Earlier than expected

[saebuffyboy.livejournal.com]

Hey everyone, by popular demand I thought I'd try something from Nick's presepctive. Some language is pretty harsh so be warned.

My Pensive:



Hi my name is Nick Stokes. I work for the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I’m 34 years old. And about a month ago, I was kidnaped, buried alive, and left for dead. My amazing friends managed to find me and pull me from what I thought would be my grave. I just started therapy and my shrink seems to think that keeping this diary/ journal bullshit will help me out or something. I’ve never done anything like this before, so bare with me. Let’s see, the rules were First I have to be honest, no bullshit. Second I have to write down every dream I have that I can remember. Other than that I guess I have the freedom to do whatever I want. Greg’s happy about it. He always tells me I need Dumbledore’s pensive, because I carry so much shit in my brain. And damnit, I fucked up already. I have done something like this. Not kept a journal for a shrink, but when I was a kid I kept one for a little while. All my sisters had them and I thought they were kinda cool. So when I was six or eight I started one of my own. I didn’t write about my the stuff that happened in my life for very long. Instead I wrote about Captain Hero and his sidekick Kid Cool. Captain Hero was, as I’m sure psycho babble would say, my unconscious childhood manifestation of my dreams for the future. He was a policeman who solved cases by using science and logic. Not the hardass interrogations I saw on tv. It all started when a police man came to my school and told us about things like finger prints and they used them to solve crimes. I guess you could pinpoint that as the moment that I decided I wanted to be a cop, but I hate all this psycho babble bullshit. So what else about me. If I had to pick the Kid Cool in my life it’d be Greg. Greg and I are. What I mean is that Greg’s my roommate and my best friend. We’ve been sharing a place for a while now. He’s really been great for me during all of this. Well, I guess, that’s all there is for now. I hope this is what I’m supposed to be doing.

Ok, so I fucked this up again. Twice on my first try. This is going to be great. I lied. About Greg. Not about him being my roommate, or my best friend, or any of that. So I guess I really didn’t lie, but I wasn’t totally honest. Greg is my lover, or my boyfriend, or whatever it is when you live with some one that you love but are too afraid to tell anyone about it. Greg moved in the day I got out of the hospital. He set up shop in my guest room which lasted all of one night. He was really sweet about the whole thing. So afraid to touch me because he’d hurt me. To be honest I wanted to hear someone breathing with me when I was alone. Every time I shut my eyes and lay down, I’m back in that box. When Greg is there, it’s easier. And he gets up in the middle of the night and puts the salve on me when the burring comes back. And he holds me when I have freak outs as my medication wears off in the middle of the “night”. And he just talks me through it when I can’t breath, and need my own space. And when they switched my meds right when I got out of the hospital, he took every punch I threw at him when I completely lost touch with reality that first day. He didn’t scream, he didn’t fight back, but just took them. Like he knew that on some level it was what I needed. When I came out of it Greg was in the bathroom nursing a bloody nose. He had a black eye, a bruise on his cheek and a fat lip. That was as far as I got before I threw up, right there in the bath tub. I haven’t done that since college, when that chick was pissing and I got sick at some kegger. I took him to the hospital as soon as my stomach settled. He got off with out much damage. Only some bruises on his face and chest. I could have broken his nose or jaw or fractured his cheek. I guess that’s one time we got off lucky. But I felt like the scum I spent so much time trying to put away. Domestics always pissed me the fuck off. Fuckn’ asshole’s beat their wives and kids to feel better about themselves. God damn nothing pisses me off more than someone that takes advantage of a kid. Ever since. I made them switch my meds on the spot. I flushed the one’s I had at home down the toilet. I didn’t need pills to calm me when I have my Greggo. And I wanted to make sure he’d stay. Things are just better when he’s here. Fuck that’s really gay. But ya know what. Part of me doesn’t care. Captain Hero needs his Kid Cool to solve his cases, and I need my Greggo to get through this.




I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything with this yet, so I'd love some feedback on it. Thanks.

SAEbuffyboy

Comments

[geekwriter143.livejournal.com]

I love how Nick has to keep going back because he's not telling the whole truth about things. I also love that Greg makes a Harry Potter reference, because you totally know he's read the entire series multiple times. =)

The last paragraph is disturbing, but in a good way. I can see Nick freaking out after GD, losing touching with reality and then being completely horrified with himself for it. I like that he's conflicted and confused and in love with Greg but still conflicted about that because, yeah, I can really see Nick being that way.

Lovely as usual.

[acroarcs.livejournal.com]

Conflicted Nick is just so hard not to feel for. Even when he lies (mostly to himself) and does awful things (accidentally or otherwise), he's really just trying to do the right thing, and I think you caught that well. It does make it harder to read than Greg's ramblings, though. Not more difficult, just harder. You know.

[0creativity.livejournal.com]

It figures that Nick couldn't even be totally honest with the things that really matter even when he's just writing in his own journal.

I really like this and think you should continue with it if the mood strikes. You know, don't force yourself to continue it if nothing's coming to you.

And Nick is totally right, he definitely needs his Greggo :)

[catlover2x.livejournal.com]

I really like this, a nice original point of view. I agree, don't force yourself. But I bet you won't have to. You're on a really good roll, you have the characters down, and there's so many places to go from here. It should be really interesting. I vote for you to continue. Please?

[godgaleshot.livejournal.com]

I really liked this it would be interesting to see more of it.

[flipflopadd1ct.livejournal.com]

I thought this was a great capture of Nick's feelings after GD. I like how he leaves nothing out, even doubles back on stuff he said earlier. The superhero analogy worked really well. And I agree with Sarah - I'm lovin' the Harry Potter reference. ;) IMO, I think this is fine on its own but it could be turned into a multi-part and still be just as good.

[quettaser.livejournal.com]

Loved this. I love that Nick corrects himself as he's writing because you know he feels bad about lying and feels guilty because he wants to do this right. I'd be interested to see where you'd take this, because I think you've got a unique perspective on Nick and his post-GD world and I'd like to read more.

[shacky20.livejournal.com]

Oh Saebuffy, so perfect, cause yeah, Nick needs to come to terms with it. Nick cannot lie, not even to himself when he promised he would be honest and write it down, and he needs Greg, he needs him, and he can't help it and wants to finally admit it. Oh yeah, new fic. love it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_slytherin_girl/]

I really think you got Nick's character dead on. Excellent as usual.