For Always

[littlebuttercup.livejournal.com]

Title: For Always
Rating: PG
Summary: There's something Greg needs to tell him. Post GD.

AN: This is old. I'm just figured I'd post some stuff from ff.net on here. Maybe people will like it :P So, sorry in advance for the LJ spam of older fics.



There’s smoke and dirt everywhere, and somewhere in the confusion of getting Nick to his feet Greg’s been left on the outside, when all he wants to do is help. Because as of now, he feels utterly useless, so he shoves his way past some uniforms he doesn’t know and reaches for Nick’s hand, squeezing it lightly. He’s muttering nonsense, and Greg’s sure that somewhere in his mind he’s thinking this is a dream and he’s still buried underground, dying.

He makes up his mind to get to the hospital as fast as he can.

Grissom is telling him to go, that Nick needs him more than the crime scene does, and he wonders why they’re even bothering to process it, because they all know the guy responsible has blown himself up, but he shrugs and makes his way to the Tahoe quickly, tripping over something halfway and effectively landing himself face down in the fresh dirt, spitting it out in mouthfuls.

He gets up, brushes the dirt off himself and stares down at what he tripped over, almost mesmerized. Because there, lying at his feet, is a small tape recorder, and for a second he thinks it’s miraculous that it even survived the explosion, but he knows best that the most unexpected things survived explosions, like Marilyn Manson CD’s and - Stop. He won’t think about that. His hands are shaking enough as it is. Fuck, his whole body is shaking.

Before he knows what he’s doing he’s looking around and picking up the tape recorder and his brain keeps telling him to stop, stop, he’s compromising the evidence, but then it’s in his hand and he slips it into his pocket furtively.
Nick wasn’t dead. Nick wasn’t dead and these where the thoughts of the Nick Stokes who thought he was dying, and he sure as hell wouldn’t want anyone listening to a tape he made if he thought he were dying, so he figures he’s actually doing Nick a favor.

But Greg’s always been a little too curious, and that’s why he’s locked in the Tahoe, racing down the road at a speed far too high to even be considered illegal anymore, and he knows he should slow down, because Nick’s not dead and the last thing he wants now is for Grissom to have to scrape his body off the pavement in the morning because he can’t control himself.
Somewhere in between the realization and the actual slowing down, he’s hit the play button, and he’s never been so glad and frightened to hear Nick’s voice.

“If anyone finds this tape, please bring it to the Las Vegas Crime Lab.”

He’s intruding on Nick’s privacy, but he tells himself he’s doing this to help, because if Nick ever wants to talk about it, at least he’ll know what he was thinking.

“…Grissom, I didn’t mean to let you down …”

Jesus. Only Nick would think something like not being able to save himself would let Grissom down. And he sounds so miserable that Greg knows he’s going to do something stupid the next time he sees Grissom, like start telling him off for making Nick feel like he isn’t good enough.
For ten minutes he heard messages to what seemed like everyone Nick had ever known, and in each one there’s some sort of an apology, and he’s just about going crazy, because Nick must know that these people - his friends, his family - love him, but none of that comes through on the tape, and the apologies just keep coming, and he’s going go start banging his head against the wheel until he hears his name.

“ … G … oh God, I’m scared, G. I’m scared that I’ll never make it out of here, and that I’ll never see you again. You told me after the explosion that you hate stupid apologies, and you hate it when people apologize for apologizing, but you’ll have to live with just one more, because I’m mostly sorry that I never told you that I think I’m in love with you.”

There’s a long silence, and he swears his heart has ceased to beat the entire time.

“ … and I only think I’m in love with you because I’ve never been in love, but if you’re the reason I’m so scared of dying like this, then yeah, I’m in love with you. I love you, Greg. And I’m so sorry I was too cowardly to tell you.”

The tape clicks off and he’s surprised to see he’s already in the parking lot at the hospital, and he’s still driving too fast. And for the first time he wonders what the hell he’s doing, because he was never any good in these situations and he’s not quite sure what to say when he sees Nick, or if he’ll even see him at all, but his feet are already pounding at the pavement, and tapping impatiently while asking - shouting - about Nick.

And just as he’s resigned himself to the fact that he’s going to be sitting in this hallway with Catherine and Warrick for at least a few hours, Nick is moaning in his sleep and they’re all fighting for entrance to the room until Greg looks at them pleadingly, silently willing them to understand that this is important to him. It’s Catherine that breaks first, pulling a defeated Warrick back into the hallway with her, and he is left hovering at the foot of Nick’s bed.

He’s almost scared to touch him at first, afraid that he’ll hurt him somehow, but he remembers back to when Nick was afraid to touch him, and decides that Nick needs the comfort, whether he wants it or not, so he moves to where he can touch Nick and reaches out for him, laying a shaking hand on his cheek, and Nick’s eyes snap open the second he touches him.

He’s frozen like that, not breathing, just looking into Nick’s eyes until he’s being pulled down on top of him, and rough hands are grabbing at his body and Nick’s sobbing against him. And part of him knows he knows he should get up, call for a nurse, get him help, but a bigger part of him knows that right now Nick needs the touch, needs to know that he’s out of his personal hell and safe, and Greg’s never going to let him go.

So he waits until Nick stops crying before he lift his head up and kissing his cheek softly, but that seems to set Nick off more, and he’s talking against his chest, apologies and regret, and Greg thinks he should stop him, but maybe it’s best to let Nick say it, to get it out of him.

“ … so sorry, Greg, so sorry, scared, don’t leave, G, please, don’t leave …”

And at some point he shifts down and starts whispering back, the words slipping from his mouth are almost foreign to him but he’s pretty sure that something like always and forever have made their way in there, and when Nick’s hands slide under his shirt he almost forgets how to breath.

“I love you, I love you, jeg elsker deg, always, Nicky, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

It’s too intimate like this, cheek to cheek, whispering loving sentiments to a man he’s never even held hands with, but Nick’s heartbeat is returning to normal and Greg doesn’t want to give this up for anything so he doesn’t move and Nick holds him so tightly he can barely breathe and he knows he’ll be bruised by morning, but breathing is overrated, and he’s never really minded bruises.

What he’s not sure of, however, is how appropriate Grissom will find this situation, and exactly how Nick would react when he’s awake and not so scared, but every time he tries to say so Nick holds him tighter.
“Stay, G, I need you, please, I love you, please, please, stay, please, need you, need you.”

His hand reaches up and rests on Nick’s cheek and he turns his head slightly to kiss the one he’s been laying against, and Nick turns towards him and he’s staring in his eyes, and he’s afraid he’ll never stop talking.

“I won’t leave, never, Nicky, never. Jeg skal ikke gå, jeg blir, jeg elsker deg. I’ll stay, I’ll stay. Din, jag er din. For alltid og evig, jeg er din, Nicky, jag er din.”

And then Nick kisses him.


xxx


Nina, thank you for the translation!

"I won't go, I'll stay, I love you." = Jeg skal ikke gå, jeg blir, jeg elsker deg
"Yours, I'm yours. Always, forever, I'm yours." = Din, jeg er din. For alltid og evig, jeg er din.