More, More, More

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

here are two more parts to the journals. Some dirty words, but nothing too bad. (that's for the next one, I think) Hope you enjoy. Feedback is my mana.

My Pensive:


This afternoon I had my second meeting with my shrink. What a mind fuck. He seems to think I’m focusing on everything but what happened. That I’m trying to focus so much on Greg. Although I didn’t tell him everything about Greg and he didn’t ask to read my journal. But we did talk about my dreams. I don’t remember much of what he said, but mostly it was my feeling that somehow this event had blocked me from admitting what I felt that it was keeping me from progressing from the point I was at before. I was about to write this guy off as a total hack on the ride home. When I heard this song on the radio. Grave Digger by Dave Matthews. To be honest I never really cared much for his stuff but this song just hit me. Right there in the middle of the road. I was buried alive. I’ve said it before. I thought I knew what it meant, but not until that moment. It all came rushing back so fast, I had to pull over. I honestly thought I was going to die. Do you know how that feels? To lie there, in so much pain you can’t think straight. To see only blinding white/red when you close your eyes. I hadn’t let myself think about it. Not only did I think I was going to die, but I wanted to. For a moment, I wanted to die. I didn’t care about my parents, or Greg, or that I hadn’t sent my bills in yet that month. All I cared about was ending the nightmare. And there in the middle of Vegas I cried. I mean really cried since I got out of there. Almost half an hour later I finally calmed down enough to drive home. When I got there Greg was just waking up. For a moment I forgot all about the problems or whatever the fuck is going on between us. And I grabbed him and kissed him for the first time since before, before I was buried alive and almost died. And better than kissing him felt was the feeling I had when he kissed me back. When we pulled apart, I told him I loved him. I’d never done that before, well, not while we were out of bed. He told me he knew. I told him that I was sorry. And he told me that he knew. He told me that he wanted to stop our non-fight. And I was a little confused. So he kissed me and said he needed to get ready to work. And that he had a special treat planned for me soon. Which reminded me that I was going to dinner with Warrick and Cath. Who are running late. I hope tonight I’ll be able to sleep a little better. Actually I think I will. Gotta go, cath and Ric are here.



From the Collected Shorter Works of Greg Sanders:




She wouldn’t move out of my way.
I warned her, if she didn’t I would not be responsible.
She asked what the hell I knew about what he was going through.

“I know what it’s like to burn.”

To feel your flesh roasting and charring under your already charred skin.
I know what it’s like to want to blame someone and find you can’t.
I know what it’s like to wake up alone and in pain and scared.

“I know what it’s like to be in love with him.”

To feel your skin tingle when he brushes against you.
I know what it’s like to feel him on the inside.
I know what it’s like to be willing to give my life for him.

She didn’t have anything else to say
I pushed past her and took my place near you.
She asked what your parents would think and I backed away from your bed because I cared.
And then you said I love you and everything between then and now seemed like it didn’t matter.



Thanks
SAEbuffyboy

Comments

[0creativity.livejournal.com]

Nick's journal: I can so see him getting a death notice and saying "But I haven't paid my bills yet!" I'm glad he finally broke down.

Greg's whatever it is: "I know what it's like to burn." For some reason that created this really powerful image in my mind. Great job. Greg's stuff always seems so much more intense to me. I think it's because Nick tends to ramble, which anyone would do if they were just keeping a journal. Greg gives his stuff form and meaning and... yeah, it's awesome.

Are we supposed to know who "she" is? Or did you want to leave that open? At first I thought it was his mother, but apparently not.

[squara.livejournal.com]

oh, I thought it was Nick's mom too. To me it is like Nick is trying to find himself again, that's why he rambles. Greg on the other hand is angry, so he is more focused. Or maybe I am getting it all wrong?!

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

Actully I didn't realize I had neglected to mention who the she was. I'm debating weather or not to say who I had intended it to be. Actully. I need to say who it is, because if I don't it might make the next part REALLY difficult. I had intended it to be Catherine that was blocking his way. Nick is just rambeling... Nick is not always angry (i gave him a few happy posts earlier) Greg just has a more poetic way of expressing himself weather angry or happy.

[squara.livejournal.com]

Sigh, I knew I'd get it wrong. Drat Cath for getting in the way.

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

but since I never mentioned a name in it. it's totally open to your interpration. To Me it's cath. But to you, or zero or whoever else what's it to be. It can be Nicks mom. or maybe sarah or a nurse. that's the fun of writing like this. There is no right or wrong.

[squara.livejournal.com]

oh, I meant that I got why Nick and Greg wrote in the styles they did wrong. But maybe I got them right for me, and how I see them. Hmmm, I also forgot to yay! over them "making up" from their "fight", so YAY!!!

[catlover2x.livejournal.com]

Love the rambling in Nick's journal. When you feel things intensely it's the best way to get it out, without editing.

Love Greg's thingy. Curse TPTB for inflicting him with that accident and then pretending it didn't happen. Like, kidding, kidding, he's all ok folks. But you make it okay to see the scars with no pretending.

[cunnane.livejournal.com]

Awwwww I'm so glad they've made up! Also good to see Nick's finally dealing with stuff. Am loving these journals muchly :)

~x~

[flipflopadd1ct.livejournal.com]

Both were really great. I know those are supposed to be separate series or w/e, but reading both of them in one entry shows a nice constrast between who both of them are. The best part is how your interpretation of how they would write fits both of them like a glove (at least, it does in my mind)!

[bloodanna.livejournal.com]

Ooh, these are wonderful. I am so glad Nick finally broke down and I love that Grave Digger is what finally made him do so.
Greg's... Well, Greg's is just fan-freaking-tastic!
“I know what it’s like to burn.”
That is my favorite part. Beautiful and poetic.

[fred-bear.livejournal.com]

Sea, you're just breaking my heart with this, it's just so beautiful. I really love seeing the 2 different perspectives. You rock!

[imyourally.livejournal.com]

I really like the Greg part, but the Nick part was just fantastic. I think you have quite a good handle on how his brain works.