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[inflowers.livejournal.com]

Title: So Beautiful.
Chapter: Nine.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None, really.
Genre: Angst. Romance. Post-Ep.
Summary: Post ep for Feeling the Heat. Greg's angst about the case and the events afterwards. This chapter is based mainly on Nick.

As Nick began to pull out of the driveway of Greg’s apartment, he glanced in the backseat and smiled at the baby staring back at him. She giggled softly at the face Nick pulled, and he reached back and tickled her foot, eliciting another squeal. It shocked Nick to see how much she had grown and how much he missed out on in the last two months. He almost didn’t recognise her, but when he stared into her eyes he realised that she was still the beautiful little girl they’d bought home from the hospital. He secretly hated himself for ever resenting her and what having her did to his and Greg’s relationship. He knew that it was futile to even think about it considering Greg seemingly had no intention of ever reconciling with him, but he knew that as long as he had Amelia … it didn’t hurt as much.

 

Ever since Nick was young, he’d always wanted to be a father. He would all too happily agree to play ‘Mommies and Daddies’ with his sisters, without hesitation. His paternal instincts often made him the target of his parents concerns, wondering whether their precious little Nicky was maybe a little bit ‘too sensitive’ and a little bit ‘girly’ for them. And so they pushed him into a childhood that he had never quite forgiven them for. His father would take him to football games and point out how manly and rugged the men were; his mother would invite the local ‘tougher’ kids over and practically force Nick to play with them. But Nick was always much more intelligent than his parents gave him credit for. He knew exactly what they were trying to do, and while he was bothered by it, he didn’t let it change him the way they wanted it to. He continued to be the same sensitive, bright eyed kid that he had always been, right up until the age of nine.

 

And then, at the ripe old age of nine, the world scorned Nick. It dealt him a harsh blow that no nine year old should have to deal with. A last minute babysitter robbed Nick of the last piece of innocence that he was desperately trying to hold onto before the cynicism of adolescence kicked in. He wasn’t sure if he ever truly got over it, but it never hindered his desire to become a father one day. If anything it made the urge stronger, because he had the passion to protect a child from everything in the world that was bad, evil and terrifying.

 

“No one will ever hurt you.” He whispered at the sleeping two week old baby in his arms. “I promise you with everything that I am, that you will be safe.”

 

His parents didn’t ever stop trying to push the sensitive side of Nick away. They encouraged him to enter the police force, and were incredibly disapproving when he told them that he was going into criminalistics.

”CSI? You’d give your gun away for fingerprint powder?!”

”I still get a gun, Cisco.”

”That’s hardly the point, Nicholas. You were shaping up to be a good cop, to be a good –“

”A good man? Having a gun does not make me a good man.”

 

“At least it makes you a man.”

 

So it was needless to say that Nick had always felt somewhat conflicted by his masculinity and in turn, when he reached high school, his sexuality. He’d had girlfriends before; it wasn’t at all like he was a bad looking guy. The girls swooned over his Texan charm and his dazzling smile, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel the same way back. Their smiles did nothing for him, and neither did their chests or asses. He felt as though there was always something missing from his relationships, and it wasn’t until he met his 10^th grade math tutor that he realised what that something was.

 

“Can I ask you a question, Nick?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“You’re a pretty sensitive guy, right?”

”I guess you could say that.”

”So … what would you do if I kissed you right now?”

 

“What?!”

 

“Well. I just sort of assumed that you were…”

”That I was gay? Well … uh … I mean –“

”It’s okay, Nick. I just misread the situation, I didn’t mean t –“

 

When their lips met, Nick didn’t see fireworks. There were no explosions in his mind, and when he opened his eyes he didn’t see stars or love hearts. But at that moment, in his childhood bedroom, Nick realised that he was gay.

And so began the fight to keep it a secret.

 

“Nick, when are going to bring a girl home to Texas?”

”Uh, well the girl I’ve been seeing has to work over Christmas … so maybe Easter?”

 

There were an endless string of excuses that Nick had for never bringing a girl home to meet his parents. When he was in high school it was easy, he just passed it off as being too embarrassed to let his girlfriends meet them. But when he moved to Las Vegas, his parents expected him to find a nice young woman, settle down and start a family, and that was only part of what he wanted. He did want to settle down and start a family, just maybe not with a woman. To go along with the endless string of excuses for his parents, there was an endless string of men going in and out of Nick’s life. Mostly boyfriends that never lasted more than a few months because of Nick’s incapability of committing to anything other than his work, but occasionally one stuck around long enough for Nick to almost fall in love. And then they left. Without so much as a goodbye, Nick so often found himself on the receiving end of a less than desirable txt message break-up. He had all but given up hope of ever finding the one person to spend the rest of his life with. The one person that would accept his sensitivity and not judge him for it and the one person who would help him achieve his dream of becoming a father.

Enter Greg Sanders. The man who would give Nick everything he had ever wanted, and more.

 

“Greggo! What are you doin’ after shift, man?”

”Not a lot, probably going home. I’m beat.”

 

“Sure you don’t want to go get a beer?”

”Ah what the hell, plenty of time to sleep. Lead the way, Nicky.”

Three more ‘beer-dates’ and Nick was in love. In the worst way possible, because as far as he was concerned, as whacky as Greg was, he was definitely not gay. Not possible. Not at all. Definitely not. Right?

”So when are you planning on telling me?”

”What are you talking about, G?”

“That you’re in love with me.”

 

Nick almost fell off his barstool, and while attempting to regain his balance he realised his cheeks were turning bright red.

 

“I … I don’t know what you’re talking about, I mean I’m not even…”

“Who are you trying to kid? I knew you couldn’t resist my charm, Nick.”

”What? You mean you’ve been trying to … “

”Since day one! I can’t believe you’ve never noticed.”

 

“So … where do we go from here?”

”I’d say my place, but yours is closer.”

If you had of told Nick that night, that three years later that he would be on his way to introduce his parents to his and Greg’s daughter, without Greg, he would have told you that you were crazy. But then again, as he smiled into the rear-view mirror at Amelia, he couldn’t help but think that sometimes crazy is beautiful.

----------------------------------------------------
a/n. originally i wanted this chapter to be sweet and fluffy. but i had an awful day and the 'rents are yelling at me and yelling at each other and it's all just a big pile of shit, and so this chapter became a little bit sadder. but hey. what can you do. you guys need to cheer me up, pretty pretty please?  :( :(

Comments

[theboysgonehome.livejournal.com]

A little sad, yes, but sweet. The last line made me smile and sigh and get a little teary-eyed. I loved it. :) Oh! I can't wait to see how things go in Texas!

[barush.livejournal.com]

I usually read author's notes first so when I read yours I was like "no, no more angst..." but hey, it was not so bad..:) apparently the Greg part was cute:) I just hope that his parents will finally accept him the way he is...

and I hope things are better for you now:)

[bflyw.livejournal.com]

So what does it take to cheer you up? A cheescake? *Hands you a piece*
I can't wait to see what happens when Nick turns up at his parents with Amelia.

[i-am-mine76-06.livejournal.com]

Ah well at least they are now both doing what right for the baby which is what is most important. But I really hope they give their relationship another chance because you can see how much they love each other. It is almost like neither want to be the one to give in and risk being hurt again. *sighs* Don't give up guys! I just think they have a lot to work out with Nick still being hurt from Greg cheating on him and Greg being hurt that
Nick wouldn't tell anyone about him or the baby and not being willing to fight for him. They just don't deal with the problems and talk; they just let it fester until it blew up. I hope they still see each other as worth it. With your comments and the last two chapters I am really seeing Nick differently, I feel a lot more sympathetic towards him. It was mostly your description of Nick as being tormented, I can almost picture him just wanting one more day with the status quo one more day where no one has to know the things he can't face about himself. No one except the people who love and except him. It was like he had his head in the ground, but in doing so he lost them...well Greg.

Ug I really though I was going to do better this time with the briefness! I just start typing then I go blathering on.
Can't wait for more! Hopefully with happiness ensuing!

[wojo62.livejournal.com]

eagerly waiting the next chapter.

[tanisafan.livejournal.com]

Aww, I loved that flashback. These rapid updates are really making my day =). Sorry to hear that you had a sucky one, feel free to poke me on msn whenever!

And eeh, can't wait to see what happens in Texas!

[heartagram-lala.livejournal.com]

awwww its bittersweet... and tell ur dads to stop arguing over paint colours, rofl