Is it worth it
Oct. 10th, 2005 01:29 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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nickngregMore chapters for 'Is it worth it'
Pairing: Nick and Greg
Rating: R to NC17
Genre: Angst, romance and post-ep
Warning/Spolier: Set after Grave Danger
Disclaimer: They belong to the CBS and not me
Summary: Greg has to deal with his own trauma before he can be there for Nick.
“Coroner’s here.” David announced his presence and they left the bedroom to find him bent over the body.
“So time of death and course would be nice.” Warrick nudged him to speak up.
“Hold your horses Greg, all in due time. So who dressed this poor fellow?” David said as he pre-examined the body.
“Well that’s what we’d like to know.” He tried to focus on the task at hand but his left hand was throbbing madly.
“Been boxing have we?” David cast a glance at him before returning to take the liver-temp.
“Kind of, it’s nothing though. So you’ve got a time?” He asked when the thermometer beeped.
“If the room temperature has been like this the whole time; I’d say about 6 pm.”
“Any idea on what killed him?” He was focusing hard on a wayward strand of hair on David’s head and thought the guy could do with a session with Mette.
“Not really, there is no exterior give away. So I’ll need to get him on the table before I can say more.” David sighed and stretched already looking worn though the shift was only a few hours old.
“Oh and before you come hurtling down the morgue, let me tell you; the queue is a mile long tonight. Grissom has already given me 7 hurry up pages. It seems like he has several bodies at that kennel.” David left and they returned to the bedroom.
“The bin has a new bag in, maybe somebody cleaned house?” He offered and Warrick nodded heading for the wardrobe.
In there they found more sex-toys along with satin-sheets and regular clothing.
“There’s only a white cotton-sheet on right now. You know the kind that is cheap and more protects the mattress than anything else.” He looked at the bed again and it dawned on him that apart from the bedspread that was all there was, there were no pillows or blankets or comforters.
“So we’re missing some bed linen too.” Warrick stated and no matter the course of death this certainly wasn’t natural. He shrugged and adjusted the now rather warm icepack.
“There’s one more in the first aid kit.”
“This’ll do for a little longer, anything we missed in here?” He scanned the bedroom again, but nothing else jumped to attention.
“Bathroom then.” Warrick led the way, but all they found of interest was enemas.
“Warrick you know, come to think about it. There’s this house down after the playground that is having a new roof and they got this huge container sitting on the curb for the old roof. It could be a good place to dump a bag of linen.” He and Nick had taken Louise to that playground a few times in the last couple of days.
“I’ll take dumpster duty here, take an officer and check it out.” Warrick offered and he left with a young uniform still holding the icepack to his left hand.
“Hi I’m Blake Johnson. You’re Greg Sanders right?” The young officer started and he feared the worst.
“Yeah I am, you know I’d shake your hand but eh… kinda had an accident.” He tried to laugh it off.
“You’re the one who adopted a little girl right?” The officer’s question took him by surprise; he had feared a long speech on gay issues.
“Yeah that’s me, Louise.” The pride pushed the pain away momentarily.
“I’d love to have children too.” The guy sounded more wishful than most 30 something women and he was probably no more than 25.
“Well that’s a winner with the women.” He said relaxing into the conversation.
“Yeah maybe, but I’m not. Is it difficult to adopt?” The hopeful voice clearly hoped for an answer he couldn’t give.
“It depends on how you do it. I helped a friend of mine by adopting her child, so that was a private adoption. They normally cost a lot of money though. Then there are agencies but most of them have long lists of prerequisites.”
“I thought that might be the case and being a cop doesn’t help.” The young officer shrugged and he felt compelled to help somehow.
“You know there are tons of homepages about adoption and plenty of groups on the net.”
“Isn’t most of it illegal?”
“I don’t know, but I got a lot of help from people who already had adopted. Oh here it is.” He shone his flashlight at the container and saw a black plastic bag in the midst of old roof tiles.
“Shall I get it for you?” The young officer was about to grab the edge of the container when he stopped him.
“Wait. The person who dumped could have left fingerprints.” The officer blushed from embarrassment.
“Call Warrick Brown down here.” The officer did as told and five minutes later Warrick came striding into view.
“I found the waste from the bedroom. He definitely had real life partners. So you found the linen?” Warrick directed his beam of light to the bag as well and then swept it round the edge of the container. They found nothing to indicate that whoever had dumped bag had left any prints there. He found it odd that Warrick was so willing to do all the dirty work, but the pain in his hand stole his concentration again.
“I think I’m ready for that ice…” The shrill of his phone cut him off.
“Sanders.” He sighed after having struggled to get it out of his pocket.
“It’s me.” Nick half cried on the other end.
“Hey how is Louise?” He knew that Nick needed to focus on Louise and not whatever had made him call.
“Sleeping.” Nick sniffled and he was about ready to run to Nick’s place.
“Oh yeah, what is she wearing?” He silently prayed that it would help.
“Ehm, she’s got that blue night thingy that we got for her the other day.” Nick cleared his throat and coherency made a comeback. The we-part made his heart skip a beat and he inhaled deeply before continuing.
“Yeah, she looks so good in it. It ain’t too warm for her?” He could hear Nick move around and he hoped that Louise would do the trick.
“Nah, she feels dry and warm like she’s supposed to.” The accent was the only thing telling him that Nick was still rather stressed.
“That’s good.” He let Warrick put the fresh icepack on his hand.
“I dreamt that… that I was in the box and then the whole thing exploded and… and… and you and… and… I just needed to know you were okay.”
“I’m fine; it was just a bad dream Nick.” He didn’t feel like cutting Nick off but he had to work.
“I know, just had to hear your voice. Go back to work.” Nick put on his professional voice and finished the call.
“Come on. Let’s get your hand looked at G. or do we go by Nick first?” Warrick was loading the evidence into the back.
“Hospital first. He… oh man this sucks.” He got in the passenger side and silently cursed at his situation. Neither of them attempted to speak on the way to the hospital.
Warrick bullied two nurses and one doctor into seeing him immediately and half an hour later he left with his hand in a sling. He hadn’t broken anything only matured the meat as the doctor said in a vain attempt to be funny. So his hand had been ordered some rest and more ice.
Nick called two times more during the night and both times he managed to calm the Texan enough so he didn’t have to rush home. He cringed inwardly every time he thought of Nick’s place as home, but part of him had already made the move. It was just his sensibility telling him not to rush things. Warrick and he hardly made any progress on their case since both the morgue and DNA was backlogged so badly that he started running samples with Mia despite his disabled hands.
Grissom sent him home when the shift ended telling him that there wasn’t much else he could do until they had their autopsy report and the last lab results. On the way back to Nick’s place he shopped hoping that he got everything, because he was simply to tired to even consider dragging Nick off shopping. He removed the sling before entering the shop knowing that the pain was easier to deal with than the looks of pity.
Nick was sitting on the doorstep with Louise in his arms when he pulled up.
“Long shift?” Nick tried to sound at ease, but he knew better and the guilt of having left Nick alone rained down on him like a torrential storm.
“Sort of, but I shopped on the way.” He stopped abruptly before the word home could make it out of his mouth.
“The house felt really small.” The heavy accented whisper spoke volumes and his tired hurt body gave up the idea of just crawling straight to bed.
“Uh huh. Let’s see if it’s back to normal then.” He took the groceries out carrying them all in his right hand. Nick stood up and opened the door for him like the gentleman he was.
“I made Louise some food earlier.” Nick explained when he entered what had once been a kitchen.
“Did she like it?” The kitchen looked worse than Baghdad after a bombing run.
“Yeah I think so. She ate it all. I was gonna clean but I… the walls… it…” Nick cradled the sleeping baby tighter and he put a comforting hand on the Texans back.
“I’ll get it later. You hungry?” Personally he was starving and he started to unpack.
“Not really, my stomach… nausea.” Nick muttered and made an attempt at cleaning up.
“That’s ok. I just need something before I crash.” He made himself a sandwich with the fresh bread and the cheese that he had bought.
“No coffee?” Nick wondered as he continued his vain attempt of cleaning.
“Nah, too tired to make it.” He held his sandwich out for Nick to take a bite; somehow it was easier for Nick to eat bites of his food when the stress caused nausea. Two sandwiches and a filled dishwasher later he was more than ready for bed.
“Go to bed I’m okay now.” Nick claimed as he went out into the garden with Louise and some toys.
He didn’t even bother to shower; he just changed into one of his old comfy t-shirts and stripped to his boxers before dropping down on his bed. Even though his left hand was crying out for attention he could feel sleep coming fast and welcomed it.
A touch to his leg woke him up and his brain told him something was amiss. As more of his senses kicked into action he discovered that he was in Nick’s bedroom and not the guest bedroom where he had fallen asleep. The digits on the alarm clock told him that he had slept for a little more than six hours, which was an all time record for him after moving to Nick’s place.
He laid still and looked at Nick who was sleeping with his head resting on his chest. It felt nice and not at all heavy and he could feel Nick’s breath through his t-shirt. Louise was between them and he figured that she had probably hit his leg in her sleep. Even though he knew exactly what Nick looked like he studied him like Grissom would a bug.
The dark short hair that was beginning to show hints of grey and the ears with their indentation never lost their fascination on him. The strong neck that could have carried a bigger head than it actually did had always made him wonder if Nick had achieved it through training or if his head had always been too small for his neck. His right hand had free range of Nick’s back. The same back that he in the past had cherished the few glimpses of it that he’d had.
If any one would ever be interested he could easily do a full doctorate on Nick’s back. He knew exactly what each muscle did and looked like and how strong all of them together were. It was that strength that had obviously moved him in his sleep. The symmetry of Nick’s back had nearly killed him the first time he saw it and that had been shortly after he started at the lab. He clearly remembered being in the locker room when Nick and Warrick came back from dumpster duty, they smelled and were as usually competing.
That day they competed over who first made it to the shower totally ignoring the lab tech present. He had seen them both naked and it had fuelled his fantasies for weeks to follow. Nick’s body hadn’t changed all that much since then and now his hand were mapping out those gorgeous muscles.
“Why me?” He had been so lost in his thoughts that he had failed to notice that Nick had woken up.
“Why you?” He had been caught off guard and wasn’t really sure what Nick meant.
“Yeah, why me. Why did you fall for me?” Nick’s hand on his belly started to move.
“Eh that’s a big question. I mean we’ve always had good chemistry.” Nick joined him in his laughter and it felt so like the real Nick.
“Is that just it?” Nick’s hand ran up his side on the outside of his t-shirt.
“No. Your smile, whenever you smile it knocks my socks off. You’ve also got a very fine looking back.” He ran his hand down Nick’s spine for emphasis and he could feel the real Nick smile spread against his belly.
“My back? I thought you were and ass-man.” Nick’s hand cupped his ass.
“Hmm I like a good ass, but a strong well proportioned back is a major turn on for me.” His hand traveled over a wing.
“And I like gentleman Nick, I mean you are always present, not like Warrick who seems to never let life within 10 ft. of him. Your brain is also a very good asset.” Nick’s hand came to rest on his shoulder and Nick lifted his head to look at him.
“My brain? But I’m nowhere near as smart as you.” Nick sighed and returned his head to his chest.
“Come on Nick, don’t do yourself down. You are smart and tenacious in a good way. I mean you know just about everything there is to know about fibers.” He stroked the Texans hair and he let himself fall in love all over again. The hand on his ass moved to his chest and manipulated a nipple to his was near surrender.
“Why me Nick?” He tried not to let his lust show.
“Chemistry and your energy. Your mouth. I know that the others never fancied your long rants, but I loved them. It meant that I got to see your mouth move.” Nick’s hand came to rest on his chest and he really needed the time out.
“My mouth?” He suddenly realized that Nick was talking about things that had happened ages ago and he silently cursed their inability to get down to business.
But maybe it was better this way. Maybe Nick couldn’t have dealt with him after the explosion and maybe he wouldn’t have been old enough. Once Nick was back they would be on more equal terms as they had both gone through a major trauma.
“Your mouth, the way you seem to be struggling to hold your tongue in when you concentrate and the little crooked smile you use for flirting and the big goof ball smile when you’re being the clown.” Nick elaborated.
“G.? Can I ask you something?” Nick’s words were quiet and controlled.
“Sure anything man, anything.” He felt at ease and his brain forgot its censor duty.
“Are they talking about us at work?” The question hit him on the head like a sledgehammer. His brain ran a good deal of scenarios before he answered.
“Yes, I even found a letter in my locker from a gay support group within the police force. Sara said she’d been trying to… get rid of all the letters.” He swallowed hard and feared the worst.
“Was it… weird being back?” Nick fiddled with the hem of his sleeve slightly tickling him in the process.
“Yeah it was. I don’t think I ever been studied so close before, not even at the height of any of my earlier antics. The letter was the worst though.” He sighed and his hand moved in small circular patterns on Nick’s back.
“Is that why you punched a wall?” Nick had obviously seen right through his act.
“Yup, Warrick even dragged me to the ER to have it checked, nothings broken. So it just needs to rest.” Just like he didn’t miss any details regarding Nick, Nick sure didn’t miss what was happening with him either.
“Tell me about your case.”
Slowly he started to tell Nick about the DB and all his toys and they talked shop until Louise claimed their attention.
It took him and Warrick three nights to wrap up their case. The guy had died from a blood clot and his last customer had felt compelled to leave him in a more decent state than tied to the bed with toys in place. Nick had a major nightmare on his second night back to work and he had to rush home. But as the nights passed things returned to a more normal state and there seemed to be less talk and fewer hidden glances in his direction.
His journal had moved into his backpack and he would often find himself sneaking off for some privacy at work to write in it. It was still mostly centered around Nick what he put there and of course also Louise. He wasn’t sure if it was helping, but whenever he went back to the entry he had first made, he knew that it did.
Grissom continued to put him on cases close to home and more often than not he was paired up with Warrick. They had come to a point where you could actually call them friends and not just friends of Nick like it had been in the past. The day Nick took the last pill as agreed with the doctors he worried all night that the nightmares would be worse than ever, but Nick never called.
On the fifth night with Nick off the meds there was only one case in town and that was a burn-case. Grissom didn’t even ask him before sending him way out to a case in the desert with Sara. It had bothered him a lot since he made CSI that he never got to drive, but now he welcomed it. A long drive meant that he could catch up on sleep, something both Louise and Nick seemed intent on depriving him of.
“So Greggo okay if we listen to the radio?” Sara was unnecessarily polite, since she had long ago established the fact that she had the right to veto anything while driving.
“As long as you let me sleep.” He mumbled and curled up in a semi-comfortable position.
“Oh come on Greggo it’s a two hour drive, talk to me man.” She sighed and continued.
“I can’t believe that I’m begging you to talk.” She huffed and drove on without turning on the radio.
“Wake up Greg. We are almost there.” Sara shook him awake.
“Relax! Jeez is there a conspiracy out to prevent me from sleeping?” He adjusted his stiff body in the seat.
“Don’t you sleep when you go home or won’t they let you?” Sara put on the big sister voice and he couldn’t help but smile at her intentions.
“Louise was really whiny today. She didn’t sleep very much last night and she couldn’t go five minutes without hanging on us.” He didn’t add that Nick had cried for hours over not being able to get her to sleep.
Sara didn’t comment any further since they had pulled up at their crime scene. It was a normal looking house and his heart upped its pace thinking that in there were 2 dead children. They worked their way through the house both fighting the nausea from the stench. He knew that he would never tell Nick the details of what he saw that night. It wouldn’t even make it into his journal, it was more than enough that he had to write a report on it and maybe even testify in court.
“Let’s run it over.” Sara sighed deeply and he swallowed hard before he spoke up.
“Two Asian girls aged 10, killed due to multiple lacerations in the chest region. Clothes seems unwashed, hair dirty and greased.” He coughed and held his sleeve up to protect his nose.
“They have been dead for three to four days and there are traces of semen and both have defensive wounds on their arms and hands. What monster did this?!” The smell was worse than we had found that kid in the dumpster.
“Anything on the owners?” Sara asked the detective assigned to their case.
“Not yet, should be in hospice according to the neighbor.”
It was a relief to be out in the fresh air again and he greedily breathed the dry desert air in. His phone rang and fear took up residence when he saw that it was Nick.
“Hey Nick.” He answered in the most neutral voice he could find given the circumstances.
“She’s crying real bad.” Nick’s accent was heavy from misery and fear.
“Is she warm to the touch?” Why did it have to be full blown panic in Nick’s voice when he was so far away?
Nick made several attempts to answer and his own frustrations grew as he tried to calm the Texan down. Sara picked up on the situation and held her phone out showing him that she was calling Grissom. He shortly covered the microphone and told her that someone had to get over to Nick immediately.
He talked all the soothing and comforting words he knew until he heard the doorbell and subsequently Grissom’s voice in the background. Nick found coherency enough to end the call and he leaned against the SUV shaking badly with the phone dangling loosely in his hand.
“Get in Greg, we have a long way home.” Somehow Sara got him in the passenger seat and every single second felt like years.
Something was wrong with his little girl and all he could do was sit and wait until Sara got them back to Las Vegas. She had offered to break the speed limit, but he declined the offer knowing that Grissom would have called if it was something bad. Then again if it was something bad Grissom couldn’t call because they would be at the hospital with Louise and busy with her unable to call.
His mind came up with all kind of disasters that could have happened and for each he tried to find something more innocent like a cold or maybe she had just scratched herself.
“I have never seen you so worried before.” Sara sounded edgy and it didn’t help put a stop to his over imaginative brain.
“Well having a child changes a lot.” He knew his voice was trembling in fact his whole body was trembling.
His brain was in the middle of a scenario with meningitis when his phone claimed his attention again.
“Sanders.” He didn’t even check caller id before answering.
“Grissom. Could she be teething?” His boss asked fairly stressed and he could hear crying in the background.
“That is possible yes. Oh and that could explain why she was whiny all day.” He couldn’t believe that all the panic had been caused by something so simple and natural.
“Spill.” Sara really had the big sister act going.
“Teething.” He said with relief and the vice grip produced by his own fears lifted.
“All this fuss over nothing.” Sara exclaimed deeply annoyed.
“I offered to break the speed limit for teeth?!” He ignored the profanities that followed the insult and instead he began to clear his mind off all irrational fears.
Sara dropped him off at Nick’s place before continuing to the lab. There he found Grissom pacing the living room floor with a sobbing Louise and Nick curled up in his blanket on the couch clutching his ‘woobie’.
“Thank God you’re back. I gave her some chamomile tea and Nick found a teething ring, but she is running a bit of a fever though.” Grissom indicated for him to sit on the couch.
“Sorry I took so long.” He whispered as he sat down next to what was left of Nick.
Nick didn’t say anything for a long time and his already worked up brain began ranting again. Grissom had managed to get Louise to sleep and was about to leave when Nick finally spoke.
“I’ve let you all down again.” The words came as a quiet afterthought and they burned a hole in his soul. Their boss stopped mid stride.
“No Nick. There’s a first time for everything. A teething baby is a new experience both for you and me.” Grissom words loosened Nick and the Texan flung his arms around his boss nearly toppling them both over.
After a clumsy hug Nick released his boss and shooed them out telling them that he now had everything under control.
“Do you want to stay Greg?” Grissom didn’t buy Nick’s act nor did he.
“Better not. Sara will kill me if I dodge this case.” He tried to decipher the blue eyes, but Grissom was quick to guard whatever it was he was feeling.
“Bad one?” The usual neutral voice had returned to his boss and he just nodded.
At the lab he found Sara in the break room.
“Hey what have I missed?” He went to make some coffee, his body craved it badly.
“Everything.” He hated when Sara was so big sister like.
“The semen we found belongs to an old friend of ours and I’m waiting for the cops to bring him in.” She added after he had stared at for a full minute.
“So we get what looks like a complicated case and it’s a slam dunk?”
“Looks like it.” She stated holding out her cup for coffee.
They wrapped the case up before the end of shift and he showered at work to scrub the memory of the two dead girls off along with the creep that had killed them. The guy had been a royal ass to interview and had slung insults at them the whole time. But their evidence was enough for the guy to get arrested even though he denied the whole thing.
The following two nights came and went without any other drama than what the job supplied. Louise had gotten the offensive tooth and had immediately tested the effect of it by biting him on his hand. The seventh night with Nick off the meds came and with that the elusive date. He had worked a suicide with Warrick and they managed to finish it off within their shift.
“So today’s the big day?” Warrick said quietly when they headed off for the locker room after shift. He nodded as he opened his locker and pulled out his bag holding the outfit he had planned to wear for the big date.
“Ya know he’s a real good kisser.” Warrick said in low rather insinuating voice.
“What?” He had been pretty uptight all night in eager anticipation and it had nearly driven the others up the wall, but this was about the last thing he expected to hear.
Pairing: Nick and Greg
Rating: R to NC17
Genre: Angst, romance and post-ep
Warning/Spolier: Set after Grave Danger
Disclaimer: They belong to the CBS and not me
Summary: Greg has to deal with his own trauma before he can be there for Nick.
“Coroner’s here.” David announced his presence and they left the bedroom to find him bent over the body.
“So time of death and course would be nice.” Warrick nudged him to speak up.
“Hold your horses Greg, all in due time. So who dressed this poor fellow?” David said as he pre-examined the body.
“Well that’s what we’d like to know.” He tried to focus on the task at hand but his left hand was throbbing madly.
“Been boxing have we?” David cast a glance at him before returning to take the liver-temp.
“Kind of, it’s nothing though. So you’ve got a time?” He asked when the thermometer beeped.
“If the room temperature has been like this the whole time; I’d say about 6 pm.”
“Any idea on what killed him?” He was focusing hard on a wayward strand of hair on David’s head and thought the guy could do with a session with Mette.
“Not really, there is no exterior give away. So I’ll need to get him on the table before I can say more.” David sighed and stretched already looking worn though the shift was only a few hours old.
“Oh and before you come hurtling down the morgue, let me tell you; the queue is a mile long tonight. Grissom has already given me 7 hurry up pages. It seems like he has several bodies at that kennel.” David left and they returned to the bedroom.
“The bin has a new bag in, maybe somebody cleaned house?” He offered and Warrick nodded heading for the wardrobe.
In there they found more sex-toys along with satin-sheets and regular clothing.
“There’s only a white cotton-sheet on right now. You know the kind that is cheap and more protects the mattress than anything else.” He looked at the bed again and it dawned on him that apart from the bedspread that was all there was, there were no pillows or blankets or comforters.
“So we’re missing some bed linen too.” Warrick stated and no matter the course of death this certainly wasn’t natural. He shrugged and adjusted the now rather warm icepack.
“There’s one more in the first aid kit.”
“This’ll do for a little longer, anything we missed in here?” He scanned the bedroom again, but nothing else jumped to attention.
“Bathroom then.” Warrick led the way, but all they found of interest was enemas.
“Warrick you know, come to think about it. There’s this house down after the playground that is having a new roof and they got this huge container sitting on the curb for the old roof. It could be a good place to dump a bag of linen.” He and Nick had taken Louise to that playground a few times in the last couple of days.
“I’ll take dumpster duty here, take an officer and check it out.” Warrick offered and he left with a young uniform still holding the icepack to his left hand.
“Hi I’m Blake Johnson. You’re Greg Sanders right?” The young officer started and he feared the worst.
“Yeah I am, you know I’d shake your hand but eh… kinda had an accident.” He tried to laugh it off.
“You’re the one who adopted a little girl right?” The officer’s question took him by surprise; he had feared a long speech on gay issues.
“Yeah that’s me, Louise.” The pride pushed the pain away momentarily.
“I’d love to have children too.” The guy sounded more wishful than most 30 something women and he was probably no more than 25.
“Well that’s a winner with the women.” He said relaxing into the conversation.
“Yeah maybe, but I’m not. Is it difficult to adopt?” The hopeful voice clearly hoped for an answer he couldn’t give.
“It depends on how you do it. I helped a friend of mine by adopting her child, so that was a private adoption. They normally cost a lot of money though. Then there are agencies but most of them have long lists of prerequisites.”
“I thought that might be the case and being a cop doesn’t help.” The young officer shrugged and he felt compelled to help somehow.
“You know there are tons of homepages about adoption and plenty of groups on the net.”
“Isn’t most of it illegal?”
“I don’t know, but I got a lot of help from people who already had adopted. Oh here it is.” He shone his flashlight at the container and saw a black plastic bag in the midst of old roof tiles.
“Shall I get it for you?” The young officer was about to grab the edge of the container when he stopped him.
“Wait. The person who dumped could have left fingerprints.” The officer blushed from embarrassment.
“Call Warrick Brown down here.” The officer did as told and five minutes later Warrick came striding into view.
“I found the waste from the bedroom. He definitely had real life partners. So you found the linen?” Warrick directed his beam of light to the bag as well and then swept it round the edge of the container. They found nothing to indicate that whoever had dumped bag had left any prints there. He found it odd that Warrick was so willing to do all the dirty work, but the pain in his hand stole his concentration again.
“I think I’m ready for that ice…” The shrill of his phone cut him off.
“Sanders.” He sighed after having struggled to get it out of his pocket.
“It’s me.” Nick half cried on the other end.
“Hey how is Louise?” He knew that Nick needed to focus on Louise and not whatever had made him call.
“Sleeping.” Nick sniffled and he was about ready to run to Nick’s place.
“Oh yeah, what is she wearing?” He silently prayed that it would help.
“Ehm, she’s got that blue night thingy that we got for her the other day.” Nick cleared his throat and coherency made a comeback. The we-part made his heart skip a beat and he inhaled deeply before continuing.
“Yeah, she looks so good in it. It ain’t too warm for her?” He could hear Nick move around and he hoped that Louise would do the trick.
“Nah, she feels dry and warm like she’s supposed to.” The accent was the only thing telling him that Nick was still rather stressed.
“That’s good.” He let Warrick put the fresh icepack on his hand.
“I dreamt that… that I was in the box and then the whole thing exploded and… and… and you and… and… I just needed to know you were okay.”
“I’m fine; it was just a bad dream Nick.” He didn’t feel like cutting Nick off but he had to work.
“I know, just had to hear your voice. Go back to work.” Nick put on his professional voice and finished the call.
“Come on. Let’s get your hand looked at G. or do we go by Nick first?” Warrick was loading the evidence into the back.
“Hospital first. He… oh man this sucks.” He got in the passenger side and silently cursed at his situation. Neither of them attempted to speak on the way to the hospital.
Warrick bullied two nurses and one doctor into seeing him immediately and half an hour later he left with his hand in a sling. He hadn’t broken anything only matured the meat as the doctor said in a vain attempt to be funny. So his hand had been ordered some rest and more ice.
Nick called two times more during the night and both times he managed to calm the Texan enough so he didn’t have to rush home. He cringed inwardly every time he thought of Nick’s place as home, but part of him had already made the move. It was just his sensibility telling him not to rush things. Warrick and he hardly made any progress on their case since both the morgue and DNA was backlogged so badly that he started running samples with Mia despite his disabled hands.
Grissom sent him home when the shift ended telling him that there wasn’t much else he could do until they had their autopsy report and the last lab results. On the way back to Nick’s place he shopped hoping that he got everything, because he was simply to tired to even consider dragging Nick off shopping. He removed the sling before entering the shop knowing that the pain was easier to deal with than the looks of pity.
Nick was sitting on the doorstep with Louise in his arms when he pulled up.
“Long shift?” Nick tried to sound at ease, but he knew better and the guilt of having left Nick alone rained down on him like a torrential storm.
“Sort of, but I shopped on the way.” He stopped abruptly before the word home could make it out of his mouth.
“The house felt really small.” The heavy accented whisper spoke volumes and his tired hurt body gave up the idea of just crawling straight to bed.
“Uh huh. Let’s see if it’s back to normal then.” He took the groceries out carrying them all in his right hand. Nick stood up and opened the door for him like the gentleman he was.
“I made Louise some food earlier.” Nick explained when he entered what had once been a kitchen.
“Did she like it?” The kitchen looked worse than Baghdad after a bombing run.
“Yeah I think so. She ate it all. I was gonna clean but I… the walls… it…” Nick cradled the sleeping baby tighter and he put a comforting hand on the Texans back.
“I’ll get it later. You hungry?” Personally he was starving and he started to unpack.
“Not really, my stomach… nausea.” Nick muttered and made an attempt at cleaning up.
“That’s ok. I just need something before I crash.” He made himself a sandwich with the fresh bread and the cheese that he had bought.
“No coffee?” Nick wondered as he continued his vain attempt of cleaning.
“Nah, too tired to make it.” He held his sandwich out for Nick to take a bite; somehow it was easier for Nick to eat bites of his food when the stress caused nausea. Two sandwiches and a filled dishwasher later he was more than ready for bed.
“Go to bed I’m okay now.” Nick claimed as he went out into the garden with Louise and some toys.
He didn’t even bother to shower; he just changed into one of his old comfy t-shirts and stripped to his boxers before dropping down on his bed. Even though his left hand was crying out for attention he could feel sleep coming fast and welcomed it.
A touch to his leg woke him up and his brain told him something was amiss. As more of his senses kicked into action he discovered that he was in Nick’s bedroom and not the guest bedroom where he had fallen asleep. The digits on the alarm clock told him that he had slept for a little more than six hours, which was an all time record for him after moving to Nick’s place.
He laid still and looked at Nick who was sleeping with his head resting on his chest. It felt nice and not at all heavy and he could feel Nick’s breath through his t-shirt. Louise was between them and he figured that she had probably hit his leg in her sleep. Even though he knew exactly what Nick looked like he studied him like Grissom would a bug.
The dark short hair that was beginning to show hints of grey and the ears with their indentation never lost their fascination on him. The strong neck that could have carried a bigger head than it actually did had always made him wonder if Nick had achieved it through training or if his head had always been too small for his neck. His right hand had free range of Nick’s back. The same back that he in the past had cherished the few glimpses of it that he’d had.
If any one would ever be interested he could easily do a full doctorate on Nick’s back. He knew exactly what each muscle did and looked like and how strong all of them together were. It was that strength that had obviously moved him in his sleep. The symmetry of Nick’s back had nearly killed him the first time he saw it and that had been shortly after he started at the lab. He clearly remembered being in the locker room when Nick and Warrick came back from dumpster duty, they smelled and were as usually competing.
That day they competed over who first made it to the shower totally ignoring the lab tech present. He had seen them both naked and it had fuelled his fantasies for weeks to follow. Nick’s body hadn’t changed all that much since then and now his hand were mapping out those gorgeous muscles.
“Why me?” He had been so lost in his thoughts that he had failed to notice that Nick had woken up.
“Why you?” He had been caught off guard and wasn’t really sure what Nick meant.
“Yeah, why me. Why did you fall for me?” Nick’s hand on his belly started to move.
“Eh that’s a big question. I mean we’ve always had good chemistry.” Nick joined him in his laughter and it felt so like the real Nick.
“Is that just it?” Nick’s hand ran up his side on the outside of his t-shirt.
“No. Your smile, whenever you smile it knocks my socks off. You’ve also got a very fine looking back.” He ran his hand down Nick’s spine for emphasis and he could feel the real Nick smile spread against his belly.
“My back? I thought you were and ass-man.” Nick’s hand cupped his ass.
“Hmm I like a good ass, but a strong well proportioned back is a major turn on for me.” His hand traveled over a wing.
“And I like gentleman Nick, I mean you are always present, not like Warrick who seems to never let life within 10 ft. of him. Your brain is also a very good asset.” Nick’s hand came to rest on his shoulder and Nick lifted his head to look at him.
“My brain? But I’m nowhere near as smart as you.” Nick sighed and returned his head to his chest.
“Come on Nick, don’t do yourself down. You are smart and tenacious in a good way. I mean you know just about everything there is to know about fibers.” He stroked the Texans hair and he let himself fall in love all over again. The hand on his ass moved to his chest and manipulated a nipple to his was near surrender.
“Why me Nick?” He tried not to let his lust show.
“Chemistry and your energy. Your mouth. I know that the others never fancied your long rants, but I loved them. It meant that I got to see your mouth move.” Nick’s hand came to rest on his chest and he really needed the time out.
“My mouth?” He suddenly realized that Nick was talking about things that had happened ages ago and he silently cursed their inability to get down to business.
But maybe it was better this way. Maybe Nick couldn’t have dealt with him after the explosion and maybe he wouldn’t have been old enough. Once Nick was back they would be on more equal terms as they had both gone through a major trauma.
“Your mouth, the way you seem to be struggling to hold your tongue in when you concentrate and the little crooked smile you use for flirting and the big goof ball smile when you’re being the clown.” Nick elaborated.
“G.? Can I ask you something?” Nick’s words were quiet and controlled.
“Sure anything man, anything.” He felt at ease and his brain forgot its censor duty.
“Are they talking about us at work?” The question hit him on the head like a sledgehammer. His brain ran a good deal of scenarios before he answered.
“Yes, I even found a letter in my locker from a gay support group within the police force. Sara said she’d been trying to… get rid of all the letters.” He swallowed hard and feared the worst.
“Was it… weird being back?” Nick fiddled with the hem of his sleeve slightly tickling him in the process.
“Yeah it was. I don’t think I ever been studied so close before, not even at the height of any of my earlier antics. The letter was the worst though.” He sighed and his hand moved in small circular patterns on Nick’s back.
“Is that why you punched a wall?” Nick had obviously seen right through his act.
“Yup, Warrick even dragged me to the ER to have it checked, nothings broken. So it just needs to rest.” Just like he didn’t miss any details regarding Nick, Nick sure didn’t miss what was happening with him either.
“Tell me about your case.”
Slowly he started to tell Nick about the DB and all his toys and they talked shop until Louise claimed their attention.
It took him and Warrick three nights to wrap up their case. The guy had died from a blood clot and his last customer had felt compelled to leave him in a more decent state than tied to the bed with toys in place. Nick had a major nightmare on his second night back to work and he had to rush home. But as the nights passed things returned to a more normal state and there seemed to be less talk and fewer hidden glances in his direction.
His journal had moved into his backpack and he would often find himself sneaking off for some privacy at work to write in it. It was still mostly centered around Nick what he put there and of course also Louise. He wasn’t sure if it was helping, but whenever he went back to the entry he had first made, he knew that it did.
Grissom continued to put him on cases close to home and more often than not he was paired up with Warrick. They had come to a point where you could actually call them friends and not just friends of Nick like it had been in the past. The day Nick took the last pill as agreed with the doctors he worried all night that the nightmares would be worse than ever, but Nick never called.
On the fifth night with Nick off the meds there was only one case in town and that was a burn-case. Grissom didn’t even ask him before sending him way out to a case in the desert with Sara. It had bothered him a lot since he made CSI that he never got to drive, but now he welcomed it. A long drive meant that he could catch up on sleep, something both Louise and Nick seemed intent on depriving him of.
“So Greggo okay if we listen to the radio?” Sara was unnecessarily polite, since she had long ago established the fact that she had the right to veto anything while driving.
“As long as you let me sleep.” He mumbled and curled up in a semi-comfortable position.
“Oh come on Greggo it’s a two hour drive, talk to me man.” She sighed and continued.
“I can’t believe that I’m begging you to talk.” She huffed and drove on without turning on the radio.
“Wake up Greg. We are almost there.” Sara shook him awake.
“Relax! Jeez is there a conspiracy out to prevent me from sleeping?” He adjusted his stiff body in the seat.
“Don’t you sleep when you go home or won’t they let you?” Sara put on the big sister voice and he couldn’t help but smile at her intentions.
“Louise was really whiny today. She didn’t sleep very much last night and she couldn’t go five minutes without hanging on us.” He didn’t add that Nick had cried for hours over not being able to get her to sleep.
Sara didn’t comment any further since they had pulled up at their crime scene. It was a normal looking house and his heart upped its pace thinking that in there were 2 dead children. They worked their way through the house both fighting the nausea from the stench. He knew that he would never tell Nick the details of what he saw that night. It wouldn’t even make it into his journal, it was more than enough that he had to write a report on it and maybe even testify in court.
“Let’s run it over.” Sara sighed deeply and he swallowed hard before he spoke up.
“Two Asian girls aged 10, killed due to multiple lacerations in the chest region. Clothes seems unwashed, hair dirty and greased.” He coughed and held his sleeve up to protect his nose.
“They have been dead for three to four days and there are traces of semen and both have defensive wounds on their arms and hands. What monster did this?!” The smell was worse than we had found that kid in the dumpster.
“Anything on the owners?” Sara asked the detective assigned to their case.
“Not yet, should be in hospice according to the neighbor.”
It was a relief to be out in the fresh air again and he greedily breathed the dry desert air in. His phone rang and fear took up residence when he saw that it was Nick.
“Hey Nick.” He answered in the most neutral voice he could find given the circumstances.
“She’s crying real bad.” Nick’s accent was heavy from misery and fear.
“Is she warm to the touch?” Why did it have to be full blown panic in Nick’s voice when he was so far away?
Nick made several attempts to answer and his own frustrations grew as he tried to calm the Texan down. Sara picked up on the situation and held her phone out showing him that she was calling Grissom. He shortly covered the microphone and told her that someone had to get over to Nick immediately.
He talked all the soothing and comforting words he knew until he heard the doorbell and subsequently Grissom’s voice in the background. Nick found coherency enough to end the call and he leaned against the SUV shaking badly with the phone dangling loosely in his hand.
“Get in Greg, we have a long way home.” Somehow Sara got him in the passenger seat and every single second felt like years.
Something was wrong with his little girl and all he could do was sit and wait until Sara got them back to Las Vegas. She had offered to break the speed limit, but he declined the offer knowing that Grissom would have called if it was something bad. Then again if it was something bad Grissom couldn’t call because they would be at the hospital with Louise and busy with her unable to call.
His mind came up with all kind of disasters that could have happened and for each he tried to find something more innocent like a cold or maybe she had just scratched herself.
“I have never seen you so worried before.” Sara sounded edgy and it didn’t help put a stop to his over imaginative brain.
“Well having a child changes a lot.” He knew his voice was trembling in fact his whole body was trembling.
His brain was in the middle of a scenario with meningitis when his phone claimed his attention again.
“Sanders.” He didn’t even check caller id before answering.
“Grissom. Could she be teething?” His boss asked fairly stressed and he could hear crying in the background.
“That is possible yes. Oh and that could explain why she was whiny all day.” He couldn’t believe that all the panic had been caused by something so simple and natural.
“Spill.” Sara really had the big sister act going.
“Teething.” He said with relief and the vice grip produced by his own fears lifted.
“All this fuss over nothing.” Sara exclaimed deeply annoyed.
“I offered to break the speed limit for teeth?!” He ignored the profanities that followed the insult and instead he began to clear his mind off all irrational fears.
Sara dropped him off at Nick’s place before continuing to the lab. There he found Grissom pacing the living room floor with a sobbing Louise and Nick curled up in his blanket on the couch clutching his ‘woobie’.
“Thank God you’re back. I gave her some chamomile tea and Nick found a teething ring, but she is running a bit of a fever though.” Grissom indicated for him to sit on the couch.
“Sorry I took so long.” He whispered as he sat down next to what was left of Nick.
Nick didn’t say anything for a long time and his already worked up brain began ranting again. Grissom had managed to get Louise to sleep and was about to leave when Nick finally spoke.
“I’ve let you all down again.” The words came as a quiet afterthought and they burned a hole in his soul. Their boss stopped mid stride.
“No Nick. There’s a first time for everything. A teething baby is a new experience both for you and me.” Grissom words loosened Nick and the Texan flung his arms around his boss nearly toppling them both over.
After a clumsy hug Nick released his boss and shooed them out telling them that he now had everything under control.
“Do you want to stay Greg?” Grissom didn’t buy Nick’s act nor did he.
“Better not. Sara will kill me if I dodge this case.” He tried to decipher the blue eyes, but Grissom was quick to guard whatever it was he was feeling.
“Bad one?” The usual neutral voice had returned to his boss and he just nodded.
At the lab he found Sara in the break room.
“Hey what have I missed?” He went to make some coffee, his body craved it badly.
“Everything.” He hated when Sara was so big sister like.
“The semen we found belongs to an old friend of ours and I’m waiting for the cops to bring him in.” She added after he had stared at for a full minute.
“So we get what looks like a complicated case and it’s a slam dunk?”
“Looks like it.” She stated holding out her cup for coffee.
They wrapped the case up before the end of shift and he showered at work to scrub the memory of the two dead girls off along with the creep that had killed them. The guy had been a royal ass to interview and had slung insults at them the whole time. But their evidence was enough for the guy to get arrested even though he denied the whole thing.
The following two nights came and went without any other drama than what the job supplied. Louise had gotten the offensive tooth and had immediately tested the effect of it by biting him on his hand. The seventh night with Nick off the meds came and with that the elusive date. He had worked a suicide with Warrick and they managed to finish it off within their shift.
“So today’s the big day?” Warrick said quietly when they headed off for the locker room after shift. He nodded as he opened his locker and pulled out his bag holding the outfit he had planned to wear for the big date.
“Ya know he’s a real good kisser.” Warrick said in low rather insinuating voice.
“What?” He had been pretty uptight all night in eager anticipation and it had nearly driven the others up the wall, but this was about the last thing he expected to hear.
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