Baby Steps: Chapter 8
May. 14th, 2006 10:42 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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nickngregChapter 8: Misunderstandings
Author: Catlover2x
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even though things seem to be going well, every step can lead to a misunderstanding. Practically everyone misunderstands something, and some things start to get cleared up.
Spoilers: Grave Danger
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Just borrowing and will put back when done.
Beta'd by Jennybel & Godgaleshot, many thanks to both of them. Any errors are mine because I like to fiddle.
Previous chapters can be found all in one clump here: http://www.nickandgreg.com/desert_archive/viewstory.php?sid=1517
Time passes quickly when you’re playing Halo with a 14 year old who is very good at the game. It was all Greg could do to hold his own; it took all of his strategic thinking, good shooting and memory of the terrain because Chris was definitely more practiced at driving the damn jeep around.
Finally, pleading thumb cramps and promising a rematch, Greg made it out of Chris’ room with his reputation intact. He wandered downstairs to the family room, where various nieces and nephews were gathered playing Candyland. Marveling at the staying power of the board game, he continued on out to the patio. The outdoor heaters were on, cutting the chill of the night air, but Greg was still grateful for his sweater.
Helena, Nick’s middle sister sat down next to him, cutting into his reverie as he watched the steam rising from the pool.
“Why is the pool so warm in the middle of winter?” Greg asked, watching Nick’s other sisters and Morgana practice a line dance, with lots of giggling, to music from a portable record player. A record player! Like it was the 60s and they were at a pajama party.
“Dad put in a heater so Mom could swim all winter. She loves it,” Helena said. “Try this sherry, it’s cheap but amazing.” She handed her glass over to him.
Greg took a sip, feeling this was not the time for a lecture on the dangers of sharing a glass. “Wow, that’s smooth.” He hadn’t eaten much and he felt the alcohol go to his head immediately.
“You said it, little bro,” Helena chuckled. “So, how long have you and Nicky been an item?”
Greg goggled at her and said, “About two years, off and on. Why do I get the feeling I’ve been adopted?”
“Oh, because you’re such a cute little thing. You have these big puppy-dog eyes and you’re so anxious to for us to like you and we do, so we just want to rub your cute tummy and teach you to sit up and beg for treats.”
Looking at the impish gleam in her eye, Greg was tempted to woof and roll onto his back just to see what happened. “So I made the cut and my picture is going on the wall in the family room?”
“Rogue’s gallery? I’m sure. Mom loves you to death.” She noticed his wince. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said–”
Greg shook his head. “It’s okay, you can’t watch everything you say. You shouldn’t have to.”
Helena reached for her glass and took a sip.
“Where’s Nick?”
“Oh, he and the guys are out by the smoker, drinking and smoking cigars. Mom banished them because she doesn’t like cigar smoke,” Helena answered. She waved her arm. “Over that way. Don’t get lost.”
Greg nodded and got up to find Nick. He caught the scent of cigar, mingled with smoked meat, and followed it out near the barn. From a distance he could hear the men’s voices, talking and laughing companionably. He stopped at a distance to watch. Nick’s voice seemed the loudest as he stood amongst his father, brother and brothers-in-law.
All these men knew each other and Greg felt as if he didn’t belong. And Nick was drunk. The others were drunk too, but Greg wasn’t concerned with them, they hadn’t been buried and left alone underground for hours to wonder if they were going to live or die. Maybe Nick needed this, to get a little drunk and carry on, have a good time doing a little male bonding. He sighed and turned back to the house. He went upstairs to his room and watched the progress of the line dancing from the window in the dark. It looked like a lot of fun, especially given the fact that the women were all a bit tipsy too.
“Puppy,” he mumbled as he watched Nick’s sisters laugh and talk. The sounds of their fun echoed with that weird resonance only a pool provides. He had a headache and idly debated with himself whether or not to take an aspirin. He looked at the moon and the stars, so much clearer here than in Las Vegas, at least in town. At Lake Mead at night, he had a similar sensation of the sky being close enough that he could reach up and touch the stars, especially if Nick was there with him.
He noticed it was getting late. The women had turned off the music and vanished, presumably to make sure their children were safely bedded down for the night. He could hear a faint echo of the men’s laughter now that the closer sounds had quieted.
Surely Nick must be getting tired. He hadn’t been out of the hospital for long and his emotions had been bouncing all over, soaring to euphoria and plunging to the depths with very little provocation. Greg wasn’t sure it was such a great idea for his boyfriend to be drinking like this. He knew that everyone here loved Nick, but they hadn’t seen much of him for the last two years, ever since they’d gotten together. His family couldn’t know how much Nick had struggled to accept his own sexuality. They had no idea how Nick worried about his family accepting him.
Wearily Greg stood up; he simply couldn’t allow Nick to drink too much after all this stress. A hangover would be the least of his worries considering the varied medications he’d been on in the hospital, some of which he was still taking. He opened the door and went downstairs softly, trying not to wake anyone who might be sleeping.
“Hey, sweetie,” Jen said as he walked through the darkened kitchen.
He peered at her in the dim light. “Hey Jen, I didn’t know anyone was up. Where are the kids?”
She laughed. “Chris and Shane are in Nick’s room. I think they think they’re too old to bunk with the little kids. The rest all insisted on sleeping in the barn.”
“Isn’t it kind of cold?”
“Not really,” she shrugged. “The warmth of the horses rises and Mom keeps old-fashioned feather beds on hand for these occasions. Besides, I have a feeling not a lot of actual sleeping goes on out there. They’re probably keeping the poor horses awake.”
Greg laughed. “Yeah, I wouldn’t be sleeping if I were out from under my mom’s eyes and together with a bunch of cousins.”
“Do you have a big family, Greg?” Jen asked.
“No, I’m an only child. Just me and my parents. And my grandparents on my mom’s side.”
Jen’s quick ears picked up the difference in his tone. “You love your grandparents.”
“Yeah, they’re great. They came to this country young, knowing very little English. An American soldier sponsored him; Papa Olaf had gotten my grandmother pregnant back in the old country and her father was on the rampage. And he always made me feel…” Greg stopped and looked up, suddenly aware that he was rambling about things that he rarely discussed.
“Loved?” Jen suggested. “Accepted?”
Greg looked out the window at the flickering reflections the moon cast into the pool.
“It’s getting late. I’m going to see what Nick’s up to,” he said casually and went to the door.
“Yeah,” Jen agreed. “This has been a stressful time for him. He needs his rest.”
“Yeah.”
She watched him skirt the pool in the silvery light of the moon. “And you too, kid. You have to take care of yourself too.”
~*~
Greg paused in the shadows, watching the men. Nick’s brothers-in-law lounged against the fence, cigars in hand, watching the three Stokes men as they told stories and staggered a little as they laughed, cigar in one hand and beer in the other.
He felt supremely uncomfortable with the whole scene; it was so unlike anything that happened in his family. And having to walk out there and somehow detach Nick from the other men without affronting his pride was going to take tact and delicacy. Greg wasn’t at all sure he was up to the challenge. He was tempted to simply turn around and go back to the house but watching Nick’s face, he could see the edge of hysteria right under the surface. Seeing him with his brother and father gave Greg a better understanding of why Nick was always so desperate to fit in and gain approval. He was clearly the baby of the family, well loved but still treated as much younger. Fragile, almost.
It shed a lot of light on how he interacted with Grissom. When Nick had finally found the courage to tell Grissom that he disagreed with his conclusions on a case and that he would have fought him on it, he’d been in despair, sure that he’d lost the older man’s good opinion at last.
It seemed odd to Greg, being younger and in some ways even more insecure, that he had a better read on Grissom than his boyfriend. He’d comforted Nick, telling him that their boss would only respect him more for standing up for what he believed, but until Grissom had proven it by recommending Nick for the promotion, he’d agonized over his decision.
Finally Greg pulled himself together and walked out to join the other men with a tentative smile. “Hi, guys, how’s it going?”
“Greg!” Nick saluted him with his beer. “How was the game?”
“I managed to keep my title as Best Halo Player Known to Man, but only by superior tactical skills. Your nephew has the thumbs.”
Nick laughed again and Greg watched him anxiously without giving away his concern.
Bill Stokes asked, “Come to make sure Nick isn’t drinking us all under the table?”
The men laughed and Greg felt his face flush. He flicked a glance at Nick again and said, “No, of course not. He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself.”
“Want a cigar then?” Billiam pulled a wrapped cigar from his pocket and offered it to Greg.
Suppressing his impulse to blurt out statistics on the incidence of mouth and throat cancer caused by cigar smoke, Greg smiled and shook his head. “No thank you, sir. I’ll take a beer though.”
“Great!” Martin, Lily’s husband, snagged a can from the cooler and tossed it to Greg.
Greg tapped twice on the can and opened it away from him. He took a sip, his eyes on Nick’s face.
“Cool trick,” Martin laughed, his eyes giving away his mischievous intent to shake up the beer enough to spray the younger man when he cracked it open.
Greg laughed uncomfortably, trying to keep his “good sport” façade intact. “Um, Nick, could I get the keys to the truck? I think I left something in there.”
“Sure, G.” Nick fished the keys out and tossed them to Greg who caught them one-handed. “Nice catch.”
“Would you mind coming with me?”
“Later, G, okay? We’re in the middle of Martin telling us about his senior game,” Nick grinned.
“Yeah, sure,” Greg murmured. He felt himself fade into the shadows as Martin took up the story again and Bill Stokes, Billiam and Nick roared with laughter at whatever was so funny about what the tight end did.
He walked to the truck, dumping his beer out on the ground and crushing the can. It was late, he was tired; so tired he felt almost as if he hadn’t slept since Nick had been kidnapped. His life had seemed totally out of control since then. He’d been buffeted by chance and then by Nick. Suddenly confronted with this trip, catapulted into the midst of a large noisy family, and watching Nick melt down over his molestation, Greg felt that he had to get away by himself if only for a few hours. Find some peace, find himself.
He felt dissed. Nick never noticed how differently people reacted to the two of them. People took Nick seriously, with his Texas charm and masculine presence. Greg felt that he had to earn respect and when it came it was hard won. He was younger, thinner, gayer (he had to cop to that) and funny. No, silly. His expertise in the DNA lab seemed to be entirely discounted no matter how many times he proved himself. Even now, as a CSI, wearing more conservative clothing and toning down his hair, people acted as if he was the same old crazy labrat. It was as if they couldn’t see past the surface.
He had to admit that perhaps putting on the showgirl headdress and prancing in the hall wasn’t the best way to impress, but hey, his last case involved a set of sequined pasties and he hadn’t even thought about trying them on. Okay, he thought about it, but he didn’t actually do it. Although he had gone home and tried that shoulder rotation thing in front of the mirror, wondering how Nick would like it if he did get a set of tassels for his nipples.
He tossed the crushed beer can into the back of the truck and got in. Maneuvering carefully around the fleet of vehicles on the drive, he headed for the gate.
Jen watched from the darkened front porch, curled up on the swing. “Don’t give up on him, kid.”
~*~
Greg let himself into the silent house in the dark and quietly felt his way up to the guest room. As he’d anticipated, Nick was sprawled over the entire bed, face down, boots on, smelling of stale smoke and beer, and snoring. Resigning himself to the inevitable, he stripped to his boxers and nudged his boyfriend to gain a little space.
Nick groaned and rolled over, throwing a heavy leg over Greg’s, pinning him to the mattress. Greg squirmed, trying to get comfortable. Normally he loved it when Nick touched him. The conditions of their lives precluded the opportunity to share a casual touch outside the privacy of their home, but tonight, Greg just needed some space.
Nick moaned and started thrashing on the pillow. Greg lifted his head to watch him with concern. So far there hadn’t been any nightmares but now it seemed like it was Nick’s turn for it. Nick’s face was anguished. “Cisco… no… I never meant… disappoint… I can’t…”
Greg rolled over and circled his arms around Nick. “Shhh, Nicky, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re safe, you’re safe. You’re with me. You’re safe, baby.”
Nick sobbed in his sleep and turned into Greg’s embrace, burying his face on the younger man’s shoulder. “Safe…”
Slowly the tension drained from his body and he slept again.
~*~
When the sun rose, so did Greg, feeling drained and completely unrested. Nick had tossed and turned all night, drifting in and out of his nightmare without ever fully waking. Greg had managed to wrest his boots and jeans off and covered him with a blanket, but Nick kept waking him whenever he managed to drift off. He was terrified at the anguish on Nick’s dreaming face and didn’t know what to do to comfort him, but he never managed to wake him.
Greg took a shower, quickly spiking his hair before heading to the kitchen. He was a little hungry but he felt queasy. He didn’t even feel up to making coffee. He grabbed a handful of carrots from the refrigerator and meandered down to the small corral, leaning on the fence watching while Sonic grazed peacefully.
~*~
Nick woke up with a sour taste in his mouth and a pounding head. It was not often that he got that drunk any more, but he recognized the aftermath and hoped Greg wasn’t too angry with him. After eating, he recalled hanging out by the smoker with his father, brother and brothers-in-law, feeling a level of acceptance from the men in his family that he’d never felt before. He was a bit uneasy about how Greg had been subtly excluded from the group, barely remembering tossing his boyfriend the keys to the truck and turning back to the group, laughing at Martin’s story.
He rolled over, looking for a warm enticing body but the sheets were cold, indicating that Greg had been up for a while. Nick sighed and hoisted himself out of bed, noticing that Greg had somehow managed to divest him of his boots and jeans sometime in the night. He shuffled into the bathroom and smiled at the note taped to the mirror.
He turned on the water in the shower and waited until steam filled the room before getting in and allowing the water to stream over his aching muscles. He stayed under until the water began to cool. Realizing a lot of other people needed to shower, he grudgingly turned off the water and dried off. He shaved with a towel wrapped around his waist, trying to avoid looking at his reddened eyes and dark circles.
Jillian sat at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper when Nick walked into the room. She looked up, carefully allowing neither disapproval nor amusement to show in her face.
“Good morning, honey. What can I get you for breakfast?”
“Um, coffee and aspirin?”
She smiled and shook her head ruefully. “Another hangover special, coming up.”
“Yeah, who else?” Nick asked curiously, sitting at the table while his mother got him a cup of coffee.
“All the men except Greg,” Jillian answered as she poured out a bloody Mary for him, putting it on the table with a bottle of aspirin and a cup of coffee. “I haven’t seen him this morning, is he still in bed?”
“No,” Nick answered, carefully looking down. “He left a note, he went for a walk. Is everyone else up?”
“Your father is, I think he was heading over to the small corral to take a look at Sonic. Janice and Jen are out there too.” Jillian picked up her paper again and watched Nick from behind the cover of the pages.
He drank his breakfast, looking distinctly moody and withdrawn.
“Feeling guilty?”
Nick looked up in angry protest, which melted before the non-judgmental expression on his mother’s face. “Are you disappointed in me?”
“Never, sweetie,” she said, leaning forward to touch his face. “With some of your choices, sure. You left Greg on his own last night and you could have been a little more gracious.”
“You’re right,” Nick sighed. “But everyone loves him, people always do. And it was so great to be with Billiam and Dad and have everything…” He looked at her with pleading eyes.
“Out on the table at last?” She asked sympathetically. “It feels much better, doesn’t it?”
He nodded, unable to speak for a moment.
“If you’re not going to drink any more breakfast, maybe you should go look for Greg,” Jillian suggested.
Nick’s face brightened. “Yeah, I’ll do that.” He dropped a kiss on top of his mother’s head and cheered up as she patted his back.
He stepped out the back door, squinting in the clear, hard light. He could see Greg standing at the small corral with the horse on the other side of the rails. He felt a little alarmed, knowing Sonic wasn’t broken yet, but his father and Billiam were approaching from one side, while Janice and Jen emerged from the barn, walking arm in arm to the corral.
As he drew closer, he realized that Greg was patting the horse’s neck and Sonic was completely still and calm, bumping Greg’s head whenever his hand stopped moving. He snorted to himself; seemed like everyone loved Greg, even a half broken colt.
Bill Stokes called out, “Looks like you’ve got the touch with horses too, son. Only ever seen Nick get that animal to settle down like that.”
Greg looked up and smiled uncertainly at Nick’s father. “It’s probably the carrots I brought out, sir.”
Billiam spoke up. “Don’t sell yourself short, kid. That horse won’t take carrots from me, so I’d say he likes you.”
Nick was close enough now to see the brief flash in Greg’s eyes; knowing his boyfriend as he did, he knew that Greg had flared up at being called kid, then calmed himself, reminding himself that Billiam was 17 years older than he. After being the youngest one at work, and constantly teased and belittled, Greg was a little sensitive about not being taken seriously.
Janice stood beside Billiam, hooking her arm through her husband’s. “Don’t tease Greg, Bill. Lord knows this weekend is like running a gauntlet for him. No one should have to be introduced to and memorize 22 strangers, eight of them under five feet tall.”
“Sorry, kid,” Billiam said gruffly, with an irrepressible twinkle in his eye. He reached over and ruffled Greg’s hair.
Nick closed the distance and interrupted the group, forestalling whatever retort was clearly hovering on Greg’s lips. “Hey, no harassing my boyfriend.” He felt a bit uneasy with this blatant declaration of their relationship but hell, everyone already knew about them. Saying it out loud wouldn’t make any difference.
Greg was looking stunned, a bruised, tired look around his eyes as he stared at Nick in disbelief. After keeping his distance throughout the visit, never touching Nick in public, trying not to exchange private glances, being on his best interview behavior, he was completely thrown by Nick’s comment.
Jen moved closer to Greg and he appreciated her subtle support.
Bill Sr. cleared his throat and informed Nick, “Greg has just been showing us all up with Sonic. Aside from you, I’ve never seen that horse so trusting and calm.”
Sonic tossed his head and moved off nervously, disturbed at the loud voice.
“Yeah, he’s really something.” Nick moved closer to Greg and took him in his arms. Greg’s arms came up automatically and he leaned imperceptibly closer. Nick went to plant a kiss on Greg’s lips but the younger man jerked his head away, stiffening in response. Nick looked up to see Jen watching, surprised but accepting.
Greg stared over Nick’s shoulder, stunned into immobility. He’d never expected Nick to do this, so he was unprepared for the embrace, but what chilled him was the expression on the faces of Nick’s father and brother.
Billiam blanched and turned away, while Bill Sr. was rooted to the spot, a look of pained shock in his eyes and a stern look around his lips; the rest of his face frozen in disbelief.
For a moment, everything unfolded in slow motion until Greg wrenched himself away from Nick, whispering, “No… don’t…”
Nick glared at his boyfriend, not realizing what prompted the rejection. His temper flared and he shoved the younger man away, whipping around angrily. He ran to the front of the house and Greg heard a loud slam and the truck start. He tracked the dust with wounded eyes as the Nick tore down the drive.
Greg’s eyes met Bill Sr.’s and he couldn’t stand it any longer. He couldn’t deal with the distaste in the eyes of the man who made him feel so welcome. In a daze, he turned and ran for the trail that led to the brook.
“Greg!” Jen called out. “Wait! Come back.” She stepped closer to her father and slipped her arm through his, feeling him tremble. Her anger melted into a protective urge to take care of him. “Dad, let’s go talk to Mom,” she coaxed the suddenly frail looking man.
Janice put her arm around Billiam. “Come on, spunky, let’s go get you some coffee. I think we need to talk.”
Jen walked slowly with her father, urging him into the kitchen. Jillian turned at the sink, her smile fading as she took in her husband’s expression. “What the hell happened?” she demanded.
Jen sighed and helped her father to a chair. “Nick went to hug Greg and I think the reality was a little more than Dad and Billiam were prepared for.”
“I’m sorry, Jilly, I really didn’t mean–”
Jillian came quickly to her husband’s side and enveloped him in a hug. “I know you didn’t, dear. I know.”
Jen got each of her parents each a cup of coffee and sat down heavily. “It had to happen sometime, Mom. I think Nick surprised Greg as much as he did Dad and Billiam.” She rubbed her eyes.
Jillian sat next to her husband, her hand on his arm. “Bill, you’ll apologize and we’ll get past this. They’re both loving boys, they’ll forgive us. They’ll understand, you just need a little time to get used to this.”
“I just never visualized…” Bill said in an anguished voice. “The idea of them being together… Greg is such a nice… They never… touched… that way…” He shook his head in defeat.
“How did they touch?” Jillian asked Jen.
Jen smiled. “As if they’re in love and they belong to each other.”
Jillian smiled softly at her daughter, then sighed, turning to comfort her husband.
Jen pushed herself to her feet. “I’ll go find Greg.”
~*~
Nick drove fast, too fast, knowing he was over the speed limit. He was angry, furious with Greg. How dare he pull away, now that Nick had decided it was okay to touch in front of his family! He wasn’t planning to throw him to the ground and fuck him in front of everyone, for God’s sake! His foot pressed on the gas pedal, all his anger fueling his need for speed. He rolled down the window, feeling the cool air rush over him, starting to calm him.
Suddenly he pulled over to the side of the road. Something must have happened to make Greg act that way. As his anger faded he was swamped by fear and sadness. He knew the younger man had been there for him, supporting him through all his moods after the kidnapping, so there had to be some reason he pulled away like that.
He scrubbed his hands through his short hair. The moment he reached for Greg, it had felt so natural and easy to him. His brother was teasing Greg and he’d wanted to comfort him. Nick realized that throughout the time they’d been dating, he had never touched his boyfriend outside his house or Greg’s apartment. Occasionally at work he would pat Greg on the shoulder or something, but they tried to maintain a professional appearance at all times.
It was more his fears and insecurities that kept them from even brushing against each other casually in public. In fact, Greg had tried, bumping into him playfully, dragging him to the club where their relationship had started (sparks lead to fire), and trying to get Nick to dance. Even though there were many same sex couples dancing there, Nick just never felt comfortable with it.
Having his relationship out in the open with his family had relaxed him to the point where he’d just naturally gone to hug Greg, without stopping to consider the reactions of the people around them.
Nick remembered Greg’s face, shocked when he’d tried to kiss him, and realized, finally, that the younger man must have been looking at his father and brother. Nick groaned and dropped his head in his hands. He wanted to hit himself. After all that they’d been through in the past month, all his emotional highs and lows, Greg had been steadfast by his side, weathering his moods, offering him support and affirming just how much he was loved.
Nick put the truck in gear and turned it around, driving just as fast in his hurry to get home. He had to apologize to Greg. He hoped it wasn’t too late.
Jen emerged from the kitchen just as Nick pulled the truck into the circular drive in front of the house. She waited as he jumped out and hurried over to her.
“Where’s Greg?”
“I haven’t seen him since–”
“What the fuck happened back there? What didn’t I see?” Nick felt himself getting angry again.
“Simmer down, little bro. Dad and Billiam weren’t prepared for your PDA and I think Greg saw them over your shoulder.”
Nick groaned. “God, I fucked up. I have to apologize to him.”
“Dad?”
“No! Maybe! I don’t know, should I apologize? I mean, they welcomed him with open arms, does this mean they don’t really like him?”
Jen shrugged. “I don’t think it’s that, I think accepting it intellectually is one thing, seeing it is another. Austin isn’t San Francisco, it’s not like there are a lot of gay couples kissing in the streets here, at least not where Dad hangs out.”
“Is Dad okay?”
“I left him to Mom’s tender mercies, he’ll probably be apologizing to both of you before the sun goes down.”
“I have to find Greg.”
“Yes, you do and I’ll help you,” Jen said firmly.
He set a fast pace for the trail and Jen kept up with him easily. “It didn’t bother you, did it?”
“Nope,” she grinned. “Actually I thought it was kind of hot.”
Nick blushed a fiery red. “Oh boy, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea.”
“It was a great idea, Nicky,” she said gently. “Seeing two people who really love each other is always special.”
After a brief silence, Nick said, “Thanks.”
“You know, you’ve pretty much been the focus of everyone’s attention since this whole kidnapping thing. Who’s been taking care of Greg?”
Nick looked guilty. “God, I never even thought…”
“He looks tired, haven’t you noticed? Has he been getting enough sleep?”
“Probably not. While I was in the hospital, he would sneak in after work and spend the night next to me. And I dragged him here right after work so he didn’t get any sleep for 24 hours that day. And he’s had nightmares…” Nick was feeling more and more guilty as he thought about it. Greg hadn’t exactly been eating a lot either.
Jen nodded sagely. “How about you?”
“Not that I know of,” Nick replied slowly. “Although last night… I can’t quite remember…”
Jen sighed again. “Both of you need some mothering. Where do you think he would go?”
“Down the trail to the creek, I hope. That’s the only place I’ve taken him. I hope he hasn’t gone off somewhere else on his own. God, Jen, what if he’s lost?”
“Then we’ll find him, Nicky. He’s a smart man, he won’t wander off too far where he’s not familiar,” Jen said reassuringly.
Nick and Jen walked quickly through the cottonwoods, their steps muffled on the soft path. After the last bend they saw Greg walking slowly, his head down, fatigue obvious in every line of his body.
“Greg!” Nick yelled and broke into a trot.
Greg turned toward them, a glassy unfocused look in his eyes. They saw the color drain from his face as he went completely white. As if he was a puppet and someone had cut the strings, he closed his eyes and crumpled silently to the ground. Nick was barely in time to catch his head before it hit the path.
“Greg! God, Greg.”
Nick knelt on the ground holding the younger man in his arms. “Get a doctor, Jen!”
Jen knelt beside him quickly, taking Greg’s wrist in her hand. “I am a doctor, Nicky. Shut up a minute.”
After a minute, she said, “Pulse is a little fast, not too bad. He looks tired, has he been sleeping all right? When was the last time he ate?”
“I don’t know,” Nick muttered, looking anxiously at the pale face.
Greg’s eyelashes fluttered and his eyes opened. He looked dazed and confused. “Wha–? What happened?” he mumbled.
“You passed out,” Jen said. “Were you dizzy? Upset? Tired?”
Greg struggled to sit up and Nick lifted him, allowing him to lean on his shoulder. Colour slowly came back into the younger man’s cheeks and he looked embarrassed. “I’m fine, perfectly fine,” he insisted.
“Whoa, there, boy. Do me a favour and sit still for a bit,” Jen ordered. “Are you hungry?”
“No,” Greg said. Just then his stomach growled loudly. Nick and Jen chuckled, even though Nick still looked scared.
Greg grinned. “Okay, I guess I’m outvoted. I’m hungry.”
“When did you last eat anything?” Jen continued.
“Um, last night, I think,” Greg concentrated. “I picked up some carrots this morning on my way through the kitchen but the horse ate them.”
“Okay, you sit here with Nick for a little while, and I’ll go back to the house and bring back a little snack for you. Your blood sugar’s in your boots and that’s not going to help you any. Keep him quiet, Nicky.”
“Will do, Jen, and thanks.”
“Be right back.” Jen stood up and brushed off her jeans before she started to jog back to the house.
“I can walk back on my own,” Greg insisted, trying to stand up.
Nick tightened his arm around the slender man, easily holding him down. “Just sit with me for a while. It’s quieter here, no kids. After you eat, you can walk back under your own power. If you insist on going back now, I’m going to carry you.”
“You wouldn’t!” Greg looked horrified. He had an image to keep up. Best Halo Player Known to Man could not trump Boyfriend Who Fainted and Had to Be Carried Back to the House, especially in the eyes of a fourteen year old. “Bastard,” he grumbled, even as he turned into the comforting warmth of his boyfriend’s chest, resting his head on Nick’s shoulder.
It was nice under the trees. A shaft of sunlight poured down over them, warming them in the slight chill of the air.
“What happened back there, man?” Nick asked, unable to keep some of the anger and fear out of his voice.
Greg sighed. “Your back was turned but I was looking over your shoulder. When you went to kiss me, your dad and your brother… were… surprised.”
Nick chuckled. “You were surprised. They were shocked. Jen told me.”
“So why’d you do it? Were you trying to prove something?”
“No, not at all.” Nick sounded surprised, as if he’d caught even himself off guard. “I guess I just felt so comfortable, I didn’t even think twice about it. Everything was going so well, no one had a heart attack about me being gay… I don’t know, it just felt right.”
After a long silence he looked down at Greg’s troubled face. “Talk to me, babe.”
“It’s just,” Greg paused and sighed, “You never touch me outside your house or my apartment, even casual we’re-just-guy-friends touching. I just… don’t want this to… scare you off. Like, traumatize you to the point where I have to give you a piece of cheese to even get a hug.”
Nick felt as if he’d just been kicked in the gut. He knew that when something bad happened he had a tendency to withdraw to protect himself, but confronted with the evidence that Greg had worried over him enough to forget to eat and pass out because of it combined with the humbly pleading note in his voice, made Nick think, “I take everything and give nothing.”
“That’s just fucked, Nick. Don’t even think that way, you give me plenty. It’s not your fault I couldn’t sleep and forgot to eat.”
Nick realized he must have spoken his thought out loud. “I’ve been all over the place emotionally and I haven’t been paying attention to you lately. You deserve more.”
Now it was Greg’s turn to look alarmed. “This isn’t going to be one of those ‘I’m not good enough for you’ speeches, is it?”
“No, I’m too selfish to give you up. And if I ever saw you with another man, well, I better not, that’s all,” Nick growled, his arms tightening possessively around his boyfriend.
“Well, good. Don’t scare me like that.” Greg put his head down on Nick’s shoulder again and watched dreamily as the fluffy white clouds went scudding by in the gap in the crown of the trees.
Nick started to speak again. “Sometimes when I get scared, I have this other place I go and it’s hard to reach out to you from there. I want you to believe that I’m this brave, strong man and that I’ll always be there for you. And sometimes I can’t even help myself. When I’m wandering in that other place, you’re my lifeline; you’re what keeps me holding on. When I was in that box, when I had the gun up to my chin, the thing that stopped me from pulling the trigger was the thought of you waiting for me to come back to you. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
Greg sat up to watch Nick’s face as he spoke and he caressed the older man’s cheek. “I’ll always be waiting for you to come back to me. I’m not disappointed in you, I never could be… I love you. You’re braver and stronger than you realize.”
“Thank you,” Nick said softly, and pulled Greg closer. They sat in comfortable silence until they heard Jen coming up the path to join them.
TBC
~*~
*Guide to the Stokes siblings:
Billiam is Nick’s oldest brother. Billiam was a cop, now a lawyer, and is married to Janice. They have two children: Chris, 14 and very cool and Shane, 13, working on his coolness.
Lily is the next sister; she’s a reporter and writer. She’s married to Martin who is in the FBI. They have two children: a son, Danny, who is 11 and a daughter, 10, Jasmine.
Vanessa is a forensic anthropologist, married to Patrick who is a cop. They have two kids, a daughter, Claire, 12, and a son, Eric, 8.
Helena is a lawyer and free lance writer and is married to David who is a professional chef. They have two children, a son Jeff, 12, and a daughter, Nikki, who is 9.
Jen is married to Brian; they are both doctors. They have two children, a daughter Rowan, 11 and a son, Connor, 10.
Zo’e is an interior designer and her partner Morgana, is the national sales director for a company that manufactures cheerleader uniforms.
Nick is the youngest and his partner is Greg. (As if you didn’t know.)
Author: Catlover2x
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Even though things seem to be going well, every step can lead to a misunderstanding. Practically everyone misunderstands something, and some things start to get cleared up.
Spoilers: Grave Danger
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Just borrowing and will put back when done.
Beta'd by Jennybel & Godgaleshot, many thanks to both of them. Any errors are mine because I like to fiddle.
Previous chapters can be found all in one clump here: http://www.nickandgreg.com/desert_archive/viewstory.php?sid=1517
Time passes quickly when you’re playing Halo with a 14 year old who is very good at the game. It was all Greg could do to hold his own; it took all of his strategic thinking, good shooting and memory of the terrain because Chris was definitely more practiced at driving the damn jeep around.
Finally, pleading thumb cramps and promising a rematch, Greg made it out of Chris’ room with his reputation intact. He wandered downstairs to the family room, where various nieces and nephews were gathered playing Candyland. Marveling at the staying power of the board game, he continued on out to the patio. The outdoor heaters were on, cutting the chill of the night air, but Greg was still grateful for his sweater.
Helena, Nick’s middle sister sat down next to him, cutting into his reverie as he watched the steam rising from the pool.
“Why is the pool so warm in the middle of winter?” Greg asked, watching Nick’s other sisters and Morgana practice a line dance, with lots of giggling, to music from a portable record player. A record player! Like it was the 60s and they were at a pajama party.
“Dad put in a heater so Mom could swim all winter. She loves it,” Helena said. “Try this sherry, it’s cheap but amazing.” She handed her glass over to him.
Greg took a sip, feeling this was not the time for a lecture on the dangers of sharing a glass. “Wow, that’s smooth.” He hadn’t eaten much and he felt the alcohol go to his head immediately.
“You said it, little bro,” Helena chuckled. “So, how long have you and Nicky been an item?”
Greg goggled at her and said, “About two years, off and on. Why do I get the feeling I’ve been adopted?”
“Oh, because you’re such a cute little thing. You have these big puppy-dog eyes and you’re so anxious to for us to like you and we do, so we just want to rub your cute tummy and teach you to sit up and beg for treats.”
Looking at the impish gleam in her eye, Greg was tempted to woof and roll onto his back just to see what happened. “So I made the cut and my picture is going on the wall in the family room?”
“Rogue’s gallery? I’m sure. Mom loves you to death.” She noticed his wince. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said–”
Greg shook his head. “It’s okay, you can’t watch everything you say. You shouldn’t have to.”
Helena reached for her glass and took a sip.
“Where’s Nick?”
“Oh, he and the guys are out by the smoker, drinking and smoking cigars. Mom banished them because she doesn’t like cigar smoke,” Helena answered. She waved her arm. “Over that way. Don’t get lost.”
Greg nodded and got up to find Nick. He caught the scent of cigar, mingled with smoked meat, and followed it out near the barn. From a distance he could hear the men’s voices, talking and laughing companionably. He stopped at a distance to watch. Nick’s voice seemed the loudest as he stood amongst his father, brother and brothers-in-law.
All these men knew each other and Greg felt as if he didn’t belong. And Nick was drunk. The others were drunk too, but Greg wasn’t concerned with them, they hadn’t been buried and left alone underground for hours to wonder if they were going to live or die. Maybe Nick needed this, to get a little drunk and carry on, have a good time doing a little male bonding. He sighed and turned back to the house. He went upstairs to his room and watched the progress of the line dancing from the window in the dark. It looked like a lot of fun, especially given the fact that the women were all a bit tipsy too.
“Puppy,” he mumbled as he watched Nick’s sisters laugh and talk. The sounds of their fun echoed with that weird resonance only a pool provides. He had a headache and idly debated with himself whether or not to take an aspirin. He looked at the moon and the stars, so much clearer here than in Las Vegas, at least in town. At Lake Mead at night, he had a similar sensation of the sky being close enough that he could reach up and touch the stars, especially if Nick was there with him.
He noticed it was getting late. The women had turned off the music and vanished, presumably to make sure their children were safely bedded down for the night. He could hear a faint echo of the men’s laughter now that the closer sounds had quieted.
Surely Nick must be getting tired. He hadn’t been out of the hospital for long and his emotions had been bouncing all over, soaring to euphoria and plunging to the depths with very little provocation. Greg wasn’t sure it was such a great idea for his boyfriend to be drinking like this. He knew that everyone here loved Nick, but they hadn’t seen much of him for the last two years, ever since they’d gotten together. His family couldn’t know how much Nick had struggled to accept his own sexuality. They had no idea how Nick worried about his family accepting him.
Wearily Greg stood up; he simply couldn’t allow Nick to drink too much after all this stress. A hangover would be the least of his worries considering the varied medications he’d been on in the hospital, some of which he was still taking. He opened the door and went downstairs softly, trying not to wake anyone who might be sleeping.
“Hey, sweetie,” Jen said as he walked through the darkened kitchen.
He peered at her in the dim light. “Hey Jen, I didn’t know anyone was up. Where are the kids?”
She laughed. “Chris and Shane are in Nick’s room. I think they think they’re too old to bunk with the little kids. The rest all insisted on sleeping in the barn.”
“Isn’t it kind of cold?”
“Not really,” she shrugged. “The warmth of the horses rises and Mom keeps old-fashioned feather beds on hand for these occasions. Besides, I have a feeling not a lot of actual sleeping goes on out there. They’re probably keeping the poor horses awake.”
Greg laughed. “Yeah, I wouldn’t be sleeping if I were out from under my mom’s eyes and together with a bunch of cousins.”
“Do you have a big family, Greg?” Jen asked.
“No, I’m an only child. Just me and my parents. And my grandparents on my mom’s side.”
Jen’s quick ears picked up the difference in his tone. “You love your grandparents.”
“Yeah, they’re great. They came to this country young, knowing very little English. An American soldier sponsored him; Papa Olaf had gotten my grandmother pregnant back in the old country and her father was on the rampage. And he always made me feel…” Greg stopped and looked up, suddenly aware that he was rambling about things that he rarely discussed.
“Loved?” Jen suggested. “Accepted?”
Greg looked out the window at the flickering reflections the moon cast into the pool.
“It’s getting late. I’m going to see what Nick’s up to,” he said casually and went to the door.
“Yeah,” Jen agreed. “This has been a stressful time for him. He needs his rest.”
“Yeah.”
She watched him skirt the pool in the silvery light of the moon. “And you too, kid. You have to take care of yourself too.”
Greg paused in the shadows, watching the men. Nick’s brothers-in-law lounged against the fence, cigars in hand, watching the three Stokes men as they told stories and staggered a little as they laughed, cigar in one hand and beer in the other.
He felt supremely uncomfortable with the whole scene; it was so unlike anything that happened in his family. And having to walk out there and somehow detach Nick from the other men without affronting his pride was going to take tact and delicacy. Greg wasn’t at all sure he was up to the challenge. He was tempted to simply turn around and go back to the house but watching Nick’s face, he could see the edge of hysteria right under the surface. Seeing him with his brother and father gave Greg a better understanding of why Nick was always so desperate to fit in and gain approval. He was clearly the baby of the family, well loved but still treated as much younger. Fragile, almost.
It shed a lot of light on how he interacted with Grissom. When Nick had finally found the courage to tell Grissom that he disagreed with his conclusions on a case and that he would have fought him on it, he’d been in despair, sure that he’d lost the older man’s good opinion at last.
It seemed odd to Greg, being younger and in some ways even more insecure, that he had a better read on Grissom than his boyfriend. He’d comforted Nick, telling him that their boss would only respect him more for standing up for what he believed, but until Grissom had proven it by recommending Nick for the promotion, he’d agonized over his decision.
Finally Greg pulled himself together and walked out to join the other men with a tentative smile. “Hi, guys, how’s it going?”
“Greg!” Nick saluted him with his beer. “How was the game?”
“I managed to keep my title as Best Halo Player Known to Man, but only by superior tactical skills. Your nephew has the thumbs.”
Nick laughed again and Greg watched him anxiously without giving away his concern.
Bill Stokes asked, “Come to make sure Nick isn’t drinking us all under the table?”
The men laughed and Greg felt his face flush. He flicked a glance at Nick again and said, “No, of course not. He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself.”
“Want a cigar then?” Billiam pulled a wrapped cigar from his pocket and offered it to Greg.
Suppressing his impulse to blurt out statistics on the incidence of mouth and throat cancer caused by cigar smoke, Greg smiled and shook his head. “No thank you, sir. I’ll take a beer though.”
“Great!” Martin, Lily’s husband, snagged a can from the cooler and tossed it to Greg.
Greg tapped twice on the can and opened it away from him. He took a sip, his eyes on Nick’s face.
“Cool trick,” Martin laughed, his eyes giving away his mischievous intent to shake up the beer enough to spray the younger man when he cracked it open.
Greg laughed uncomfortably, trying to keep his “good sport” façade intact. “Um, Nick, could I get the keys to the truck? I think I left something in there.”
“Sure, G.” Nick fished the keys out and tossed them to Greg who caught them one-handed. “Nice catch.”
“Would you mind coming with me?”
“Later, G, okay? We’re in the middle of Martin telling us about his senior game,” Nick grinned.
“Yeah, sure,” Greg murmured. He felt himself fade into the shadows as Martin took up the story again and Bill Stokes, Billiam and Nick roared with laughter at whatever was so funny about what the tight end did.
He walked to the truck, dumping his beer out on the ground and crushing the can. It was late, he was tired; so tired he felt almost as if he hadn’t slept since Nick had been kidnapped. His life had seemed totally out of control since then. He’d been buffeted by chance and then by Nick. Suddenly confronted with this trip, catapulted into the midst of a large noisy family, and watching Nick melt down over his molestation, Greg felt that he had to get away by himself if only for a few hours. Find some peace, find himself.
He felt dissed. Nick never noticed how differently people reacted to the two of them. People took Nick seriously, with his Texas charm and masculine presence. Greg felt that he had to earn respect and when it came it was hard won. He was younger, thinner, gayer (he had to cop to that) and funny. No, silly. His expertise in the DNA lab seemed to be entirely discounted no matter how many times he proved himself. Even now, as a CSI, wearing more conservative clothing and toning down his hair, people acted as if he was the same old crazy labrat. It was as if they couldn’t see past the surface.
He had to admit that perhaps putting on the showgirl headdress and prancing in the hall wasn’t the best way to impress, but hey, his last case involved a set of sequined pasties and he hadn’t even thought about trying them on. Okay, he thought about it, but he didn’t actually do it. Although he had gone home and tried that shoulder rotation thing in front of the mirror, wondering how Nick would like it if he did get a set of tassels for his nipples.
He tossed the crushed beer can into the back of the truck and got in. Maneuvering carefully around the fleet of vehicles on the drive, he headed for the gate.
Jen watched from the darkened front porch, curled up on the swing. “Don’t give up on him, kid.”
Greg let himself into the silent house in the dark and quietly felt his way up to the guest room. As he’d anticipated, Nick was sprawled over the entire bed, face down, boots on, smelling of stale smoke and beer, and snoring. Resigning himself to the inevitable, he stripped to his boxers and nudged his boyfriend to gain a little space.
Nick groaned and rolled over, throwing a heavy leg over Greg’s, pinning him to the mattress. Greg squirmed, trying to get comfortable. Normally he loved it when Nick touched him. The conditions of their lives precluded the opportunity to share a casual touch outside the privacy of their home, but tonight, Greg just needed some space.
Nick moaned and started thrashing on the pillow. Greg lifted his head to watch him with concern. So far there hadn’t been any nightmares but now it seemed like it was Nick’s turn for it. Nick’s face was anguished. “Cisco… no… I never meant… disappoint… I can’t…”
Greg rolled over and circled his arms around Nick. “Shhh, Nicky, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re safe, you’re safe. You’re with me. You’re safe, baby.”
Nick sobbed in his sleep and turned into Greg’s embrace, burying his face on the younger man’s shoulder. “Safe…”
Slowly the tension drained from his body and he slept again.
When the sun rose, so did Greg, feeling drained and completely unrested. Nick had tossed and turned all night, drifting in and out of his nightmare without ever fully waking. Greg had managed to wrest his boots and jeans off and covered him with a blanket, but Nick kept waking him whenever he managed to drift off. He was terrified at the anguish on Nick’s dreaming face and didn’t know what to do to comfort him, but he never managed to wake him.
Greg took a shower, quickly spiking his hair before heading to the kitchen. He was a little hungry but he felt queasy. He didn’t even feel up to making coffee. He grabbed a handful of carrots from the refrigerator and meandered down to the small corral, leaning on the fence watching while Sonic grazed peacefully.
Nick woke up with a sour taste in his mouth and a pounding head. It was not often that he got that drunk any more, but he recognized the aftermath and hoped Greg wasn’t too angry with him. After eating, he recalled hanging out by the smoker with his father, brother and brothers-in-law, feeling a level of acceptance from the men in his family that he’d never felt before. He was a bit uneasy about how Greg had been subtly excluded from the group, barely remembering tossing his boyfriend the keys to the truck and turning back to the group, laughing at Martin’s story.
He rolled over, looking for a warm enticing body but the sheets were cold, indicating that Greg had been up for a while. Nick sighed and hoisted himself out of bed, noticing that Greg had somehow managed to divest him of his boots and jeans sometime in the night. He shuffled into the bathroom and smiled at the note taped to the mirror.
He turned on the water in the shower and waited until steam filled the room before getting in and allowing the water to stream over his aching muscles. He stayed under until the water began to cool. Realizing a lot of other people needed to shower, he grudgingly turned off the water and dried off. He shaved with a towel wrapped around his waist, trying to avoid looking at his reddened eyes and dark circles.
Jillian sat at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper when Nick walked into the room. She looked up, carefully allowing neither disapproval nor amusement to show in her face.
“Good morning, honey. What can I get you for breakfast?”
“Um, coffee and aspirin?”
She smiled and shook her head ruefully. “Another hangover special, coming up.”
“Yeah, who else?” Nick asked curiously, sitting at the table while his mother got him a cup of coffee.
“All the men except Greg,” Jillian answered as she poured out a bloody Mary for him, putting it on the table with a bottle of aspirin and a cup of coffee. “I haven’t seen him this morning, is he still in bed?”
“No,” Nick answered, carefully looking down. “He left a note, he went for a walk. Is everyone else up?”
“Your father is, I think he was heading over to the small corral to take a look at Sonic. Janice and Jen are out there too.” Jillian picked up her paper again and watched Nick from behind the cover of the pages.
He drank his breakfast, looking distinctly moody and withdrawn.
“Feeling guilty?”
Nick looked up in angry protest, which melted before the non-judgmental expression on his mother’s face. “Are you disappointed in me?”
“Never, sweetie,” she said, leaning forward to touch his face. “With some of your choices, sure. You left Greg on his own last night and you could have been a little more gracious.”
“You’re right,” Nick sighed. “But everyone loves him, people always do. And it was so great to be with Billiam and Dad and have everything…” He looked at her with pleading eyes.
“Out on the table at last?” She asked sympathetically. “It feels much better, doesn’t it?”
He nodded, unable to speak for a moment.
“If you’re not going to drink any more breakfast, maybe you should go look for Greg,” Jillian suggested.
Nick’s face brightened. “Yeah, I’ll do that.” He dropped a kiss on top of his mother’s head and cheered up as she patted his back.
He stepped out the back door, squinting in the clear, hard light. He could see Greg standing at the small corral with the horse on the other side of the rails. He felt a little alarmed, knowing Sonic wasn’t broken yet, but his father and Billiam were approaching from one side, while Janice and Jen emerged from the barn, walking arm in arm to the corral.
As he drew closer, he realized that Greg was patting the horse’s neck and Sonic was completely still and calm, bumping Greg’s head whenever his hand stopped moving. He snorted to himself; seemed like everyone loved Greg, even a half broken colt.
Bill Stokes called out, “Looks like you’ve got the touch with horses too, son. Only ever seen Nick get that animal to settle down like that.”
Greg looked up and smiled uncertainly at Nick’s father. “It’s probably the carrots I brought out, sir.”
Billiam spoke up. “Don’t sell yourself short, kid. That horse won’t take carrots from me, so I’d say he likes you.”
Nick was close enough now to see the brief flash in Greg’s eyes; knowing his boyfriend as he did, he knew that Greg had flared up at being called kid, then calmed himself, reminding himself that Billiam was 17 years older than he. After being the youngest one at work, and constantly teased and belittled, Greg was a little sensitive about not being taken seriously.
Janice stood beside Billiam, hooking her arm through her husband’s. “Don’t tease Greg, Bill. Lord knows this weekend is like running a gauntlet for him. No one should have to be introduced to and memorize 22 strangers, eight of them under five feet tall.”
“Sorry, kid,” Billiam said gruffly, with an irrepressible twinkle in his eye. He reached over and ruffled Greg’s hair.
Nick closed the distance and interrupted the group, forestalling whatever retort was clearly hovering on Greg’s lips. “Hey, no harassing my boyfriend.” He felt a bit uneasy with this blatant declaration of their relationship but hell, everyone already knew about them. Saying it out loud wouldn’t make any difference.
Greg was looking stunned, a bruised, tired look around his eyes as he stared at Nick in disbelief. After keeping his distance throughout the visit, never touching Nick in public, trying not to exchange private glances, being on his best interview behavior, he was completely thrown by Nick’s comment.
Jen moved closer to Greg and he appreciated her subtle support.
Bill Sr. cleared his throat and informed Nick, “Greg has just been showing us all up with Sonic. Aside from you, I’ve never seen that horse so trusting and calm.”
Sonic tossed his head and moved off nervously, disturbed at the loud voice.
“Yeah, he’s really something.” Nick moved closer to Greg and took him in his arms. Greg’s arms came up automatically and he leaned imperceptibly closer. Nick went to plant a kiss on Greg’s lips but the younger man jerked his head away, stiffening in response. Nick looked up to see Jen watching, surprised but accepting.
Greg stared over Nick’s shoulder, stunned into immobility. He’d never expected Nick to do this, so he was unprepared for the embrace, but what chilled him was the expression on the faces of Nick’s father and brother.
Billiam blanched and turned away, while Bill Sr. was rooted to the spot, a look of pained shock in his eyes and a stern look around his lips; the rest of his face frozen in disbelief.
For a moment, everything unfolded in slow motion until Greg wrenched himself away from Nick, whispering, “No… don’t…”
Nick glared at his boyfriend, not realizing what prompted the rejection. His temper flared and he shoved the younger man away, whipping around angrily. He ran to the front of the house and Greg heard a loud slam and the truck start. He tracked the dust with wounded eyes as the Nick tore down the drive.
Greg’s eyes met Bill Sr.’s and he couldn’t stand it any longer. He couldn’t deal with the distaste in the eyes of the man who made him feel so welcome. In a daze, he turned and ran for the trail that led to the brook.
“Greg!” Jen called out. “Wait! Come back.” She stepped closer to her father and slipped her arm through his, feeling him tremble. Her anger melted into a protective urge to take care of him. “Dad, let’s go talk to Mom,” she coaxed the suddenly frail looking man.
Janice put her arm around Billiam. “Come on, spunky, let’s go get you some coffee. I think we need to talk.”
Jen walked slowly with her father, urging him into the kitchen. Jillian turned at the sink, her smile fading as she took in her husband’s expression. “What the hell happened?” she demanded.
Jen sighed and helped her father to a chair. “Nick went to hug Greg and I think the reality was a little more than Dad and Billiam were prepared for.”
“I’m sorry, Jilly, I really didn’t mean–”
Jillian came quickly to her husband’s side and enveloped him in a hug. “I know you didn’t, dear. I know.”
Jen got each of her parents each a cup of coffee and sat down heavily. “It had to happen sometime, Mom. I think Nick surprised Greg as much as he did Dad and Billiam.” She rubbed her eyes.
Jillian sat next to her husband, her hand on his arm. “Bill, you’ll apologize and we’ll get past this. They’re both loving boys, they’ll forgive us. They’ll understand, you just need a little time to get used to this.”
“I just never visualized…” Bill said in an anguished voice. “The idea of them being together… Greg is such a nice… They never… touched… that way…” He shook his head in defeat.
“How did they touch?” Jillian asked Jen.
Jen smiled. “As if they’re in love and they belong to each other.”
Jillian smiled softly at her daughter, then sighed, turning to comfort her husband.
Jen pushed herself to her feet. “I’ll go find Greg.”
Nick drove fast, too fast, knowing he was over the speed limit. He was angry, furious with Greg. How dare he pull away, now that Nick had decided it was okay to touch in front of his family! He wasn’t planning to throw him to the ground and fuck him in front of everyone, for God’s sake! His foot pressed on the gas pedal, all his anger fueling his need for speed. He rolled down the window, feeling the cool air rush over him, starting to calm him.
Suddenly he pulled over to the side of the road. Something must have happened to make Greg act that way. As his anger faded he was swamped by fear and sadness. He knew the younger man had been there for him, supporting him through all his moods after the kidnapping, so there had to be some reason he pulled away like that.
He scrubbed his hands through his short hair. The moment he reached for Greg, it had felt so natural and easy to him. His brother was teasing Greg and he’d wanted to comfort him. Nick realized that throughout the time they’d been dating, he had never touched his boyfriend outside his house or Greg’s apartment. Occasionally at work he would pat Greg on the shoulder or something, but they tried to maintain a professional appearance at all times.
It was more his fears and insecurities that kept them from even brushing against each other casually in public. In fact, Greg had tried, bumping into him playfully, dragging him to the club where their relationship had started (sparks lead to fire), and trying to get Nick to dance. Even though there were many same sex couples dancing there, Nick just never felt comfortable with it.
Having his relationship out in the open with his family had relaxed him to the point where he’d just naturally gone to hug Greg, without stopping to consider the reactions of the people around them.
Nick remembered Greg’s face, shocked when he’d tried to kiss him, and realized, finally, that the younger man must have been looking at his father and brother. Nick groaned and dropped his head in his hands. He wanted to hit himself. After all that they’d been through in the past month, all his emotional highs and lows, Greg had been steadfast by his side, weathering his moods, offering him support and affirming just how much he was loved.
Nick put the truck in gear and turned it around, driving just as fast in his hurry to get home. He had to apologize to Greg. He hoped it wasn’t too late.
Jen emerged from the kitchen just as Nick pulled the truck into the circular drive in front of the house. She waited as he jumped out and hurried over to her.
“Where’s Greg?”
“I haven’t seen him since–”
“What the fuck happened back there? What didn’t I see?” Nick felt himself getting angry again.
“Simmer down, little bro. Dad and Billiam weren’t prepared for your PDA and I think Greg saw them over your shoulder.”
Nick groaned. “God, I fucked up. I have to apologize to him.”
“Dad?”
“No! Maybe! I don’t know, should I apologize? I mean, they welcomed him with open arms, does this mean they don’t really like him?”
Jen shrugged. “I don’t think it’s that, I think accepting it intellectually is one thing, seeing it is another. Austin isn’t San Francisco, it’s not like there are a lot of gay couples kissing in the streets here, at least not where Dad hangs out.”
“Is Dad okay?”
“I left him to Mom’s tender mercies, he’ll probably be apologizing to both of you before the sun goes down.”
“I have to find Greg.”
“Yes, you do and I’ll help you,” Jen said firmly.
He set a fast pace for the trail and Jen kept up with him easily. “It didn’t bother you, did it?”
“Nope,” she grinned. “Actually I thought it was kind of hot.”
Nick blushed a fiery red. “Oh boy, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea.”
“It was a great idea, Nicky,” she said gently. “Seeing two people who really love each other is always special.”
After a brief silence, Nick said, “Thanks.”
“You know, you’ve pretty much been the focus of everyone’s attention since this whole kidnapping thing. Who’s been taking care of Greg?”
Nick looked guilty. “God, I never even thought…”
“He looks tired, haven’t you noticed? Has he been getting enough sleep?”
“Probably not. While I was in the hospital, he would sneak in after work and spend the night next to me. And I dragged him here right after work so he didn’t get any sleep for 24 hours that day. And he’s had nightmares…” Nick was feeling more and more guilty as he thought about it. Greg hadn’t exactly been eating a lot either.
Jen nodded sagely. “How about you?”
“Not that I know of,” Nick replied slowly. “Although last night… I can’t quite remember…”
Jen sighed again. “Both of you need some mothering. Where do you think he would go?”
“Down the trail to the creek, I hope. That’s the only place I’ve taken him. I hope he hasn’t gone off somewhere else on his own. God, Jen, what if he’s lost?”
“Then we’ll find him, Nicky. He’s a smart man, he won’t wander off too far where he’s not familiar,” Jen said reassuringly.
Nick and Jen walked quickly through the cottonwoods, their steps muffled on the soft path. After the last bend they saw Greg walking slowly, his head down, fatigue obvious in every line of his body.
“Greg!” Nick yelled and broke into a trot.
Greg turned toward them, a glassy unfocused look in his eyes. They saw the color drain from his face as he went completely white. As if he was a puppet and someone had cut the strings, he closed his eyes and crumpled silently to the ground. Nick was barely in time to catch his head before it hit the path.
“Greg! God, Greg.”
Nick knelt on the ground holding the younger man in his arms. “Get a doctor, Jen!”
Jen knelt beside him quickly, taking Greg’s wrist in her hand. “I am a doctor, Nicky. Shut up a minute.”
After a minute, she said, “Pulse is a little fast, not too bad. He looks tired, has he been sleeping all right? When was the last time he ate?”
“I don’t know,” Nick muttered, looking anxiously at the pale face.
Greg’s eyelashes fluttered and his eyes opened. He looked dazed and confused. “Wha–? What happened?” he mumbled.
“You passed out,” Jen said. “Were you dizzy? Upset? Tired?”
Greg struggled to sit up and Nick lifted him, allowing him to lean on his shoulder. Colour slowly came back into the younger man’s cheeks and he looked embarrassed. “I’m fine, perfectly fine,” he insisted.
“Whoa, there, boy. Do me a favour and sit still for a bit,” Jen ordered. “Are you hungry?”
“No,” Greg said. Just then his stomach growled loudly. Nick and Jen chuckled, even though Nick still looked scared.
Greg grinned. “Okay, I guess I’m outvoted. I’m hungry.”
“When did you last eat anything?” Jen continued.
“Um, last night, I think,” Greg concentrated. “I picked up some carrots this morning on my way through the kitchen but the horse ate them.”
“Okay, you sit here with Nick for a little while, and I’ll go back to the house and bring back a little snack for you. Your blood sugar’s in your boots and that’s not going to help you any. Keep him quiet, Nicky.”
“Will do, Jen, and thanks.”
“Be right back.” Jen stood up and brushed off her jeans before she started to jog back to the house.
“I can walk back on my own,” Greg insisted, trying to stand up.
Nick tightened his arm around the slender man, easily holding him down. “Just sit with me for a while. It’s quieter here, no kids. After you eat, you can walk back under your own power. If you insist on going back now, I’m going to carry you.”
“You wouldn’t!” Greg looked horrified. He had an image to keep up. Best Halo Player Known to Man could not trump Boyfriend Who Fainted and Had to Be Carried Back to the House, especially in the eyes of a fourteen year old. “Bastard,” he grumbled, even as he turned into the comforting warmth of his boyfriend’s chest, resting his head on Nick’s shoulder.
It was nice under the trees. A shaft of sunlight poured down over them, warming them in the slight chill of the air.
“What happened back there, man?” Nick asked, unable to keep some of the anger and fear out of his voice.
Greg sighed. “Your back was turned but I was looking over your shoulder. When you went to kiss me, your dad and your brother… were… surprised.”
Nick chuckled. “You were surprised. They were shocked. Jen told me.”
“So why’d you do it? Were you trying to prove something?”
“No, not at all.” Nick sounded surprised, as if he’d caught even himself off guard. “I guess I just felt so comfortable, I didn’t even think twice about it. Everything was going so well, no one had a heart attack about me being gay… I don’t know, it just felt right.”
After a long silence he looked down at Greg’s troubled face. “Talk to me, babe.”
“It’s just,” Greg paused and sighed, “You never touch me outside your house or my apartment, even casual we’re-just-guy-friends touching. I just… don’t want this to… scare you off. Like, traumatize you to the point where I have to give you a piece of cheese to even get a hug.”
Nick felt as if he’d just been kicked in the gut. He knew that when something bad happened he had a tendency to withdraw to protect himself, but confronted with the evidence that Greg had worried over him enough to forget to eat and pass out because of it combined with the humbly pleading note in his voice, made Nick think, “I take everything and give nothing.”
“That’s just fucked, Nick. Don’t even think that way, you give me plenty. It’s not your fault I couldn’t sleep and forgot to eat.”
Nick realized he must have spoken his thought out loud. “I’ve been all over the place emotionally and I haven’t been paying attention to you lately. You deserve more.”
Now it was Greg’s turn to look alarmed. “This isn’t going to be one of those ‘I’m not good enough for you’ speeches, is it?”
“No, I’m too selfish to give you up. And if I ever saw you with another man, well, I better not, that’s all,” Nick growled, his arms tightening possessively around his boyfriend.
“Well, good. Don’t scare me like that.” Greg put his head down on Nick’s shoulder again and watched dreamily as the fluffy white clouds went scudding by in the gap in the crown of the trees.
Nick started to speak again. “Sometimes when I get scared, I have this other place I go and it’s hard to reach out to you from there. I want you to believe that I’m this brave, strong man and that I’ll always be there for you. And sometimes I can’t even help myself. When I’m wandering in that other place, you’re my lifeline; you’re what keeps me holding on. When I was in that box, when I had the gun up to my chin, the thing that stopped me from pulling the trigger was the thought of you waiting for me to come back to you. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
Greg sat up to watch Nick’s face as he spoke and he caressed the older man’s cheek. “I’ll always be waiting for you to come back to me. I’m not disappointed in you, I never could be… I love you. You’re braver and stronger than you realize.”
“Thank you,” Nick said softly, and pulled Greg closer. They sat in comfortable silence until they heard Jen coming up the path to join them.
TBC
~*~
*Guide to the Stokes siblings:
Billiam is Nick’s oldest brother. Billiam was a cop, now a lawyer, and is married to Janice. They have two children: Chris, 14 and very cool and Shane, 13, working on his coolness.
Lily is the next sister; she’s a reporter and writer. She’s married to Martin who is in the FBI. They have two children: a son, Danny, who is 11 and a daughter, 10, Jasmine.
Vanessa is a forensic anthropologist, married to Patrick who is a cop. They have two kids, a daughter, Claire, 12, and a son, Eric, 8.
Helena is a lawyer and free lance writer and is married to David who is a professional chef. They have two children, a son Jeff, 12, and a daughter, Nikki, who is 9.
Jen is married to Brian; they are both doctors. They have two children, a daughter Rowan, 11 and a son, Connor, 10.
Zo’e is an interior designer and her partner Morgana, is the national sales director for a company that manufactures cheerleader uniforms.
Nick is the youngest and his partner is Greg. (As if you didn’t know.)
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