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Jan. 18th, 2006 01:16 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
brummel.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
nickngregOne of the things that intrigues me is the question of what happens when Nick finally goes to see Greg after Playing With Fire (and why it takes him so long). Here's one thought that demanded to be let out of my skull.
Title: Whispers
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Spoilers: I'm still a bad fanboy for not having seen it yet, but Playing with Fire.
Disclaimer: If only I could compel them to do things, but alas, since I don't own them, I can't.
When he opened his eyes on the third day, he was there. His eyes were swimming from a cocktail of pain and morphine. His senses were dulled by the smell of burnt flesh and the faint talc of hospital gloves, the unchanging green hue of sickbed light. And he hurt, god, did he hurt. Even after three days’ rest it was a fight to separate his mind from the pain. But he could have recognized him anywhere. He had been here all night, the first time the nightmare hadn’t been lurking behind his eyelids.
-Hi.
He whispered because the last time he tried speaking, his voice had startled him. It sounded fractured and reedy, a different voice. The realization that he was irrevocably different broke him. It took everything he had to hold on until everyone left, then had forced his face into the pillow to muffle the piercing sobs that overtook him as he trembled and wracked. The nurses outside hadn’t heard the faint sound of the bed rails and IV tubes knocking.
-G.
-You came.
He could feel the weight of his shadow on him as he stood, shifting uncertainly.
-G...I’m sorry.
-Why?
They were both whispering now.
He moved closer to the bed, slowly. Not afraid. Just slow enough so Greg could stop him if he wanted. He didn’t want him to stop. Not when he stood over him, pressed against the railing. Not when he hooked his thumbs against the catch and drew the rail down tenderly as if undressing him. Not when he knelt and pressed his face to the sheets next to his tummy and drawn-up knees, inhaling deeply.
-I couldn't. I can't...wasn't...sure if...you would want to see me...I can't lose you again, G. Not like this. Not twice. I'm....I'm not....I'm not strong enough.
Greg reached out his hand to Nick's and felt lips press into the palm, a wet cheek coming to rest in his fingers. Whatever may happen, he would always want to see Nick.
-Nick.
-Please don't leave me. Stay.
-Nick.
-Stay.
He closed his eyes, eyelashes trembling. There were a lot of knocks in his life. He had the scars to prove it, and there were just as many that didn't leave any, running too deep or still open. Until Nick came and salved him with care and solace. Over time, his scars had each become a tiny, glistening pearl. But new wounds had opened, too. And now he was scarred yet another way.
-When I saw you, I shattered. All I could think about was how to get you to the hospital, I almost carried you and ran. In the ambulance, it was all I could do to keep you with me. Getting you here was all that kept me going. I couldn't wait here, wait while you were dying.
He swallowed around the lump of unshed tears in his throat. And not for the first time, he wondered if he had the strength for another try. Greg ran his fingers against Nick's stubble and closed his eyes, listening to the bitter echoes in the hollows of his body. Nick's hand held him more tightly, his soft words swallowed in tears.
-Please, Greg...just be in my life. I can't bear to live in a world without you. Please...please....I...I...I love you. A-a...and I thought...you...loved me...too.
A body-choking sob wrung out of him, broke his face in two and smashed him on the floor. He white-knuckled, so tightly he held onto Nick, the bed shaking with emotion.
-Nicky. Yes.
His words were obliterated by spasms, but Nick understood. He understood and held on tighter. They were going to see this through to the end, together.
Title: Whispers
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Spoilers: I'm still a bad fanboy for not having seen it yet, but Playing with Fire.
Disclaimer: If only I could compel them to do things, but alas, since I don't own them, I can't.
When he opened his eyes on the third day, he was there. His eyes were swimming from a cocktail of pain and morphine. His senses were dulled by the smell of burnt flesh and the faint talc of hospital gloves, the unchanging green hue of sickbed light. And he hurt, god, did he hurt. Even after three days’ rest it was a fight to separate his mind from the pain. But he could have recognized him anywhere. He had been here all night, the first time the nightmare hadn’t been lurking behind his eyelids.
-Hi.
He whispered because the last time he tried speaking, his voice had startled him. It sounded fractured and reedy, a different voice. The realization that he was irrevocably different broke him. It took everything he had to hold on until everyone left, then had forced his face into the pillow to muffle the piercing sobs that overtook him as he trembled and wracked. The nurses outside hadn’t heard the faint sound of the bed rails and IV tubes knocking.
-G.
-You came.
He could feel the weight of his shadow on him as he stood, shifting uncertainly.
-G...I’m sorry.
-Why?
They were both whispering now.
He moved closer to the bed, slowly. Not afraid. Just slow enough so Greg could stop him if he wanted. He didn’t want him to stop. Not when he stood over him, pressed against the railing. Not when he hooked his thumbs against the catch and drew the rail down tenderly as if undressing him. Not when he knelt and pressed his face to the sheets next to his tummy and drawn-up knees, inhaling deeply.
-I couldn't. I can't...wasn't...sure if...you would want to see me...I can't lose you again, G. Not like this. Not twice. I'm....I'm not....I'm not strong enough.
Greg reached out his hand to Nick's and felt lips press into the palm, a wet cheek coming to rest in his fingers. Whatever may happen, he would always want to see Nick.
-Nick.
-Please don't leave me. Stay.
-Nick.
-Stay.
He closed his eyes, eyelashes trembling. There were a lot of knocks in his life. He had the scars to prove it, and there were just as many that didn't leave any, running too deep or still open. Until Nick came and salved him with care and solace. Over time, his scars had each become a tiny, glistening pearl. But new wounds had opened, too. And now he was scarred yet another way.
-When I saw you, I shattered. All I could think about was how to get you to the hospital, I almost carried you and ran. In the ambulance, it was all I could do to keep you with me. Getting you here was all that kept me going. I couldn't wait here, wait while you were dying.
He swallowed around the lump of unshed tears in his throat. And not for the first time, he wondered if he had the strength for another try. Greg ran his fingers against Nick's stubble and closed his eyes, listening to the bitter echoes in the hollows of his body. Nick's hand held him more tightly, his soft words swallowed in tears.
-Please, Greg...just be in my life. I can't bear to live in a world without you. Please...please....I...I...I love you. A-a...and I thought...you...loved me...too.
A body-choking sob wrung out of him, broke his face in two and smashed him on the floor. He white-knuckled, so tightly he held onto Nick, the bed shaking with emotion.
-Nicky. Yes.
His words were obliterated by spasms, but Nick understood. He understood and held on tighter. They were going to see this through to the end, together.
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Date: 2006-01-18 06:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 08:05 am (UTC)This is a beautiful image, to go along with a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing with us!
no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 08:07 am (UTC)Not when he hooked his thumbs against the catch and drew the rail down tenderly as if undressing him.
Just beautiful.
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Date: 2006-01-18 12:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-18 06:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 02:09 am (UTC)speaking of, though, if anybody would be interested in actually discussing writing (mine or just in general), I would be more than happy to do so (actually, I believe crave is the right word).
gimme a poke somewhere where i can see it :)
thanks guys!
*waves*
no subject
Date: 2006-01-19 04:02 pm (UTC)