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Title: Still
Author: kieksterbanjo
Rating: Chapter 2: PG-13
Summary: There's no end to fatherhood...

A/N: It’s been a looooong week. I almost broke and posted this early (hazard of already having it written) lol. Hope you enjoy it! And feedback is always loved! =)

Chapter 2

As Nick jumped down from the rental Chevy, he swung the door closed and leaned against it to take in a deep breath of air. Nothing really beat the feeling of Texas in your lungs, on your skin, all around you. He missed it, no matter how much he loved his job and his life in Vegas. He turned when he heard a sigh to his left to find the opposite of everything Texas rounding the front of the truck from the passenger side.

Greg always had an issue with the smell of manure and country when they first arrived at the ranch, so Nick wasn’t surprised to see the look Greg normally reserved for decomps spread across his husband’s face.

“Can’t they get an air freshener?” Greg asked.

“For the entire state, G?” Greg gave him a shrug and Nick laughed turning to walk to the back of the truck to let the tailgate down in order to let the bed’s five occupants spill out. Greg had been hesitant to let Nick rent a truck for their trip to Texas, but the kids had seemed really excited about getting to sit in the bed of the truck so he had relented. If the ranch hadn’t been only a 10-minute drive from the airport he would have fought harder however.

“Can I get a piggy back ride Aidan?” Isabelle asked as she stood at the end of the truck. Aidan nodded and spun around to let his little sister climb onto his back.

“Charlie can I have a piggy back ride too?” Austin asked. Charlie stood lent against the truck looking bored and had his Ipod playing in one ear.

He looked up at the question, “All this homework is really weighing me down, Aust.” He said as way of decline, slinging his backpack over one shoulder and walking without another word towards the ranch’s front door.

Nick shook his head at the retreating back before clapping Austin on the back, “Come on Austin I’ll give you a ride.” He offered and knelt so Austin could get on his back.

“Why is Charlie sad, Dad?” Austin whispered in Nick’s ear on the walk towards the house.

Nick sighed, “I don’t really know, Aust.” He said honestly.

When the entire family had reached the front stoop of the house, Nick dropped Austin to his feet so he was able to pull his keys from his back pocket to find the one that fit the lock in front of him. He hadn’t lived at the ranch for almost 4 decades but he still had a key to the house that used to be his home; and still was in some ways. It felt even more like home when a call of “Baby brother!” Was screamed from down the hall and a second later Nick was pulled under his brother’s arm and given a noogie; just like when they were kids.

When he was finally let up, Nick smacked his brother on the arm and ran a hand through his hair, “What are we, Will? Twelve?” He asked with a chuckle.

“Nah just immature.” Will smiled pulling Nick in for a proper hug, “And who is this you brought with you?” Will asked when they pulled from the hug. He turned to the kids and counted them before looking at Nick in astonishment, “FIVE children Nick? How did THAT happen?” It hadn’t taken Will long after the twins were born to bring up the fact that he and his younger brother had the same number of children and it had been a running joke ever since.

“I don’t know, man. You rubbed off on me.” Nick answered, touching the back of his head that was still slightly burning from his noogie.

“And if it isn’t college boy with the big fat football scholarship!” Will commented slapping Aidan’s hand and pulling him into a one armed hug.

Aidan laughed and blushed slightly, “It’s actually soccer Uncle Will.” He corrected.

Will shrugged, “It’s impressive whatever it is. I’m going to have to get you in the backyard sometime this week to check out your skills.”

“Well if not this week then next. I’m here for good to start school.” Aidan smiled.

“And we’re so glad to have him.” Came a soft, yet commanding, female voice from behind the group in the front hall.

Jillian Stokes had obviously been in the kitchen, as she was drying her hands with a dishtowel when the group turned her way, “Grandma!” Austin, Isabelle and Angelica ran into their grandmother’s arms as she hummed and hugged them back.

Jillian looked up and made eye contact with Nick and smiled as she scanned the five men, and they really were men, standing with their hands in their pockets in front of her. Three that could be clones of each other, just in different stages of life and two that could literally be twins, “Well where are my hugs gentlemen?” She asked expectantly, putting her hands on her hips. And in an instant those five men…became boys. They sheepishly approached their mother/grandmother/mother in law in turn and lent down to hug her to them; even Will who had been there all day and lived only a twenty minute drive away.

“I’ve made a batch of your favourite cookies Nicky but I’d get to them pretty fast before your brothers bunch gets their hands on them. They polished off an entire pie this morning.” Jillian giggled.

“They’re growing boys and girls.” Will said defensively and his mother swatted him good-naturedly on the arm.

Nick smiled, “Cookies sound great but I’ve got to get the luggage out of the truck.”

Jillian scoffed, “Don’t be silly Nick. You guys have had a long flight. William grab those boys of yours and bring their luggage up to their rooms.” She instructed.

“No mom really it’s okay. Greg, Aidan, Charlie and I can have it upstairs in no time.” Nick argued, knowing it was a lost cause but still trying.

“Do not argue with your mother Nicholas.” She said sternly and Nick relented. Will called for Colin and Max, his eldest and third child and they jogged out to the truck while Jillian led the seven remaining occupants of the front hall to the kitchen.

“Well if it isn’t little Nicky.” Nick’s smile spread wide at the sight and sound of his youngest sister Maggie and as he scanned the kitchen his smile only grew upon spotting his other four sisters milling around the kitchen.

“You’re not allowed to call me little anymore. You stopped being able to do that when I was fourteen and you stopped being taller then me.” He pointed out and at Maggie’s laugh another round of hugs ensued that lasted long enough for Will, Colin and Max to get all the luggage upstairs and return to the kitchen.

“Where’s your Dad?” Greg whispered to Nick as they leaned against the kitchen counter; the occupants of the kitchen braking off into several different conversations.

Nick shrugged, “He might be in the barn or in his study. He’ll turn up sooner or later.”

“Okay, question number two.” Greg went on and Nick chuckled, “All of your family isn’t staying here for the week are they? Because I know this is a big ranch but the kids aren’t as small as they used to be.”

Nick shook his head, “Its only us and Will’s crew staying at the ranch and that’s only because their house is being remodeled. Everyone else is just coming for the party on Friday. And visiting now it would appear.” He explained and Greg ‘ah’ed with realization.

“So what’s with the tan, Will?” Nick and Greg were pulled into a conversation already in progress as Claire, Nick’s oldest sister, was commenting on the distinct farmer’s tan visible under the shorter sleeves of Will’s t-shirt.

Will inspected his arms and smiled, “That my darling sister is a golfer’s tan. I’ve been on the green so much these past couple of months, I’ve considered setting up a cot and sleeping there. I’m retired remember? I’m a kept man while the wife’s still at work.” He chuckled speaking of his wife, Amanda.

“Must be nice.” Nick cracked and everyone laughed as if it were a joke but Greg saw a flash of envy cross his husband’s face that was all to real. He furrowed his eyebrows in Nick’s direction and Nick shrugged, seemingly not willing to explain his comment as he went on to tease his nephew about the long brown hair that fell into his eyes.

-- -- --

“Dad! Austin keeps splashing me!” Isabelle whined as she wiped water from her eyes while she bobbed in the pool in the Stokes’ backyard.

Greg looked up from the book he was reading and sighed when he heard, “Only because she splashed me first!” from Austin’s corner of the argument.

“I find NOT splashing each other works well to solve both problems. That? Or getting out of the pool entirely.” Greg reasoned.

Austin and Isabelle looked at each other for a second as if deciding a course of action, before swimming away from each other without another word, effectively ending the argument. Greg went back to his book and marveled in the silence of the afternoon. It wasn’t common to find silence at the ranch. With the size of Nick’s family, solitude was a virtue not easily found; but with Nick off with his brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews and son and daughter playing a game of touch football, Greg was left with only Austin and Isabelle to supervise in the pool. And seeing as both were extremely good swimmers, the task was an easy one.

Greg turned to look over the back of his lounge chair at the ranch: at the window on the second floor, third from the left. Charlie sat in the room, supposedly doing homework and Greg sighed as he thought about the sullen expression his son’s face had held all summer, only breaking occasionally before resurfacing as fast as it had left. It couldn’t have only been the summer school that had Charlie so down and angry. There was something deeper but Charlie all but refused to talk to Nick or Greg about it. Greg had gone over every conceivable reason in his head but all failed to fit. Greg may have known his son, but that got him no closer to uncovering the problem.

He turned in his chair again and was about to go back to reading when he caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye, “Austin no running by the pool. If I catch you again you won’t be back in this pool all week.” Greg scolded as the eight year old skidded to a stop and Greg was certain he heard a muttered ‘busted’ from the brunette.

“But Izzy was running too!” Austin protested, attempting to deflect the blame from himself.

“Well I didn’t SEE Izzy running now did I? I saw YOU.” Greg answered. Austin scowled and turned his head from Greg, angry at being caught. Greg watched his son’s hand reach up his chest absently and scratch at a light pink line that trailed down the centre and ended just slightly below his rib cage. It still hurt Greg to see the scar that marred Austin’s chest, even though Austin wore the mark like a badge, showing it off to his friends; a physical reminder of a procedure Austin could barely remember.

Greg shook himself and made himself forget the train of thought as Austin turned and leapt back into the pool. As far as Greg was concerned, no matter how proud Austin was of the scar, he was not at all eager to remember the second scariest time of his life.

-- -- --

“Do you remember the first time you brought me here?” Greg asked later that day as he sat on the bed in Nick’s old bedroom and watched the older man change into jeans and a t-shirt after taking a shower.

Nick paused in his search for a shirt and looked thoughtful, “Of course I do.” He answered after a moment and Greg discovered the thoughtful look was not Nick trying to remember the event but instead continuing to think of his wardrobe choices. He dug deeper into his suitcase and produced a t-shirt he obviously approved of and slid it over his head. Greg caught the slight wince as Nick’s head popped out from the neck hole; Nick was obviously feeling the effects of his age after playing football all afternoon, “Why do you ask?” He asked walking over and dropping on the bed next to Greg.

“Do you remember your twin bed?” Greg chuckled.

Nick laughed, “Yeah that was embarrassing. I thought for sure Mom would have gotten a double over the years but no one other then me had slept in the room since I moved out. I guess there didn’t seem to be a need.”

“I was the first you brought home?” Greg asked even though he knew the answer. They had this conversation a lot.

“First and only babe.” Nick whispered kissing Greg’s t-shirt covered chest before leaning on an elbow and playing with the hem of Greg’s shirt.

“Where are the kids?” Greg asked out of curiosity.

“Bonding with their cousins.” Nick answered, moving his wandering hand under the hem of Greg’s shirt to the skin below. Greg sighed.

“Hey what was with that comment before?” Greg asked after a moment or two.

“What comment would that be?” Nick asked innocently, playing with the downy soft hair that started at Greg’s naval.

“The one you made after Will made that crack about being a kept man.” Nick’s hand stopped it’s journey under Greg’s shirt and lay motionless against his stomach. Greg, who hadn’t looked at Nick since he laid down, turned his head at the lack of response and looked at Nick in the eye, “Well?”

Nick chuckled nervously and removed his hand from Greg, “It was nothing Greg. Just trying to get a laugh.” He got up and sat on the edge of the bed. Greg pushed up and moved to sit next to him.

“It was more then that.” Greg said softly.

“Who wouldn’t WANT to be a kept man Greg? I didn’t mean anything by it.” Greg suddenly decided Nick and Charlie were spending too much time together. Something was bothering the both of them and yet they remained stubbornly quiet about it.

“I saw that look Nick. You meant something by it. Talk to me.” Greg almost pleaded, taking Nick’s hand in his.

Nick shook his head and looked down at the blue-carpeted floor below him, “I’ve been thinking lately…about…” He sighed and paused as if not wanting to finish the sentence.

Greg tensed and finished it for him, “Retiring?!” He said loudly. He let out a humourless laugh, “Good one Nick. That’s a funny joke. Considering we couldn’t possibly afford five college educations on ONE salary.”

“I haven’t been thinking of retiring.” Nick said softly and watched Greg deflate slightly and relax, “Much.” He added and Greg looked at him curiously.

Nick sighed and stood up, leaving Greg on the bed looking after him, “I’ve been thinking lately about…making the switch back to graveyard at work.” He whispered.

“You have been on graveyard Nick. Or have you secretly been going out to strip joints when you tell me you’re working.” Greg cracked trying to lighten the mood. Nick didn’t take the bait.

“No. I’m thinking about making the move…permanent.” He finished, “I’d finish up my time at the lab as supervisor of the graveyard shift and then retire when we have a fund set up for all the kids.”

“You want to move back to graveyard…for good.” Greg said as if he didn’t quite believe it. Nick nodded and remained silent, “Why?”

Nick sighed and shook his head, “I don’t know. Because it’s a different level of my career that I didn’t think I would ever get to and don’t really see wanting to give up. Every time they interview for a new supervisor I get nervous. *I* want to be the supervisor.”

“But we’d be on different shifts. COMPLETELY different shifts. The kind of different shifts that have us seeing each other only a couple hours a day.” Greg reasoned.

“I know.” Nick said simply and the ease with which he acknowledged it made Greg’s anger flare.

“Are you really that desperate to be away from me?” He said angrily.

“Greg, this isn’t even about you!”

“EVERYTHING is about me Nick!” Greg screamed not caring how egocentric it made him sound, “That’s kind of how a marriage works. Or at least how I thought it did. ALL of my decisions or thoughts first go through a Nick Filter. I am constantly wondering how my choices will effect you, us, our family!”

“And you don’t think mine do?” Nick yelled, offended.

“This sudden desire to become a permanent graveyard supervisor couldn’t have gone through ANY filter if your even bringing it up. Because if it had you would have seen that it doesn’t benefit anyone but yourself!”

Nick’s face was hot and red but he couldn’t decide if it was anger, embarrassment or guilt that was colouring it, “I need a breather.” He said eerily calm and then turning to opening a door that led to a set of stairs that went from Nick’s bedroom to the backyard.

“So you’re just going to walk away? We were talking!” Greg screamed walking after Nick to the door but by the time he got to the door Nick was already at the bottom of the stairs and stalking towards the barns.

Greg let out a harsh breath and was torn between going after his husband and slamming something into a wall. He’d made his decision and as he turned to find something to throw he was stopped by a figure in the doorway to the bedroom. Greg’s eyes were clouded with anger but they cleared enough so he could see Austin standing with a hand on the doorknob and a wide-eyed expression on his face.

*Fuck* Greg thought and tried to calm himself. Austin had obviously seen/heard the fight. How much of it Greg wasn’t sure, but enough to obviously scare him.

Son and father stood silently, frozen in the moment before Greg felt he was calm enough to not scare the eight year old further, “What’s up Austin?” He asked lamely, but plastered a smile on his face and tried to act natural.

Austin remained quiet and frozen, as if caught in the moment he’d walked in on. And suddenly, without warning, his bottom lip began to tremble and his eyes filled with tears ready to be shed. Greg jolted into action and made his way over to Austin quickly, pulling the boy by the hand until Greg was sitting on the bed with Austin between his legs, “Hey Aust, it’s okay.” He said softly, running a hand through Austin hair and smiling.

“Are you…?” The words caught in Austin’s throat.

“’Are you’ what?” Greg asked patiently, rubbing the back of the hand he still held in his own.

Austin took a deep breath, gathering his courage to ask the question, “Are you and Dad going to split up…again?”

TBC