Finally into counterpoint.

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

For those who are unfamiliar with this. The follwing are Nicks journal for his shirnk, and Gregs book of writing. Two sides of the same events. these have some dirty words, but nothing really bad. And again thanks for all the wonderful support on these. I really will reply to comments this time, just been busy lately and haven't had time to reply. But yeah, thanks.

My Pensive:



He doesn’t look at me when we sleep anymore. Not that we were locked into any position especially Greg. But Greg always used to sleep facing me. And although I acted like it annoyed me, in retrospect, I miss it. I miss looking into his eyes as they fluttered open. I loved seeing the recognition in them as he realized where he was, and that we were together. Even more I loved the smile that was always there when that moment of realization hit him. But at first the smiles stopped. They were replaced by a look of, fuck I don’t know. Disgust, or repulsion. And then he started sleeping on his side facing away from me. He barely looks me in the eyes anymore. And I know why. It’s because of those god damned pills and that freak out after I was released. The bruises are almost gone now. Just a couple small ones on his collar bone are left. I apologized a million times. I cooked dinner for him. I organized his cd’s. I did everything I could think to show him how sorry I was. He kept telling me that it was no big deal. He understood that it was not me who attacked him, but those med’s. But I don’t think he really believes it. I have to go back to the shrink tomorrow and I’m a little nervous. I never really thought about it, but what if he reads this? Maybe I should go and edit this. Some of it’s pretty weird. Like those dreams. Speaking of which, I haven’t been sleeping since I had it. I take my sleep aids when Greg comes home and we lay down together. His back to me of course. Half an hour later, I’m down for the count. But it doesn’t last as long as it used to. Maybe four hours now. When I wake up, I just lay there looking at Greg. Watching him. I loved it when he’d face me. I could watch him sleep for hours. But now I have to settle for watching the back of his head. But at the same time, I’m just happy to have him there. To have his breath in the same space. ‘

I’ve been thinking about going back to work a little. I know I have at least another month before it’s even a consideration. But, I don’t know. Fuck, I really need to get some more sleep. Maybe I’ll have a drink before I take my next med’s. I know you shouldn’t mix the two, but it might intensify the effects, and if I can get more sleep. It can’t be that bad. Fuck I need more sleep. Even I’ve begun to notice the bags under my eyes. That haven’t been that bad since I week, when I didn’t sleep for 5 days straight. Even then I don’t think they looked this bad.


From the Collected Shorter Works of Greg Sanders:



His eyes, are.....Listless
I have trouble looking at them
His eyes, are.....dull
That Stokes Sparkle is gone
His eyes, are......empty
I couldn’t have them looking at me every morning
His eyes, are......sad
Every time he looks at me I want to cry
His eyes, are......not his
Sometimes I think someone else came out of the ground that day.


His eyes, are......hurting me
I used to see myself in them
His eyes, are......painful
But now I only see hurt
His eyes, are....sorry
For things he can not control
His eyes, are......starting to worry me
The lines I thought were sexy now scare me
His eyes, are.....dark
His spark of life is gone.

His eyes are NOT DEAD, NOT FUCKING DEAD!!!!!!!
IF THEY WERE, THAN I’D HAVE TO ADMIT
THAT MY NICK DIED THAT DAY
AND I DON’T FUCKING BELIEVE THAT.

His eyes are listless, and dull, and empty, and sad, and not his, and
hurting me, and painful, and sorry, and stating to worry me, and dark,
but there not dead. And even if they were, I won’t stop till I bring them
Back to Life.


As always feed back loved and accepted.

Comments

[0creativity.livejournal.com]

These were great separate, but I really, really like having them together and sort of answering each other like this. Greg's freak out about Nick's eyes not being dead was great and his poem thingy was sad :( I'm happy that he won't stop until he brings them back to life, though.

I'm really loving this.

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I've been trying to get the stories to this point since I started Nicks and now they're finally ready to have the back and forth flow i wanted. When it comes to Nick, Greg always gives more.

[shacky20.livejournal.com]

Oh Ouch, this one hurt, now I'm really sad for my boys, both of them. Poor Nicky, thinking Greg's afraid to look at him because he attacked him, when Greg just really misses his old Nicky. I can understand that he changed, but that spark, I can understand that being gone. And mixing alcohol with the meds, I know that feeling, almost desperation to rest, to forget, and you know you shouldn't but you don't care cause it may intesify the effect so you can rest and forget for awhile.

Make Greg see Nick is still there, let Nick still be there and forgive himself. I'm so loving the angst here, keep it up, but could we at least have a happy ending???

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

yeah, this one is kinda painful. And I've been there with the med thing as well. Like I said before I really want this to become a journey for both of them. I would love for it to end happy. I'm a sucker for happy endings. But I don't really know where it's going. I'm just along for the ride.

[squara.livejournal.com]

Ouch, you made me mist up there. I dont cry easily, especially not at fic, so good job. There is so much pain there...if they would only communicate. I like having them together to compare, that makes it even more sad. I second the happy ending.

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

I'll take that as a compliment. :) I know they need to talk to eachother, but they're boys and they don't do stuff like that. And i'm hoping for a happy ending too, but we'll see.

[bloodanna.livejournal.com]

*Sniffle* Nick's was painful, but Greg's... Huh, I'm just sitting here crying. Greg's is so very, very painful.
His eyes, are......sad
Every time he looks at me I want to cry
His eyes, are......not his
Sometimes I think someone else came out of the ground that day.
That's the part where I started cry. That is where I think you killed me.
What I'm trying to say is these are brilliantly done and are going in my memories.

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

wow, that's the first time anyone has put me in their memories. I'm flatered. Thank you. I'm glad the fic touched you. *not like that* but in a good way. I hope.

[imyourally.livejournal.com]

Oh God, that is heartbreaking. Poor boys. Nick's desperate and Greg's just holding on and they're both hurting so much. The Greg part following up right after the Nick part totally made me cry.

So basically, well done. I quite like that you haven't glossed over the emotions in this and you haven't made everything be alright just because they're together because sometimes it's just not alright.

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I really wanted to make this whole thing an emotonial journy. It hasn't been a month since it happened, and I think things right now are not alright. hell, who would be alright. So yeah, thanks again.

[quettaser.livejournal.com]

Oh god, you've gotten me all teary. Both of them are separately powerful, but back to back they just...guh...they cut really deep. The raw emotion is so real, I just- okay, I've lost the ability to form coherent thoughts. This=very much with greatness

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Like i've said, I really wanted this to be a place they show the emotions that they can't show eachother. For whatever reason, personal, and sociotal. I really want to get into having a view point from both of them on these subjects. Sometimes I might go one sided, but for the most part. Yeah.

[just1tearforme.livejournal.com]

I just want to hug the both of them. Nick needs a hug out of love, and Greg needs a hug for reassurance. *sigh*

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

I know, me too. thanks for the feedback.

[cunnane.livejournal.com]

*sniffs* That was so sad, I actually welled up. Just seeing how hopeless they're both feeling at the moment is heartbreaking, I absolutely love it but want it to stop so the boys stop hurting so much. This series of journals is fantastic :)

~x~

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

thanks, and like any great tragedy, people need time to heal. In their own ways. I'm sure they'll be fine.