Lone Star, 3/?, R
Sep. 21st, 2005 12:20 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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nickngregTitle: Abandon
Series: Lone Star, Chapter 3/?
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
acroarcs
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: R
Setting/Spoilers: Post-Grave Danger
Summary: Nick starts learning to deal with the dark, but his family is still a mystery.
A/N: Wow, it's been about three months since I wrote the last chapter. Damn. Mad props tokahlualeia for telling me to write and then reviewing the first half.
Previous chapters:
1: Lines in the Sand
2: Wayward Child
3: Abandon
Before then, the hardest part of moving had always been leaving the old place and old people behind. When he’d left for College Station, he’d left his parents. When he’d left for Houston, there’d been his friends at A&M. When he’d gone back to Dallas, his friends at Rice. Even when he’d left for Las Vegas, basically running away from Texas, there’d been friends and coworkers at the Dallas lab and, as always, Tina.
When Nick moved across town in Las Vegas, though, he was eager to leave his old house behind. It had always had a half-done, makeshift, slapdash feel to it, as if he’d never completely moved in. He’d had to find it quickly when he’d had to abandon his first house because of Nigel Crane, and things never felt quite right in the new place. He was leaving behind a house full of ghosts for a new home with Greg.
No, the hard part wasn’t what he was leaving behind. The hard part was that he was completely changing his life without telling anyone. Not that he had to, exactly. On the first workday after the move, Nick logged in on a lab computer and changed his information in the county personnel database. Easy and painless, with no people involved. It felt like cheating. He’d have to tell them sometime, he knew, but not yet, and with some effort he might be able to push it off indefinitely.
Nick and Warrick had sometimes gotten together at the old house to watch a game and drink some beers, but after Nick started dating Greg that happened less and less frequently. Visits from other people dwindled to almost zero as well. When he moved in with Greg, everyone’s visits stopped altogether.
As far as Nick could tell, no one really noticed.
***
The sound of the screen door opening pulled Nick back to awareness.
“You doin’ all right, man?” Warrick’s voice.
“Yeah.” The equilibrium he’d found was gone. His eyes were still focused on the clear sky above him, where only a thin layer of air separated him from the rest of the universe. The breeze floating across his skin was still warm with leftover heat from the day, a soft caress in the cool night. The restful half-sleep, though, only the second time he’d felt relaxed and hadn’t dreamed himself back underground – that was gone. So he lied. “Yeah.”
“Liar,” Warrick said. Somewhere behind Nick there was the sound of metal grating across the concrete patio, and a second lawn chair appeared next to Nick’s. Warrick settled himself into the chair. “I can always tell with you.”
“Yeah,” Nick said again.
“See? There you go again.”
Nick said nothing. He eyes wandered across the sky, tracing half-remembered constellations wherever he could find them, making up new ones where he couldn’t. He knew the Scorpion was supposed to be up this time of year, but he didn’t know where to look. All he could find were fire ants.
“Sorry,” Warrick said. “I didn’t mean to bring that up.”
“Bring what up?” Nick asked.
“Your lying.”
Nick was silent for a moment before turning his head to look at Warrick. “What are you talking about?”
Warrick lowered his head, giving Nick a skeptical look. “You’re living here with Greg.”
“You never asked about that,” Nick said, turning away again. He closed his eyes and tried to feel the breeze again.
“So it’s not lying if you don’t say anything,” Warrick said. “You know, if someone you were questioning tried to…” His voice trailed off. “I wasn’t going to bring that up,” he said after a moment.
There it was, at last. The warmth combined with the faint smell of sand across his face, the odd contrast between one arm and the other, one in a cast, the other not. Nick took a deep breath.
“Want a drink?” Warrick asked.
“Can’t, medication,” Nick said quietly. Warrick said something in response, but Nick wasn’t listening anymore.
***
Being half-asleep was different from being completely asleep, so when the nighttime chill woke him up, Nick already knew Warrick was gone. He hadn’t heard Greg arrive, though, so it was a surprise to find him curled up and asleep in the other chair.
“Come on,” Nick said as he stood and lightly shook Greg’s shoulder. “You don’t need to sleep out here.”
“It’s where you are,” Greg said sleepily. Despite the protest, Greg took Nick’s free hand. Nick pulled him out of the chair.
“Not for long,” Nick said. “Come on.” He put Greg’s left arm over his shoulders as he wrapped his own right arm around Greg’s waist and the two walked to the back door together.
“We have to be quiet,” Greg said in a hushed tone as he tried to quietly open the screen door. It squeaked loudly and Greg winced at the noise. “Tina’s asleep on the couch.”
“All right,” Nick said, using the same volume. He held the screen door open as Greg opened the actual back door. “We can try.”
The first thing Nick noticed inside was that it was dark. Undefined streaks of light fell across the floor where the back porch lights could poke through the curtains on the windows, but most of the room was unlit. He edged inside. Greg stepped in silently behind him, closing and locking the doors. When he also flipped off the outside lights, the room went almost completely dark. The lone illumination came from the glowing green clock on the DVD player.
“Sorry,” Greg whispered absently. The outdoor lights came back on. “I can come back and get those later.” A reassuring hand ran down Nick’s back to his waist, then back up, this time underneath his shirt.
Nick turned toward Greg. “No, it’s fine.”
“Right,” Greg said. He moved directly behind Nick, lifting Nick’s shirt some more and putting his arms around him in a tight hug. “It’s all right,” he whispered. The soft breath was warm on Nick’s ear. “Just stay here for a moment.”
Greg pulled away and left for the hallway. A light flicked on as he disappeared from sight. A few second later he reappeared and returned to Nick’s side. “Lights on all the way there,” he whispered.
“Thanks,” Nick said. They shuffled together past the sleeping Tina, out of the living room, and down the hall. The lamp was on in the bedroom. “Are you sure that’s all right with you?” Nick asked, pointing at it.
“Yeah,” Greg said. “I’ll be back in a second. The back light, you know.” He left.
Nick sat down on the bed, tentatively reaching over to the lamp. Greg hated having lights on while he slept. It was the main reason they’d put all the journals and books in the second bedroom; when he lived alone, Nick had always kept some by the bed and read them as he fell asleep. Nick never used the lamp to read in bed anymore while Greg was around. They’d never spoken about it, but that was just how they’d adapted to each other.
Nick tried turning the lamp off.
Without any visual references, the walls felt like they were pressing in, threatening to hold him in place and cut off the air. He froze, though his eyes kept darting around, watching as the room closed in around him.
A loud banging sound from outside the room snapped him out of the moment, reestablishing some sort of open space where sound could travel. He turned the light back on.
Greg walked back into the room, clearly favoring his left foot over his right as he did so. “Didn’t see that one coming,” he said.
“What?” Nick asked.
“The light going out.” Greg sat down next to Nick. “The walls in this house are really hard, you know. Good thing I was wearing shoes.” He took his right shoe off and started rubbing his smaller toes through the sock.
“Are you all right?” Nick asked. He edged closer to Greg, letting his arm drop from the lamp.
“Yeah, it’s nothing. Shoes, remember?” Greg’s hand stopped on his foot as he turned to Nick. There was almost no warning before he closed the remaining distance between them, putting his lips on Nick’s. The kiss felt light at first, almost tentative, but solidified quickly when Nick pressed back. Their tongues touched briefly before Greg pulled back.
At the sight of the broad grin on Greg’s face, Nick couldn’t help but smile himself as they both let out deep breaths. Greg’s hand ran down the left side of Nick’s chest, then the inside of his right thigh. “You’re home,” Greg said quietly.
“I’m home,” Nick agreed.
“This week has been…” Greg hesitated as he took off his other shoe and his socks. “It’s been something.” He put his hand on Nick’s leg as Nick took off his own footwear. “But now you’re home again.”
Nick smiled and gave Greg a quick kiss on the forehead before standing up. With his back to Greg, he took his shirt off by grabbing the back of the collar with his right hand and pulling it over his head in one smooth motion, partly because it minimized the need to use his left arm, but mostly because he knew Greg appreciated that method. He threw the shirt into the hamper and turned around again. Greg was watching with interest.
“You’re cute when you’re trying to be seductive, you know,” Greg said.
Nick’s ears and neck felt several degrees warmer than they had the moment before. “Trying to be?”
“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed, too,” Greg said, taking off his shirt. The process was considerably messier than when Nick had done it. After a toss across the room, the shirt ended up as a lump on the floor next to the hamper. “Come here.”
Nick hesitated, the cast feeling heavy and awkwardly obvious on his arm now that his shirt was gone. Greg rolled his eyes. “Come here,” he repeated.
“But, this thing…” Nick said, raising his arm slightly.
“Do you think I’m less attractive because of my back?” Greg asked.
Nick stopped at the directness of the question. “What? No,” he stammered. “I mean, we’ve talked about that before, G, and…”
“Then what’s the problem?” Greg asked. “Do I have to get up and guide you over here?” He started taking off his pants, leaving only a pair of boxers. “Because I will, trust me. This bed is way too big for one person.” He smiled and leaned back so that he was lying down with his legs hanging off the bed and started moving his arms around as if he was trying to make a snow angel in the blanket. “Way too big,” he said again.
At the sight of Greg stretched out across the bed, Nick undid his own pants, leaving them lying on the floor as he quickly stalked over to Greg and climbed on top of him. Supporting himself on one arm, he ground his hips into Greg’s hips while trying to get his mouth onto Greg’s mouth. Before he could succeed, though, Greg’s longing smile turned devilish.
Greg put one hand on Nick’s right side, then used it as a fulcrum and pushed Nick onto the bed with a firm hand to his chest. The end result was Greg kissing along a line from Nick’s left ear, down his neck, and onto his shoulder while Nick was still trying to figure out what had happened. Greg was now very comfortably on top of him. Somehow, their lower bodies hadn’t lost contact during the movement.
“It’s been too long,” Greg mumbled into Nick’s skin.
“Yeah,” Nick agreed. He ran his free hand down Greg’s back, tracing the lines between older and newer skin.
Greg’s line of kisses slowly moved towards Nick's nipple. Nick let out a breath in anticipation, steeling himself for the stimulation. When it didn't come, it took Nick a moment to realize that Greg had abruptly gone quiet before sliding off of him, nestling himself against Nick's side while keeping himself wrapped in Nick's arm. “Is it stupid that you’re finally home again and suddenly all I want to do is just lie here with you?” he asked.
“No,” Nick said after hesitating while he got his head working again. His hand was still roving across Greg’s back. He paused for another moment, feeling the touch of Greg’s hand on one leg. “I think it’s perfect.”
“All right,” Greg said. He adjusted himself so that his head rested on Nick’s chest. Nick leaned his head forward briefly to kiss the top of Greg’s head while his arm gripped Greg tighter for a moment. The hand moving up and down Nick’s leg slowly came to a stop.
“Thank you for being strong for me,” Nick whispered as he drifted back into half-sleep.
Nick’s relaxed state fell apart only once during the night, when a new sound drew his attention. Greg’s breathing had become shallower and louder, and Nick could feel tears falling on his skin. Deciding that Greg might not want him to know about it, Nick settled for pretending to move in his sleep, pulling Greg tighter against him.
***
Greg was gone when Nick finally opened his eyes again. Nick had heard him get up, move around, leave, come back, move around some more, and leave again, but the unidentifiable sounds Greg had made the second time around had been followed by the unmistakable sound of someone turning off the lamp. Better the darkness he could control than the darkness he couldn’t. Nick hadn’t stirred.
Now, though, the light from the windows was bright enough that there was a faint glow through his eyelids, and he felt more comfortable waking up. He opened his eyes, blinking in the diffuse sunlight and feeling a strange floating feeling. He turned his head from side to side, trying to puzzle out what was causing it, only to find that there was light coming from under the bed.
He sat up to look. From the higher point of view, it was clear that the light wasn’t actually under the bed. Instead, there were short plastic tubes with small lights along the floorboards of the walls. Not on every part, but on portions of all four. Extension cords circled the rest of the room, linking the lights with electricity. It took Nick a moment to figure out the two places he had seen such lights before. One was underneath bars, where they illuminated the shelves of alcohol without brightening the room too much. The other was Home Depot.
He smiled to himself and got out of bed, finding the power strip Greg had plugged all the lights into and flipping it off. The daylight was enough for now, enough to where he could pretend it was a normal day for the moment. He slid off his boxer briefs and headed into the attached bathroom, stopping to make sure there was a clean towel ready in the closet before filling the bathtub.
He started by just sitting in the warm water and soaking, carefully keeping his left arm above the water line by resting on the tub’s edge. It had been such a long time since he’d been in his own shower, and it was amazing how much more at ease the surroundings made him feel, even if taking a shower was more in line with his routine.
Nick had just finished lathering himself with soap when the bathroom door opened. Greg closed the toilet and sat down as he inspected the contents of the bathtub. “Nice,” he said.
Nick glanced down at himself. There were soap bubbles and the water was murky, but he was clearly visible in the water. “Did you want to join?”
Greg grabbed the front of his own shirt in an indication that he was wearing clothes. “You know I would, but we can’t,” he said. “Your parents are getting back from church soon and we’re all going out to brunch or something.”
“What?” Nick said.
“Your dad got the idea in his head,” Greg explained. “He decided that because it’s Sunday, everyone should go to brunch. I think he just wants to make up for last night’s dinner.”
“In public where nothing can happen,” Nick said. He sighed. “More living under glass, I guess. I didn’t even know it was Sunday.”
Greg shrugged. “I came to wake you up so you could get ready to go.” His eyes moved up and down Nick’s body. “I could stay and watch to make sure you do.”
“Thanks,” Nick laughed. Greg leaned over from the toilet and Nick gave him a kiss, both of them trying to ignore what they could see moving in water as they did so. “I think it might take too long, though.”
“Sometimes you have to take that risk,” Greg laughed. “I’ll just go hang out with Tina while you finish up.” He headed back out the door, closing it behind him.
The rest of Nick’s routine had the same refreshing quality that being in his own bathroom did. Every action was the first time he’d done something since before the incident, and each one helped him feel like things were closer to normal. The first time he toweled himself off with his own towel, the first time he brushed his teeth while looking in his own mirror, the first time he chose his own clothes. By the time his parents returned, he had even settled himself on the living room couch to watch the East Coast baseball games. Greg was next to him, not even objecting to the television selection, and Nick felt ready for nearly any situation. He wasn’t sure if that extended to another meal with his family.
Following the pattern set the day before, Nick and Greg drove separately from Nick’s parents and Tina on the way to Leah and Nathan’s hotel casino. Nick almost smiled. Like most locals, he rarely went to the casinos unless there were visitors from out of town, and the combination of company and glitz usually made a trip a cause for anticipation. This time, though, anxiety and anger were wearing down the preparedness he’d built beforehand.
“Tina was right last night, you know,” Nick said.
“About what?” Greg asked, taking a hand off the steering wheel to turn down the radio.
“My mother’s a meddling bitch.” The words came out with more bite than Nick had expected.
“Well, sign me up for the not having to be her best friend club,” Greg said. “What brought that on?”
“This brunch thing,” Nick said. He put his hand through his hair. “I think she’s deliberately making me uncomfortable.”
“It was your father’s suggestion,” Greg pointed out.
Nick laughed sharply. “I think it goes a step further than that.”
“I don’t think you’ll be uncomfortable there,” Greg said, reaching across the center console to put a comforting hand on Nick. “The room’ll be large and bright. You know how these casino buffets are. They need space for the ninety-year-old grandmothers to drag their walkers around and light for them to read the food names.”
“It’s not the room,” Nick said. “She’s putting me in public to make me uncomfortable with, uh, demonstrating our relationship.”
“I think you’re paranoid,” Greg said.
“That doesn’t mean I’m not right.” Nick said. He stared blankly out the window, watching the curb slide past.
“It does mean that I think you’re reading too much into things.”
Nick grunted in possible agreement, but didn’t say anything else in the car. Leah and Nathan were waiting for everyone in the casino restaurant when they arrived. Unlike the night before and its predetermined seating, Nick ended up next to Greg but directly across from his mother. He rolled his eyes in frustration, waiting anxiously for the waiter to finish confirming they were getting the buffet. Greg’s hand on his thigh made him realize he was fidgeting, and he calmed himself down. He still jumped out of his chair as soon as the waiter instructed them to enjoy the meal, heading straight for the pile of warmed plates.
“Calm down, it’s all right,” Greg said behind him. He also took a plate and started putting waffles on it.
“I’m fine,” Nick insisted.
“Nick,” Greg said pointedly, tilting his glance toward Nick’s plate. There was a mountain of scrambled eggs on it, and Nick was still spooning more on top.
Nick put the spoon down. “I’m hungry,” he said.
“No one loves eggs that much,” Greg said.
Nick picked up a nearby set of tongs and took a sausage link from another bin. He held it up in the air for Greg to see before shoving it onto the plate. Then he paused, took a deep breath, and put the plate down. “You’re not the one I’m upset with,” he said. “Sorry.”
Greg waved it off as nothing, though his facial expression softened. The apology had almost certainly cut off some angrier words. “Can I just say again that I think you’re overreacting?”
“Yeah,” Nick said. He took another sausage link, this time with less fanfare. “Maybe I am. What am I going to do with all of these eggs?”
Greg moved his plate partially under Nick’s and started scraping part of the egg mountain onto it. “We all make sacrifices,” he said.
“And I’m sure this is a painful one,” Nick said with a smile. He pointed back toward the table and raised his eyebrows in a question.
“Go back now?” Greg asked. “You haven’t even taken a waffle.”
“It’s a buffet,” Nick said. “If I manage to climb to the top of Mount Scrambled Egg, I can come back for more.”
Greg smiled but stayed put, reaching for the syrup to put on his waffles. After a moment convincing himself to do it, Nick patted Greg lightly on the back with the cast and went back to the table.
Nick’s mother returned to the table only moments after Nick himself, but to his surprise, she didn’t talk about Greg at all. Instead, she turned to Leah and asked if she and Tina had any plans to go out with Linda that night. Even after Greg returned from the buffet, the conversation remained civil and decidedly not about the problems the day before. Nick felt himself relaxing a little bit at a time, eventually reaching the point where he and his mother actually spoke directly with each other.
“How are things going in Austin?” Nick asked. He had finished the eggs and moved on to the waffles Greg had recommended so highly.
“Same way they’ve been for the last ten years,” his mother said. “Everything changing, all the people moving in, construction everywhere. But that’s not what you’re asking, is it?”
“No,” Nick shook his head slightly as he took a bite.
“He’s doing all right, Nick,” his mother replied. She almost looked sad. “Matt misses you, you know.”
“It doesn’t really show,” Nick said.
“He does. He even asked about you when we went out for dinner for Billy’s birthday. He just turned…”
“Eleven, I know,” Nick interrupted. “What did you tell him?”
“That you were doing well, working.” She stopped when Nick frowned. “What?”
“Just the things he wants to hear. And just the things you want to say.”
“Nick,” she started, but he put his fork down with a clink and she stopped.
“You’re going to have to accept it sooner or later, you know,” Nick said. The relaxation was fading quickly.
His mother scowled. “You don’t have to be so stubborn about it.”
“Me? Stubborn?” Nick laughed quietly.
Greg’s hand was on Nick’s leg again and Nick’s father was quietly trying to talk to his wife. Neither attempt at restoring calm worked very well. “You’re going to have to accept that this is some sort of phase you’re going through sooner or later,” Nick’s mother said, her eyes narrowing.
Nick’s father tried to interject, but Nick raised his voice over him. “A phase? I live with Greg, Mom, and I love him.”
“Nicholas.” His father’s voice cut through the suddenly charged air.
Everyone at the table was silent. “It needed saying,” Nick said quietly.
“You’re probably right,” his father said. He gestured with his head toward the restaurant entrance. A man was standing there, staring straight at the Stokes’ table. “But that over there is Kemper from the newspaper.”
“I already told you what I thought of your politics,” Nick said angrily. He took the napkin off his lap and threw it on the table. “Why don’t you two try listening for once?” He pushed back his chair, stood, threw enough money on the table to cover both himself and Greg, and started walking away. Behind him, he heard Greg mutter goodbyes to his sisters and stand up as well.
Without looking back, Nick walked past the reporter, into the casino proper, and out the doors. Greg was still following him, and Nick was in no mood to care what sort of mess he'd left behind at the table.
Series: Lone Star, Chapter 3/?
Author:
acroarcsPairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: R
Setting/Spoilers: Post-Grave Danger
Summary: Nick starts learning to deal with the dark, but his family is still a mystery.
A/N: Wow, it's been about three months since I wrote the last chapter. Damn. Mad props to
kahlualeia for telling me to write and then reviewing the first half.Previous chapters:
1: Lines in the Sand
2: Wayward Child
3: Abandon
Before then, the hardest part of moving had always been leaving the old place and old people behind. When he’d left for College Station, he’d left his parents. When he’d left for Houston, there’d been his friends at A&M. When he’d gone back to Dallas, his friends at Rice. Even when he’d left for Las Vegas, basically running away from Texas, there’d been friends and coworkers at the Dallas lab and, as always, Tina.
When Nick moved across town in Las Vegas, though, he was eager to leave his old house behind. It had always had a half-done, makeshift, slapdash feel to it, as if he’d never completely moved in. He’d had to find it quickly when he’d had to abandon his first house because of Nigel Crane, and things never felt quite right in the new place. He was leaving behind a house full of ghosts for a new home with Greg.
No, the hard part wasn’t what he was leaving behind. The hard part was that he was completely changing his life without telling anyone. Not that he had to, exactly. On the first workday after the move, Nick logged in on a lab computer and changed his information in the county personnel database. Easy and painless, with no people involved. It felt like cheating. He’d have to tell them sometime, he knew, but not yet, and with some effort he might be able to push it off indefinitely.
Nick and Warrick had sometimes gotten together at the old house to watch a game and drink some beers, but after Nick started dating Greg that happened less and less frequently. Visits from other people dwindled to almost zero as well. When he moved in with Greg, everyone’s visits stopped altogether.
As far as Nick could tell, no one really noticed.
***
The sound of the screen door opening pulled Nick back to awareness.
“You doin’ all right, man?” Warrick’s voice.
“Yeah.” The equilibrium he’d found was gone. His eyes were still focused on the clear sky above him, where only a thin layer of air separated him from the rest of the universe. The breeze floating across his skin was still warm with leftover heat from the day, a soft caress in the cool night. The restful half-sleep, though, only the second time he’d felt relaxed and hadn’t dreamed himself back underground – that was gone. So he lied. “Yeah.”
“Liar,” Warrick said. Somewhere behind Nick there was the sound of metal grating across the concrete patio, and a second lawn chair appeared next to Nick’s. Warrick settled himself into the chair. “I can always tell with you.”
“Yeah,” Nick said again.
“See? There you go again.”
Nick said nothing. He eyes wandered across the sky, tracing half-remembered constellations wherever he could find them, making up new ones where he couldn’t. He knew the Scorpion was supposed to be up this time of year, but he didn’t know where to look. All he could find were fire ants.
“Sorry,” Warrick said. “I didn’t mean to bring that up.”
“Bring what up?” Nick asked.
“Your lying.”
Nick was silent for a moment before turning his head to look at Warrick. “What are you talking about?”
Warrick lowered his head, giving Nick a skeptical look. “You’re living here with Greg.”
“You never asked about that,” Nick said, turning away again. He closed his eyes and tried to feel the breeze again.
“So it’s not lying if you don’t say anything,” Warrick said. “You know, if someone you were questioning tried to…” His voice trailed off. “I wasn’t going to bring that up,” he said after a moment.
There it was, at last. The warmth combined with the faint smell of sand across his face, the odd contrast between one arm and the other, one in a cast, the other not. Nick took a deep breath.
“Want a drink?” Warrick asked.
“Can’t, medication,” Nick said quietly. Warrick said something in response, but Nick wasn’t listening anymore.
***
Being half-asleep was different from being completely asleep, so when the nighttime chill woke him up, Nick already knew Warrick was gone. He hadn’t heard Greg arrive, though, so it was a surprise to find him curled up and asleep in the other chair.
“Come on,” Nick said as he stood and lightly shook Greg’s shoulder. “You don’t need to sleep out here.”
“It’s where you are,” Greg said sleepily. Despite the protest, Greg took Nick’s free hand. Nick pulled him out of the chair.
“Not for long,” Nick said. “Come on.” He put Greg’s left arm over his shoulders as he wrapped his own right arm around Greg’s waist and the two walked to the back door together.
“We have to be quiet,” Greg said in a hushed tone as he tried to quietly open the screen door. It squeaked loudly and Greg winced at the noise. “Tina’s asleep on the couch.”
“All right,” Nick said, using the same volume. He held the screen door open as Greg opened the actual back door. “We can try.”
The first thing Nick noticed inside was that it was dark. Undefined streaks of light fell across the floor where the back porch lights could poke through the curtains on the windows, but most of the room was unlit. He edged inside. Greg stepped in silently behind him, closing and locking the doors. When he also flipped off the outside lights, the room went almost completely dark. The lone illumination came from the glowing green clock on the DVD player.
“Sorry,” Greg whispered absently. The outdoor lights came back on. “I can come back and get those later.” A reassuring hand ran down Nick’s back to his waist, then back up, this time underneath his shirt.
Nick turned toward Greg. “No, it’s fine.”
“Right,” Greg said. He moved directly behind Nick, lifting Nick’s shirt some more and putting his arms around him in a tight hug. “It’s all right,” he whispered. The soft breath was warm on Nick’s ear. “Just stay here for a moment.”
Greg pulled away and left for the hallway. A light flicked on as he disappeared from sight. A few second later he reappeared and returned to Nick’s side. “Lights on all the way there,” he whispered.
“Thanks,” Nick said. They shuffled together past the sleeping Tina, out of the living room, and down the hall. The lamp was on in the bedroom. “Are you sure that’s all right with you?” Nick asked, pointing at it.
“Yeah,” Greg said. “I’ll be back in a second. The back light, you know.” He left.
Nick sat down on the bed, tentatively reaching over to the lamp. Greg hated having lights on while he slept. It was the main reason they’d put all the journals and books in the second bedroom; when he lived alone, Nick had always kept some by the bed and read them as he fell asleep. Nick never used the lamp to read in bed anymore while Greg was around. They’d never spoken about it, but that was just how they’d adapted to each other.
Nick tried turning the lamp off.
Without any visual references, the walls felt like they were pressing in, threatening to hold him in place and cut off the air. He froze, though his eyes kept darting around, watching as the room closed in around him.
A loud banging sound from outside the room snapped him out of the moment, reestablishing some sort of open space where sound could travel. He turned the light back on.
Greg walked back into the room, clearly favoring his left foot over his right as he did so. “Didn’t see that one coming,” he said.
“What?” Nick asked.
“The light going out.” Greg sat down next to Nick. “The walls in this house are really hard, you know. Good thing I was wearing shoes.” He took his right shoe off and started rubbing his smaller toes through the sock.
“Are you all right?” Nick asked. He edged closer to Greg, letting his arm drop from the lamp.
“Yeah, it’s nothing. Shoes, remember?” Greg’s hand stopped on his foot as he turned to Nick. There was almost no warning before he closed the remaining distance between them, putting his lips on Nick’s. The kiss felt light at first, almost tentative, but solidified quickly when Nick pressed back. Their tongues touched briefly before Greg pulled back.
At the sight of the broad grin on Greg’s face, Nick couldn’t help but smile himself as they both let out deep breaths. Greg’s hand ran down the left side of Nick’s chest, then the inside of his right thigh. “You’re home,” Greg said quietly.
“I’m home,” Nick agreed.
“This week has been…” Greg hesitated as he took off his other shoe and his socks. “It’s been something.” He put his hand on Nick’s leg as Nick took off his own footwear. “But now you’re home again.”
Nick smiled and gave Greg a quick kiss on the forehead before standing up. With his back to Greg, he took his shirt off by grabbing the back of the collar with his right hand and pulling it over his head in one smooth motion, partly because it minimized the need to use his left arm, but mostly because he knew Greg appreciated that method. He threw the shirt into the hamper and turned around again. Greg was watching with interest.
“You’re cute when you’re trying to be seductive, you know,” Greg said.
Nick’s ears and neck felt several degrees warmer than they had the moment before. “Trying to be?”
“You’re cute when you’re embarrassed, too,” Greg said, taking off his shirt. The process was considerably messier than when Nick had done it. After a toss across the room, the shirt ended up as a lump on the floor next to the hamper. “Come here.”
Nick hesitated, the cast feeling heavy and awkwardly obvious on his arm now that his shirt was gone. Greg rolled his eyes. “Come here,” he repeated.
“But, this thing…” Nick said, raising his arm slightly.
“Do you think I’m less attractive because of my back?” Greg asked.
Nick stopped at the directness of the question. “What? No,” he stammered. “I mean, we’ve talked about that before, G, and…”
“Then what’s the problem?” Greg asked. “Do I have to get up and guide you over here?” He started taking off his pants, leaving only a pair of boxers. “Because I will, trust me. This bed is way too big for one person.” He smiled and leaned back so that he was lying down with his legs hanging off the bed and started moving his arms around as if he was trying to make a snow angel in the blanket. “Way too big,” he said again.
At the sight of Greg stretched out across the bed, Nick undid his own pants, leaving them lying on the floor as he quickly stalked over to Greg and climbed on top of him. Supporting himself on one arm, he ground his hips into Greg’s hips while trying to get his mouth onto Greg’s mouth. Before he could succeed, though, Greg’s longing smile turned devilish.
Greg put one hand on Nick’s right side, then used it as a fulcrum and pushed Nick onto the bed with a firm hand to his chest. The end result was Greg kissing along a line from Nick’s left ear, down his neck, and onto his shoulder while Nick was still trying to figure out what had happened. Greg was now very comfortably on top of him. Somehow, their lower bodies hadn’t lost contact during the movement.
“It’s been too long,” Greg mumbled into Nick’s skin.
“Yeah,” Nick agreed. He ran his free hand down Greg’s back, tracing the lines between older and newer skin.
Greg’s line of kisses slowly moved towards Nick's nipple. Nick let out a breath in anticipation, steeling himself for the stimulation. When it didn't come, it took Nick a moment to realize that Greg had abruptly gone quiet before sliding off of him, nestling himself against Nick's side while keeping himself wrapped in Nick's arm. “Is it stupid that you’re finally home again and suddenly all I want to do is just lie here with you?” he asked.
“No,” Nick said after hesitating while he got his head working again. His hand was still roving across Greg’s back. He paused for another moment, feeling the touch of Greg’s hand on one leg. “I think it’s perfect.”
“All right,” Greg said. He adjusted himself so that his head rested on Nick’s chest. Nick leaned his head forward briefly to kiss the top of Greg’s head while his arm gripped Greg tighter for a moment. The hand moving up and down Nick’s leg slowly came to a stop.
“Thank you for being strong for me,” Nick whispered as he drifted back into half-sleep.
Nick’s relaxed state fell apart only once during the night, when a new sound drew his attention. Greg’s breathing had become shallower and louder, and Nick could feel tears falling on his skin. Deciding that Greg might not want him to know about it, Nick settled for pretending to move in his sleep, pulling Greg tighter against him.
***
Greg was gone when Nick finally opened his eyes again. Nick had heard him get up, move around, leave, come back, move around some more, and leave again, but the unidentifiable sounds Greg had made the second time around had been followed by the unmistakable sound of someone turning off the lamp. Better the darkness he could control than the darkness he couldn’t. Nick hadn’t stirred.
Now, though, the light from the windows was bright enough that there was a faint glow through his eyelids, and he felt more comfortable waking up. He opened his eyes, blinking in the diffuse sunlight and feeling a strange floating feeling. He turned his head from side to side, trying to puzzle out what was causing it, only to find that there was light coming from under the bed.
He sat up to look. From the higher point of view, it was clear that the light wasn’t actually under the bed. Instead, there were short plastic tubes with small lights along the floorboards of the walls. Not on every part, but on portions of all four. Extension cords circled the rest of the room, linking the lights with electricity. It took Nick a moment to figure out the two places he had seen such lights before. One was underneath bars, where they illuminated the shelves of alcohol without brightening the room too much. The other was Home Depot.
He smiled to himself and got out of bed, finding the power strip Greg had plugged all the lights into and flipping it off. The daylight was enough for now, enough to where he could pretend it was a normal day for the moment. He slid off his boxer briefs and headed into the attached bathroom, stopping to make sure there was a clean towel ready in the closet before filling the bathtub.
He started by just sitting in the warm water and soaking, carefully keeping his left arm above the water line by resting on the tub’s edge. It had been such a long time since he’d been in his own shower, and it was amazing how much more at ease the surroundings made him feel, even if taking a shower was more in line with his routine.
Nick had just finished lathering himself with soap when the bathroom door opened. Greg closed the toilet and sat down as he inspected the contents of the bathtub. “Nice,” he said.
Nick glanced down at himself. There were soap bubbles and the water was murky, but he was clearly visible in the water. “Did you want to join?”
Greg grabbed the front of his own shirt in an indication that he was wearing clothes. “You know I would, but we can’t,” he said. “Your parents are getting back from church soon and we’re all going out to brunch or something.”
“What?” Nick said.
“Your dad got the idea in his head,” Greg explained. “He decided that because it’s Sunday, everyone should go to brunch. I think he just wants to make up for last night’s dinner.”
“In public where nothing can happen,” Nick said. He sighed. “More living under glass, I guess. I didn’t even know it was Sunday.”
Greg shrugged. “I came to wake you up so you could get ready to go.” His eyes moved up and down Nick’s body. “I could stay and watch to make sure you do.”
“Thanks,” Nick laughed. Greg leaned over from the toilet and Nick gave him a kiss, both of them trying to ignore what they could see moving in water as they did so. “I think it might take too long, though.”
“Sometimes you have to take that risk,” Greg laughed. “I’ll just go hang out with Tina while you finish up.” He headed back out the door, closing it behind him.
The rest of Nick’s routine had the same refreshing quality that being in his own bathroom did. Every action was the first time he’d done something since before the incident, and each one helped him feel like things were closer to normal. The first time he toweled himself off with his own towel, the first time he brushed his teeth while looking in his own mirror, the first time he chose his own clothes. By the time his parents returned, he had even settled himself on the living room couch to watch the East Coast baseball games. Greg was next to him, not even objecting to the television selection, and Nick felt ready for nearly any situation. He wasn’t sure if that extended to another meal with his family.
Following the pattern set the day before, Nick and Greg drove separately from Nick’s parents and Tina on the way to Leah and Nathan’s hotel casino. Nick almost smiled. Like most locals, he rarely went to the casinos unless there were visitors from out of town, and the combination of company and glitz usually made a trip a cause for anticipation. This time, though, anxiety and anger were wearing down the preparedness he’d built beforehand.
“Tina was right last night, you know,” Nick said.
“About what?” Greg asked, taking a hand off the steering wheel to turn down the radio.
“My mother’s a meddling bitch.” The words came out with more bite than Nick had expected.
“Well, sign me up for the not having to be her best friend club,” Greg said. “What brought that on?”
“This brunch thing,” Nick said. He put his hand through his hair. “I think she’s deliberately making me uncomfortable.”
“It was your father’s suggestion,” Greg pointed out.
Nick laughed sharply. “I think it goes a step further than that.”
“I don’t think you’ll be uncomfortable there,” Greg said, reaching across the center console to put a comforting hand on Nick. “The room’ll be large and bright. You know how these casino buffets are. They need space for the ninety-year-old grandmothers to drag their walkers around and light for them to read the food names.”
“It’s not the room,” Nick said. “She’s putting me in public to make me uncomfortable with, uh, demonstrating our relationship.”
“I think you’re paranoid,” Greg said.
“That doesn’t mean I’m not right.” Nick said. He stared blankly out the window, watching the curb slide past.
“It does mean that I think you’re reading too much into things.”
Nick grunted in possible agreement, but didn’t say anything else in the car. Leah and Nathan were waiting for everyone in the casino restaurant when they arrived. Unlike the night before and its predetermined seating, Nick ended up next to Greg but directly across from his mother. He rolled his eyes in frustration, waiting anxiously for the waiter to finish confirming they were getting the buffet. Greg’s hand on his thigh made him realize he was fidgeting, and he calmed himself down. He still jumped out of his chair as soon as the waiter instructed them to enjoy the meal, heading straight for the pile of warmed plates.
“Calm down, it’s all right,” Greg said behind him. He also took a plate and started putting waffles on it.
“I’m fine,” Nick insisted.
“Nick,” Greg said pointedly, tilting his glance toward Nick’s plate. There was a mountain of scrambled eggs on it, and Nick was still spooning more on top.
Nick put the spoon down. “I’m hungry,” he said.
“No one loves eggs that much,” Greg said.
Nick picked up a nearby set of tongs and took a sausage link from another bin. He held it up in the air for Greg to see before shoving it onto the plate. Then he paused, took a deep breath, and put the plate down. “You’re not the one I’m upset with,” he said. “Sorry.”
Greg waved it off as nothing, though his facial expression softened. The apology had almost certainly cut off some angrier words. “Can I just say again that I think you’re overreacting?”
“Yeah,” Nick said. He took another sausage link, this time with less fanfare. “Maybe I am. What am I going to do with all of these eggs?”
Greg moved his plate partially under Nick’s and started scraping part of the egg mountain onto it. “We all make sacrifices,” he said.
“And I’m sure this is a painful one,” Nick said with a smile. He pointed back toward the table and raised his eyebrows in a question.
“Go back now?” Greg asked. “You haven’t even taken a waffle.”
“It’s a buffet,” Nick said. “If I manage to climb to the top of Mount Scrambled Egg, I can come back for more.”
Greg smiled but stayed put, reaching for the syrup to put on his waffles. After a moment convincing himself to do it, Nick patted Greg lightly on the back with the cast and went back to the table.
Nick’s mother returned to the table only moments after Nick himself, but to his surprise, she didn’t talk about Greg at all. Instead, she turned to Leah and asked if she and Tina had any plans to go out with Linda that night. Even after Greg returned from the buffet, the conversation remained civil and decidedly not about the problems the day before. Nick felt himself relaxing a little bit at a time, eventually reaching the point where he and his mother actually spoke directly with each other.
“How are things going in Austin?” Nick asked. He had finished the eggs and moved on to the waffles Greg had recommended so highly.
“Same way they’ve been for the last ten years,” his mother said. “Everything changing, all the people moving in, construction everywhere. But that’s not what you’re asking, is it?”
“No,” Nick shook his head slightly as he took a bite.
“He’s doing all right, Nick,” his mother replied. She almost looked sad. “Matt misses you, you know.”
“It doesn’t really show,” Nick said.
“He does. He even asked about you when we went out for dinner for Billy’s birthday. He just turned…”
“Eleven, I know,” Nick interrupted. “What did you tell him?”
“That you were doing well, working.” She stopped when Nick frowned. “What?”
“Just the things he wants to hear. And just the things you want to say.”
“Nick,” she started, but he put his fork down with a clink and she stopped.
“You’re going to have to accept it sooner or later, you know,” Nick said. The relaxation was fading quickly.
His mother scowled. “You don’t have to be so stubborn about it.”
“Me? Stubborn?” Nick laughed quietly.
Greg’s hand was on Nick’s leg again and Nick’s father was quietly trying to talk to his wife. Neither attempt at restoring calm worked very well. “You’re going to have to accept that this is some sort of phase you’re going through sooner or later,” Nick’s mother said, her eyes narrowing.
Nick’s father tried to interject, but Nick raised his voice over him. “A phase? I live with Greg, Mom, and I love him.”
“Nicholas.” His father’s voice cut through the suddenly charged air.
Everyone at the table was silent. “It needed saying,” Nick said quietly.
“You’re probably right,” his father said. He gestured with his head toward the restaurant entrance. A man was standing there, staring straight at the Stokes’ table. “But that over there is Kemper from the newspaper.”
“I already told you what I thought of your politics,” Nick said angrily. He took the napkin off his lap and threw it on the table. “Why don’t you two try listening for once?” He pushed back his chair, stood, threw enough money on the table to cover both himself and Greg, and started walking away. Behind him, he heard Greg mutter goodbyes to his sisters and stand up as well.
Without looking back, Nick walked past the reporter, into the casino proper, and out the doors. Greg was still following him, and Nick was in no mood to care what sort of mess he'd left behind at the table.
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Date: 2005-09-21 05:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-21 07:00 pm (UTC)yes, more please!
Date: 2005-09-21 01:48 pm (UTC)Re: yes, more please!
Date: 2005-09-21 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-21 03:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-21 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-21 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-21 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-21 08:16 pm (UTC)So I am pleased to have found this story.
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Date: 2005-09-21 11:02 pm (UTC)*Squees because the fic rocks*
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Date: 2005-09-24 09:30 am (UTC)Funnily enough I was just thinking about this story the other day, along with one or two others that have been started and seem to have been lost somewhere along the way....so I'm really glad that you've posted a new chapter....I totally get the whole real life getting in the way thing tho, as I meant to write something for the "let them be happy" challenge, until well, life happened....Thanks for continuing to share this story with us! I'm LOVING it!!
*que the McDonalds music!* ;)
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Date: 2005-10-10 01:21 am (UTC)I couldn't be a bigger fan of this if I tried. It's so fleshed out and every little interaction rings true. Do you have a big family? You've got the dynamic down. This is still the best portrayal I've read of Nick's family. I felt like I was there with them while reading it.
Anyway, I love this and I'm so excited that you posted a new part. I really needed this today.
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Date: 2005-10-10 05:01 am (UTC)I don't come from a large family myself (parents, me, younger brother), but the Stokes are modeled on a family I knew up in Boston. There were six kids, five girls and a boy, scattered across twelve years in age. I added a second boy to the end, renamed everyone, and tried to imagine what they'd be like with the extra child and thirty years older. It works better than it sounds.
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Date: 2005-10-10 05:22 am (UTC)