(no subject)
Jun. 9th, 2006 02:59 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
rhardin.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
nickngregTitle: Is Love enough.
Chapter Title: chapter 2
Characters: Greg, Nick, Sara, Warrick
Genres: AU, drama
Rating: NC17
Warnings:
Summary: Greg/Ginger is still trying to figure out why he is taking to Nick. A few drunks give him a hard time.
I really don’t know what made me stay and talk to him. This wasn’t in the plans at all. I just wanted to go out somewhere and see if I could pass as a woman, see if I got stared at, pointed at, or out. I’m not ready for this. I don’t want to be here right now, talking to him right now.
Yes, I do. The truth is I’m very lonely and have been for a long time. Dealing with my own issues was hard enough, so I’ve pretty much isolated myself from just about everyone. Sara is the only friend I have.
Why did I shut myself out? I’ve been in Vegas for a few years now, and don’t know a soul. I could have made friends. I’ve been invited to parties by my co-workers, but I always turned them down, always having a reason why I couldn’t go. They finally stopped asking me.
Maybe, it was because I knew I was close to taking this step and didn’t want to explain to everyone in the world what I’m doing. I’m not working now and won’t until I’ve taken the final step. Most people don’t, can’t, or won’t try to understand the hell I’ve been living in my whole life. They can’t understand what I’m going through. It’s easier for them to think I’m just some sick fuck who likes to dress up in women’s clothes and touch myself in front of mirrors.
If only it were that. People just don’t understand the feelings I have, how lost I feel when I look at myself, if and when I do touch myself. Nothing feels right to me, and the pain just won’t go away. I wish it was that easy.
I’m so afraid of what’s to come down the road. The surgeries I’m about to go through and the big one a year from now, the pain they cause, the healing, and the recovery. There’s also the fear of getting turned down. I mean, I could go through all this and still be told no. Then, what do I do? Sara keeps telling me ‘one step at a time’ and I know she’s right, but, sometimes, I just feel so overwhelmed by the whole thing and I feel even more lost than before.
I close my eyes and place my hand on my head. My headache never went away, but it becomes more noticeable to me when my mind starts to wander like this.
“You don’t talk much, do you?” Nick asks, filling up my drink once again. His voice snaps me out of my own little world I was in. I look at him and smile.
“I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day,” I say, wondering how many times he’s filled up my drink. I am never going to get to sleep tonight? Why am I doing this to myself? I have a hot guy standing in front me talking, and here I am, spacing off, thinking about things I can’t control.
I look over towards Sara and she is still all over Warrick. Even if I wanted to leave right now, I don’t think she’d hear me. She lost in her own little world, too.
“I just have a lot on my mind,” I say.
“You need to relax,” Nick says, smiling at me. God, he’s got a nice smile.
“So, how long have you lived here?” He asks.
“About three years,” I say, looking down at my drink. I’m not much for talking about myself.
“You been friends with her long?” He asks, glancing over at Sara. She’s now sitting on Warrick’s lap.
I shake my head and smile. “Yeah, since I’ve lived here.” I look up at him. “She’s my physiatrist,” I final say. I mean, he knows the truth, so he might as well know it all.
He nods and looks at her again. “She doesn’t look like a shrink,” he says.
“So, Ginger, what do you like to do?” He asks.
I look at him and don’t answer.
“You do go out, don’t you?” He asks.
I look down at my drink. “I haven’t in a while,” I say.
“So, if you were to go out, what would you want to do?” He asks, walking out from behind the counter. He sits down next to me.
‘Get up and run!’ My mind says. “I’d like to see a movie,” I say.
“Movies are good. There’s a great theater down the road. Anything you’d like to see?”
“That new Tom Hanks movie looks interesting,” I say. No, stop, don’t, he’s going to ask you out. Get up and run. I tighten my grip on my glass and I’m sure I’m starting to sweat.
“I’ve been waiting to see that, myself,” he says again, with a sexy smile. Here it comes. Think of something really good to get out of it. You have to be quick, don’t stop and think. Have a plan.
“I’m off tomorrow. Maybe, we could get a bite to eat and see the movie,” he says.
“That sounds fun,” I hear in a voice that sounds like me. Fuck, it was me. So much for my plan.
“Really?” He asks, almost in shock. I’m just as shocked as he is. “What sounds good to you?” He asks.
“You asked me out, you pick,” I say, having no clue what is good around here.
He laughs a bit as I pull on my collar again. It seems to be getting tighter by the second. I wipe the sweat off my forehead.
“So, would you like to meet up, or would you like me to pick you up?” He asks, leaning much too close to me.
“You could pick me up,” I say, looking surprised again. I don’t know what I’m doing, but this feels good, talking to someone, having someone interested in me. I’m letting my guard down way too much, and I’m sure I’ll hear about it when I tell Sara.
I reach into my bag and pull out a piece of paper and a pen. I write my address down on it and my phone number. I give it to him and he puts it in his pocket.
“Does eight o’clock work for you?”
Eight? My God, now I’ll have to sit around the house all day and worry about the date, what to wear, where we are going. No, no, it has to be early, much earlier than that. Maybe, a lunch date would be better. That way, I don’t have to wait all day. No, breakfast’s even better.
“Eight will work fine,” I say.
“Does anyone work here?”
He looks over, seeing a couple of guys standing at the end of the bar.
“Hm, I guess that would be me,” he says, standing up. I watch him walk over to them. I can’t believe I just did that. What was I thinking? I once again empty my drink. I stand up and make my way to the restroom. Sara is so lost that she doesn’t even see me walk past her. I walk inside and lean up on the wall. I place my hand on my stomach. I’m shaking now. The reality of what I did just set in. I make my way over to the sink and sit my bag on it. I open it and remove some lipstick and a bit of powder. I touch up and wash my hands.
“Calm down, it’s only one date,” I tell myself. I walk back to the bar and sit down. Nick must be in the back because I don’t see him. I’m guessing he’s playing chef as Warrick and Sara get to know each other.
“Look at that,” I hear. I don’t move. “That’s was got to be the hottest lady I’ve seem in a long time.”
Well, I guess I passed the test and look like a women.
“I think she’s deaf, or something” the guy says, walking over to me.
I look up. “No, I’m with someone,” I say. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were talking to me.” Please, God, just go away. Why did I let Sara take me to a bar? I would have much preferred the mall, or one of the casinos, anywhere, but a place where man get drunk and horny. He sits next to me.
“Why don’t you date a real man like me?” He asks, touching my arm.
I try and stand up, but he grabs a hold of me. I try and pull away, but he’s even bigger than Nick.
“Let me go,” I say, pulling harder.
“Come on, honey, be with a real man and let me show you a good time,” he says, placing his hands on my chest.
“Get your hands off her,” I hear. He’s pulled off of me and I fall to the ground. Now, Sara notices me and runs over. I look up just in time to see Nick push the man back.
“Gin, are you ok?” Sara asks as her and Warrick help me up. I don’t answer. I watch Nick and the man. The man backs down, holding his hands up.
“Sorry man, I was just having some fun.”
“Go have some fun somewhere else,” Nick says.
“Fine,” the man says and walks out. Everyone in the bar is staring at us. I fix my shirt and skirt as Sara fusses over me.
“I’m fine,” I say, pushing her hand off me. Nick walks over to us.
“Are you ok?” He asks.
I nod my head and he takes my hand and leads me over to a seat.
“Fucking assholes!” Warrick says. I sit down and Nick sits next to me. Sara has this look on her face and walks over to us.
“Ginger, I think we’ve had enough fun,” she says. “Maybe we should head home. It’s almost two.”
I don’t even feel tired. I had no idea it was that late.
“So, we still on for tomorrow night?” Warrick asks.
Looks like I’m not the only one with a date tomorrow. I stand up.
“Here’s my card. If anything comes up, give me a call,” Nick says.
“You have a card?” Sara asks, looking at me as I take it.
“I am the owner of this place,” he says.
“Oh, why would she want to call you?” Sara asks.
“We are going out tomorrow to dinner and a movie,” he says. He looks at me. I swallow down a knot in my throat. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for help me out,” I say, running my fingers through my hair. I don’t even look at Sara, I already know she’s looking at me.
“Well, it’s been fun. Warrick, I’ll call you,” she says as I start to walk off.
I turn towards Nick. “Thanks, again,” I say. “See you tomorrow.”
He smiles and waves. He leaning on the counter and I can tell he’s watching me walk away. Warrick is looking at him oddly.
I don’t even get out of the door when Sara grabs my arm and pulls me to the side.
“What are you doing?” She asks.
“You told me to have fun and he asked me out,” I say. “Let go of me,” I say, pulling away. Finally, someone I’m strong enough to break away from.
“You can’t go out with him,” she says.
“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. You’re the one who said to have some fun with him, and live a little,” I say, walking towards the car.
“I meant in there. Ginger, a lot of things can happen if you go out with him!” She calls out following me.
I stop and look at her. “He’s a nice guy,” I say.
“He works in a bar,” Sara says. “And Warrick told me he’s into stuff.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“He’s gay, for one thing,” she says. “You don’t want to go out with someone like that.”
“If he’s gay, why did he ask me out?” I snap.
She looks at me. She has no clue that he knows the truth about me. I cross my arms.
“Don’t give me a hard time for doing what you told me to do,” I say, now walking away from her car.
“Where are you going?” She asks.
“I’m taking a cab home,” I say. I walk to the street.
“Gin, don’t. Ride with me and we can talk about this,” she says, walking over to me.
“There is nothing to talk about. I’m going out with him,” I say, waving her off.
“Fine, don’t come crying to me when he hurts you!” She says, walking away.
“The same goes for you!” I yell. Warrick doesn’t look much safer than Nick. A cab pulls up and I open the door.
“Where to, honey?” The older man asks.
I tell him where I live and sit back. I cover my face.
“You ok, honey?” He asks.
“I’m fine,” I say, not looking up. Luckily, he takes the hint and doesn’t talk until I get home.
“Here you go,” he says. I look up and reach for my bag.
“It’s on the house, honey,” he says.
“No,” I say, opening my bag.
“Just try and have a better night,” he says as I get out. I hold out some money, but he doesn’t take it. He pulls away and I put the money back in my bag and walk inside. I walk inside and Sara is there, waiting. I walk past her.
“Greg,” she says.
I stop and look at her. “See? That’s why you can’t go out with him,” she says. “What if he finds out? He could really hurt you,” she says.
“He won’t.” I debate if I should tell her, and decide not to. That would open up a whole new can of worms. I walk to my room, with her a few steps behind me. I walk into my room and slam the door. I wonder if I hit her with it.
“Greg, open the door!” She yells, hitting it. I walk over to my bed and sit down. I hear her talking to Vinnie. Then, I hear nothing. He must have told her to leave me alone. I love Vinnie. He’s so calm and relaxed, nothing like his sister. I take off my shirt and my bra along with the pads in it. Just think, in two weeks, I won‘t need them, anymore. Sara claims I won‘t even need to wear a bra. I sit on the chair and take my shoes off and the rest of my clothes. I rub my feet a few times. Women’s shoes are not that comfortable.
I would have preferred to take the mirror out of here, but Sara said it was important to keep it in here. I don’t look at it, hating the sight of me with nothing on. I find a gown to sleep in and slide it over my body. I love the feeling of silk. I even have silk sheets.
I head into the bathroom and wash my face. I take off my earrings. I look up and sigh. I close my eyes and walk away. I turn on the radio and get into bed. I lean over to my nightstand and take a few pills. I’ll have to take a lot more as time goes on. I also take a few Tylenol PM. After a night like this, sleep will be hard, not to mention I had at least eight cokes while we were out.
I pull the covers over up to my chest and place my hand across my forehead. I close my eyes and take in a few deep breaths. Sleep has never been easy for me and when my mind is racing and my body heavily caffeinated, it my not happen at all. I force myself to listen to the song. Michael Bublé fills the room. I turn onto my side and look out the window. I’m not sure how I did it, but me and sleep finally came together.
Beta’d by ScarletFBL- ScarletFBL@yahoo.com n_n”
Chapter Title: chapter 2
Characters: Greg, Nick, Sara, Warrick
Genres: AU, drama
Rating: NC17
Warnings:
Summary: Greg/Ginger is still trying to figure out why he is taking to Nick. A few drunks give him a hard time.
I really don’t know what made me stay and talk to him. This wasn’t in the plans at all. I just wanted to go out somewhere and see if I could pass as a woman, see if I got stared at, pointed at, or out. I’m not ready for this. I don’t want to be here right now, talking to him right now.
Yes, I do. The truth is I’m very lonely and have been for a long time. Dealing with my own issues was hard enough, so I’ve pretty much isolated myself from just about everyone. Sara is the only friend I have.
Why did I shut myself out? I’ve been in Vegas for a few years now, and don’t know a soul. I could have made friends. I’ve been invited to parties by my co-workers, but I always turned them down, always having a reason why I couldn’t go. They finally stopped asking me.
Maybe, it was because I knew I was close to taking this step and didn’t want to explain to everyone in the world what I’m doing. I’m not working now and won’t until I’ve taken the final step. Most people don’t, can’t, or won’t try to understand the hell I’ve been living in my whole life. They can’t understand what I’m going through. It’s easier for them to think I’m just some sick fuck who likes to dress up in women’s clothes and touch myself in front of mirrors.
If only it were that. People just don’t understand the feelings I have, how lost I feel when I look at myself, if and when I do touch myself. Nothing feels right to me, and the pain just won’t go away. I wish it was that easy.
I’m so afraid of what’s to come down the road. The surgeries I’m about to go through and the big one a year from now, the pain they cause, the healing, and the recovery. There’s also the fear of getting turned down. I mean, I could go through all this and still be told no. Then, what do I do? Sara keeps telling me ‘one step at a time’ and I know she’s right, but, sometimes, I just feel so overwhelmed by the whole thing and I feel even more lost than before.
I close my eyes and place my hand on my head. My headache never went away, but it becomes more noticeable to me when my mind starts to wander like this.
“You don’t talk much, do you?” Nick asks, filling up my drink once again. His voice snaps me out of my own little world I was in. I look at him and smile.
“I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day,” I say, wondering how many times he’s filled up my drink. I am never going to get to sleep tonight? Why am I doing this to myself? I have a hot guy standing in front me talking, and here I am, spacing off, thinking about things I can’t control.
I look over towards Sara and she is still all over Warrick. Even if I wanted to leave right now, I don’t think she’d hear me. She lost in her own little world, too.
“I just have a lot on my mind,” I say.
“You need to relax,” Nick says, smiling at me. God, he’s got a nice smile.
“So, how long have you lived here?” He asks.
“About three years,” I say, looking down at my drink. I’m not much for talking about myself.
“You been friends with her long?” He asks, glancing over at Sara. She’s now sitting on Warrick’s lap.
I shake my head and smile. “Yeah, since I’ve lived here.” I look up at him. “She’s my physiatrist,” I final say. I mean, he knows the truth, so he might as well know it all.
He nods and looks at her again. “She doesn’t look like a shrink,” he says.
“So, Ginger, what do you like to do?” He asks.
I look at him and don’t answer.
“You do go out, don’t you?” He asks.
I look down at my drink. “I haven’t in a while,” I say.
“So, if you were to go out, what would you want to do?” He asks, walking out from behind the counter. He sits down next to me.
‘Get up and run!’ My mind says. “I’d like to see a movie,” I say.
“Movies are good. There’s a great theater down the road. Anything you’d like to see?”
“That new Tom Hanks movie looks interesting,” I say. No, stop, don’t, he’s going to ask you out. Get up and run. I tighten my grip on my glass and I’m sure I’m starting to sweat.
“I’ve been waiting to see that, myself,” he says again, with a sexy smile. Here it comes. Think of something really good to get out of it. You have to be quick, don’t stop and think. Have a plan.
“I’m off tomorrow. Maybe, we could get a bite to eat and see the movie,” he says.
“That sounds fun,” I hear in a voice that sounds like me. Fuck, it was me. So much for my plan.
“Really?” He asks, almost in shock. I’m just as shocked as he is. “What sounds good to you?” He asks.
“You asked me out, you pick,” I say, having no clue what is good around here.
He laughs a bit as I pull on my collar again. It seems to be getting tighter by the second. I wipe the sweat off my forehead.
“So, would you like to meet up, or would you like me to pick you up?” He asks, leaning much too close to me.
“You could pick me up,” I say, looking surprised again. I don’t know what I’m doing, but this feels good, talking to someone, having someone interested in me. I’m letting my guard down way too much, and I’m sure I’ll hear about it when I tell Sara.
I reach into my bag and pull out a piece of paper and a pen. I write my address down on it and my phone number. I give it to him and he puts it in his pocket.
“Does eight o’clock work for you?”
Eight? My God, now I’ll have to sit around the house all day and worry about the date, what to wear, where we are going. No, no, it has to be early, much earlier than that. Maybe, a lunch date would be better. That way, I don’t have to wait all day. No, breakfast’s even better.
“Eight will work fine,” I say.
“Does anyone work here?”
He looks over, seeing a couple of guys standing at the end of the bar.
“Hm, I guess that would be me,” he says, standing up. I watch him walk over to them. I can’t believe I just did that. What was I thinking? I once again empty my drink. I stand up and make my way to the restroom. Sara is so lost that she doesn’t even see me walk past her. I walk inside and lean up on the wall. I place my hand on my stomach. I’m shaking now. The reality of what I did just set in. I make my way over to the sink and sit my bag on it. I open it and remove some lipstick and a bit of powder. I touch up and wash my hands.
“Calm down, it’s only one date,” I tell myself. I walk back to the bar and sit down. Nick must be in the back because I don’t see him. I’m guessing he’s playing chef as Warrick and Sara get to know each other.
“Look at that,” I hear. I don’t move. “That’s was got to be the hottest lady I’ve seem in a long time.”
Well, I guess I passed the test and look like a women.
“I think she’s deaf, or something” the guy says, walking over to me.
I look up. “No, I’m with someone,” I say. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were talking to me.” Please, God, just go away. Why did I let Sara take me to a bar? I would have much preferred the mall, or one of the casinos, anywhere, but a place where man get drunk and horny. He sits next to me.
“Why don’t you date a real man like me?” He asks, touching my arm.
I try and stand up, but he grabs a hold of me. I try and pull away, but he’s even bigger than Nick.
“Let me go,” I say, pulling harder.
“Come on, honey, be with a real man and let me show you a good time,” he says, placing his hands on my chest.
“Get your hands off her,” I hear. He’s pulled off of me and I fall to the ground. Now, Sara notices me and runs over. I look up just in time to see Nick push the man back.
“Gin, are you ok?” Sara asks as her and Warrick help me up. I don’t answer. I watch Nick and the man. The man backs down, holding his hands up.
“Sorry man, I was just having some fun.”
“Go have some fun somewhere else,” Nick says.
“Fine,” the man says and walks out. Everyone in the bar is staring at us. I fix my shirt and skirt as Sara fusses over me.
“I’m fine,” I say, pushing her hand off me. Nick walks over to us.
“Are you ok?” He asks.
I nod my head and he takes my hand and leads me over to a seat.
“Fucking assholes!” Warrick says. I sit down and Nick sits next to me. Sara has this look on her face and walks over to us.
“Ginger, I think we’ve had enough fun,” she says. “Maybe we should head home. It’s almost two.”
I don’t even feel tired. I had no idea it was that late.
“So, we still on for tomorrow night?” Warrick asks.
Looks like I’m not the only one with a date tomorrow. I stand up.
“Here’s my card. If anything comes up, give me a call,” Nick says.
“You have a card?” Sara asks, looking at me as I take it.
“I am the owner of this place,” he says.
“Oh, why would she want to call you?” Sara asks.
“We are going out tomorrow to dinner and a movie,” he says. He looks at me. I swallow down a knot in my throat. “Are you sure you’re ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for help me out,” I say, running my fingers through my hair. I don’t even look at Sara, I already know she’s looking at me.
“Well, it’s been fun. Warrick, I’ll call you,” she says as I start to walk off.
I turn towards Nick. “Thanks, again,” I say. “See you tomorrow.”
He smiles and waves. He leaning on the counter and I can tell he’s watching me walk away. Warrick is looking at him oddly.
I don’t even get out of the door when Sara grabs my arm and pulls me to the side.
“What are you doing?” She asks.
“You told me to have fun and he asked me out,” I say. “Let go of me,” I say, pulling away. Finally, someone I’m strong enough to break away from.
“You can’t go out with him,” she says.
“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. You’re the one who said to have some fun with him, and live a little,” I say, walking towards the car.
“I meant in there. Ginger, a lot of things can happen if you go out with him!” She calls out following me.
I stop and look at her. “He’s a nice guy,” I say.
“He works in a bar,” Sara says. “And Warrick told me he’s into stuff.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“He’s gay, for one thing,” she says. “You don’t want to go out with someone like that.”
“If he’s gay, why did he ask me out?” I snap.
She looks at me. She has no clue that he knows the truth about me. I cross my arms.
“Don’t give me a hard time for doing what you told me to do,” I say, now walking away from her car.
“Where are you going?” She asks.
“I’m taking a cab home,” I say. I walk to the street.
“Gin, don’t. Ride with me and we can talk about this,” she says, walking over to me.
“There is nothing to talk about. I’m going out with him,” I say, waving her off.
“Fine, don’t come crying to me when he hurts you!” She says, walking away.
“The same goes for you!” I yell. Warrick doesn’t look much safer than Nick. A cab pulls up and I open the door.
“Where to, honey?” The older man asks.
I tell him where I live and sit back. I cover my face.
“You ok, honey?” He asks.
“I’m fine,” I say, not looking up. Luckily, he takes the hint and doesn’t talk until I get home.
“Here you go,” he says. I look up and reach for my bag.
“It’s on the house, honey,” he says.
“No,” I say, opening my bag.
“Just try and have a better night,” he says as I get out. I hold out some money, but he doesn’t take it. He pulls away and I put the money back in my bag and walk inside. I walk inside and Sara is there, waiting. I walk past her.
“Greg,” she says.
I stop and look at her. “See? That’s why you can’t go out with him,” she says. “What if he finds out? He could really hurt you,” she says.
“He won’t.” I debate if I should tell her, and decide not to. That would open up a whole new can of worms. I walk to my room, with her a few steps behind me. I walk into my room and slam the door. I wonder if I hit her with it.
“Greg, open the door!” She yells, hitting it. I walk over to my bed and sit down. I hear her talking to Vinnie. Then, I hear nothing. He must have told her to leave me alone. I love Vinnie. He’s so calm and relaxed, nothing like his sister. I take off my shirt and my bra along with the pads in it. Just think, in two weeks, I won‘t need them, anymore. Sara claims I won‘t even need to wear a bra. I sit on the chair and take my shoes off and the rest of my clothes. I rub my feet a few times. Women’s shoes are not that comfortable.
I would have preferred to take the mirror out of here, but Sara said it was important to keep it in here. I don’t look at it, hating the sight of me with nothing on. I find a gown to sleep in and slide it over my body. I love the feeling of silk. I even have silk sheets.
I head into the bathroom and wash my face. I take off my earrings. I look up and sigh. I close my eyes and walk away. I turn on the radio and get into bed. I lean over to my nightstand and take a few pills. I’ll have to take a lot more as time goes on. I also take a few Tylenol PM. After a night like this, sleep will be hard, not to mention I had at least eight cokes while we were out.
I pull the covers over up to my chest and place my hand across my forehead. I close my eyes and take in a few deep breaths. Sleep has never been easy for me and when my mind is racing and my body heavily caffeinated, it my not happen at all. I force myself to listen to the song. Michael Bublé fills the room. I turn onto my side and look out the window. I’m not sure how I did it, but me and sleep finally came together.
Beta’d by ScarletFBL- ScarletFBL@yahoo.com n_n”
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 09:08 pm (UTC)That way when someone clicks on the tag they get taken to all chapters of that fic.
Thanks =)
no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 10:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-09 11:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 04:20 am (UTC)Great update.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-10 05:00 am (UTC)