For the “A look into the future challenge”
Rating: PG
Summary: Nick returns to his family home and faces up to some painful truths about his life with Greg

“Contemplating Eternity”

Chapter five: Safe On Dry Land

The echo of the old woman’s words stayed with Nick through the night. “You could make a stand together.” Is that what he wanted? Was he willing to pay whatever price would come due for making that choice? He was pretty sure he was, but Tassie was right; Nick was afraid. She had given him a lot to think over. “Maybe, if you had somewhere to aim for, you wouldn’t feel so lost right now.” Yeah, maybe that was true. Something to aim for. Children, Nick wanted children. Ached for them in a way he would have never thought possible only three days ago. In all the questioning of his siblings, the one thing they had that he came away wanting were children of his own. He was okay with surrogacy or adoption; they would be his either way. Yes, and Greg’s too.

He wanted Greg in his life. Not like now, where Greg could go back to his own place when things got intense. No. Together, working through problems, not running from them. He realized he was the one doing most of the running. “You want, maybe even need, to keep him at a distance.” He did hide himself from Greg, from everyone. He’d have to open up. He’d need to show Greg he trusted him with his innermost feelings or the hoped-for future would only be a hope. Could he do that? He’d been hiding the core part of himself since he was nine. He wasn’t completely sure he could stop. Greg would help, he was sure. Greg’s love was sure, he didn’t doubt it. His anchor in rough seas. Nick made a promise to himself to talk through all of this with Greg when he got home.

“Nothing there is his.” That would have to change. Greg had been resistant to moving in with Nick. He never left any personal things in the condo, just toiletries and a change of clothes. Why? “Your precious privacy is far too important.” It was important to Nick. Could he give that up entirely? Work all night with Greg and spend all his off hours with him, too? Others managed that without bloodshed. What made Nick think they couldn’t? The condo was pretty small for combining lives. What would they do with all of Greg’s stuff?

Nick realized that was one of the deal breakers for Greg. He’d always made it clear that Greg’s things would have to be sacrificed, a sort of Greg-only deal. That was hardly fair. No wonder he’d balked at it. Nick would have to make concessions, meet Greg half way. Still, the issue of physical space was daunting. If the future included a family, as Nick fervently hoped it did, then space would be at an even steeper premium. So. Sell the condo, pool resources and buy something in a nice, family-friendly neighborhood. One with good schools, and not too far from work so they didn’t spend too much time in travel.

“Have you worked out a domestic partnership? His name on the deed to your place? On the pink slip of your car?” Here, Nick now realized, was the crux of the matter for Greg. Nick had balked at genuine commitment. He regularly told Greg that he loved him, tried to show his love through physical intimacy. Nick had never offered to do more then that. Heck, he never even let Greg drive his truck, much less put his name on the pink! That too would change as soon as he could swing it. It wouldn’t be about Nick and about Greg anymore if Nick could manage it. It would be Nick and Greg, a combined household of combined souls.

“If he’s what you want, you’d best tell him so.” Not just that he loved him, though he couldn’t ever say that enough. Guy-like, he tended to gloss over that, but Greg needed to hear it. He needed to show Greg that he was wanted, needed. Now, and always. What had Billy said? Rebecca had seen that he was ‘husband material’. Nick would have to work to be ‘husband material’ for Greg. It was unimportant that he likely would never be a husband. He needed to be the things embodied in that role. He needed to represent himself as a capable, willing partner for life. Once he became those things, Greg most likely would feel comfortable enough to share his life full-time with Nick.

The prospect of the tasks ahead exhilarated Nick. The old broad was right! Goals were great! Two days ago he contemplated changing his arrival time to delay seeing Greg as long as possible. Now, he couldn’t wait to get home to him. He had so much to say, so much to ask forgiveness for. That part still made Nick’s stomach clench. Greg loved him, he did. He would forgive him, Nick needed to be sure of that. He would know in just a few hours.

“They don’t wait around for us forever. They surely don’t.” Nick couldn’t bear the thought of losing Greg. The thought of Greg with someone else made his blood boil. He’d never considered himself the jealous type. Clearly, he was territorial when it came to Greg. “He’s mine.” Nick surprised himself by speaking the words aloud in the darkness of his room. “Mine,” he repeated. Grinning, Nick rolled over to try to get a little sleep before the alarm sounded. He didn’t think he’d get any, but if he was going to show Greg how glad he was to see him, he’d better try.

One thing he needed to do before he slept, though. He dug out his cell phone. He’d never sent a text back to Greg confirming the arrangement for pick-up at the airport. He’d do that now. And he’d add the words he hoped never to forget to use everyday from now on. “Love you always, Nick.”