Never Too Late

[maddieamazing.livejournal.com]

Title: Never Too Late

Chapter: 5

Spoilers: Mild to none

Rating: PG-13 still for language and adults concepts

Author's Note: City officials have put out a state-wide request that people turn down their thermostats and stop using hot water because we, as a state, are running out of natural gas supply. That's how cold it is here. I'm also housesitting for a friend who lives in an apartment, which means I get to take her two dogs for a walk three times a day. Yes, outside. Lucky me? :) On a happier note, chapter five is here! Enjoy and thank you all, again, for the wonderful comments. Keep them coming!

P.S. I want your opinions; would a sex scene between our boys at some point in this story be an asset? Or do you think it would take away validity? I want your input.

     

 

     "Greg, how are you?"

     Greg smiled at the woman. "I'm fine, Shelby, how are you?"

     The pretty, dark haired, dark skinned woman in her mid thirties, wearing a dark blue, knee-length dress under a white lab coat, gave Greg a warm smile. "Well, I'd be better if this damn town would produce some decent men!"

     "Now, Shelby, I keep telling you I'll find one of my dashing young colleagues to set you up with." He lifted his chin ever so slightly as if to make his doctor feel like he was some sort of professionally trained matchmaker. 

     "And how can I trust you to do that when you can't manage to bag a decent man for yourself?" She tapped him playfully on the forearm.

     Greg laughed. He simply loved the woman. He loved her attitude, her ability to make him laugh even though she only saw him at his most vulnerable times. He loved her smile and her ease and the way she spoke to him like he was a partner in his disease, not just a passenger on her hyper-credentialed ship.

     When he was offered a job years ago at the Las Vegas crime lab as a DNA analyst, right out of graduate school, he'd been wary. Sure, he had the highest grades in his graduating class, his recommendations were impeccable, his attitude incomparable, but being invited to one of the busiest, most reputable and well known crime labs in the country at no older than twenty-five was not something he'd been told to expect. And when he flew out to Las Vegas from San Francisco for the interview, he immediately began to suspect that the reason the position was available, and the reason no one had yet filled it, was because Las Vegas as a city was somewhat akin to what Greg imagined a brothel in Hell would look like - sinful, guilt-filled, and only pretty at night.

     He took the job, of course, partially because lead DNA analyst for one of the best crime teams in the country was not something even the most seasoned and experienced scientists turned down. Partially, though, he also took the job because of Shelby. Greg became ill on his trip to interview in Vegas, something he was quite used to, but so ill that he rushed himself to the nearest emergency room where, after telling his triage nurse he was HIV positive, was immediately handed off to Shelby Fox, a clinical immunologist who not only nursed Greg back to health with top-notch care and an incredible bedside manner, but was also single-handedly responsible for realizing that Greg was on a very dangerous combination of medications. He was later told, by an adoring nurse of Shelby's, that had she not caught the error in the combination, he would have eventually gone into the first stages of heart failure. At twenty-five.

     So Greg left the town he'd grown up in - the town of family and friends and memories, good and bad - and took two jobs; one at the Las Vegas crime lab, and one as Shelby's newest patient. He saw her every three months, and while visits to doctors in San Francisco were dreaded and stigmatic and painful, visits to Shelby in Las Vegas were calming and reassuring and, actually, somewhat enjoyable.

     Then, a year after his move, Greg was called in to lend a DNA analyst's opinion on a case in which they'd also called in another specialist - a clinical immunologist named Shelby Fox. Greg had seen her five times in her office and a few times outside of it. Yet, when she was "introduced" to Greg, she shook his hand and, with total conviction, said "Hello, Greg, nice to meet you." He was sure he had made the right choice in moving to Vegas there and then. 

     "Your tests look fantastic, Greg." Shelby sat in the small rolling office chair opposite where Greg was seated in a surprisingly comfortable nylon backed chair. Shelby flipped through Greg's chart. "Your viral load is nearly undetectable, your CD4 count is in the seven-hundreds, and - oh dear Lord, Greg, what did you do to your arm?"

     Greg chuckled a little as Shelby's eyes zoomed in on the heavily bandaged wound he'd received two days prior. "Accident at a crime scene, everything's fine."

     "It doesn't look fine!" Shelby's slight Southern accent became more detectable. "What on earth happened?" 

     "A stupid CSI who wasn't thinking and turned a dark corner without checking to see if anyone was behind it happened." Greg laughed at his naivety. "It's just a cut, no problem. A few stitches and I'm good as new."

     Shelby smiled a wide smile at Greg and grabbed his hand. "Who knew working in the field would be so dangerous, honey!"

     Greg laughed again. "I'd heard stories. This was actually my second accident in a couple weeks."

     Shelby maintained her smile but looked concerned. "Share with your doctor, sweetie, come on."

     Greg widened his smile. Shelby, though a brilliant physician, had become more like a close friend who just happened to have an MD after her name.    

     "Apparently broken glass hates me, I cut myself on some at a crime scene."

     "Were you trying to seduce it or something?" Shelby joked.

      "I was just trying to bag it for evidence!" Greg defended light-heartedly. "And then..." Greg thought of Nick, of how hurt he'd looked when Greg instinctively pulled his hand from Nick's reach, and the moment they'd shared a few days ago. His heart skipped a beat or two.

     "And then...?" Shelby encouraged.

     "Nothing. I just...a co-worker tried to - I mean, he wanted to see how deeply I'd cut myself, if I was okay, and I didn't let him..." His voice trailed off and suddenly his light-hearted smile was gone and he seemed more vulnerable than anything else.

     "Greg?" Shelby encouraged, taking on a reassuring tone.

     "It's fine. It was fine." Greg shook his head, almost trying to pull himself out of his memories.

     There was a comfortable silence in the room for a moment, almost as if Shelby knew, instinctively, Greg wasn't done sharing.

     "Shelby?" Greg asked. She nodded. "I know - I mean - how...how contagious am I?"

     She knew what he meant, she got similar questions often from newly diagnosed patients, especially ones who were caught off guard by their diagnosis. She grasped one of Greg's hands in her own and squeezed softly.

     "Normally, Greg, I'd tell you that you needn't worry, that transmission from someone handling your blood so simply as a friend offering first aid is safe and contamination is very unlikely. But that isn't what you mean, is it?"

     Greg looked up at her briefly with a sheepish, sad glance. He shook his head.

     "Sweetie," Shelby said in a soft tone, rolling her chair so that she sat next to him. "It's hard living with this, I know. It's really hard. But it doesn't control your life, Greg, and it doesn't mean you can't do what someone who's HIV negative can do, understand?"

     Greg was trying not to cry, he did too much crying in Shelby's office. "But how? I'm...contagious."

     Shelby laughed a laugh that was neither insensitive nor demeaning - it was reassuring. "You aren't, Greg. Not the way you think you are. You weren't expecting your diagnosis, honey, which I think is why you've been just so cautious about who you share it with. But we've come such a long way with treating HIV, and there is absolutely no reason that you shouldn't be able to have healthy, happy relationships with people, Greg. In every aspect."

     He smiled, he almost couldn't help himself.

     "So what's his name?" Shelby asked, tone lighter now.

     "Whose name?" Greg tried to sound like he didn't know what she was talking about, but he failed and gave in. "Nick, his name is Nick. How did you know?"

     Shelby laughed again. "I've been seeing you for years, Greg. I know you." Greg couldn't argue with that. "Does he know?"

     Greg thought about his yelled confession in a night club, about how he didn't watch Nick's reaction, about how Nick had been unafraid to touch Greg and aid Greg and comfort Greg, even after he knew. He nodded. "But I should have told him differently."

     Shelby looked confused, so Greg explained the kiss, the confession, the knife wound and the ambulance ride. Talking to Shelby was like talking to a best friend - easy and reassuring.

     "What happened after the ambulance ride?" She asked.

     "Nick came by, but he was with our supervisor. He just got a chance to tell me that they caught the guy who slashed me and were holding him in custody. And then our supervisor jumped in with a speech on how to properly handle crime scene dangers in the future."

     Greg couldn't help but chuckle softly thinking of Grissom, standing in front of Greg who was still being stitched and bandaged, lecturing him for half and hour before finally shaking his head, putting a firm hand and Greg's shoulder, and saying, "So don't do it again and I'm glad you're safe."

     "Have you seen him since?" Shelby asked.

     "Sort of. At the lab, but only for a few minutes - we've been on different cases."
   
     "What did he say when you saw him?" Shelby was his doctor, the woman who checked his blood tests and educated him on his medications and answered all his dumb questions, but she also did quite a bit of being Greg's therapist, and he wasn't complaining. Come to think of it, she, and now Nick, were the only ones in Las Vegas who knew about Greg's disease to begin with.

     "He didn't really say anything, he's just been acting differently."
 
     "In a bad way?" Shelby asked.

     Greg shook his head thoughtfully. "No, no, just like he knows something he's always wanted to know. I think he - sort of - understands me."

     Shelby smiled. "You should talk to him," She offered.

     "I don't know," Greg hesitated. 

     Shelby tilted her head to one side. "Greg," She said knowingly, "You should talk to him."

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     "Nick, wait up!" Greg yelled down the hall when he spotted that unmistakable backside.

     Nick turned and waited for Greg to catch up. "What's going on, G?" He asked in a friendly tone.

     "Nothing much, going to watch Cath interrogate some poor sap." The boys laughed.

     "Stand with your back towards the wall in case she decides to go all Matrix on him," Nick joked.

     "Will do." Nick smiled and was about to walk away before Greg stopped him. "Hey, Nick!" 

     Nick turned.

     "Do you want to grab breakfast later or something?" Greg internally beat himself up; was he being too forward? Bold? Should he let Nick come to him? "I mean - I just thought - we could talk about...everything," He defended himself.

     "Breakfast is good, G," Nick said, apparently not turned off by Greg's proposition. "Al's? My treat."

     Greg smiled shamelessly. "Sounds good."

     "Great! Meet me out front around ten or so." Greg nodded. "Good luck!"

     Luck, Greg thought. He smiled to himself. 

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     "I like this place. I used to come here all the time my first few years of college. It was all I could afford." Greg chuckled, taking a seat in a vinyl booth, ripping in many places, opposite the young, impressively-dressed banker he'd met a few months ago in an elective course he was taking. 

     "I only recently discovered it," Cody Michaels, the bright blue eyed banker responded.

     "It's pretty terrible, but if you don't think too hard, it can be kind of perfect." Greg shrugged, remembering his early college days when he was so young and naive and felt so indestructible. Three weeks away from graduating with a Master's degree, he momentarily marveled at how much had changed since then.

     "So tell me about yourself, Greg," Cody jumped right in. 

     Greg shrugged. What was there to tell? "I'm glad to be almost done with my educational career?" He jokingly guessed, eliciting a forced laugh from the man opposite him.

     "I'm not so glad for you, I'll miss seeing your adorable face around," Cody answered charmingly. Greg smiled shamelessly, he wasn't beyond transparent complements.

     "Ditto, though if I really feel like seeing you, I can always track you down with the fancy equipment at the lab in Vegas, right?" Greg laughed, making light of the move he was to make in a little over a month, the one he wasn't so sure he wanted to make.

     "I don't know if you'll have time between all the hookers and gambling," Cody joked. An older waitress poured coffee for them which they both wasted no time in enjoying.

     "Are you going to forget about me?" Greg flirted. It had been nearly two years since the dramatic ending to the relationship with his longtime boyfriend, Liam, and sitting across the table from Cody sharing bitter, weak coffee was the closest he'd come in the time since to dating. He still had the charm in there somewhere, he figured. He just had to find it.

     "Of course not," Cody teased back, grabbing Greg's hand resting on the table for a few seconds. "Though I'm surprised you weren't already taken when I asked you out, I'll be honest."

     Greg laughed, mostly to himself. Surprised, yeah. 

     "I really haven't dated much since-" He cut himself off. 

     "Since?" Cody pressed.

     "I don't know, since my last boyfriend and I broke up and I was diagnosed HIV positive." 

     He sort of regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, and he sort of loved them at the same time. He'd told friends, his parents, his grandparents about his diagnosis, but he'd never told any potential romances. He figured honesty was probably the best policy, right? Better they know sooner than later.

     Cody's expression changed to something Greg couldn't place. It was almost sympathetic, or empathetic, but it was cold and distant and...different, at the same time.

     "I'm sorry to hear that," Cody said, tilting his head to the side as if trying to figure out something very confusing. "I'm going to use the little boys room real quick, be right back." Greg nodded.

     He didn't come back. 

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     "I think the most terrifying thing about it is the way she looks at the suspect," Greg chuckled to a receptive joking partner. "It's like she's about ready to pull a gun on them or something."

     Greg and Nick had been light-heartedly evaluating the half terror, half awe and inspiration that was attached to watching Catherine interrogate a suspect. So far, the morning breakfast run felt fine, normal, like nothing had changed between them even when everything had.

     "Just wait until you see her and Brass together," Nick responded playfully, putting a hand on Greg's lower back and nudging him towards an open booth at the far end of the kitschy diner. 

     They sat down, Greg on one side, Nick on the other, like they'd done several times before. They ordered coffee - and cream for Nick - like they'd done several times before. Everything was the same, and nothing was.

     "Greg," Nick started first, in a deeper tone with less resonance of Nick's famous Texas twang. "I didn't know if I should have asked you to talk sooner. Don't think I didn't want to or anything, it's just...I just...figured you'd come to me when you were ready."

     Greg nodded. "I know, Nick. Thank you for that." He was a little uneasy with the unestablished mood at the table. "I dropped a bomb on you the other day, Nick, I'm sorry."

     "Please don't be sorry, G," Nick interjected immediately. "You can tell me whatever, whenever. Besides, I overstepped boundaries of my own."

     Nick thanked the middle aged waitress who poured their coffee before going about adding the perfect amount of cream and a packet of sugar from the bowl on their table. 

     "I don't even know where to begin with this conversation, Nick," Greg laughed, deciding to voice what they'd both probably been thinking.

     Nick shrugged slightly. "I don't either, Greg." 

     Greg took a deep breath. Before anything else, there was a question he needed answering. "Nick..." He trailed off before noticing the attentive look on Nick's face and deciding to continue. "How is it that you don't seem to be...afraid of me? Now that you know, I mean."

     "Greg," Nick began, wondering how anyone, anywhere, could be afraid of the perpetually gentle and caring man across from him. "I'm not afraid of you because there's nothing to be afraid of, G. Being around you - touching you - isn't going to infect me."

     Greg smiled up at Nick. "I know that," sort of, "But not many other people do."

     "I'm not many other people, G," Nick laughed.

     Greg smiled. You sure aren't, he thought. 

     "I didn't mean to tell you, Nick," He let slip, slightly under his breath.

     Nick tilted his head slightly to the side, unsure if he should be offended or not. 

     "Then why did you?" Nick asked uncertainly.

     Greg opened his mouth to say something, and closed it just as quickly. He didn't know, really. He had no idea. Maybe because he wanted someone - anyone - to know. Maybe because he wanted Nick to know. 

     "I don't know," He said, a little sadly, with a shrug.

     There was another silence at the table for a few moments, though it almost seemed to be whispering the hundreds of questions they both needed answering.

     "I don't know what to do here, G," Nick finally said, speaking honestly in a tone that seemed to be a little tainted with something like concern.

     "About what?" Greg asked.

     Nick looked across the table at him, making direct eye contact. "I don't know what to say to you, or what to ask you or..." he took in a deep breath. "Or where to go from here."

     Greg reached across the table and made contact with Nick's hand, held in a tight first that unclenched reflexively at Greg's touch. 

     "I've never told anyone, Nick. Just being supportive is more than enough. And you can ask me whatever you want - I owe you that."

     Nick seemed to calm a little, giving Greg a small smile.

     "I'm really the first one you've told, G?" He asked, surprised.

     "In Vegas, yeah."

     "Why?"

     Greg sighed. Why. He didn't know himself, fully. "I guess because I was sort of...running from all of it when I moved out here. And because it's not an easy thing to tell someone and because I'm afraid of what they'll say, and because I really, really hate myself sometimes for...letting this happen."

     Nick felt like crying for the younger man. He'd always known Greg as the most confident, outgoing, almost obnoxious lab rat with the crazy hair who couldn't possibly hate himself. He was learning there was a lot, a whole personality, he didn't know about Greg.

     "But Greg...seven years you've been here - right? Seven years on your own?" Nick couldn't fathom it.

     "It's not as bad as it sounds," Greg shrugged. "Besides I've got my family, they know, and friends back in San Francisco and if things get bad, I call them."

     "How long..." Nick trailed off, not knowing if it was okay to ask, even with Greg's reassurance.

     "Have I known?" Greg asked. Nick nodded in confirmation. "Nine years last month. I was diagnosed my first semester of graduate school."

     "But how did you..." Nick trailed off again.

     "Nick, I said ask anything, and I meant it. Anything. Really."

     Nick smiled at him, swallowed a gulp of air, and continued. "How did you..." He still seemed incapable of asking.

     "Get sick?" Greg finished his sentence, again Nick nodded. "I was in a relationship with a guy...Liam," It stung to say his name. "We were together two years and we - I thought we were - monogamous. I don't know when exactly I was infected, but we were both tested before we got together, and we were both negative." He inhaled deeply before continuing. "He'd been cheating on me with some guy, apparently for a while, and when I was diagnosed I put two and two together." He toyed with the handle on his coffee mug. "Turns out Liam had known he was positive for a few months, and just thought I somehow wouldn't get it, I guess."

     "He knew?" Nick looked disgusted.

     Greg nodded. "Yeah, yeah he knew. Nice, huh?" He laughed humorlessly.

     "That's...awful, G. Who would do something like that?"

     Greg had trouble fathoming that on his own. "Liam. Liam would, I guess," He said dryly. Nick shook his head disapprovingly. "Anyway, I broke up with him as soon as I found out. Well...as soon as I could breathe again."

     "That sounds terrible, G. I can't imagine going through something like that." Nick stared intently at the table, trying to wrap his head around the kind of betrayal someone had done to Greg before Nick even knew him.

     Greg shrugged. "It's okay. I mean...it isn't, it sucked, but at least I found out what a lying, cheating bastard he really was." There was an absence of bitterness in Greg's tone, almost like it had all been used up at an earlier date.

     "So what did you do?" Nick continued.

     "I moved out, and cried a lot, and almost flunked my first semester," Greg said matter-of-factly. "Then I stopped feeling sorry for myself and realized that this was my life now, and I had to find a way to live with it. I didn't get treatment until almost a year after I was diagnosed."

     "You were scared," Nick validated.

     "I was, I was scared. I still am, sometimes," Greg said so low Nick had to strain to hear him. 

     "How is it all now?" Nick asked.

     Greg nodded slowly. "It's okay, actually. I mean, I'm really healthy. There are medications and doctors visits, and I have to be careful, but I'm okay." 

     Greg's assurance in his own words put Nick at ease, too. "I guess a lot has changed, then," Nick said. "When I was young, HIV was a death sentence." He shook his head. "Wait...that's not what I meant. I meant-"

     "It's okay, Nick," Greg reassured him. "I know what you mean."

     Nick sighed, and began to speak before he retracted his words and began again. "I..lost someone to it when I was younger. A few someones, actually."

     Greg looked up from where he'd been staring into his coffee cup. Usually, Nick didn't share, not his favorite movies or family history, much less private stories from the life of a young Nicholas Stokes. 

     He didn't know what to say, so he choked out an "I'm sorry" in a small voice. Nick didn't continue, so Greg assumed it wasn't something he wanted to talk about.

     "Can I ask a question now?" Greg asked after an easy silence. Nick chuckled and nodded. "How did you know I was going to...why did you kiss me?" He felt ashamed to be asking the question, but wanted an answer nonetheless.

     Nick laughed nervously. "I'd blame the alcohol, but I only had one drink." Nick took a deep breath. "I've known I was gay since I was seventeen, Greg. But you don't tell people in Texas that you're gay. I'm okay with it now, but I wasn't for a while. And I'm private." He inhaled quickly. "What I'm saying is that it takes someone who's hid it themselves to spot someone else who's hiding it."

     Greg looked thoughtfully at Nick. "I'm not...hiding it..." He tried to argue, though he knew he was lying through his teeth.

     "G," Nick said. "I've known you for seven years, and not once in that time have you ever said anything that would even suggest that you're gay."

     Greg stared into his coffee cup again. "I never thought I would..." He began smally. Nick looked confused. "When I was younger," Greg continued, "I was so open about everything. Maybe too open. I mean, I was born and raised in San Francisco, openness is second-nature. But then...I became such a stereotype" Greg again laughed humorlessly. It nearly broke Nick's heart. "I mean, a gay guy with HIV. Shocking, right?"

     Nick wrinkled his brow and spoke with total conviction. "No, Greg. Don't ever think of yourself like that."

     Greg looked away from Nick, unconvinced. But when Nick's hand made contact with his again, it portrayed something he couldn't remember feeling. Acceptance, compassion perhaps. Or maybe - maybe - love.

     They talked for hours. Nick told Greg about being young and gay in Texas. He told Greg about what it was like and what he was told during the beginning stages of the epidemic he was only thirteen when began. Greg told Nick about his decision to move to Vegas, about Shelby and the fact that his greatest fear is anyone at the lab finding out.

     At noon, when the dreaded alarm rang from his jacket pocket, Greg almost shut it off and tried to pretend like he didn't notice the disturbance, before he looked across the table at Nick and remembered that this person, this one person, was someone he didn't have to hide around anymore. It was a remarkably wonderful feeling.

     So instead, he retracted the small pill bottle from his pocket, and swallowed the tablets before explaining to Nick.

     "They're called antiretrovirals," he said, putting the pill bottle back in his pocket. "They make me sick as hell, but they're what are keeping me alive," He joked, smiling at the love/hate relationship he had with the bitter medication.

     "You take them everyday?" Nick asked.

     "Twice a day, yeah," Greg responded. Nick nodded, and it wasn't the kind of disgusted, confused, hurtful nod Greg had been assuming would come from anyone should they ever find it; it was just a nod. The kind two guys share when they're talking. The kind two normal, healthy men share when they're talking. And Greg loved that.

     "So what now?" Greg asked, quickly wiping a tear from his eye with the back of his hand.
        
     "Now, I think you let me take you to dinner," Nick said simply.

     Greg smiled. Dinner, he thought. How very...normal.

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     Hundreds of miles away in a large, perpetually cold town, always foggy, with rolling hills and old fashioned trolley cars, a young man awoke in a hospital bed. His body ached; his legs were bruised and bandaged from where he'd been kicked and dragged across the rough terrain of an alley behind a poignant Chinese restaurant. His arms and torso were throbbing in every place he'd been hit, cut, kicked. His backside, especially the private entrance to his body where he'd been unwillingly entered by another man was sore and raw, making him nearly cry out in pain every time he moved against the rough hospital sheets. His head, though, his head hurt worst of all. It pounded with his every heartbeat and fire seemed to be burning from the large gash on his temple.

     Two men, both large and muscular, one with unruly brown hair and one with tidy blonde hair, coursed through his memories.

     "Someone should take him to the hospital, doncha' think, Liam?" The large blonde man said in a deliberately sweet, though somehow diabolic tone before the young man finally blacked out. 
           
 

     
 

Comments

[sastiel.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD! Twisty ending! This chapter was awesome! And yes, the cold can be annoying. I live in Colorado and it's been almost 40 below with the wind chill. Uggh! What's this about a sex scene? Because that's just what this story is missing!

Have a nice weekend hon, hope you got to watch the new episode! XD

[maddieamazing.livejournal.com]

Cousin! I'm a New Mexico girl myself. :) Thanks for commenting!

[cmali.livejournal.com]

Whoa. Where did that come from?

I am really enjoying this story. You haven't made it a medical dictionary, and yet it rings true. I really like it.

I love that you elude to Nick's past experiences with HIV, but show the vulnerable side of him, as well. I feel thats a very canon Nick Stokes. I hope it helps him to understand what Greg is going through. He's awesome!

Greg is so sweet, but he's still masculine and so very Greg. You have done a great job characterizing him.

Now. To address your questionl:

I do think that these guys would have sex. However, I think it will take Greg a long time to build up to jacking off, let alone penetration--I'm not sure he would EVER allow that. (Wow. This convo is feeling weird :) Anywho, I think there will be a lot of getting to know each other and handsy make-outs before anything extreme will happen. Even then, I would guess Greg would get Nick off before he would allow it for himself. He still seems like he's in self-punishment mode, and this would be a horrible punishment to inflict upon himself. I also think he would talk to Shelby in-depth, as well as do research to prepare himself to experience things in the safest way. He loves Nick and would want to protect him to the fullest extent.

Regardless what you decide, this is a beautiful, well-written story. It has reached out and grabbed my heart several times. Not sure about the killing-team, but I'm sure all will be revealed soon.

Keep up the fantastic work!!

[maddieamazing.livejournal.com]

Your comment is so, so sweet and so, so helpful. You're absolutely right, I think that's exactly the would it would/is going to go. :) Thank you for helping me out with the dilemma, and thanks so much for reading.

[cindyls1969.livejournal.com]

Oh god. They are gonna come after Greg aren't they? And can I say I love the respect and care you are sharing with this story. I looke forward to more. I don't know what to tell you with the sex scene thing. I don't think it would take anything away from it and if you handle it with as much class as the rest, I think it will be amazing.

[maddieamazing.livejournal.com]

Hm...guess we'll have to wait and see...:)

Thank you so, so much. Respect and care with writing is a story with this subject matter is so, so important to me.

[maddieamazing.livejournal.com]

Questions, questions...:)

Thank you! Yes, I'm a little proud of Nick myself. :) I will certainly keep all your thoughts in mind.

[burrollie.livejournal.com]

Wow! I didn't expect that little twist at the end!

This is a great story and you're portraying the characters very well by the way they are handling the situation. I can just picture Nick being as understanding and supportive of Greg as you're writing him to be.

As far as the deed goes, I agree with cmali. I think it would eventually happen, but it needs to go slowly. It wasn't too long ago that Greg didn't even want Nick to touch him out of fear. But, I can see them slowly building up to the moment. It's already obvious that Nick is educated about HIV and isn't afraid of Greg, so that shouldn't be an issue. Greg is the one who will need Nick to take baby steps with him. One the same note, I can imagine Greg freaking out and getting overly emotional not believing that he is deserving of Nick. And, he'll always be worrying about Nick's health and safety.

I'm sure what ever you decide will be handled with care. You're doing an amazing job with this story. I'm really looking forward to more!

[maddieamazing.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your consistently kind comments. I'm agreeing with both of you, and I think it will be a slow but steady sort of process.

[xobinsnest.livejournal.com]

Wow... the courage to finally come clean... how great you show caring medical staff folks who will work with you not against you...

twist at the end... like others say... wonder where that is going....

I too think that sex needs to be something thought over and discussed not just a quick tumble in the sack... but that's just me.

[maddieamazing.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your comment, and thank you for reading!

[happy-harper13.livejournal.com]

Wow. At first I was really, really hesitant to look at this story because of the content, but I am so, so glad I did. This is truly one of the most beautiful stories I've ever read. So touching and emotional. And about the sex scene, I agree that you should write it. And not just because of a general love of sex scenes (although that definitely does factor in). Given the nature of Greg's illness, the way that he's dealt with it, the way he expected Nick to deal with it, and the way Nick is dealing with it, I think it would really serve the direction of Greg's growth and the relationship as a whole in this story. It basically epitomizes everything Greg is afraid of trying again.

[maddieamazing.livejournal.com]

What a kind, generous comment, thank you so very much. I've definitely taken all your comments to heart. Thank you again!

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

This is such a great story so far, and I'm looking forward to reading more of it. :-)

A sex scene would definitely be interesting - especially if Greg has been celibate since finding out that he is HIV+. It would be really good to see how they go about making it work; what they decide they can do and what may not be so possible. Also, I have a feeling that those boys can - and probably will - make safer sex incredibly hot and sexy.


{Way, so far off-track.... I was involved in HIV/AIDS education in college - learned how to put a condom on with my mouth (great party trick...lol) and got to show guys that 'yes, that condom can fit... I've got it down to my elbow. So cut the excuses.'

Also, I just got through reading "And The Band Played On" for the 15th time, so it is quite fascinating to see how much progress has been made from the days of Patient Zero in 1980.}

[maddieamazing.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know that trick. :) You just got done reading one of my favorite books of all time. Things have changed since Gaetan Dugas, yes. The shocking thing is how little we still don't know about HIV's fascinating history. Thanks for reading and for your kind comment. :)

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! I'm so curious to see how this story progresses, how Nick and Greg's relationship continues outside of work. :-)


(I ended up re-reading "And The Band Played On" after my allergist told me that a while back, he was in a practice with Dr. Marc Conant - who still treats HIV/AIDS patients here in San Francisco, so he was familiar with Gaetan Dugas... may have been after the fact stories, not first-hand experience.)