nickngreg | Fic Post

Fandom: CSI
Title: According to Greg
Rating: R
Pairing: Nick/Greg, Sara/Warrick
Disclaimer: Not mine, maybe yours, but not mine.
Summary: Greg rants about why all of his problems are Ecklie's fault.
Spoilers: Through the fifth season.
A/N: Thanks to

_slytherin_girl for the beta!

X posted to

csi_slash and my journal

I'm beyond frustrated right now, and it's Ecklie's fault. Well, Ecklie's and Warrick's fault, but mostly Ecklie's because Ecklie is pure evil and I actually like Warrick so blaming him isn't nearly as gratifying. Besides, if I'm going to blame Warrick then I should probably blame Sara too, but that would be wholly unfair because the only thing she did wrong was look hot. And you can't blame someone for looking hot, especially not Sara, because she's oblivious to the fact that she is hot (which in a way adds to her hotness). Moreover, I benefit from the fact that Sara's hot, because eye candy to ogle makes the work place a happy place and right now the night shift is in short supply of eye candy. Just Sara and Mia, and the two them put together doesn't make up for not having Nick around anymore. Nick not being on night shift is, without a doubt, completely Ecklie's fault, which just goes to prove that Ecklie is in fact the root of all evil. I wouldn't be surprised if he made a deal with the devil to get his promotion to lab director. Actually, I bet he's the devil's bitch- that would explain so much.

Anyway, back to the dilemma at hand. Nick is fast asleep and I'm wide awake, which completely sucks for me because I just got off shift and I'm all keyed up. I've enough energy that I'd make a hyper eight-year-old look calm, and I've got no place to focus it. If Nick was awake, I could tell him all of my daring tales from my nightly adventures. I could tell him about how I, CSI extraordinare, saved the night by finding the murder weapon in the fish tank (not even Grissom thought to look there). Then he could throw me down on the bed and make love to me until we were both completely sated, but that's not going to happen because Nick is asleep.

Nick is asleep, and I can't wake him up. Well, I suppose that technically I could wake him up, but if I did he'd just be grumpy and cranky and we'd probably fight. So really I can't wake him up. I would join him in bed, but there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to fall asleep right now. So I have nothing to do and no one to talk to, and it's all Ecklie's fault. Blaming Ecklie is the only logical course of action because really he is the one who went and put Nick on the swing shift and completely fucked up our sex lives.

At first Nick and I thought we'd be able to work around the schedule. We talked about it and figured it all out. We're smart guys and we weren't about to give up any of our precious naked time just 'cause Ecklie is evil. The plan was that Nick would sleep while I was at work, and I would sleep while Nick was at work. That would leave us roughly eight hours in every day to be together and naked. Unfortunately, that theory didn't transfer over into practice at all. That's mostly because of Warrick, but it's not his fault because I'm not blaming him; I'm blaming Ecklie.

See Nick and Warrick are suppose to get off work when Sara and I get to work. Technically, we should all bump into each other in the locker room chitchat for a few minutes then head off to get our assignments (me and Sara), or go to bed (Nick!), or do whatever it is that Warrick does when his not in the lab. See, this is where we've been running into problems because Warrick has a thing for Sara. Normally I'd be all for this- he's hot, she's hot, there is no reason they shouldn't be getting it on. Yet, they haven't quite reached the getting-it-on part. No, they’re at the Warrick-is-going-to-spend-all-his-free-time-making-eyes-at-Sara- and-she-is-going-to-sit-around-and-pretend-to-be-completely-oblivious-because-she-doesn't- know-how-to-handle-it part. The whole thing was cute when we were all on the same shift, but not anymore because now Warrick keeps finding excuses to work overtime just so he can spend time with her.

This is creating issues because Nick and Warrick have been working like every case together, and if Warrick is working overtime then so is Nick. Nick says he stays because it wouldn't be 'fair' to leave and have Warrick doing all the extra work by himself. That's complete B.S. I know the truth is that Nick hates the idea that Warrick might crack the case while he is in bed and away from the action. So basically it comes down to a whole CSI-macho-ego thing; which, one would think that I would understand because I'm a CSI and I'm male, but I honestly don't get it.

So they stay at the lab every night until three am, sometimes four. Then, once Warrick is all frustrated from not getting any play from Sara and Nick is all pissy from getting dirty looks from me, they go out and have a beer together. By the time Nick gets home and gets to bed it's past five in the morning. So, of course, when I come rolling in about eight-thirty or nine, Nick has only been asleep for about three hours, and I can't wake him. This means, once again, that I have no one to talk to, and no one to play with. The worse part is by the time he finally does wake up I'm already asleep, or so tired that it doesn't even matter. So he lets me sleep and when I wake up he has already left for work, and thus the daily routine is set. It's like the tenth circle of hell, and Ecklie's the devil's bitch. (I should really graffiti that in the men's bathroom, 'Ecklie is the devil's bitch'. But he'd probably go and have the hand writing analyzed and figure out it was me, and then I'd get fired. On the bright side, if I get fired then I'll be able to see Nick, and it might even be worth it just to see Ecklie turn all different shades of red.)

Anyway, my world would be such a better place if Sara and Warrick would just get over themselves and have sex. Once they start getting it on, then everybody will be sleeping when they should be sleeping, working when they should be working, and be naked when they should be naked. There won't be any of this overtime nonsense. (Well, unless there is big case, but that's different.) I should really get both Sara and Warrick sloshed and lock them in a hotel room together. That would solve all my problems. Too bad Sara doesn't drink anymore, and I have no idea how I'd get them into a hotel room. I'll work on it, genius takes time.

Right now I'm going to go take a shower, and I'll consider rubbing one off while I'm in there just because I need to burn off energy. I won't be able to bring myself to do it though, because there is nothing more depressing than masturbating in the shower when there is a hot naked man asleep in your bed. Then I'll make myself breakfast, and so what if I accidentally drop a frying pan and a couple pots in the process. That happens all the time when people are making cereal, and if it wakes up Nick it won't be my fault, right? But it's not going to wake up Nick- it never does... Life really does suck, and it's all Ecklie's fault.

**********************************************

It was little past noon when Nick found Greg curled up on the couch fast asleep clutching his journal like a teddy bear. Nick frowned, he had only ever seen Greg's journal a handful of times, and every time it had been when Greg was upset about something. Greg would go pout in the corner, and write in his journal like it was a marathon to see how many words he could get down before his hand fell off. Nick had always been curious about what Greg wrote, but something told him that it may be one of those things he was better off not knowing.

So Nick just pretended he didn't see the journal, ran his hand through Greg's hair, and nudged him awake. Two sleep filled eyes blinked up at him and a big grin spread across Nick's face. Greg was always so cute when he was half asleep.

"Wake up G, you should move into the bedroom," Nick said softly.

Greg moaned, and rubbed his eyes, "I'm sleeping..."

Nick gave a low laugh, "You'll sleep better in the bedroom."

"Not without you," Greg protested and tried to roll over unsuccessfully.

"I know G, but I'm up for the day," Nick explained in an apologetic voice.

"It's all Ecklie's fault. And Sara and Warrick so need to have sex," Greg babbled.

"It's Ecklie's fault that Sara and Warrick need to have sex?" Nick repeated. He was pretty sure that Greg must have been having a really messed up dream. "If you move into bed I'll lie with you till you fall back asleep."

Greg frowned at him, "It doesn't matter you'll still be gone when I wake up."

"I'll be here when you wake up. I've the night off and so do you," Nick replied unable to contain his smile. It had felt like forever since the two of them had any time together so he had practically begged Catherine to switch his night off.

"What?!" Greg said sitting up with a shocked look on his face, "Really?!"

"Would I lie?" Nick asked with a laugh, and before he knew what hit him Greg's mouth was on his kissing him enthusiastically. He was glad that Catherine did give in because he and Greg really needed this, maybe even more than he realized.

-Fin-