his back pulling on Greg’s wrist still in his grasp until Greg was straddling with a knee on either side of Nick’s hips. And then they were kissing, really kissing with tongues gliding across each other. Nick had one hand buried in Greg’s hair and was cradling Greg’s face with the other.
Greg let his hands move over Nick’s chest until he reached the bare skin between his shirt and his pants. He let his hands graze over the skin there, causing Nick to gasp against his mouth. Greg smiled and ran his hands under Nick’s tshirt. Suddenly Nick sat up almost knocking Greg on his ass. For a split second Greg was sure Nick had come to his senses but then Nick was reaching for the hem of his shirt and then dragging it over his head. Then he pulled his own shirt off and now Greg had his first close up glance of Nick’s well sculpted chest. He leaned in to finally taste the skin on Nick’s jaw while Nick ran his hands along Greg’s back caressing over the scars left from the explosion. Nick lay back down bringing Greg with him. When Nick ran his mouth down Greg’s neck and began sucking on the place where his shoulder met his neck Greg let out what would have been a very embarrassing whimper if he could think past the feeling of Nick’s lips on his skin. When Nick bit down gently Greg gave an involuntary thrust of his hips bringing their cloth-covered erections to grind against each other. At the contact Nick gave a growl that made a chill spread over Greg’s chin. Nick rolled them over so he had Greg pinned to the bed. He ground his hips down against Greg’s causing Greg to moan and tighten his grip on Nick’s upper arms. “So beautiful” Nick muttered breaking the silence that had enveloped them since they started, “I knew you would be.”
“Jesus, Nicky, you keep that up and I’m going to come in my pants.”
Nick laughed and gave another sharp thrust of his hips. Greg ran his hands down Nick’s chest to let fingers dip beneath the waistband of his jeans. He flicked the button open and slowly lowered the zipper. He began to push the jeans over Nick’s hips stopping to give Nick’s perfect ass a squeeze. Nick groaned and moved his hands to the fly of Greg’s jeans and quickly undid it and pushed them down as well. Soon they were both down to their underwear and those were quickly pushed out of the way as well. And then there was nothing but the sweet ecstasy of their bare cocks dragging against each other. Greg was definitely not going to last long. Not when it was finally Nick’s body pressed against his, staring into his eyes as he thrust against Greg. Luckily it seemed like Nick was as close Greg. And when Nick brought his mouth to suck on Greg’s neck again Greg couldn’t keep himself from voicing all the thoughts he’d been trying to keep to himself. “Nick, God, Nicky. Wanted this. Wanted you for so long. Please, Nicky, don’t stop.” Nick brought his hand up to caress along Greg’s cheek and his mouth. “Me, too, Greggo. So long. Came so close to kissing you a million times.” As Nick ran his thumb across Greg’s bottom lip Greg opened his mouth so that he could suck on them. Nick’s eyes rolled back in his head and he released Greg’s name on a sigh as came, spurting in hot ribbons along Greg’s stomach. Then he reached down and began jerking Greg off leaning into to whisper in his ear. “C’mon, come for me baby” and it was the endearment whispered in his ear that pushed Greg over the edge and he came crying out Nick’s name.

As Greg lay trying to catch his breath he concentrated on trying to bask in the afterglow and just enjoy the feeling the of Nick’s body still stretched out against his as the other man tried to catch his breath as well. What he wasn’t going to do was freak about what was going to happen now. Then he felt gentle lips against his forehead and when he opened his eyes he got an extreme close up of Nick’s lips as he murmured “Quit thinking so much. Sleep now. We’ll talk about it all in the morning.” When Greg met Nick’s eyes he saw no regret only happiness and something Greg wasn’t quite prepared to identify right then, so he gave Nick a bright smile as Nick trailed kisses down the bridge of his nose ending with one on the very tip, causing Greg to let out a fairly embarrassing giggle, just before Nick pressed another gentle kiss on his lips. Greg reached over to the nightstand for tissue and cleaned them both up. Then as he rolled on his side to toss the tissue in the trash can he felt Nick spoon behind him after pulling on his underwear. After pulling on his own underwear he settled back down letting Nick snuggle up behind him.

“Should’ve known you’d be a cuddler” he teased quietly. Nick let out a chuckle before giving Greg a playful slap on the ass. “Hush, you know you like it too.” Greg gave a startled yelp at the slap and then grabbed Nick’s hand from where it was rubbing circles on Greg’s cloth covered ass. “C’mon Nicky don’t start something we’re both too tired to finish.”
“Mmm, fine then. We’ll pick this up tomorrow.” He said bringing Greg’s hand up to place a gentle kiss on the same spot on his wrist that he had when they first started.
“That a promise, cowboy?”
“Count on it, baby” Nicky murmured low in his ear the whispered ‘baby’ once again causing Greg to shiver as Nick ran his hand down Greg’s side to wrap around his hipbone. Maybe Greg was feeling overly sentimental but it felt like they fit together perfectly from head to foot, almost as if they had been made to fit together.

And, just like Nick said, the next day they really did get around to having a serious discussion. That is, after they had finished what Nick had started the night before and Greg had impressed Nick with his French toast skills. And it was possible they had been sidetracked for a little while when Greg had jumped Nick right there at the table but that was totally Nick’s fault – the way he had licked the syrup off his fork was pure sin. There was no way Greg could resist. After all that they had finally sat down to talk about what had happened and what it meant for them. Greg admitted that he had feelings for Nick for years. And to his surprise Nick confessed that he had had the same feelings for almost as long. They would shake their heads about how long it taken them to get it together but be thankful that they were together at all. Then they spent the rest of the day cuddled on the couch pretending to watch movies while they made out. And as they lay in bed that night exhausted and sore and blissfully happy Greg finally whispered the words of love and unending devotion that he’d been holding back for so many years. And Nick when whispered his own promises of love and forever. And for the second of what would turn out to be a lifetime of nights, Greg feel asleep with a very warm Nick wrapped around him and was lulled to sleep by the feel of Nick’s heartbeat against his back and his breath on his neck.

And it was more than enough. It was everything. 

 

Comments

[tanisafan.livejournal.com]

Oh, I wouldn't worry, this was very enjoyable! If you don't mind: I noticed a couple of tiny mistakes (the instead of they, for example), and maybe a bit more interspacing would be nice (reading things on a screen that are printed closely together makes my eyes sleepy) but I really liked the story. The boys were lovely and the plot was just what I needed tonight ;).

I hope we'll be seeing more of you in this fandom? Wink wink, nudge nudge ;).

[captainneedles.livejournal.com]

I love you. Seriously. I love you almost as much as I love your fic.

[x-posed-again.livejournal.com]

Yum.... that's all I really can say! (I'm new to the fandom too so we can hope on the bandwagon together)

[seether-79.livejournal.com]

That was great. Really wonderful story. Sweet and hot all at the same time. I hope you right more Nick/Greg fics or I will be very un-happy lol. Really awesome :)

[jettblack0110.livejournal.com]

I very much enjoyed this, lovely job!

[(Anonymous)]

That was so sweet, and hot too.