Yes, even more Eric & Evan
May. 9th, 2006 04:00 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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nickngregTitle: All About It
Author: Bry
Fandom and Pairing: CSI; Nick/Greg
Rating: R
Summary: Catherine's the first to hear all about it.
Author's Notes: I think that's pretty well covered above. I'll give you resources to find out more, below. And, even though I'd been wanting to do something more addressing some of the 'logistics' surrounding Eric and Evan's births anyway, this was my sort of outlet for my feelings regarding what I've learned about this 'practice'. And, as always, feedback much appreciated, and there are certainly more stories to come and in the works.
Previous parts in the series can be found on my website here.
Also, here are a couple graphics made of newborns that share a look similar to how I've envisioned Eric and Evan.
Catherine was the first to visit them, the very moment the men and their babies arrived home. She cooked for them, and offered advice while inquiring about their experiences in the NICU, and thus was the first to hear ‘all about it.’
They told her of the neighbor babies—just across the hall in ‘level III’ as opposed to Eric and Evan’s ‘level II’—the ones so much more fragile than their own. And they told her of the babies who’d made it and been discharged while Nick and Greg waited and waited, and the other babies who didn’t make it at all. And they told of their empathy, the inability to imagine such a loss. And they couldn’t let themselves, because here they had their own little strugglers to worry enough for.
Though they did have their semblance of such a loss, much before their boys ever entered the world. And they grieved for it. They considered all the could-be’s, especially when that set of quintuplets joined them only a few days after Eric and Evan arrived. Those poor, delicate babies had been born at only twenty-six weeks gestation, barely weighing a pound each. In this instance, Nick and Greg did consider how things would be if they’d let themselves end up in that position. If they’d not used selective reduction, letting three of the embryos ‘go’ to be reabsorbed by the uterus, could they have five babies right now? Could they have three little girls with these two boys? Or could they have five boys instead of two? Or would they have no children at all, because the risk had proven itself not worth it? Would they have to deal with the torment these parents had, wondering day-to-day whether five babies would make it through just those twenty-four hours, for months?
But more, they thought, could they deal with the deaths, just as this couple had with the loss of two quintuplets in only the two weeks Nick and Greg had been there? Could they deal with the heightened risks of mental retardation and/or the permanent learning disabilities—or even physical handicaps—that so often went along with such extreme prematurity? Would Eric and Evan not be the beautiful, thriving little boys they were, if their parents hadn’t ‘terminated’ their siblings? Though the procedure had increased the boys already-heightened risk for prematurity, where the boys had ended up was nowhere near as devastating as it could have been.
Beyond that, the men knew they couldn’t handle the attention, much less the stress of having so many. The most children a gay couple had so far had was a set of quadruplets, and they became national news—Nick and Greg didn’t want to be that. They wanted to be normal. For as normal as any two dads could ever be.
But, Catherine wondered, how did they handle it, being in the NICU? Being new dads, but-not-quite, for weeks? What was it like? “We were all worried for you. Everyone in the lab was talking, hoping your babies were okay.”
“Oh yeah, we got that huge card with all the signatures at the hospital,” Nick said through an appreciative grin. “The nurses let us set it up on shelf between the boys. It was really nice of you guys.”
“What Nick’s trying to say is: you guys made him cry,” Greg reiterated, teasingly.
Catherine clicked her tongue, “Aww.”
“Then again, everything made him cry.”
“Hey, at least half the time you were doin’ it right along with me.”
The conversation casually ceased, their attention drawn the squirming infants, straining tender grunts in their sleep.
“Have you fed them yet since being discharged?” Catherine asked.
“Oh, yeah, during the drive home. About halfway here, they started fussin’,” Nick answered.
“I drove while he sat in the back between them, and he just used those on-the-go bottle warmer things.”
“Seemed like a pretty good set-up until Evan started coughin’.”
“Choking.”
“And then you drove erratically and got us a ticket when you pulled over.”
“Hey, you were the one yelling ‘pull over; pull over! He’s choking!’ in my ear. And it wasn’t a ticket, it was a warning. The cop saw two dads and newborn babies and said ‘have a nice day’ and let us go.”
“You didn’t have to tell ‘im our life story.”
“Well, making him uncomfortable got us out of a ticket, didn’t it?”
“You could’ve just told him we work with the LVPD as criminalists, that mighta worked.”
“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.”
“He’s just playing the role of proud Papa, aren’t ya, Greg?” Catherine asked in that same motherly, ‘aww’-ing manner.
Greg smiled through a hinting blush.
“You bet he is. I had to fight him tooth-and-nail to keep him from bouncing around the hospital flashing his ‘DILF’ T-shirt.”
“DILF?” Catherine repeated in her cynical amusement.
“Yeah, it’s-”
“Oh believe me, I know what it means.”
“Says the MILF,” Greg added, grinning. “Anyway, I got one for Nick, too, but he just won’t wear it. He wouldn’t even wear the ‘Proud Daddy of Twins’ shirt. So there I was, all alone in my matching ‘Proud Papa’ one.”
“I just...” Nick began, delicately disagreeing. “I don’t like shirts with text on them. That’s all.”
“One of these days I’ll change his mind,” Greg assured in Catherine’s direction, then looked back to Nick. “You said you really liked the ‘My Twins are Rock Stars' one.”
“Yeah. I do. On you. That’s just not my style, G.”
“I see you don’t hold the same standards for your kids, huh, Nicky?” Catherine pointed out, tugging at the fabric of Eric’s onesie for a clearer view of the “‘Rock Pass’; I’m with the band” printed on it.
Nick shrugged, eyes sparkling with something gentle and compliant as he subconsciously examined Evan’s white “The Future of Rock & Roll” onesie. “Greg likes ‘em, and they’re kinda clever ’n’ cute. Besides, this means no objections when I dress them in all their little excessively-adorable outfits.”
“I like them both,” Greg pleasantly clarified.
“So, did you get to dress the boys in anything like this before bringing them home? I only saw them in those darling little hats in the pictures you sent.”
“Yeah, after they stabilized a bit more and the feeding tubes came out, and Evan’s apnea spells tapered off, they let us dress them in onesies or gowns or little T-shirts. Nothing too heavy since they still needed to be warmed, and since co-bedding made them even warmer. Then once they switched to the regular bassinet, we were able to put some thicker outfits on.”
“Co-bedding? You mean they got to sleep together?” Catherine asked, clearly taken once again by the cuteness.
“Oh yeah. We actually brought it up, ‘cause we wondered how it was affecting them, bein’ separated and all. Then the nurses said that it was a great idea, and that multiples usually thrived when together. Which, of course, made us wonder why they hadn’t done it in the first place, but by then it was beside the point. Once Evan got in there, his heart rate seemed to stabilize, and so did his breathing. He never stopped since. Ever since he was born, he had that CPAP thing in and over his nose, forcing the oxygenated air in to keep his airway open and make it easier to breathe. But just three days later, as soon as he had Eric beside ‘im, they took the thing right off and he was fine.”
“I knew I could never handle another one, but I always wished Lindsay had a sibling to love like that,” Catherine mused, gazing nostalgically at the infant she held. “It’s wonderful that these two already have such a connection.”
“Yeah, they love each other,” Greg softly added.
“I think somebody’s wakin’ up,” Nick noted as Eric’s squirming became a little more focused, his glassy little eyes even peeking open every now and then as his head tossed from side to side. And as Eric’s little whining grunts became more frequent, Nick also pointed out the intermittent looks of distress on his face. “Uh oh, looks like he’s gonna start cryin’.”
But, instead, along with an especially forceful grunt came a rather distinctive squirting sound, soon followed by another.
“Why thank you, sweetheart. Did you save that just for me?” Catherine asked as the men broke into laughter.
“Oh man,” Nick laughed, genuinely trying to restrain himself. “Sorry about that. Guess I was wrong about the cryin’.”
“That’s Eric; our little charmer,” Greg said, rising to remove the now-stinky boy from Catherine’s arms. He brought the boy to the nearby playpen, with its bassinet set up atop it, then pulled out its changing table/pad attachment. “Are you sure you’re all done? No poops once the diaper’s open, okay?” Still, he gave Eric another minute, opting to play with the boys fingers and kiss his hands.
“So, how much are you loving changing diapers? No gagging, I take it,” Catherine said.
“Nah. You know poop’s hardly the worst thing we’ve smelled. And it really hasn’t been too bad so far. I just get kinda worried about lifting their legs, and taking that kind of hold of them, and making sure I get everything off, and I change ‘em enough so they don’t get a rash.”
“He also gets worried when they get erections,” Greg informed.
“Did,” Nick half-growled. “Did you really need to tell her that?”
Greg glanced back at Catherine, “It was the first time he changed Eric, when Eric was still in his own incubator. I was sitting next to Evan when Nick waved me over...”
With an elbow nudging Greg’s side, Nick asked in his quieted concern, “Is that normal?”
“What?”
“This.”
Greg leaned down to peek inside the hand-holes for a better look, taking a few moments to inspect the boy. “What, does he have a rash or something? Is his cord infected? I don’t see anything.”
“No, his-” Nick cut himself off, mouth tightening in aggravated embarrassment. “It’s...ya know.”
“What?” Greg looked again. “Ohhhh, he’s got a little boner. Go Eric!” He then took Eric’s tiny fist to tap the palm with his fingertip and then turned it around to lightly smack his own with Evan’s hand in the manner of a ‘five’.
“Greg,” Nick growled in warning, glancing around the room for possible spectators.
“What’s the big deal? He’s a boy—that’s what we do.”
“Yeah, but...” Nick paused, softer in his impending bashfulness. “He’s a baby.”
“The penis works from birth. I thought you knew all about this, Nick.” Greg let silence settle to simply observe Nick for a moment. “You’re not doing anything wrong, Nick. When his penis rubs against his diaper, it’ll get hard. And sometimes it’ll happen just from being exposed to the cool air, or having a warm wipe brushed over it. There’s nothing wrong in that.”
“Yeah...I know.” Nick remained quiet for a little while longer, appearing a tad dejected as he taped the boy’s diaper up.
Greg smiled lovingly, and cupped Nick’s cheek to place a kiss upon the opposing one. “You’re always so thoughtful. I love that.”
“Mm.” Nick’s tension loosened, and he exhaled through a warm smile, turning himself into Greg to place a quick peck upon Greg’s lips. “ ‘Love you.”
“Well I can say Eddie and I never had any conversations over a dirty diaper end like that,” Catherine with cynical envy. She watched Greg return with the freshened-up baby, that he kindly returned to her hold. “I know this isn’t really any of my business, and I’ve been holding myself back from saying anything since I found out you were having boys. But I have to at least feed my curiosity—have you gotten them circumcised?”
“No,” Greg answered.
“Are you planning to?”
As Greg answered with another ‘no’, Nick shook his head and said, “If we did want to, we’d have to wait until about their due date, anyway. And right now they’re only five and a half pounds; we’d have to wait about four or five more weeks. Most preemies aren’t circumcised because it’s too much for them to take, especially for an elective, unnecessary surgical procedure.”
“Oh, I’m so glad to hear that. I didn’t want to give you a lecture on your own kids, but it just kills me that people have this done. I heard the screams of this poor little guy down the hall while I was in the hospital with Lindsay, and just the thought of my little girl going through that much pain left me mortified. I don’t know how any mother could let their innocent little baby go through that. I had a hard enough time watching Lindsay get her shots.”
“Yeah, but they don't let you watch. I don’t understand why the parents don’t wanna be with ‘em, though. Just to comfort their baby. I mean, if I was having any procedure done as a kid while I was awake, I woulda wanted my mom in there with me.”
“Yeah, but that’s the reason most of them opt to sit out—so they don’t have to hear their child scream. So they don’t have to see the foreskin torn away from the glans—although most people don’t even know that the foreskin is fused to the head of the penis just the same as our fingernails to our fingers, and isn’t retractable until later in life—and forced into the clamp, then sliced away. They don’t want to be traumatized; forget about the kid. And a lot of the time the doctors just lie to the parents and say that it won’t even hurt them—just ‘snip snip’ and we’re done—that’s what my mom said they kept on telling her, but she wouldn’t let me go. Circumcision isn’t common in Norway; America is the only nation to do it so commonly for non-religious reasons. Somehow this country still believes it’s ‘better’, even though the American Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t support it because there’s no valid medical advantage. These little human beings are having half of the most sensitive part of their body amputated without any pain-relief, or at the most a topical numbing cream which has been proved to do little-to-nothing. And when a baby isn't screaming in agony—when they get that glaze over their eyes or fall asleep—it’s because they’re going into shock and it’s all their little bodies can do to protect themselves. Nurses are even required to wait until the baby has calmed down before they bring him back to his mother, so she won't think it was really that bad.”
“I see you’ve done your research, Greg,” Catherine observed, thoroughly proud.
Greg smiled, taking a breather from his ranting.
“Oh yeah, he’s read a ton. Just went through book-after-book on everything-baby. He’s like my live little baby-encyclopedia. And, he sure taught me a lot about circumcision. Because, I’ll admit it, I was for it. My parents had it done to me and my brother, and most babies are circumcised, so what could be the harm? Besides, the guy with the ‘anteater’ was teased every now and then in the locker room, and I don’t want that for my kids. So Greg recited his facts, and even then I was still hesitant. Then he pulled out the big guns, and made me watch this video he found online.”
Nick paused for a little while, going a little pale as the images and the sound of it came back to him. He even teared up some, sad for the infant and angry at himself. “I can’t believe I wanted to have that done to our babies. I can’t believe that was done to me. Especially unanesthetized. They didn’t even think babies could feel pain until the late 1980’s. I don’t know how they could think it didn’t hurt. How they could keep cutting these babies up without the slightest concern. I mean, those screams. I thought that kid was gonna start choking on his own cries. It was like he was begging for help and they just kept torturing him. I wanted Greg to turn it off; I was practically begging him. I don’t know how—I don't know why—people choose to hurt babies like this. I think my kids look just fine down there; I don’t know how people could think that angry, red, bloody little scabbing head the poor thing is left with could be considered such a great thing for their child. I just don’t understand.”
“That's the strength of the anti-masturbation movement for ya. In the 1880's it was all the rage—get rid of the foreskin and it'll take more effort to get-off, which means boys would have no other choice but to give it up. Yeah right. Then around World War I and II it became a matter of unproven 'cleanliness' and spurred the whole 'I want my son to look like me' movement. It was an automatic procedure, done to every infant without consent until lawsuits started showing up in the 1970's, which forced them to provide parents with consent forms. Not that they were always provided with the opportunity.
"But man, I can't imagine life without my foreskin. Poor Nick has no idea how great it is.”
“Yeah.” Nick half smiled, but really did seem a bit sad, forlorn, about his 'loss'. “But now it's all about looking 'better'. Torturing your newborn for the sake of vanity.” Nick shook his head. "And how in the world could having an open wound soaked in feces and urine everyday be considered healthy or 'cleaner' than leaving a boy with the protection he was born with?"
“I don't care what girls claim about how ‘gross’ it looks, every woman I've ever been with has loved it. And let me tell you, I've been with a l-'
Nick’s glare cut Greg off, giving him the you’re-full-of-it look.
“Anyway. They say it's less 'rough'; not that I haven't always been a...gentle man. The penis pretty much just slides in and out of the lubed up foreskin, which means less friction and dryness for the ladies. And that means no lube is really needed for jacking off. It's like your own orifice, attached right to ya. Our kids don’t know how good they’re gonna have it.”
Nick shook his head, again bothered by Greg’s insistent need to go into the too-much-info realm in regards to their babies.
“Seriously. Anybody wants to give 'em crap about how it looks different, they can just say, ‘man, the head of my dick is so sensitive and smooth and...yours is just all calloused and desensitized. You wish you were me, man. But, nope, your parents cut you up. Your loss.’ Never mind the fact that retaining all their skin means they've got the potential to 'grow' even larger...”
“They're not...gonna... That's not...” Nick trailed off, thoroughly uncomfortable.
Greg giggled, looking to Catherine as he informed her, “Nick doesn’t think they’re ever gonna grow up, much less be sexual.”
Nick huffed a little, almost pouting. “That’s right.”
“Besides,” Greg continued, “most cut guys have all these scars and skin tags and skin bridges and discolorations and all that. It can hardly be compared to the natural-”
“Greg,” Nick interrupted with soft warning.
“Aww, Nick, don’t worry: I still love your penis.” Greg looked to Catherine to explained further, “He always gets sad when I compare the benefits. I mean, he’s got a pretty nice penis for being cut. Scarring isn’t too bad, and it doesn’t look like he had too much taken off. That, and he gets to sorta live vicariously through my penis, so it can’t be all bad. I mean-”
“Greg,” Nick pleaded, slightly betrayed. “Come on, now.”
Wiping all but a few remnants of his grin away, Greg offered his apologetic puppy-dog-eyes with the timid “sorry” he said in response.
“It’s alright, Nicky,” Catherine assured, despite her amusement. “I’m not your mother.”
“Mmm...” Nick looked away, fingers absentmindedly stroking his cheek and chin as a look of boyish guilt creased his features.
She exhaled in slightly dramatic shock. “Well I can’t say I’m surprised, I have often looked at you like a little boy.”
Nick’s features—specifically his eyebrows and slightly pouting lips—creased with something almost teasingly sad this time.
“You’re not disproving her case, man,” Greg said amidst his amusement.
Nick’s ‘pout’ couldn’t help but work itself into a smile, despite his attempts to hinder it.
“Oh, don’t be so quick to laugh, Greggo. You’re the baby.”
Now Greg’s eyes glistened with something playfully wounded. “I am not.”
“Face it, man—you’re still the youngest, least experienced guy on team,” Nick said.
“And you’ve been with us since you were just a boy. You’ll always be our sweet little baby.”
Greg kind of tossed his head from side to side, with a somewhat excessively bashful, “I know,” as he now appeared to be basking in the praises of his boyishness.
“I have to say, though—these little guys are giving you a run for your money.”
“Yeah,” Nick agreed, “you best watch out.”
“Yeah?” Greg looked over the babies thoughtfully. “You think they could fill in for me sometime? Will the adorability-factor be enough to make up for the fact that they can’t, ya know, do anything besides eat, sleep, and provide us with an endless assortment of dirty diapers?”
“I don’t think anyone would notice a difference, actually, if you put it that way...” Nick teased.
“If you weren’t holding a baby, I would sp-” Greg caught himself, suddenly embarrassed by being so ‘revealing’ in front of Catherine.
“Well...you two did say you wanted some alone time with your kids now that you’ve finally gotten them home,” Catherine announced as she returned Eric to Greg’s hold. “So, I’ll be on my way. If you need any advice or an extra hand, feel free to call.”
“Thank you, Catherine,” Nick replied. “It was nice having you visit.”
“Yeah, thanks for stopping by."
If you'd like to visit the site where the above-mentioned T-shirts/onsies (with the exception of the 'proud daddy/papa' ones) came from, you can find them and many more here. Oh yeah, and I'm pretending that they actually sold said onesies in a size small enough for their boys.
You can also visit here if you'd like to learn more about circumcision, just what happens during the procedure, watch the extremely disturbing video that Nick did, learn just what the foreskin does and why it's so important, as well as read stories from mothers who've had the procedures done to their boys (be it as infants or children) and regret it due to the pain, complications (some resulting in death), or just because it wasn't until afterward that they finally became informed as to what the procedure actually entailed, thus feeling immensely guilty about putting their child through it. There are also accounts from men who've had their foreskin for some period of time, only to have it removed for some reason or another later on, and the extreme differences in pleasure (and often pain) that came as a result. There are also stories and takes from doctors and nurses as well.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-09 12:20 pm (UTC)nicely done as always my dear.
keep on writing and loven the boys.
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Date: 2006-05-11 11:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-09 02:11 pm (UTC)It was great!
"Circumcision isn’t common in Norway; America is the only nation to do it so commonly for non-religious reasons."
Thank you for adding that! I was thinking it before I read it, and this whole circumcision thing has been so confusing for me. There was an Friends episode once where Joey was playing a guy that wasn't circumcisisted. I didn't get it.... because in my mind he wasn't. It wasn't until much later that I realized that circumcision was actually common in US, because as you said, it's not here in Norway!
So don't worry - if the July/August baby is going to be a boy (I don't know yet), it won't be any circumcision!!!
no subject
Date: 2006-05-12 07:17 am (UTC)Thank you for commenting.
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Date: 2006-05-09 02:23 pm (UTC)She says it was like watching a puppy getting kicked and a balloon deflating at the same time.
I went to that site but I couldn't watch the video. I stared at the link for a good ten minutes (seriously) but I just couldn't , the picture below was enough for me and I hate hearing babies scream in pain. If I ever have a son, no circ! No matter WHAT my partner may say (my brother keeps making jokes that I'd be the 'daddy' anyway, Guess I could pull the 'putting my foot down' thing, hmmm lol).
The only time I smirk at a babies cry is when he does that 'I'm bored and will lazily cry so that you are wondering for the next hour what I want'. Kids in my shop do it all the time so when I can see the parents getting frazzled I pull faces ( I have a rubbery face lol). Works everytime!
Ooh lookit you, getting me all nostalgic! NICKY IS A DILF!!!! So is Greg, but you just KNOW he'll get Nick to wear it at least once lol. Again, nicely done and I love this series. Much love!
no subject
Date: 2006-05-12 07:30 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting.