Fic: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep (15/?)
Nov. 8th, 2007 04:28 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
jayceepat.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
nickngregTitle: Dig the Hole Wide and Deep
Rating: PG-13 for some suggestive language.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: None.
Summary: Alan and Nick have dinner.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here
Previous parts of this story can be found here
The four-way conference call was in full swing but eventually, everyone had to take a breath. Jillian broke the silence with a soft sigh then she began to organize the troops.
“All right, this is what we are going to do. Alan, you are still Nick’s doctor and he may have cancelled his appointment with you today, but you not only have the right, you have a duty to check on him. Is that not correct?”
“Yes, Jillian it is.”
“So, you see Nick, not in your office as a therapy session, but in his room on his own turf so he feels less threatened. You try to make some sort of decision as to what has caused this…..I don’t know what to call it.”
“Relapse” offered Greg.
“Yes thank you dear, relapse. Bill and I will be in Las Vegas by day after tomorrow at the latest.”
“Jillian, I really don’t think trying to force Nick to see you and his dad is a good idea right now. It could throw him even further back than he is.” Alan knew how worried the Stokes were but his first duty was to the health and well-being of his patient; both physical and mental. That was always a slippery slope especially when you figured Nick’s folks were laying out a chunk of money to get their son well. But even though they were signing the checks, Alan’s allegiance and loyalty had to belong to Nick or he might as well quit what he was doing and flip hamburgers at Mickey D’s.
“We won’t Alan but I think we need another strategy meeting like the one we had before the intervention and I think we need Greg and Bobby and Steve present if that is possible.”
Greg swallowed hard. He never ceased to be amazed at the sensitivity of Jillian Stokes. She and her husband ought to hate him because of his relationship with their youngest son. But even though Judge Stokes made no bones about his feelings about homosexuality, he still completely accepted and seemed to be fond of him. It just blew Greg’s mind every time he thought about having the nerve to stand up to the Judge and tell him he owed him respect.
“Alright, that sounds like a good plan. I have a really full day today and I can’t get out to the clinic and back in time for my first appointment but when I get through, I will head out there. That may be the best idea actually. I will try to get there around dinner and Nick and I can talk over a meal. That may help put him at ease.”
And that’s where it was left. No one was really happy with the solution, but under the circumstances, it was the best they could come up with. Greg tried to get some sleep and finally gave up and took half an Ambien. Alan called Bobby and Steve and caught them up on what was going on, asked them if they would mind a strategy meeting and was told emphatically they would be there any time he needed them. Bobby added he needed as much advance notice as possible and so did Greg because they were up to their necks in the fall out from a raging gang war currently going down in the seamier neighborhoods of Las Vegas.
Three teen gangs; Squad Up, Piru Blood and HTO (Hustlers Takin’ Over) had been a problem for several years and the months between May and August when school was out were the worst. Two years ago during that period, there had been two shootings at the Emerald Breeze Apartments, last year 11 and now the three gangs were locked in a bitter fight for control. Between the burned out buildings and mangled car bodies, the whole area around the corners of West Martin Luther King Boulevard and North Lake Mead Boulevard looked like a war zone. What made things even more deadly was the sudden introduction of sophisticated weapons. The old fashioned zip guns were a thing of the past. Now these kids were armed with Uzi’s, AK47’s, sawed-off shotguns, 45’s and .357 Magnums. Brass was heard to say after the last round-up, he wouldn’t be a bit surprised to find a bazooka or rocket launcher. Bobby almost lost his lunch over that remark.
Alan assured them he would give them as much notice as possible and if he had to, he’d hold the Stokes off for a day until the three of them could be there. He also told them, under the circumstances, the meeting could be held at his home and they wouldn’t have to drive all the way out to the clinic at Henderson. That was the best Alan could do right then so he headed for his office and the Halverson’s.
The session with the Halverson’s went so much better than Alan had anticipated that he felt the cloud of gloom lift just a little. The last time, Alan had ended their session by telling Anne Halverson that she needed to think long and hard about what she wanted out of life and her marriage. Tom, her husband, had made it very plain that he could not stand her father’s interference in their marriage any longer. Anne insisted that her father just wanted them to be comfortable and not do without some simple luxuries. He felt it was foolish for her to be without a pool if Tom couldn’t afford it when he had more money that he knew what to do with and it was all going to be Anne’s when he died anyway.
Tom said her father used money to control them and their lifestyle and no one in their circle of friends had a pool; that’s why they had bought a really expensive membership at a local country club. That was their entertainment. The club had a pool, tennis courts, dances, parties, casino nights and almost all their really close friends were members.
Tom had told Alan during one of their solo sessions that he knew damn well her father didn’t approve of their friends because they didn’t drive the ‘right’ kind of car and they drank wine that came in plastic boxes instead of the $150 a bottle stuff he preferred. “Tastes like vinegar as far as I’m concerned” Tom grumbled to Alan.
Alan had told Anne that if she wanted the luxuries her father provided she had to face the fact that she might lose her husband and her marriage. Did she want to be Daddy’s Little Girl and stay a pampered, protected child all her life or did she want to be Mrs. Anne Halverson? There wouldn’t be a pool, at least not for a while, but there would be good friends that both she and her husband enjoyed and the satisfaction of working with a man she loved, to build something good for both of them.
He also told Tom that no matter which path Anne took, he had to respect her decision and make his own decision whether he could continue with the marriage. If he decided he wanted Anne no matter what, then he better be damn sure that he lived by that decision and didn’t start blaming her for every thing that went wrong from that point on.
Alan admitted to himself that he had probably telegraphed which way he wanted to see them go but my God, all you had to do was look at the two of them and you could see the love between them. They needed each other.
When Anne told him she had informed her father that she loved him and wanted him in her life forever, Alan felt his heart sink down somewhere in his shoes. Anne took a breath and then added, “I thought he was going to stroke when I told him I was looking forward to seeing him holding his first grandchild BUT it would not be beside a pool at our house, at least not until Tom and I could afford one on our own.” Alan silently began doing a happy dance in his head. They discussed possible problems that could arise in the future, Alan made an appointment with a financial planner he trusted who would help them (Anne) live on a budget and start saving for that pool if that was what they wanted and when they left, smiling in each other’s eye’s and holding hands, Alan broke down and did a very happy ‘Walk Like an Egyptian” dance around his desk.
Marie had scheduled 45 minutes between his two appointments and had a light lunch ready for him as soon as his first couple left. Alan settled down with his meal and called Phillip to see how Nick was doing.
Phillip was not quite as good as Charles at reading the patients; but then he was much younger and had only been at the clinic for 3 years. But the tone of Phillips voice told Alan that things were still not good. Phillips report confirmed his worries. Nick continued to run a fever, he was still lethargic and according to the notes Charles and Nick’s day nurse had left, his exhaustion was getting worse. His heart arrhythmia was persistent as was his nausea. He wasn’t eating and while he was no longer crying, he seemed to be moving further and further away from his care-givers.
Alan didn’t know Nick was going back into the ‘dark place’ because he didn’t know about the ‘dark place’ but he did know he had to do something and fast. He made a decision, buzzed Marie and told her to cancel his house call appointment. She asked him if he wanted her to cancel Barnes-Wilson. He said no; they were at the same place in their counseling as the Halverson’s had been and he didn’t want to put it off BUT after their hour and a half, he was heading for Henderson and he did not want to be disturbed unless one of his patients was on a murderous rampage.
********************************
Alan was using the long drive to Henderson to plan strategy. His session with Walt Barnes and his partner, Gerald Wilson had gone very well. Not quite as definitive as the Halverson’s but still, they were really making progress. Walt Barnes was a quiet, almost scholarly man who taught physics at WLVU. Gerald Wilson was a flamboyant, life-of-the-party choreographer for some of the best casino’s in Vegas. They had been together for 8 years now and like their counterparts, the Halverson’s, they were just completely in love with each other but their conflicting personalities caused almost constant friction. They had come to Alan because they were afraid the eternal battles were going to erode the genuine love they had between them. Alan had been working with them for almost six months now. Walt’s family, the source of the in-law problems, had no problem with him being gay but being in a long-term gay affair with someone like Gerry was, according to them, such poor taste.
Alan smiled to himself as he drove. The two men had reminded him that you should never judge a book by its cover. When they told him they were having problems with their sex lives, he of course assumed that extroverted Gerry was not satisfied. Boy was he wrong. Walt, the quiet one, wanted a lot more variety in their bedroom. He wanted to explore the use of sex toys and role-playing and even a very mild bondage would be interesting. Gerry, he thought their sex life was great and again completely surprised Alan because he was usually the ‘bottom’. He preferred being the bottom although occasionally he would become territorial and top his quiet partner. Money, now that was just what Alan expected. Gerry couldn’t hold onto a penny if his life depended on it and Walt was very much into budgets and estate planning and spending weeks researching before they spent anything over $250.00.
Alan remembered their fifth session. By then they had gotten comfortable with each other and the two men had been able to identify in-laws, money and sex as the three top problems they had. After listening to them for five solid hours now, Alan had just shaken his head in confusion and asked, “How the hell did you two ever get together in the first place.”
Both men smiled and told him Walt had been doing some work at the Bellagio when they first started setting up their famous dancing fountains and Gerald was working on the opening number in their main salon. Walt had wandered inside to get some water and Gerald had wandered outside to get some air. They met in the outer lobby, talked a little, flirted a little and the next thing they knew, they were trying out one of the rooms and each other.
It was pretty much par for the course for Gerry but Walt had always been ultra careful because of his profession. “So what happened then?” asked Alan.
Gerry started the story. “Well, I never made it back to the rehearsal that afternoon but managed to show up about 6.00pm. I was sore and happy but I figured it was just one of those adventures that happen in Vegas and went back to work; until the next day when I found myself wandering out to the fountains and realized I was looking for Walt. When, I saw him I had an instant hard-on.”
Walt took up the story then. “I had my back turned and didn’t even know he was there until I felt him grab my arm and turn me around. He excused himself to the stone-mason I was talking to and said he had been asked to come find me. The hotel manager wanted to discuss some changes to the plans. I didn’t think anything of it until he dragged me into an elevator, backed me up against the wall and began to kiss me until I was weak. By the time we got to the same room we had used the day before, I didn’t care about the fountains, my summer job, my ‘professional character’ or anything else. All I could think of was how sweet his mouth was, how hot his body was under my hands and how much I wanted him.”
Gerry laughed and said, “You have no idea how surprised we were when we found ourselves exchanging telephone numbers and names and by the end of the week, we were out looking for an apartment. We’ve been together ever since.”
Alan shook himself a little and realized he’d been reminiscing because he was putting off the thorny problem of Nick Stokes and his ‘relapse’. How was he going to handle this? He couldn’t be too forceful; according to Phillip, Charles and the reports from the two nurses, Nick was too wounded to handle that way. On the other hand, if he was too passive, he could lose this troubling young man before he’d even had a chance to work with him. He decided he would kill two birds with one stone. Nick had eaten nothing since the dinner he’d had the night before and Alan’s lunch was long gone. He would drop in to visit Nick and they would have an early dinner in his room. That would put Nick at ease and hopefully, he would eat something while they were talking. If that worked, he would just have to play the rest of the session by ear. Make no mistake, Nick may have cancelled their regular session in Alan’s office but Alan was going to be treating this unique patient whether he wanted him to or not.
So far so good; the Librium prescribed after his noon time conversation had helped to relax Nick and ease his depression. He was sitting across the table from Alan, playing with a cellophane package of saltines. Now if he could just get him to stop playing with the crackers and actually eat them, they might be getting somewhere.
Nick had not fought him on the idea of sharing a meal in his room. He had insisted he wasn’t hungry so Alan had told him he was, he was starving and he hated eating alone so if Nick would just keep him company and maybe order a small bowl of soup so he’d have something to play with while they talked. Alan had not said a word about Nick’s regression. He didn’t mention the cancelled appointment or the calls to his parents and friends. He talked about his day and told Nick about the two appointments he’d had that day. He was encouraged when Nick showed a spark of interest when he talked about Walt and Gerry. Of course he didn’t use any names but he did say he was counseling a gay couple in a long term relationship. He told Nick about the two men again making sure he gave no hints as to their actual occupations or names. Nick asked how they had met and as Alan told him about his fifth session when he goofed and asked them how the hell they had ever gotten together, he noticed that Nick was taking a few spoonfuls of his soup. He was interested in what Alan was saying and wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing.
Alan took a long shot and told Nick his main peeve. “I always get pissed as hell when people say that gay men and women should not be allowed to marry because it’s unnatural. Right now, I have two couples undergoing extensive counseling for exactly the same problems. My gay couple had been together twice as long as my hetero couple but I swear to God, if you heard a recording of my sessions; you would think it was an echo. They are both going through the same thing; parental interference, sex problems and fights about money. I know when two people live together for any length of time; the problems are the same no matter what their sex.”
Nick laid his spoon down and sat back in his chair. Oddly enough, he was becoming more animated the longer they talked. That was odd because he’d been given a 25 grain dose of Librium and for someone who did not take tranquilizers, that should have kept him calm and docile. “Dr. Perkins, do you think I’m gay? And if you do, are you basing your assumptions on the fact that I was at a gay club. That doesn’t seem very scientific.”
Alan laid his napkin down and leaned back also, deliberately mirroring Nick’s actions. “I don’t think anything about you Nick. Other than you obviously need help to work through some problems you have. Are you gay? You lived with Greg Sanders for five months and I AM assuming it was not a platonic relationship.”
“Oh come on, Greg doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s your patient. I’m sure he’s told you every single, lurid detail of our five months together. Greg has no qualms about sharing his every thought with anyone who will listen.”
Alan cataloged the anger in Nick’s voice and the red flush spreading across his face. He wasn’t sure what Nick was angry about. “Why do you think Greg should hide the fact that he’s seeing me for treatment?”
“Because he’s a CSI; because if it gets back to the top brass that he’s seeing a shrink, it could affect his career for years.”
“Oh Nick; I can’t believe a man as intelligent as you could possibly believe that shit. You have a department shrink, Dr. Phillip Kane. You had to see him after your experience with Nigel Crane and again after your ordeal at the hands of Walter Gordon.”
Nick whirled around and glared at Alan in shock. “How the hell do you know that? It’s supposed to be confidential. The only thing that goes in our personnel file is a form from Kane saying we’re fit for duty again.”
“Calm down Nick. I know you went because I’m well aware of the regulations governing the Las Vegas Criminal Division. I work for them on special cases. If you hadn’t stonewalled Kane and by the way, he knew you were lying in your teeth but he also felt you could work your way through it back in familiar surroundings, you would have wound up with me a lot sooner. I do a lot of work for the LVPD. I feel like cops and yeah, CSI’s deserve the best the state can give them and frankly, I’m the best.”
Nick continued to glare at Alan and at last, slowly shook his head. “Man, talk about thinking your shit don’t stink.”
“Hey, some of it does and some of it doesn’t. That particular turd does not. Now what are you really mad about? Is it because Greg came to me for help or because he…how did you put it…oh yeah, told me every single lurid detail? Are you afraid of what he might have told me Nick? Maybe you’re afraid of what I know about you. Could that be it?”
Nick was backing away from Alan which was sort of funny because Alan was still sitting in his chair and hadn’t moved a muscle. He was well aware that they were building toward a climax and it could go either way. He was also aware of the fact that Nick, even under the influence of Librium, was a powerful young man who had almost twenty years on him. He carefully reached in his pocket and pushed a button on his cell phone; one that would alert security that he was in trouble and to be ready to respond.
Nick was shaking his head emphatically. “You don’t know anything about me. Greg wouldn’t tell you anything. You’re lying because you want Greg for yourself and you want everyone to think you’re this great, wonderful, impartial doctor, who can just fix everything, but you don’t want to fix me, you just want to know stuff about me, about us, so you can use it to keep Greg for yourself.”
Alan was trying to keep a calm expression on his face but inside he was yelling out loud, “OH MY GOD. HE THINKS I’M GAY AND I’M AFTER GREG. Shit, Perkins don’t you dare laugh right now. He won’t be able to handle laughter at all and it will put him right over the edge.”
As calmly as he could under the circumstances, Alan said, “Nick, you just accused me of being unscientific and forming assumptions. At least I had a 5 month relationship, according to both of you, a passionate 5 month relationship for my assumptions. Where the hell do you get off assuming I’m gay when you have absolutely nothing to base that assumption on? Do you do this when you’re working a case? I understood from both Greg and Bobby that your job is to collect evidence and let it lead you to a conclusion; not to formulate a conclusion and then find evidence to support it. Am I wrong?”
Nick looked a little confused. “No you’re not wrong. That’s what we do.”
“Then why the hell aren’t you doing that now?”
“Why the hell are you so intent on treating me when it’s obvious you don’t like me and I don’t like you?”
Alan finally let a small chuckle escape and told Nick that when he decided to stop beating around the bush, he really laid it all out.
“Well, first of all, you’re right….somewhat. I didn’t really care for you at first but that was before I ever met you. And part of it was unprofessional of me because I formed an opinion based on what Greg was not telling me.”
Nick looked at Alan and shook his head in confusion. “Did you just say, what he wasn’t telling you?”
“Yep, I sure did. I have to be careful here because even though Greg is no longer my patient, there is a doctor/patient privilege between us and there are some things I can’t say.”
“If you were treating us as a couple, wouldn’t we both know what was being said?”
“Yes theoretically but in actual practice, I always have at least two solo sessions with each partner. Then if they decide they want the other to know, they give me permission to reveal what was said in those private sessions.”
“So couldn’t you regard Greg’s sessions as his solo and these we have here as mine? Can you ask Greg if you can tell me what he said?”
“Yes, I can. Do you want me to consider you and Greg a couple? Are you telling me you are, if not gay, at least bi-sexual?” Alan was holding his breath. He knew what ever Nick said next would either be the start or the end of everything.
Nick started pacing back and forth. He was running his hands through his hair and shaking his head again in agitation. Alan carefully eased his hand back in his pocket and got ready to punch the button to tell security to get in there fast. Suddenly, Nick turned, walked back to the table and sat down in his chair. He had his arms wrapped around his body and he was shaking; not hard but if Alan looked closely, he could see the small tremors.
“I don’t know why I should be so scared. They’re just words; what’s that old rhyme, sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me?”
Alan smiled at him and said, “Oh Nicky my boy, that’s just so wrong. That’s right up there with ‘Just say No’ and ‘Just a little snort won’t get you hooked’. Words are powerful; words can bring down nations or elevate man on a level with the angels. It all depends on how they are used and why. Would it help if you wrote your thoughts down instead of saying them out loud?”
“No; I know a lot of people keep journals and that’s fine, I might even do that some day but this is important. It needs to be said out loud. My mother told me that evil thrives in the dark but if you turn the bright light of truth on it, it shrivels up and blows away.”
“Your mother is a brilliant woman and I might add, your folks and your friends are why I want to help you. They are exceptional people, exceptional specimens of the human race. They all seem to think the sun rises and sets in you and none of them are gullible people so there has to be something special in you even if you can’t see it yourself. I want you to see it too so you can give them back just a little of the love, faith and respect they give to you.”
“Did you know Nick, that Greg, who is scared shitless of your dad, actually stood up to him in my office and told him in no uncertain terms that he owed Greg respect? He said he was more than willing to give it to him and he would respect him even if he wasn’t your father but he deserved respect too. He told him why and he added that he would not allow your father to disrespect him or you for your feelings for each other. That neither of you knew why you had those feelings but they were real and he wasn’t about to let him make them sound dirty. That last is not exactly what he said but he told me later it was what he meant.”
Nick had sat there in silence listening to Alan. He could not imagine his gentle, timid Greg talking to his Dad that way and he was amazed that his father didn’t seem to resent it at all. If Greg could do that, surely he could be as brave?
“I’ve been with both women and men sexually. I’ve gotten off with both but I’ve never experienced anything like the feelings I had with Greg. I’m pretty sure I’m pure gay.”
Having said that, Nick waited quietly for the world to end.
Rating: PG-13 for some suggestive language.
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Warnings: None.
Summary: Alan and Nick have dinner.
Spoilers: None
A/N: This is a sequel to ‘Putting Down Roots’ which you can find
here
Previous parts of this story can be found here
The four-way conference call was in full swing but eventually, everyone had to take a breath. Jillian broke the silence with a soft sigh then she began to organize the troops.
“All right, this is what we are going to do. Alan, you are still Nick’s doctor and he may have cancelled his appointment with you today, but you not only have the right, you have a duty to check on him. Is that not correct?”
“Yes, Jillian it is.”
“So, you see Nick, not in your office as a therapy session, but in his room on his own turf so he feels less threatened. You try to make some sort of decision as to what has caused this…..I don’t know what to call it.”
“Relapse” offered Greg.
“Yes thank you dear, relapse. Bill and I will be in Las Vegas by day after tomorrow at the latest.”
“Jillian, I really don’t think trying to force Nick to see you and his dad is a good idea right now. It could throw him even further back than he is.” Alan knew how worried the Stokes were but his first duty was to the health and well-being of his patient; both physical and mental. That was always a slippery slope especially when you figured Nick’s folks were laying out a chunk of money to get their son well. But even though they were signing the checks, Alan’s allegiance and loyalty had to belong to Nick or he might as well quit what he was doing and flip hamburgers at Mickey D’s.
“We won’t Alan but I think we need another strategy meeting like the one we had before the intervention and I think we need Greg and Bobby and Steve present if that is possible.”
Greg swallowed hard. He never ceased to be amazed at the sensitivity of Jillian Stokes. She and her husband ought to hate him because of his relationship with their youngest son. But even though Judge Stokes made no bones about his feelings about homosexuality, he still completely accepted and seemed to be fond of him. It just blew Greg’s mind every time he thought about having the nerve to stand up to the Judge and tell him he owed him respect.
“Alright, that sounds like a good plan. I have a really full day today and I can’t get out to the clinic and back in time for my first appointment but when I get through, I will head out there. That may be the best idea actually. I will try to get there around dinner and Nick and I can talk over a meal. That may help put him at ease.”
And that’s where it was left. No one was really happy with the solution, but under the circumstances, it was the best they could come up with. Greg tried to get some sleep and finally gave up and took half an Ambien. Alan called Bobby and Steve and caught them up on what was going on, asked them if they would mind a strategy meeting and was told emphatically they would be there any time he needed them. Bobby added he needed as much advance notice as possible and so did Greg because they were up to their necks in the fall out from a raging gang war currently going down in the seamier neighborhoods of Las Vegas.
Three teen gangs; Squad Up, Piru Blood and HTO (Hustlers Takin’ Over) had been a problem for several years and the months between May and August when school was out were the worst. Two years ago during that period, there had been two shootings at the Emerald Breeze Apartments, last year 11 and now the three gangs were locked in a bitter fight for control. Between the burned out buildings and mangled car bodies, the whole area around the corners of West Martin Luther King Boulevard and North Lake Mead Boulevard looked like a war zone. What made things even more deadly was the sudden introduction of sophisticated weapons. The old fashioned zip guns were a thing of the past. Now these kids were armed with Uzi’s, AK47’s, sawed-off shotguns, 45’s and .357 Magnums. Brass was heard to say after the last round-up, he wouldn’t be a bit surprised to find a bazooka or rocket launcher. Bobby almost lost his lunch over that remark.
Alan assured them he would give them as much notice as possible and if he had to, he’d hold the Stokes off for a day until the three of them could be there. He also told them, under the circumstances, the meeting could be held at his home and they wouldn’t have to drive all the way out to the clinic at Henderson. That was the best Alan could do right then so he headed for his office and the Halverson’s.
The session with the Halverson’s went so much better than Alan had anticipated that he felt the cloud of gloom lift just a little. The last time, Alan had ended their session by telling Anne Halverson that she needed to think long and hard about what she wanted out of life and her marriage. Tom, her husband, had made it very plain that he could not stand her father’s interference in their marriage any longer. Anne insisted that her father just wanted them to be comfortable and not do without some simple luxuries. He felt it was foolish for her to be without a pool if Tom couldn’t afford it when he had more money that he knew what to do with and it was all going to be Anne’s when he died anyway.
Tom said her father used money to control them and their lifestyle and no one in their circle of friends had a pool; that’s why they had bought a really expensive membership at a local country club. That was their entertainment. The club had a pool, tennis courts, dances, parties, casino nights and almost all their really close friends were members.
Tom had told Alan during one of their solo sessions that he knew damn well her father didn’t approve of their friends because they didn’t drive the ‘right’ kind of car and they drank wine that came in plastic boxes instead of the $150 a bottle stuff he preferred. “Tastes like vinegar as far as I’m concerned” Tom grumbled to Alan.
Alan had told Anne that if she wanted the luxuries her father provided she had to face the fact that she might lose her husband and her marriage. Did she want to be Daddy’s Little Girl and stay a pampered, protected child all her life or did she want to be Mrs. Anne Halverson? There wouldn’t be a pool, at least not for a while, but there would be good friends that both she and her husband enjoyed and the satisfaction of working with a man she loved, to build something good for both of them.
He also told Tom that no matter which path Anne took, he had to respect her decision and make his own decision whether he could continue with the marriage. If he decided he wanted Anne no matter what, then he better be damn sure that he lived by that decision and didn’t start blaming her for every thing that went wrong from that point on.
Alan admitted to himself that he had probably telegraphed which way he wanted to see them go but my God, all you had to do was look at the two of them and you could see the love between them. They needed each other.
When Anne told him she had informed her father that she loved him and wanted him in her life forever, Alan felt his heart sink down somewhere in his shoes. Anne took a breath and then added, “I thought he was going to stroke when I told him I was looking forward to seeing him holding his first grandchild BUT it would not be beside a pool at our house, at least not until Tom and I could afford one on our own.” Alan silently began doing a happy dance in his head. They discussed possible problems that could arise in the future, Alan made an appointment with a financial planner he trusted who would help them (Anne) live on a budget and start saving for that pool if that was what they wanted and when they left, smiling in each other’s eye’s and holding hands, Alan broke down and did a very happy ‘Walk Like an Egyptian” dance around his desk.
Marie had scheduled 45 minutes between his two appointments and had a light lunch ready for him as soon as his first couple left. Alan settled down with his meal and called Phillip to see how Nick was doing.
Phillip was not quite as good as Charles at reading the patients; but then he was much younger and had only been at the clinic for 3 years. But the tone of Phillips voice told Alan that things were still not good. Phillips report confirmed his worries. Nick continued to run a fever, he was still lethargic and according to the notes Charles and Nick’s day nurse had left, his exhaustion was getting worse. His heart arrhythmia was persistent as was his nausea. He wasn’t eating and while he was no longer crying, he seemed to be moving further and further away from his care-givers.
Alan didn’t know Nick was going back into the ‘dark place’ because he didn’t know about the ‘dark place’ but he did know he had to do something and fast. He made a decision, buzzed Marie and told her to cancel his house call appointment. She asked him if he wanted her to cancel Barnes-Wilson. He said no; they were at the same place in their counseling as the Halverson’s had been and he didn’t want to put it off BUT after their hour and a half, he was heading for Henderson and he did not want to be disturbed unless one of his patients was on a murderous rampage.
********************************
Alan was using the long drive to Henderson to plan strategy. His session with Walt Barnes and his partner, Gerald Wilson had gone very well. Not quite as definitive as the Halverson’s but still, they were really making progress. Walt Barnes was a quiet, almost scholarly man who taught physics at WLVU. Gerald Wilson was a flamboyant, life-of-the-party choreographer for some of the best casino’s in Vegas. They had been together for 8 years now and like their counterparts, the Halverson’s, they were just completely in love with each other but their conflicting personalities caused almost constant friction. They had come to Alan because they were afraid the eternal battles were going to erode the genuine love they had between them. Alan had been working with them for almost six months now. Walt’s family, the source of the in-law problems, had no problem with him being gay but being in a long-term gay affair with someone like Gerry was, according to them, such poor taste.
Alan smiled to himself as he drove. The two men had reminded him that you should never judge a book by its cover. When they told him they were having problems with their sex lives, he of course assumed that extroverted Gerry was not satisfied. Boy was he wrong. Walt, the quiet one, wanted a lot more variety in their bedroom. He wanted to explore the use of sex toys and role-playing and even a very mild bondage would be interesting. Gerry, he thought their sex life was great and again completely surprised Alan because he was usually the ‘bottom’. He preferred being the bottom although occasionally he would become territorial and top his quiet partner. Money, now that was just what Alan expected. Gerry couldn’t hold onto a penny if his life depended on it and Walt was very much into budgets and estate planning and spending weeks researching before they spent anything over $250.00.
Alan remembered their fifth session. By then they had gotten comfortable with each other and the two men had been able to identify in-laws, money and sex as the three top problems they had. After listening to them for five solid hours now, Alan had just shaken his head in confusion and asked, “How the hell did you two ever get together in the first place.”
Both men smiled and told him Walt had been doing some work at the Bellagio when they first started setting up their famous dancing fountains and Gerald was working on the opening number in their main salon. Walt had wandered inside to get some water and Gerald had wandered outside to get some air. They met in the outer lobby, talked a little, flirted a little and the next thing they knew, they were trying out one of the rooms and each other.
It was pretty much par for the course for Gerry but Walt had always been ultra careful because of his profession. “So what happened then?” asked Alan.
Gerry started the story. “Well, I never made it back to the rehearsal that afternoon but managed to show up about 6.00pm. I was sore and happy but I figured it was just one of those adventures that happen in Vegas and went back to work; until the next day when I found myself wandering out to the fountains and realized I was looking for Walt. When, I saw him I had an instant hard-on.”
Walt took up the story then. “I had my back turned and didn’t even know he was there until I felt him grab my arm and turn me around. He excused himself to the stone-mason I was talking to and said he had been asked to come find me. The hotel manager wanted to discuss some changes to the plans. I didn’t think anything of it until he dragged me into an elevator, backed me up against the wall and began to kiss me until I was weak. By the time we got to the same room we had used the day before, I didn’t care about the fountains, my summer job, my ‘professional character’ or anything else. All I could think of was how sweet his mouth was, how hot his body was under my hands and how much I wanted him.”
Gerry laughed and said, “You have no idea how surprised we were when we found ourselves exchanging telephone numbers and names and by the end of the week, we were out looking for an apartment. We’ve been together ever since.”
Alan shook himself a little and realized he’d been reminiscing because he was putting off the thorny problem of Nick Stokes and his ‘relapse’. How was he going to handle this? He couldn’t be too forceful; according to Phillip, Charles and the reports from the two nurses, Nick was too wounded to handle that way. On the other hand, if he was too passive, he could lose this troubling young man before he’d even had a chance to work with him. He decided he would kill two birds with one stone. Nick had eaten nothing since the dinner he’d had the night before and Alan’s lunch was long gone. He would drop in to visit Nick and they would have an early dinner in his room. That would put Nick at ease and hopefully, he would eat something while they were talking. If that worked, he would just have to play the rest of the session by ear. Make no mistake, Nick may have cancelled their regular session in Alan’s office but Alan was going to be treating this unique patient whether he wanted him to or not.
So far so good; the Librium prescribed after his noon time conversation had helped to relax Nick and ease his depression. He was sitting across the table from Alan, playing with a cellophane package of saltines. Now if he could just get him to stop playing with the crackers and actually eat them, they might be getting somewhere.
Nick had not fought him on the idea of sharing a meal in his room. He had insisted he wasn’t hungry so Alan had told him he was, he was starving and he hated eating alone so if Nick would just keep him company and maybe order a small bowl of soup so he’d have something to play with while they talked. Alan had not said a word about Nick’s regression. He didn’t mention the cancelled appointment or the calls to his parents and friends. He talked about his day and told Nick about the two appointments he’d had that day. He was encouraged when Nick showed a spark of interest when he talked about Walt and Gerry. Of course he didn’t use any names but he did say he was counseling a gay couple in a long term relationship. He told Nick about the two men again making sure he gave no hints as to their actual occupations or names. Nick asked how they had met and as Alan told him about his fifth session when he goofed and asked them how the hell they had ever gotten together, he noticed that Nick was taking a few spoonfuls of his soup. He was interested in what Alan was saying and wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing.
Alan took a long shot and told Nick his main peeve. “I always get pissed as hell when people say that gay men and women should not be allowed to marry because it’s unnatural. Right now, I have two couples undergoing extensive counseling for exactly the same problems. My gay couple had been together twice as long as my hetero couple but I swear to God, if you heard a recording of my sessions; you would think it was an echo. They are both going through the same thing; parental interference, sex problems and fights about money. I know when two people live together for any length of time; the problems are the same no matter what their sex.”
Nick laid his spoon down and sat back in his chair. Oddly enough, he was becoming more animated the longer they talked. That was odd because he’d been given a 25 grain dose of Librium and for someone who did not take tranquilizers, that should have kept him calm and docile. “Dr. Perkins, do you think I’m gay? And if you do, are you basing your assumptions on the fact that I was at a gay club. That doesn’t seem very scientific.”
Alan laid his napkin down and leaned back also, deliberately mirroring Nick’s actions. “I don’t think anything about you Nick. Other than you obviously need help to work through some problems you have. Are you gay? You lived with Greg Sanders for five months and I AM assuming it was not a platonic relationship.”
“Oh come on, Greg doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he’s your patient. I’m sure he’s told you every single, lurid detail of our five months together. Greg has no qualms about sharing his every thought with anyone who will listen.”
Alan cataloged the anger in Nick’s voice and the red flush spreading across his face. He wasn’t sure what Nick was angry about. “Why do you think Greg should hide the fact that he’s seeing me for treatment?”
“Because he’s a CSI; because if it gets back to the top brass that he’s seeing a shrink, it could affect his career for years.”
“Oh Nick; I can’t believe a man as intelligent as you could possibly believe that shit. You have a department shrink, Dr. Phillip Kane. You had to see him after your experience with Nigel Crane and again after your ordeal at the hands of Walter Gordon.”
Nick whirled around and glared at Alan in shock. “How the hell do you know that? It’s supposed to be confidential. The only thing that goes in our personnel file is a form from Kane saying we’re fit for duty again.”
“Calm down Nick. I know you went because I’m well aware of the regulations governing the Las Vegas Criminal Division. I work for them on special cases. If you hadn’t stonewalled Kane and by the way, he knew you were lying in your teeth but he also felt you could work your way through it back in familiar surroundings, you would have wound up with me a lot sooner. I do a lot of work for the LVPD. I feel like cops and yeah, CSI’s deserve the best the state can give them and frankly, I’m the best.”
Nick continued to glare at Alan and at last, slowly shook his head. “Man, talk about thinking your shit don’t stink.”
“Hey, some of it does and some of it doesn’t. That particular turd does not. Now what are you really mad about? Is it because Greg came to me for help or because he…how did you put it…oh yeah, told me every single lurid detail? Are you afraid of what he might have told me Nick? Maybe you’re afraid of what I know about you. Could that be it?”
Nick was backing away from Alan which was sort of funny because Alan was still sitting in his chair and hadn’t moved a muscle. He was well aware that they were building toward a climax and it could go either way. He was also aware of the fact that Nick, even under the influence of Librium, was a powerful young man who had almost twenty years on him. He carefully reached in his pocket and pushed a button on his cell phone; one that would alert security that he was in trouble and to be ready to respond.
Nick was shaking his head emphatically. “You don’t know anything about me. Greg wouldn’t tell you anything. You’re lying because you want Greg for yourself and you want everyone to think you’re this great, wonderful, impartial doctor, who can just fix everything, but you don’t want to fix me, you just want to know stuff about me, about us, so you can use it to keep Greg for yourself.”
Alan was trying to keep a calm expression on his face but inside he was yelling out loud, “OH MY GOD. HE THINKS I’M GAY AND I’M AFTER GREG. Shit, Perkins don’t you dare laugh right now. He won’t be able to handle laughter at all and it will put him right over the edge.”
As calmly as he could under the circumstances, Alan said, “Nick, you just accused me of being unscientific and forming assumptions. At least I had a 5 month relationship, according to both of you, a passionate 5 month relationship for my assumptions. Where the hell do you get off assuming I’m gay when you have absolutely nothing to base that assumption on? Do you do this when you’re working a case? I understood from both Greg and Bobby that your job is to collect evidence and let it lead you to a conclusion; not to formulate a conclusion and then find evidence to support it. Am I wrong?”
Nick looked a little confused. “No you’re not wrong. That’s what we do.”
“Then why the hell aren’t you doing that now?”
“Why the hell are you so intent on treating me when it’s obvious you don’t like me and I don’t like you?”
Alan finally let a small chuckle escape and told Nick that when he decided to stop beating around the bush, he really laid it all out.
“Well, first of all, you’re right….somewhat. I didn’t really care for you at first but that was before I ever met you. And part of it was unprofessional of me because I formed an opinion based on what Greg was not telling me.”
Nick looked at Alan and shook his head in confusion. “Did you just say, what he wasn’t telling you?”
“Yep, I sure did. I have to be careful here because even though Greg is no longer my patient, there is a doctor/patient privilege between us and there are some things I can’t say.”
“If you were treating us as a couple, wouldn’t we both know what was being said?”
“Yes theoretically but in actual practice, I always have at least two solo sessions with each partner. Then if they decide they want the other to know, they give me permission to reveal what was said in those private sessions.”
“So couldn’t you regard Greg’s sessions as his solo and these we have here as mine? Can you ask Greg if you can tell me what he said?”
“Yes, I can. Do you want me to consider you and Greg a couple? Are you telling me you are, if not gay, at least bi-sexual?” Alan was holding his breath. He knew what ever Nick said next would either be the start or the end of everything.
Nick started pacing back and forth. He was running his hands through his hair and shaking his head again in agitation. Alan carefully eased his hand back in his pocket and got ready to punch the button to tell security to get in there fast. Suddenly, Nick turned, walked back to the table and sat down in his chair. He had his arms wrapped around his body and he was shaking; not hard but if Alan looked closely, he could see the small tremors.
“I don’t know why I should be so scared. They’re just words; what’s that old rhyme, sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me?”
Alan smiled at him and said, “Oh Nicky my boy, that’s just so wrong. That’s right up there with ‘Just say No’ and ‘Just a little snort won’t get you hooked’. Words are powerful; words can bring down nations or elevate man on a level with the angels. It all depends on how they are used and why. Would it help if you wrote your thoughts down instead of saying them out loud?”
“No; I know a lot of people keep journals and that’s fine, I might even do that some day but this is important. It needs to be said out loud. My mother told me that evil thrives in the dark but if you turn the bright light of truth on it, it shrivels up and blows away.”
“Your mother is a brilliant woman and I might add, your folks and your friends are why I want to help you. They are exceptional people, exceptional specimens of the human race. They all seem to think the sun rises and sets in you and none of them are gullible people so there has to be something special in you even if you can’t see it yourself. I want you to see it too so you can give them back just a little of the love, faith and respect they give to you.”
“Did you know Nick, that Greg, who is scared shitless of your dad, actually stood up to him in my office and told him in no uncertain terms that he owed Greg respect? He said he was more than willing to give it to him and he would respect him even if he wasn’t your father but he deserved respect too. He told him why and he added that he would not allow your father to disrespect him or you for your feelings for each other. That neither of you knew why you had those feelings but they were real and he wasn’t about to let him make them sound dirty. That last is not exactly what he said but he told me later it was what he meant.”
Nick had sat there in silence listening to Alan. He could not imagine his gentle, timid Greg talking to his Dad that way and he was amazed that his father didn’t seem to resent it at all. If Greg could do that, surely he could be as brave?
“I’ve been with both women and men sexually. I’ve gotten off with both but I’ve never experienced anything like the feelings I had with Greg. I’m pretty sure I’m pure gay.”
Having said that, Nick waited quietly for the world to end.
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Date: 2007-11-08 11:09 pm (UTC)The only thing that makes me sad when reading your chapter is that now I have to wait for the next! I'm not very patient!
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Date: 2007-11-09 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-09 04:19 am (UTC)I got to admit, I'm pretty proud of Nick right now. This was a major step for him and one he had to take before he could tackle his other problems.
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Date: 2007-11-09 04:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-09 10:18 am (UTC)Go Nick!!!
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Date: 2007-11-09 11:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-09 06:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-10 04:04 am (UTC)It's agonizing to watch Nick go through this so slowly, but honestly I like that about your story. It's not a quick fix. It's moving at a perfect pace.
I remember once a friend telling me that sometimes you have to get worse and hit rock bottom before you can start to get better. While Nicks true rock bottom was what happened in the club, there's almost a different (safer) level of rock bottom he is going to (and almost already has really) hit before he can start to get better. *Smooch* This is wonderful can't wait for the next chapter!
(And I love Seether's story too ... I'm horridly impatient for that one ... such a cliffhanger she left us on ... glad she has a great beta for it!)
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Date: 2007-11-10 11:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-10 05:25 pm (UTC)Thanks for offering though!