nickngreg | (no subject)

Title: No Shame

Pairing: Nick/Greg

Rating: PG (probably G, but PG makes me feel better)

Spoilers: Grave Danger

Summary: Missing scene from Grave Danger. Nick’s thoughts in the hospital.

Notes: This is a revised version of a fic that I posted elsewhere. I’m still not totally satisfied with it, but if I don’t post it now, I’ll chicken out and delete it from the computer. Hope you enjoy!

Nick drifted in and out of lucidity in the hours after his arrival at Desert Palms Hospital. Vague images of an ambulance ride and doctors floated around in his memory, but it seemed impossible to tell which were real and which were imagined.

Eventually, whether it was hours or days, Nick wasn’t sure, he came down from his medicated high and examined his surroundings. A machine beside him gave off a steady beep, indicating his heartbeat was strong and normal. An IV drip was pumping some unknown substance into his bloodstream. On his other side, his mother was situated in the uncomfortable plastic visitors’ chair, smiling encouragingly as he fought off the grogginess. Behind his mother, his father stood, a faint smile on his lips. “Hey, Pancho. How you feeling?”

“Ma? Cisco?” Nick’s voice was barely above a whisper and it cracked slightly.

Her eyes tearing slightly, his mother grasped his hand. “You’re fine now, Nick. Your friends, they found you and now your safe in the hospital, with us.”

Nick tried to smile as he squeezed her hand in reassurance. He was glad his parents were there, he really was. Thankful, too. But a nagging voice in his head wouldn’t let him ignore the fact that he would have rather woken up to someone else.

*~*~*

Nick turned to glance at the door as the squeak of shoes on linoleum passed him room yet again. His mother tutted under her breath as she stood to smooth out the imaginary wrinkles in his blanket. “Honestly, Nicholas. You’re more fidgety than some of your nieces and nephews.”

Judge Stokes shook his head, the laughter evident in his voice as he comment, “He’s just excited to see his friends.”

“Still-” She was interrupted as five other people made their way into the room. Nick felt his smile widen at the sight of his closest friends.

Catherine and Warrick walked up beside him first. While Catherine carefully wrapped her arms around him, Warrick grasped his hand. Both tried to articulate apologies; Catherine because she was his boss, Warrick because it was “his fault” that Nick got the assignment. He smiled and reassured both that he didn’t blame either of them.

Next was Grissom and Sara. Grissom was stoic as ever, showing little emotion. Sara seemed slightly distant, Nick could tell she was fighting off tears seeing him this way. He reiterated the I’m fine’s and thank you’s he had presented previously until, they too, deemed fit to step aside for someone else.

An odd feeling began to build up in Nick’s chest; there was only one person left. The one person he had desperately wanted see ever since he had woken up in a private hell underneath the ground.
Greg’s voice was shaking as he clasped Nick’s hand, mindful of the ant bites. “Hey.”

“Hey.” They exchanged only one word, but Nick could see millions of things being spoken in Greg’s bright brown eyes. He saw I was so scared and I wanted to find you so bad and I’m so glad you’re okay and, most importantly, I love you, Nicky.

It was in that moment that Nick realized he didn’t care anymore. He didn’t care that he grew up being taught that his feelings were something to be ashamed of. He didn’t care what his parents might think. He didn’t care that all his friends were watching intently. He had escaped death several times yesterday and he would be damned if he had to keep his feelings a secret after that.

Ignoring the pain from his protesting body, Nick pulled Greg into a tight embrace. He planted a sloppy kiss on the corner of Greg’s mouth before resting his cheek against the younger man’s cheek. I love you so much. Not certain he had said it aloud, Nick repeated the sentiment, Greg whispering it back. Tears born of fear, relief, and joy mingled together on their faces, making the next kiss wet and salty.

Suddenly, it dawned on Nick what he had been feeling moments before. It wasn’t a new feeling, but the absence of an old one. He was openly displaying his sexuality, his love for another man, for the first time in front of everyone important to him, the most important being the man in his arms. And he felt no shame.

My inspiration:
In a crowded room, I wanna hold your hand
Wanna kiss your lips, like a desperate man
When I hear your voice, callin’ my name
I’ll come runnin’ to you as fast as I can
No shame
No holding back baby
Insane
‘Cause you make me so crazy
No way
I can look cool baby
No shame
- Jeff Bates, “No Shame”