nickngreg | One Hundred Ninety Three

littlebuttercup.livejournal.com posting in

Title: One Hundred Ninety Three
Rating: PG

Sloganizer prompt. "Greg Sanders is a safe place in an unsafe world." Thanks to Jeff for not using it :) Unbeta'd. Sorry. You can flame if there are glaring mistakes.

First night home, and he turned every light in the house on before falling asleep on his stomach, the door to his bedroom wide open. The phone was placed carefully beside his bed, even though he wasn’t sure who he would call if he needed someone. His gun was under his pillow.

Three days, and the bedroom light went off, but not the hall light, kitchen light, living room light or bathroom light. He had graduated to sleeping on his side, and had moved the gun from underneath his pillow to underneath the other one. The phone remained on the nightstand, along with a carefully written phone number on a scrap of paper.

Five days, and he woke up with the covers over his head and fell out of bed while fighting to get them off. It took three cups of tea and two sleeping pills to calm down. He stared at the scrap of paper for twenty minutes before falling asleep on the couch with it clutched in his hand.

Eight days and he wakes up in a cold sweat, and makes up his mind. The light in the bathroom is flicked back on, same with the hall. The phone is still on his nightstand, and tonight, he calls the number.

Twelve days and he’s drunk out of his mind, sobbing on his couch while Greg and Warrick sit beside him, arms slung over his shoulders and he’s thankful they’re there with him and are putting aside their pride for just this one night and giving him something stable to hold on to. Warrick leaves for work after two hours, but Greg calls in and takes the night off. Nick wakes up in his bed hours later, Greg sitting there and looking over him.

Fourteen days and he calls Greg after hearing strange noises, and immediately feels incredibly stupid. After stuttering and assuring Greg that he’s okay, he hangs up the phone, gets his gun, and sits on the couch. Greg is at the door fifteen minutes later and searches the house, and even though he’s embarrassed, he’s thankful.

Fifteen days and he wakes up to Greg watching over him, and he wonders if he ever left. He doesn’t remember getting into bed, but he’s lying there now with the covers thrown over him loosely.

Thirty-three days and he’s self-consciously asked Greg over every night. Tonight, the gun gets put on the nightstand. Greg comes over without being asked, and he’s starting to get used to waking up and seeing Greg sitting beside him.

Forty-five days and Greg is nowhere in sight when he wakes up, so he searches the house and sees him on the couch, curled up tight. His eyes are red and puffy, and he wonders what he’s been crying about.

Fifty-seven days, the gun gets put back in his dresser drawer and he tells Greg he’s okay on his own.

Fifty-seven days and two hours, he calls Greg over because he’s not okay on his own. Greg shows up with a backpack full of clothes and informs him that he won’t be leaving until he feels comfortable letting Nick stay on his own. He laughs because Greg sounds a little bit like his mother, and he doesn’t really mind.

Sixty-three days and he’s drunk again on the couch, telling Greg about the babysitter. He expects to be left alone that night, but Greg doesn’t leave, instead, he’s pulled forward until his head is resting on Greg’s shoulders and Greg whispers into his ear until he falls asleep.

Seventy-eight days and he’s started thinking of the spare room as Greg’s room. There are clothes thrown all over, dozens of hair products cluttering the bathroom, and he’s worried that he’s a little too used to this, because eventually, Greg will leave.

Eight-nine days and he’s been ignoring Greg, hoping that when he leaves, it won’t be that hard. But Greg pretends not to know he’s being ignored, and cheerfully chatters on any time they’re in the same room.

Ninety-one days and he gives up trying to ignore Greg, because it’s more effort than it’s worth.

One hundred and two days and he wakes up one morning realizing he’s slept the whole night on his back with no light. He starts to cry, and Greg comes in the room a minute later, sliding into bed next to him and wrapping his arms around him without a second’s hesitation.

One hundred and three days and he’s in love.

One hundred and three days and three seconds and he’s huddled in the corner of his shower, frozen. Love. Love. Love. He’s afraid of love. He’s afraid of unrequited love.

One hundred and four days and he’s in love with loving Greg. His heart skips a beat whenever Greg smiles at him, and he’s happier than he’s been in a long time.

One hundred and twenty-two days, Greg says he looks like he can stay on his own now. Tonight, the nightmares start again, and Greg climbs into bed with him, holding him close and smoothing his hair down. He sleeps on his side, wrapped in a safe world that only Greg can offer.

One hundred and forty-three days and he can sleep on his own again. Greg moves back into his own bedroom, but he’s always there, watching over him.

One hundred and fifty-six days and he gives Greg a copy of his house key. Greg smiles wider than he’s ever seen when the door opens the first time.

One hundred and fifty-seven days and their eating their first meal in the house they share, and he doesn’t think food has ever tasted better.

One hundred and seventy-one days and Greg comes back late from work, shaking from head to toe. There was an accident, the scene wasn’t cleared properly, and he hasn’t ever had a gun pulled on him before and he confesses he can’t stop thinking about what would happen if he died. They sleep in his bed tonight.

One hundred and eighty-nine days and he kisses Greg. He pulls away after a second, horrified, and runs away.

One hundred and ninety-three days, he finally comes home. The house is dark, but Greg is sitting at the kitchen table, his eyes red and puffy, and he wonders why he was crying, so he walks over to ask, and maybe to apologize.

One hundred ninety-three days and six seconds, and Greg kisses him.