Three Minutes
Oct. 11th, 2005 08:34 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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nickngregTitle: Three Minutes
Rating: PG13
Summary: He can make it through this.
AN: I'm posting this with apologies to Matt, who hates angst for angst's sake. Sorry, love.
He walks slowly, methodically, because if he can just pour all his attention and energy into the mundane he knows he can get through anything, and when he is forced to speak his words are carefully measured, and this is not the same Greg Sanders he used to be and everyone knows it.
Three steps, and he remembers to keep a safe distance between them as focuses his eyes to just under Nick’s, because if he looks him in the eyes it will over and he’ll lose it right here. “I’ve got your results in,” he says, stretching his hand out. “No match, sorry. I’m still analyzing the fibers, I’ll get them to you as soon as possible.”
And as he makes his way back to his lab he tells himself that he will not will not will not look back. When the lab door slides shut behind him there is a tiny part of him that’s proud, proud that he didn’t give in and just look at Nick one more time.
Because even pain was beautiful, sometimes.
“G …”
He turns around slowly, straight lines, no emotion visible. “Yes, Stokes?”
Nick flinches at the use of his last name but he’s still careful not to look him in the eyes. Never in the eyes, never. Because Greg can do this, he can move on. He has successfully not thought of Nick for a whole three minutes before, and even though he knows it’s a pathetic accomplishment, it’s really all he has.
Nick says nothing for a few seconds and he turns back around, intent on doing his work. From the corner of his eye he watches Nick open his mouth to speak, and he’s spared the pity when Grissom walks into the room. “Greg, do you have those blood samples?”
“Not yet,” he hays, huddling over the microscope. “Ten more minutes. I’ll page you when it’s done.”
He keeps his back to Nick after Grissom leaves the room, peering into the microscope at slides he’s already identified, but Nick doesn’t know that, and if he can pretend to be busy for just a little while longer, maybe Nick will finally leave.
He doesn’t expect it to hurt so much when he does.
He doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. He hates being stuck here in this lab, and an irrational part of him wants to blame Nick, because he gave up everything just to be with him, and now it doesn’t matter, he’s back to being a lab rat, but he knows it was his choice. Nick meant more to him then a job.
It’s just another half an hour before his shift is over, and at home he doesn’t have to hide, doesn’t have to pretend, and he can spend the whole night crying over something that will never be.
His hands start shaking.
Rating: PG13
Summary: He can make it through this.
AN: I'm posting this with apologies to Matt, who hates angst for angst's sake. Sorry, love.
He walks slowly, methodically, because if he can just pour all his attention and energy into the mundane he knows he can get through anything, and when he is forced to speak his words are carefully measured, and this is not the same Greg Sanders he used to be and everyone knows it.
Three steps, and he remembers to keep a safe distance between them as focuses his eyes to just under Nick’s, because if he looks him in the eyes it will over and he’ll lose it right here. “I’ve got your results in,” he says, stretching his hand out. “No match, sorry. I’m still analyzing the fibers, I’ll get them to you as soon as possible.”
And as he makes his way back to his lab he tells himself that he will not will not will not look back. When the lab door slides shut behind him there is a tiny part of him that’s proud, proud that he didn’t give in and just look at Nick one more time.
Because even pain was beautiful, sometimes.
“G …”
He turns around slowly, straight lines, no emotion visible. “Yes, Stokes?”
Nick flinches at the use of his last name but he’s still careful not to look him in the eyes. Never in the eyes, never. Because Greg can do this, he can move on. He has successfully not thought of Nick for a whole three minutes before, and even though he knows it’s a pathetic accomplishment, it’s really all he has.
Nick says nothing for a few seconds and he turns back around, intent on doing his work. From the corner of his eye he watches Nick open his mouth to speak, and he’s spared the pity when Grissom walks into the room. “Greg, do you have those blood samples?”
“Not yet,” he hays, huddling over the microscope. “Ten more minutes. I’ll page you when it’s done.”
He keeps his back to Nick after Grissom leaves the room, peering into the microscope at slides he’s already identified, but Nick doesn’t know that, and if he can pretend to be busy for just a little while longer, maybe Nick will finally leave.
He doesn’t expect it to hurt so much when he does.
He doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. He hates being stuck here in this lab, and an irrational part of him wants to blame Nick, because he gave up everything just to be with him, and now it doesn’t matter, he’s back to being a lab rat, but he knows it was his choice. Nick meant more to him then a job.
It’s just another half an hour before his shift is over, and at home he doesn’t have to hide, doesn’t have to pretend, and he can spend the whole night crying over something that will never be.
His hands start shaking.
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Date: 2005-10-12 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2005-10-12 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-12 11:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-12 02:56 pm (UTC)I haven't spoke to you for agggges!!
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Date: 2005-10-19 04:29 am (UTC)I never see you online any more!
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Date: 2005-10-19 02:20 am (UTC)Wonderful and heartbreaking!!!
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Date: 2005-10-19 04:28 am (UTC)