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May. 11th, 2006 05:57 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
kennedy-unknown.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
nickngregCSI
Title: Don't Fence Me In
Chapter: How Boys Fix Things (10/?)
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Genre: drama, humour
Warnings: none
Summary: Gray and Nick finally communicate.
Previously: One, Two, Three, Four,
Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine.
10. How Boys Fix Things
The slope wasn’t large enough to cause them any damage other than scrapes, but it was enough for both Nick and Gray to lie with the wind knocked out of them when they rolled to a painful stop with the ball thumping beside them.
“Nick…” Gray wheezed, watching the sky spin above him. “Are you okay?”
Nick coughed to clear his mouth of dust. “Yeah… you?”
“Yeah. I think I’m too old to be rolling down hills. Remember when it used to be fun?” Gray slowly sat up, and looked at his younger brother. “Crap, you’re bleeding.”
Nick touched his hand to his forehead, then looked up at Gray. “So are you.”
Gray mirrored Nick’s actions and smeared his own blood from his cut cheek.
“How long is this going to go on for?” Nick asked suddenly.
Gray wanted to continue playing dumb, but he couldn’t keep up the charade anymore. “I know you’re angry at me, Nick. And there’s really nothing I can say to justify myself.”
“Why don’t you just tell me why you haven’t spoken to me for the past eight months?” As he said this, Nick felt the lead weight return to his stomach. Deep down, he wasn’t really sure if he was ready to, or even wanted to, hear the answer.
“To tell you the truth, I was pissed at you.” Gray sighed.
His worst fears confirmed, Nick felt the sting of tears but he willed them away. “Does it bother you that much… that I’m with Greg?”
Gray looked at him, surprised. “What? No… shit, this is all coming out wrong. I just want things to be fine between us again! I don’t care if you go with guys---“
“Guy!” Nick interrupted him, angrily. “I’m with a guy! We’ve been together for three years. We’re not all promiscuous disco bunnies, you know!”
“Nick, we’re not going to get anywhere if you keep jumping down my throat! You know I didn’t mean… I mean, I know you and Greg are a proper couple…”
Nick began fidgeting with the ball. “We are. I love him.”
“And I can tell he feels the same. Jesus, you only have to see the way you two look at each other. I don’t even know how you managed to keep it a secret for so long at work.”
“People have a habit of missing the obvious, no matter how close they are.” Nick admitted. “So, if you’re fine about it all, Gray, why didn’t you call me?”
“I was so fucking mad at you, Nick… because you had kept it a secret for so long. We’re brothers, and you shut me out of a huge part of your life. You were seeing Greg for three years! I introduced you to Sally within two months! You knew everything about us immediately… but you, three fucking years! And I bet if all that shit in Vegas hadn’t gone down we still wouldn’t know!”
Nick sighed, not wanting to entertain the possibility that it could be true. “I don’t know, Gray. It was already starting to come to a head. Walter Gordon just accelerated it, and maybe that was the best thing to ever come out of it.”
“You didn’t trust me, Nick. That’s what kills me.”
Nick couldn’t believe he was talking this honestly with his brother. Truth be told, their relationship was very much like his friendship with Warrick – true feelings were always hinted at but never fully divulged. Not like his friendship had been with Greg, even before they had become more than friends. “It wasn’t about trust, Gray. I was so scared of everything. And I did Greg a disservice, because I kept him separate from such a huge part of my life.”
“Yeah, you did.” Gray said passionately. “When I found out about the two of you, I just couldn’t believe it. Looking back at... that huge situation in Vegas... and he had to deal with it on his own, Nick! If it had been me, I would have known at least that Sally would have had all the support she needed from our folks and the girls. That kid was alone, not even your friends were there for him in the way he would have needed them to be!”
Nick was surprised that Gray was so perceptive about it all, and he saw the events of his burial in a new light. He had had enough trouble dealing with his own demons, but everybody was there surrounding him and supporting him… even if he had felt at times like he was being suffocated all over again. But Greg… he had been alone. He remembered how Greg had existed on the outskirts of every hospital visit, as everybody else had assumed their rank in the importance of taking-care-of-Nick to be far superior to that of anybody else's. Whether it was his mother, or Warrick, or even Catherine and Grissom – when all he had wanted was to be alone with his partner. And he knew Greg would have wanted the same, but he had remained stoic because that was what Nick had wanted. Or at least, that was what Nick had believed he wanted at the time until his world had been thrown into chaos. Gray’s words had opened up a whole can of worms for him about what Greg had dealt with in those weeks at the hospital, and lord knew Nick wasn’t easy to live with coming out of the hospital either for those first few months.
And Nick had blown up at him because of one stupid comment made in his childhood bedroom. One comment. Nick rubbed his face, feeling like the world’s biggest asshole.
Opposite him, Gray felt the same. He looked at his younger brother and observed the pain etched across his features. “I’m going to say something to you, and if you ever repeat it I’ll deny it, you hear?”
“Okay.” Nick nodded slowly, intrigued.
“I… I love you, man.”
Nick stared at him, his mouth twitching.
“You asshole!” Gray moaned. “You’re just waiting to laugh.”
“I’m sorry…” Nick suppressed the giggle.
“I just thought I should say it. But now I wish I didn’t.”
Nick sobered. “Sorry. It’s just… I love you too. And that’s not something I thought I would be saying to you today. In fact, I thought I would have been punching you out.”
“You? Punch me out? You wouldn’t be able to.”
“Tough guy, huh? I thought you loved me?”
Gray snatched the ball away from his brother, then just as quickly hit him in the head with it. Nick laughed, but a shadow had passed over Gray again.
“You almost died, Nick.” he said softly.
“But I didn’t.”
“It doesn’t matter. You don’t understand, you’re the youngest. You don’t know what it feels like to have this kid that you’ve felt responsible for all your life almost be taken away from you. Beth and I cried for two hours on the phone together when Mom and Dad first called and told us that you had been abducted at work.”
“I… I didn’t know that.”
“We couldn’t imagine you… dying. And when you were found, we were so relieved. I didn’t want to let you out of my sight again… but you had your own life to lead. So when I found out about Greg, all I could think was that you didn’t feel the same way we did, or else we would have known about you two. At least me and Beth! And although I can understand on some level why you didn’t tell us before… it doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. And Beth might never tell you this, but she was even more crushed than I was. But unlike me, she was able to get over it quicker.”
Nick winced at the realisation of how much this secret he had thought was his burden alone had affected everybody he cared for.
At the expression on his brother’s face, Gray continued after the briefest of pauses. “I’m not saying this to hurt you, and I’m not using it to justify myself, because I know that what I did wasn’t fair.”
“I’m sorry, Gray. You don’t know how much.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
Nick hesitantly offered his hand. “Uncle?”
Gray smiled, and shook it. “Uncle.”
“Thanks for picking us up at the airport.”
“You’re welcome. And I really like Greg. But I have the feeling that nobody could dislike him once they’ve met him.”
“Well, Laura hasn’t arrived yet.”
“We’ll deal with Laura once she gets here.” Gray stood shakily, as if all the emotion he had spilled had sapped his strength. “Are there any other secrets you need to share, Nick, so we can get them out of the way?”
Nick blanched, as he was reminded of the only other secret in his life that had ever plagued him. It wasn’t something he really wanted to talk about again, but now that he was aware of the effect secrets could have on the people he loved he was hesitant to keep hiding something else. “There is… but I think I’ve said enough for today. I… I really can’t go through it now.”
“You’re worrying me, Nick.”
“I will tell you, I promise.” Nick let Gray help him to his feet. “Is that okay?”
“It’ll have to be.” Gray looked concerned, but decided not to push him as they finally seemed okay.
“Now that I’m communicating openly and freely, I have to talk to Greg. We had an argument before. It was stupid and I over-reacted. And I’ve been blowing him off ever since.”
“You’re both nervous. That’s natural, the first time you’ve been here together and all. But he’s the one person you shouldn’t be fighting with if you want to survive this holiday.”
“You’re scaring me now.” Nick grinned. They started making their way up the slope, their bones in agony. “It’s like Oprah’s been sorting you out, or something.”
Gray whacked him over the head, and a companionable silence fell between them.
“So you two really make out, and stuff?” Gray asked suddenly.
Nick rolled his eyes. “No, we’re completely celibate. And we never touch each other.”
Gray smiled, slightly embarrassed. “I’m just trying to be the cool brother. The only other experience I’ve had with this is when Sally dragged me to Brokeback Mountain.”
Nick laughed, and shook his head. “It’s true what they say, then. Everyone has seen that movie.”
The two brothers reached the backyard again, laughing, the antagonism easily dissolved between them through the means of a violent sport and the honesty that could only come through its aftermath. That was how boys fixed things.
Title: Don't Fence Me In
Chapter: How Boys Fix Things (10/?)
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Genre: drama, humour
Warnings: none
Summary: Gray and Nick finally communicate.
Previously: One, Two, Three, Four,
Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine.
10. How Boys Fix Things
The slope wasn’t large enough to cause them any damage other than scrapes, but it was enough for both Nick and Gray to lie with the wind knocked out of them when they rolled to a painful stop with the ball thumping beside them.
“Nick…” Gray wheezed, watching the sky spin above him. “Are you okay?”
Nick coughed to clear his mouth of dust. “Yeah… you?”
“Yeah. I think I’m too old to be rolling down hills. Remember when it used to be fun?” Gray slowly sat up, and looked at his younger brother. “Crap, you’re bleeding.”
Nick touched his hand to his forehead, then looked up at Gray. “So are you.”
Gray mirrored Nick’s actions and smeared his own blood from his cut cheek.
“How long is this going to go on for?” Nick asked suddenly.
Gray wanted to continue playing dumb, but he couldn’t keep up the charade anymore. “I know you’re angry at me, Nick. And there’s really nothing I can say to justify myself.”
“Why don’t you just tell me why you haven’t spoken to me for the past eight months?” As he said this, Nick felt the lead weight return to his stomach. Deep down, he wasn’t really sure if he was ready to, or even wanted to, hear the answer.
“To tell you the truth, I was pissed at you.” Gray sighed.
His worst fears confirmed, Nick felt the sting of tears but he willed them away. “Does it bother you that much… that I’m with Greg?”
Gray looked at him, surprised. “What? No… shit, this is all coming out wrong. I just want things to be fine between us again! I don’t care if you go with guys---“
“Guy!” Nick interrupted him, angrily. “I’m with a guy! We’ve been together for three years. We’re not all promiscuous disco bunnies, you know!”
“Nick, we’re not going to get anywhere if you keep jumping down my throat! You know I didn’t mean… I mean, I know you and Greg are a proper couple…”
Nick began fidgeting with the ball. “We are. I love him.”
“And I can tell he feels the same. Jesus, you only have to see the way you two look at each other. I don’t even know how you managed to keep it a secret for so long at work.”
“People have a habit of missing the obvious, no matter how close they are.” Nick admitted. “So, if you’re fine about it all, Gray, why didn’t you call me?”
“I was so fucking mad at you, Nick… because you had kept it a secret for so long. We’re brothers, and you shut me out of a huge part of your life. You were seeing Greg for three years! I introduced you to Sally within two months! You knew everything about us immediately… but you, three fucking years! And I bet if all that shit in Vegas hadn’t gone down we still wouldn’t know!”
Nick sighed, not wanting to entertain the possibility that it could be true. “I don’t know, Gray. It was already starting to come to a head. Walter Gordon just accelerated it, and maybe that was the best thing to ever come out of it.”
“You didn’t trust me, Nick. That’s what kills me.”
Nick couldn’t believe he was talking this honestly with his brother. Truth be told, their relationship was very much like his friendship with Warrick – true feelings were always hinted at but never fully divulged. Not like his friendship had been with Greg, even before they had become more than friends. “It wasn’t about trust, Gray. I was so scared of everything. And I did Greg a disservice, because I kept him separate from such a huge part of my life.”
“Yeah, you did.” Gray said passionately. “When I found out about the two of you, I just couldn’t believe it. Looking back at... that huge situation in Vegas... and he had to deal with it on his own, Nick! If it had been me, I would have known at least that Sally would have had all the support she needed from our folks and the girls. That kid was alone, not even your friends were there for him in the way he would have needed them to be!”
Nick was surprised that Gray was so perceptive about it all, and he saw the events of his burial in a new light. He had had enough trouble dealing with his own demons, but everybody was there surrounding him and supporting him… even if he had felt at times like he was being suffocated all over again. But Greg… he had been alone. He remembered how Greg had existed on the outskirts of every hospital visit, as everybody else had assumed their rank in the importance of taking-care-of-Nick to be far superior to that of anybody else's. Whether it was his mother, or Warrick, or even Catherine and Grissom – when all he had wanted was to be alone with his partner. And he knew Greg would have wanted the same, but he had remained stoic because that was what Nick had wanted. Or at least, that was what Nick had believed he wanted at the time until his world had been thrown into chaos. Gray’s words had opened up a whole can of worms for him about what Greg had dealt with in those weeks at the hospital, and lord knew Nick wasn’t easy to live with coming out of the hospital either for those first few months.
And Nick had blown up at him because of one stupid comment made in his childhood bedroom. One comment. Nick rubbed his face, feeling like the world’s biggest asshole.
Opposite him, Gray felt the same. He looked at his younger brother and observed the pain etched across his features. “I’m going to say something to you, and if you ever repeat it I’ll deny it, you hear?”
“Okay.” Nick nodded slowly, intrigued.
“I… I love you, man.”
Nick stared at him, his mouth twitching.
“You asshole!” Gray moaned. “You’re just waiting to laugh.”
“I’m sorry…” Nick suppressed the giggle.
“I just thought I should say it. But now I wish I didn’t.”
Nick sobered. “Sorry. It’s just… I love you too. And that’s not something I thought I would be saying to you today. In fact, I thought I would have been punching you out.”
“You? Punch me out? You wouldn’t be able to.”
“Tough guy, huh? I thought you loved me?”
Gray snatched the ball away from his brother, then just as quickly hit him in the head with it. Nick laughed, but a shadow had passed over Gray again.
“You almost died, Nick.” he said softly.
“But I didn’t.”
“It doesn’t matter. You don’t understand, you’re the youngest. You don’t know what it feels like to have this kid that you’ve felt responsible for all your life almost be taken away from you. Beth and I cried for two hours on the phone together when Mom and Dad first called and told us that you had been abducted at work.”
“I… I didn’t know that.”
“We couldn’t imagine you… dying. And when you were found, we were so relieved. I didn’t want to let you out of my sight again… but you had your own life to lead. So when I found out about Greg, all I could think was that you didn’t feel the same way we did, or else we would have known about you two. At least me and Beth! And although I can understand on some level why you didn’t tell us before… it doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. And Beth might never tell you this, but she was even more crushed than I was. But unlike me, she was able to get over it quicker.”
Nick winced at the realisation of how much this secret he had thought was his burden alone had affected everybody he cared for.
At the expression on his brother’s face, Gray continued after the briefest of pauses. “I’m not saying this to hurt you, and I’m not using it to justify myself, because I know that what I did wasn’t fair.”
“I’m sorry, Gray. You don’t know how much.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
Nick hesitantly offered his hand. “Uncle?”
Gray smiled, and shook it. “Uncle.”
“Thanks for picking us up at the airport.”
“You’re welcome. And I really like Greg. But I have the feeling that nobody could dislike him once they’ve met him.”
“Well, Laura hasn’t arrived yet.”
“We’ll deal with Laura once she gets here.” Gray stood shakily, as if all the emotion he had spilled had sapped his strength. “Are there any other secrets you need to share, Nick, so we can get them out of the way?”
Nick blanched, as he was reminded of the only other secret in his life that had ever plagued him. It wasn’t something he really wanted to talk about again, but now that he was aware of the effect secrets could have on the people he loved he was hesitant to keep hiding something else. “There is… but I think I’ve said enough for today. I… I really can’t go through it now.”
“You’re worrying me, Nick.”
“I will tell you, I promise.” Nick let Gray help him to his feet. “Is that okay?”
“It’ll have to be.” Gray looked concerned, but decided not to push him as they finally seemed okay.
“Now that I’m communicating openly and freely, I have to talk to Greg. We had an argument before. It was stupid and I over-reacted. And I’ve been blowing him off ever since.”
“You’re both nervous. That’s natural, the first time you’ve been here together and all. But he’s the one person you shouldn’t be fighting with if you want to survive this holiday.”
“You’re scaring me now.” Nick grinned. They started making their way up the slope, their bones in agony. “It’s like Oprah’s been sorting you out, or something.”
Gray whacked him over the head, and a companionable silence fell between them.
“So you two really make out, and stuff?” Gray asked suddenly.
Nick rolled his eyes. “No, we’re completely celibate. And we never touch each other.”
Gray smiled, slightly embarrassed. “I’m just trying to be the cool brother. The only other experience I’ve had with this is when Sally dragged me to Brokeback Mountain.”
Nick laughed, and shook his head. “It’s true what they say, then. Everyone has seen that movie.”
The two brothers reached the backyard again, laughing, the antagonism easily dissolved between them through the means of a violent sport and the honesty that could only come through its aftermath. That was how boys fixed things.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 12:46 pm (UTC)^_^ YAY! I love the Stokes family!!!
no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 10:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 01:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 10:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 01:03 pm (UTC)Nick laughed, and shook his head. “It’s true what they say, then. Everyone has seen that movie.”
lol! I always grin like an idiot when one of my fandoms is mentioned in another!
It's nice to see that the roll down the slope has knocked some sense into the both of them! ;p
no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 10:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 10:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-11 06:38 pm (UTC)Exactly! Your grasp of interactions is just awe-inspiring.
You can make them seem so real, so human in just a few actions, just a couple of words.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 10:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 02:00 pm (UTC)I had a feeling before, that this was the reason why Gray is angry with Nick. I really like Gray now, it was great how he told Nick what Greg must had been feeling the night when Nick was kidnapped. i never thought about that.
This whole conversation was very well written, but this was one of my faves
“So you two really make out, and stuff?” Gray asked suddenly.
Nick rolled his eyes. “No, we’re completely celibate. And we never touch each other.”
I had to smile while reading Gray's question, he sounds so innocent and naive, they are really brothers.