silly, random fic.
Apr. 3rd, 2005 11:05 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
ex-hanet.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
nickngregi'm going to apologize upfront for this fic. i giggled the whole way through it; however, i have an incredibly low maturity level. here's hoping i'm not alone in this...? ~_^ anyway, i was just reading a lot of nick/greg angst and, well... here's my response? not that i don't like angst but... /end babbling. on with the show!
Title: Vegas Showgirl Nick
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hanet
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Nick asks Greg to come 'run some tests' with him. ~_^
Disclaimer: In addition to the standard disclaimer that I DON'T OWN CSI OR MAKE PROFIT OFF FANFICTION, I also owe thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-syndicated.gif)
chzbrgr_of_doom, who wrote a story similar to this in another fandom. I thought it was great, and stole some elements to write this one. The punchline is all her genius.
Greg was enjoying a nice cocktail and watching Little House on the Prairie (which he wouldn’t admit to anyone under any circumstances, should they happen to ask) when his cell phone rang.
Mumbling under his breath, Greg put forth all his effort to reach the few feet to the coffee table. The phone was vibrating and making a racket. "What?" mumbled Greg, sounding groggy. He hit the mute button on his remote quickly.
"I need you to come into work." It was Nick. Greg sat up a little straighter, eyebrows stitched in concern. Nick's voice was husky; he sounded like he hadn't gotten much sleep lately. Greg got the impression Nick was even… a little desperate, perhaps.
Greg sighed. "What for?" he asked, even though he already knew he'd go into work if Nick really needed him that badly. He stretched as he stood up from the couch, flicking the TV off in a skilled motion.
"I need you to run some... special tests," said Nick cryptically.
Greg paused in his trek across the kitchen toward the chair his coat had been slung over. "'Special' tests?" Greg inquired suspiciously.
"Shh... can't talk now. Just get here as fast as you can!" Nick hung up.
Now thoroughly curious, Greg donned his coat and shoes, and began the brisk five-minute walk to the lab. What 'special tests' would Nick be calling him for when he'd only left the building a few hours ago?
Usually midnight calls came in when the lab was really busy. Most of the time Greg anticipated them, and went to bed as soon as he got home to grab a few hours sleep before being called back in. On slow nights he’d indulge in a late-night viewing of Little House -- I mean, oops, the hockey game, before heading to bed. Greg assumed that tonight he’d simply miscalculated, and should have slept while he had a chance; he assumed that if Nick needed him, the lab would be positively bustling. But the hallways of the crime lab were next to empty, and even the paperwork-monkeys looked bored. Greg puzzled for a moment over this, before he began navigating the hallways in a search for Nick.
Strolling to his lab with his hands in his pockets, Greg wondered what 'tests' needed to be done that couldn't wait for tomorrow; surely a high-profile case would attract more activity than this. And if it wasn't a high-profile case, why couldn't the 'tests' be done in the morning? The question was beginning to eat away at the fibre of Greg’s being. It simply didn’t make sense! It was if the world was unraveling its very fabric, as if the space-time continuum was collapsing upon itself, as if—
"Greggo!" greeted Nick, suddenly and loudly.
Greg started violently. “AAH!” screamed Greg momentarily. “Oh, sweet Jesus, I thought it was the Appocalypse…”
Nick narrowed his eyes at Greg, as though he was a miniscule piece of evidence sitting in a wetmount under his microscope. (If that’s not innuendo, I don’t know what is!) “Greg, are you ok? Maybe you should have gotten some more sleep…?”
Swiping at his eyes, Greg gave his head a shake. “No, sorry… I’m fine. I’m ready to get to work.”
Nick’s relief manifested itself in the huge, white smile stretched across his face. Greg blushed, thinking it was cute. "Well, I’m glad you could make it, man," said Nick, clapping him on the back. He fell into step with Greg, apparently intent on walking him to the lab to get started on the ‘tests’.
"No problem, buddy," replied Greg with his own huge smile. Nick just had that warm-and-fuzzy effect on people. It was a knack he had, to just make people ooze with the words ‘cute’ and ‘fluff’ and ‘love’. Looking at Nick’s eyes was like… giving a large, overstuffed teddy bear the first hug in the department store, before all the other little kids got their grubby, sticky mitts on it. You know, that effect Nick had. Uh… kind of.
"Listen, I have some very... delicate procedures I need to go through with you, all right?" Nick was saying, holding the door open for Greg.
"Sure," said Greg hesitantly, all sorts of dirty thoughts skipping through his head about ’procedures’. … and ’wetmounts’. Greg pushed them aside. Clearly, Nick was talking about a lab procedure, Greg told himself sternly. After a brief anti-sexual pep-talk, Greg resolved to think about sex, and nothing but. I mean, work, and nothing butt. But. Oh nevermind.
Greg marched himself over to his locker in the corner, planning on taking out his lab coat. He had only reached the counter with the microscopes when he heard the click of a lock behind him.
Greg whirled around to face Nick, a clear question in his expression: What the hell?
Nick leaned against the door seductively, his arms crossed smugly over his muscled chest. "What do you say, Greg? Wanna run some... 'delicate procedures'?" whispered Nick hotly, innuendo clinging to his every word.
Greg's mouth ran dry. "Wh-what? Seriously?" What?! Really?
"Yes, Greg... why wouldn't I be serious?" asked Nick huskily, pushing away from the doorway. Greg backed away slightly as Nick approached, stalking him hotly into the back corner. Wow, when had Nick become so sexy?
"Well... I..." protested Greg, holding up his hands for defense. “I’ll never let you touch me, you bastard!” he cried, flinging himself behind a row of test tubes for some kind of protection. "... Ok, what am I saying? What the hell, yes! Take me now, baby!" he cheered, leaping on Nick.
They kissed passionately for a few moments, feeling really hot and heavy. Nick pushed Greg back into a lab counter, lifting him up onto it. Greg moaned wantonly.
"You want me, lab boy?" growled Nick. Greg nodded pathetically. "You've been a very bad boy... I'm gonna have to investigate your crime scene," Nick murmured, pulling off his clothes to reveal...
...a corset and garters? And what was this? A sequined bra?! Nick was dressed like... like a Vegas showgirl! Greg blinked. What the hell?! This was too weird!
Oh well, Nick did have hot legs. Why not show them off?
Nick climbed up on the table, topping Greg. They continued to make out like wild bunnies. Greg struggled to remove his clothing. After several issues involving buttons, zippers and sequins on sensitive skin, Greg was finally down to his underwear. Nick was so strong and so hot and his accent was so sexy and... well, yes, the sequined outfit was kind of terrifying but hey, Greg wasn't gonna argue so long as he was gonna get some, and...
"Greg, I need you to run this DNA sample for me," Grissom said, barging into the lab. "I-- Oh. Oh my."
Greg's mouth dropped open in horror. He gaped dumbly at his boss. "Griss, Grissom, sir, I can explain!" Greg tried, panicking.
"Oh, don't worry about it! Well, I see you're busy fucking Nick, then. I'll come back another time," said Grissom pleasantly. He left the room, whistling.
"NICK!" screamed Greg. "I thought you locked the door!"
"I did, muffin," growled Nick passionately, not even noticing the interruption. "Grissom just has super powers..."
Greg opened his mouth to protest, but Nick shoved his tongue down it before Greg could say anything at all, and soon they were too distracted to think coherently at all. Greg was beginning to see the origins of the universe blossoming before him. This was amazing, it was the most beautiful night of his life! He was in LOVE—
"HEY, BITCH!" cried Warrick, bursting in. His eyes were ablaze, and he looked ready to kill Greg. "You little slut!" he screamed.
Greg blanched, pushing Nick away slightly. "Woah! Calm down, dude!" gasped Greg, trying to calm down himself.
Warrick glared at Nick. "What do you think you're doin'?" he snapped. "Sleepin' around behind my back? Wearing my outfit?"
Nick shrugged. "Sorry, dude. I'll give it back later."
Warrick shot them both one last disapproving look. "Fine. You better, bitch," he snarled, snapping three times in the air. "Or I'ma kick yo ass." He slammed the door on his way out.
Greg stared at Nick with wide eyes. "I think you need to explain something to me!" demanded Greg.
"What?" Nick asked, kissing his way up Greg's chest. "Oh, right... Warrick used to be a woman," he said offhand, getting very into it again.
Greg's jaw dropped. "What?!"
"Yeah, didn't you know? He's Sarah's mother, but then he got a sex change. He bought this outfit to celebrate becoming a man. I steal it from him sometimes, because it’s the bomb!" Nick giggled.
Greg sat bolt upright. "What the hell is going on here?!"
"Omigod, Warrick! Just give me the goddamn sex toy!" whined Sarah, chasing Warrick back into the lab.
"Mommy says its not good for you!" Warrick declared, holding it above her head.
"Nick can you run some tests for me-- oh, still fucking Greg, I see?" Grissom chuckled, returning to ask Nick a few questions.
"OK, has anyone seen my sumo wrestling outfit?" asked Catherine, joining the menagerie in Greg's lab. "Ok, Warrick! Just give her the goddamn dildo! Honestly, children!" Catherine shrieked.
Grissom sidled up to the table like a creepy pedophile. "Listen, if you guys like it at work, you should try it in the ballistics lab. It's killer."
"Griss!" reprimanded Greg, blushing down to his... well.
"Come on, it's disgusting!" Warrick protested, waving the dildo above his head.
"Gimme gimme gimme!" wailed Sarah, leaping into the air to try and grab it from his hand.
"For god's sake, Warrick!" Catherine snapped. "Has anyone seen my sumo wrestling outfit?! I have a tournament in half an hour!"
Greg sat on the lab table, almost completely naked. Showgirl Nick was perched atop him, Sumo Wrestler Catherine was shouting at Mommy Warrick, who was withholding a sex toy from Whiny Pervert Sarah. And Pedophile Grissom was giving them sex advice! This was crazy!
Suddenly they were all in pajamas and their hair was in pigtails and they were all beating each other with pillows that had Nick's mother's face on them!
"Stop it, all of you!" screamed Greg. "You're going to set fire to the toilet!"
Nick laughed diabolically, doing the hula and shaking his tasseled breasts at him. "That's what you get for being a tree!"
"No!” wailed Greg desperately. He was collapsing into black nothingness. “Nooooo..."
~~~
Greg opened his eyes. The last few notes of the closing theme for Little House on the Prairie were dying away. "Shit..." he muttered, rubbing his eyes. "That's it, Greggo," he said to himself. "Don't drink while you're watching TV anymore."
x-posted tonerdswithbadges
-hanet
Title: Vegas Showgirl Nick
Author:
hanetPairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Nick asks Greg to come 'run some tests' with him. ~_^
Disclaimer: In addition to the standard disclaimer that I DON'T OWN CSI OR MAKE PROFIT OFF FANFICTION, I also owe thanks to
chzbrgr_of_doom, who wrote a story similar to this in another fandom. I thought it was great, and stole some elements to write this one. The punchline is all her genius.Greg was enjoying a nice cocktail and watching Little House on the Prairie (which he wouldn’t admit to anyone under any circumstances, should they happen to ask) when his cell phone rang.
Mumbling under his breath, Greg put forth all his effort to reach the few feet to the coffee table. The phone was vibrating and making a racket. "What?" mumbled Greg, sounding groggy. He hit the mute button on his remote quickly.
"I need you to come into work." It was Nick. Greg sat up a little straighter, eyebrows stitched in concern. Nick's voice was husky; he sounded like he hadn't gotten much sleep lately. Greg got the impression Nick was even… a little desperate, perhaps.
Greg sighed. "What for?" he asked, even though he already knew he'd go into work if Nick really needed him that badly. He stretched as he stood up from the couch, flicking the TV off in a skilled motion.
"I need you to run some... special tests," said Nick cryptically.
Greg paused in his trek across the kitchen toward the chair his coat had been slung over. "'Special' tests?" Greg inquired suspiciously.
"Shh... can't talk now. Just get here as fast as you can!" Nick hung up.
Now thoroughly curious, Greg donned his coat and shoes, and began the brisk five-minute walk to the lab. What 'special tests' would Nick be calling him for when he'd only left the building a few hours ago?
Usually midnight calls came in when the lab was really busy. Most of the time Greg anticipated them, and went to bed as soon as he got home to grab a few hours sleep before being called back in. On slow nights he’d indulge in a late-night viewing of Little House -- I mean, oops, the hockey game, before heading to bed. Greg assumed that tonight he’d simply miscalculated, and should have slept while he had a chance; he assumed that if Nick needed him, the lab would be positively bustling. But the hallways of the crime lab were next to empty, and even the paperwork-monkeys looked bored. Greg puzzled for a moment over this, before he began navigating the hallways in a search for Nick.
Strolling to his lab with his hands in his pockets, Greg wondered what 'tests' needed to be done that couldn't wait for tomorrow; surely a high-profile case would attract more activity than this. And if it wasn't a high-profile case, why couldn't the 'tests' be done in the morning? The question was beginning to eat away at the fibre of Greg’s being. It simply didn’t make sense! It was if the world was unraveling its very fabric, as if the space-time continuum was collapsing upon itself, as if—
"Greggo!" greeted Nick, suddenly and loudly.
Greg started violently. “AAH!” screamed Greg momentarily. “Oh, sweet Jesus, I thought it was the Appocalypse…”
Nick narrowed his eyes at Greg, as though he was a miniscule piece of evidence sitting in a wetmount under his microscope. (If that’s not innuendo, I don’t know what is!) “Greg, are you ok? Maybe you should have gotten some more sleep…?”
Swiping at his eyes, Greg gave his head a shake. “No, sorry… I’m fine. I’m ready to get to work.”
Nick’s relief manifested itself in the huge, white smile stretched across his face. Greg blushed, thinking it was cute. "Well, I’m glad you could make it, man," said Nick, clapping him on the back. He fell into step with Greg, apparently intent on walking him to the lab to get started on the ‘tests’.
"No problem, buddy," replied Greg with his own huge smile. Nick just had that warm-and-fuzzy effect on people. It was a knack he had, to just make people ooze with the words ‘cute’ and ‘fluff’ and ‘love’. Looking at Nick’s eyes was like… giving a large, overstuffed teddy bear the first hug in the department store, before all the other little kids got their grubby, sticky mitts on it. You know, that effect Nick had. Uh… kind of.
"Listen, I have some very... delicate procedures I need to go through with you, all right?" Nick was saying, holding the door open for Greg.
"Sure," said Greg hesitantly, all sorts of dirty thoughts skipping through his head about ’procedures’. … and ’wetmounts’. Greg pushed them aside. Clearly, Nick was talking about a lab procedure, Greg told himself sternly. After a brief anti-sexual pep-talk, Greg resolved to think about sex, and nothing but. I mean, work, and nothing butt. But. Oh nevermind.
Greg marched himself over to his locker in the corner, planning on taking out his lab coat. He had only reached the counter with the microscopes when he heard the click of a lock behind him.
Greg whirled around to face Nick, a clear question in his expression: What the hell?
Nick leaned against the door seductively, his arms crossed smugly over his muscled chest. "What do you say, Greg? Wanna run some... 'delicate procedures'?" whispered Nick hotly, innuendo clinging to his every word.
Greg's mouth ran dry. "Wh-what? Seriously?" What?! Really?
"Yes, Greg... why wouldn't I be serious?" asked Nick huskily, pushing away from the doorway. Greg backed away slightly as Nick approached, stalking him hotly into the back corner. Wow, when had Nick become so sexy?
"Well... I..." protested Greg, holding up his hands for defense. “I’ll never let you touch me, you bastard!” he cried, flinging himself behind a row of test tubes for some kind of protection. "... Ok, what am I saying? What the hell, yes! Take me now, baby!" he cheered, leaping on Nick.
They kissed passionately for a few moments, feeling really hot and heavy. Nick pushed Greg back into a lab counter, lifting him up onto it. Greg moaned wantonly.
"You want me, lab boy?" growled Nick. Greg nodded pathetically. "You've been a very bad boy... I'm gonna have to investigate your crime scene," Nick murmured, pulling off his clothes to reveal...
...a corset and garters? And what was this? A sequined bra?! Nick was dressed like... like a Vegas showgirl! Greg blinked. What the hell?! This was too weird!
Oh well, Nick did have hot legs. Why not show them off?
Nick climbed up on the table, topping Greg. They continued to make out like wild bunnies. Greg struggled to remove his clothing. After several issues involving buttons, zippers and sequins on sensitive skin, Greg was finally down to his underwear. Nick was so strong and so hot and his accent was so sexy and... well, yes, the sequined outfit was kind of terrifying but hey, Greg wasn't gonna argue so long as he was gonna get some, and...
"Greg, I need you to run this DNA sample for me," Grissom said, barging into the lab. "I-- Oh. Oh my."
Greg's mouth dropped open in horror. He gaped dumbly at his boss. "Griss, Grissom, sir, I can explain!" Greg tried, panicking.
"Oh, don't worry about it! Well, I see you're busy fucking Nick, then. I'll come back another time," said Grissom pleasantly. He left the room, whistling.
"NICK!" screamed Greg. "I thought you locked the door!"
"I did, muffin," growled Nick passionately, not even noticing the interruption. "Grissom just has super powers..."
Greg opened his mouth to protest, but Nick shoved his tongue down it before Greg could say anything at all, and soon they were too distracted to think coherently at all. Greg was beginning to see the origins of the universe blossoming before him. This was amazing, it was the most beautiful night of his life! He was in LOVE—
"HEY, BITCH!" cried Warrick, bursting in. His eyes were ablaze, and he looked ready to kill Greg. "You little slut!" he screamed.
Greg blanched, pushing Nick away slightly. "Woah! Calm down, dude!" gasped Greg, trying to calm down himself.
Warrick glared at Nick. "What do you think you're doin'?" he snapped. "Sleepin' around behind my back? Wearing my outfit?"
Nick shrugged. "Sorry, dude. I'll give it back later."
Warrick shot them both one last disapproving look. "Fine. You better, bitch," he snarled, snapping three times in the air. "Or I'ma kick yo ass." He slammed the door on his way out.
Greg stared at Nick with wide eyes. "I think you need to explain something to me!" demanded Greg.
"What?" Nick asked, kissing his way up Greg's chest. "Oh, right... Warrick used to be a woman," he said offhand, getting very into it again.
Greg's jaw dropped. "What?!"
"Yeah, didn't you know? He's Sarah's mother, but then he got a sex change. He bought this outfit to celebrate becoming a man. I steal it from him sometimes, because it’s the bomb!" Nick giggled.
Greg sat bolt upright. "What the hell is going on here?!"
"Omigod, Warrick! Just give me the goddamn sex toy!" whined Sarah, chasing Warrick back into the lab.
"Mommy says its not good for you!" Warrick declared, holding it above her head.
"Nick can you run some tests for me-- oh, still fucking Greg, I see?" Grissom chuckled, returning to ask Nick a few questions.
"OK, has anyone seen my sumo wrestling outfit?" asked Catherine, joining the menagerie in Greg's lab. "Ok, Warrick! Just give her the goddamn dildo! Honestly, children!" Catherine shrieked.
Grissom sidled up to the table like a creepy pedophile. "Listen, if you guys like it at work, you should try it in the ballistics lab. It's killer."
"Griss!" reprimanded Greg, blushing down to his... well.
"Come on, it's disgusting!" Warrick protested, waving the dildo above his head.
"Gimme gimme gimme!" wailed Sarah, leaping into the air to try and grab it from his hand.
"For god's sake, Warrick!" Catherine snapped. "Has anyone seen my sumo wrestling outfit?! I have a tournament in half an hour!"
Greg sat on the lab table, almost completely naked. Showgirl Nick was perched atop him, Sumo Wrestler Catherine was shouting at Mommy Warrick, who was withholding a sex toy from Whiny Pervert Sarah. And Pedophile Grissom was giving them sex advice! This was crazy!
Suddenly they were all in pajamas and their hair was in pigtails and they were all beating each other with pillows that had Nick's mother's face on them!
"Stop it, all of you!" screamed Greg. "You're going to set fire to the toilet!"
Nick laughed diabolically, doing the hula and shaking his tasseled breasts at him. "That's what you get for being a tree!"
"No!” wailed Greg desperately. He was collapsing into black nothingness. “Nooooo..."
~~~
Greg opened his eyes. The last few notes of the closing theme for Little House on the Prairie were dying away. "Shit..." he muttered, rubbing his eyes. "That's it, Greggo," he said to himself. "Don't drink while you're watching TV anymore."
x-posted to
nerdswithbadges-hanet
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 06:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 06:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 10:23 am (UTC)Bwahaha! Holy god is that funny.
snapping three times in the air. "Or I'ma kick yo ass."
rotflmao! *brain implodes*
no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 01:14 pm (UTC)*ROTFL* I love it...*bows to you*
no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 01:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 09:36 pm (UTC)Very funny. I enjoyed, even if my mother now thinks I'm three screws loose. ;)
no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-05 12:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-05 03:11 am (UTC)However, kinda disturbing to picture Nick in that outfit...actually I couldn't really (perhaps I was protecting myself) but I could totally see Warrick in it. o_O
:D
Date: 2005-04-06 09:49 pm (UTC)Well done! :)
no subject
Date: 2005-04-30 01:57 pm (UTC)Oh my god! That was sooo funny!
aznxbabe
Date: 2006-07-01 01:25 am (UTC)ROFL LMAO hhaa haha I seriouslt love you lol =D