nickngreg | So, Mary-Sue me! New Fic

Title: Three Scales
Author:

fred_bear aka jennybel75
Chapters: 1/?
Rating: PG13, maybe R for one swear word
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Disclaimers: I don't own them, I just like playing with them.
Summary: Unrequited love's a bitch. Angst, pure and simple
A/N: Many, many thanks to my wonderful beta

catloverx2 for all her support, advice and convincing me to post this! This is a fic that appeared in my head and would not leave me alone until it was written. It's based on a song and a gold star to anyone for guessing which song. That said, I think it's total crack!fic, let me know what you think. Also, there's a possibility for more, gods willing.
X-posted at

csi_slash

You don’t see me. Well, no, that’s not quite true. You do see me, pretty much every day actually. You see me at work, occasionally you see me when we’re all out for breakfast together after shift or on those very rare occasions when we get together at Warrick’s for a beer and to watch the game. But you don’t see me the way I want you to.

I want you to look at me with those eyes like a fallen angel’s and see me the way I see you.

You certainly didn’t see me last night. We both had the same night off, a rare occurrence, and I was trying to work myself up to taking advantage of it by asking you if you wanted to grab a drink, have dinner and maybe, just maybe, come back to my place and fuck my brains out. Love me the way I love you, have loved you for the past six years, ever since I first set eyes on you. You looked at me, smiled that devastating smile and breathed “Hey,” breaking my heart into a million pieces and putting them back together in a pattern for which only you have the key.

But I didn’t ask you out, once again the nerves took hold and I convinced myself that there was no way that a guy like you would ever be into guys, let alone a guy like me, so I did nothing, nothing at all.

Even so, it was hard not to feel disappointed and passed over when I saw you standing there with her. At first I wasn’t even sure that it was you, or at least that’s what I told myself. You were standing there, in line for a movie; arm snaked around her waist, your back to me. Then you turned your face towards hers, reaching up with your other hand to brush away a stray golden curl and leaned in to whisper something in her ear. Something that made her exclaim with laughter and plant a soft kiss on your lips. You moved your hand around to cup her face gently and kissed back with a passion I could feel radiating from where I stood.

It was like I stopped breathing at that very moment.

I turned and ran, ignoring the strange looks and shouts of “Watch where you’re going buddy.” I had to get away, be anywhere but there, watching you kissing someone that should have been me.

Somehow I ended up back at my car, breathing heavily, trying to reign in the sobs and stop myself from throwing up at the same time. In my mind, playing over and over were all the smiles, looks and touches we’d exchanged. I thought I was throwing you the obvious signals but apparently they meant nothing, nothing at all to you.

And now, I’m standing here watching you sitting in the break room with Sara and Warrick, chatting like nothing had happened, as if you hadn’t just destroyed my world. I have to go in, I know I do, Grissom’s coming down the hall, ready to hand out assignments for the shift. Steeling myself, I walk in, praying to a God I don’t believe in that what I’m feeling isn’t plastered all over my face.

“Hey ’Rick, Sara.” I can’t help it; I can feel my face burning as I turn to look at you, “Hey Greg.”

You turn to me; smile that killer smile that I now know means nothing more than what it seems and say, “Hey Nicky.”

And I still can’t help but wish that when you do look at me with those eyes like a fallen angels’ that you see there’s more behind mine. But you don’t and I die just a little more.