nickngreg | (no subject)

Okay, Part Three of Vainglorius. And instead of being -that- original and called them Part One, Part Two, Part Three etc, they now have long drawn out names. I realize it took me forever to write this, but it was frustrating, and not going the way I wanted. I thought this would be the easiest part. Apparently not. ^^

The Part Where We Learn How Happiness Is a Warm Gun
by Tali

spoilers: Eh, I haven't decided which timeline this is running in. Mea Culpa maybe, but definitely Boom, Overload and Play with Fire.
notes: It's kind of ramble-y, but I did that on purpose. XP Not beta'd, cause I'm too lazy to go and find myself one. Also, this is now halfway done ~~w00t~~ so you know.
warnings: none, except maybe a Kleenex!warning. Depends if you cry easy. I don't find it sad, or as angsty as I wanted it to be but you know...

summary: Greg's going through the motions, reliving the breakup in the darkest places in his mind.

He sighed, head buried in his hands. Exhausted, and for once he didn't care how he looked. He knew that this wasn't the answer, nor the way to do it but this was what felt good right now. Something strong was in his glass, and it burned all the way down. His eyes were red and raw, and he hated it.

He doesn't do this sort of thing.

He doesn't get hung up over breakups, he doesn't cry.

Crying is a sign of weakness, and he isn't weak. He's gotten this far, and there is no time for crying. He doesn't have to prove anything anymore, but old habits, old scars still run deep. Time may not always heal old wounds.

Going on and reminiscing about the past won't help him either. It won't help him because now, one of the only high points in his life is part of the past, it's gone. He would like to think it isn't his fault, but he know this isn't true. At least that's what it seems like now.

---

"Stop smiling like that!"

Greg arched an eyebrow, and swung his arms around Nick's waist.

"Why should I?" Greg then proceeded to snake his arms up to play with the hair Nick had finally begun to grow out again. Nick rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Nevermind. I'm just...I don't know. You have different sorts of smiles you know?"

"Mmm, I do?"

"Yes, and that one right there, is never good."

Greg started to laugh too. "Really? I was gonna say I was acting pretty innocent."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Greg stuck his tongue out.

"We'll have to fix that." They then collapsed on to the floor in a fit of giggles. Seriously, teen girly giggles.

---

Happy is a weird word, because he feels sort of happy but yet that doesn't seem possible because nobody should feel happy in the situation he's in. Maybe it's the alcohol going to his head, but he feels happy. Which is totally contradictory to the reason why he got drunk in the first place, totally contradictory to his earlier train of thought. He was almost gonna cry earlier, but he doesn't cry. You don't cry when you're happy do you? Unless it's tears of joy, but that doesn't really work. Happiness, joy and warm, nauseatingly fuzzy things weren't gonna cut it today.

Maybe he's happy because he remembers. Maybe he's happy that it wasn't a waste, this year. Maybe he's happy because in some ways he's free. He loves, loved -- liked Nick but maybe subconsciously he felt trapped. He shakes his head because no, that doesn't make sense.

Ever since the explosion he's been more in tune with himself, understanding himself a little better. He's grown and changed in a lot of ways, and maybe he's still growing and changing. He's always been restless by nature, never really settling. Nick came a long and now he wonders if he stayed with him a year because he was compromising. Maybe he stayed for a comfort issue, maybe there was a dark voice in the back of his head who said that maybe this could work. He was really confused, and wonders if breaking up was the best thing that happened to him.

No, that's ludicrous. He must be spending to much time was the sulfruic acid.

Nick was so different then Greg, but most of the time that worked, most of the time it made sense.

Well right now he's dissecting their relationship and it doesn't make that. Sense.

Maybe it was a lie, and maybe he's just saying maybe to much and doubting himself just a little bit more.

He's insecure, off balance.

He doesn't do insecure. He doesn't do off balance. Apparently he doesn't do a lot of things.

---

"I don't understand." Greg looked up at Nick, thoroughly confused as his voice began to break.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore. It's not working anymore." Nick couldn't even look at him anymore, which made it worse. His voice was barely above a whisper, the texan accent slipping through. That was a sign. A bad sign. He wasn't kidding, he wasn't joking.

"Why? We were making it work Nick! It was working! You said that..you said that ---"

Greg's eyes started to sting as he curled his hands into fists. It had been a long shift, exhausting. A quadruple murder, a class A sicko had gotten away from them, outsmarted them. Nick had taken it hard, the youngest was the only boy, raped. It must of struck chords with him. Maybe that's why? Maybe they'd go to bed and when they woke up in the morning everything would be better and they would have hours of hot makeup sex?

"I say a lot of things Greg."

There was a steely note in his voice, and it really hit him. This was happening. He'd had dreams, nightmares about this happening. He couldn't believe it. There was no way this way happening.

"Why Nick. Tell me why." Nick didn't do anything, just continued to pack up his stuff. "LOOK AT ME!" Greg exploded, clamping angrily onto Nick's arm and forcefully spinning him around. "I want to know! Tell me! You have to tell me! There's got to be a reason!" Greg broke down sobbing, muttering things like that hysterically. Nick just stood there stone faced. "Come on! We spent all this time and -- you said you loved me!" He fell to the floor on his knees, shoulders shaking.

---

Finally, he had calmed down. Nick still hadn't explained anything, but he had stayed and let him cry it all out. Let him punch him in desperation, never once saying anything. They sat on the bed they had shared for almost a year, Greg leaning on Nick's shoulder, still sniffling. This was so unlike him, so unlike Nick. Greg didn't break this easily, Nick was more caring and consoling. Nothing seemed right.

Nick leaned down and kissed the top of his head, murmuring something like "I'm sorry." With that, he picked up his begs, went out the bedroom, crossed into the living room and out the front door, out of his life, out of theirs.

Vainglorius Part the First Where Everything Goes Wrong

Vainglorius Part the Second Where We Take Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.

Clairfying notes: Okay, this part is before the first, but I'm sure you got that.

Part One is angsty Greg at Nick's wedding. Part Two is Nick and a door labeled Divorce Lawyer. Part Three is angsty Greg flashback. Part Four is Resolving the cliffhanger in Part Two. Part Five will be short and show how they got together in the first place.

I did a poll, and that's how they want it written.

In Part One, if you haven't read it in the middle it switches from He to I. Deal with it please.

I know in Part One, Two and Three there'll probably be gramatical and spelling errors I didn't catch...^^;

Spamming the flist.