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You're Weird (And I Love You For It)

By:

frogy

For:

snail_mail_porn challenge (but it's very much not porn, it's maybe PG-13/light R-ish)

A/N:

lillyjk is the best beta ever. Everything I know about vegemite comes from the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie where they move to Australia as part of the witness protection program. That being said, this is vaguely crack!fic. Cannon timeline in this is iffy, Greg's a CSI, it's pre-GD, everyone's on the same shift, and Sara doesn't have any angsty drinking problems (although she might have a humorous one). This is Nick/Greg with a side of Grissom/Sara. I hope you like it.

Night shift's about to start and everyone's waiting in the break room for Grissom to give out the assignments. A moment later their waiting is over as Grissom walks in, looking deep in thought and everyone assumes it has to do with bugs. When Grissom speaks, they are all proved wrong. "Apparently, it's night shifts turn to go through the CSI warehouse. I have to supervise, so who's doing it with me. Catherine?"

"Since when do we have a warehouse?" Catherine asks perplexed.

Grissom knows what's coming with his response, "There was a memo or something a while back."

And there it is, Catherine's 'I-should-be-supervisor' glare. "Grissom..."

"So I guess that's a no."

"Lindsay has a thing at her school, so that's a no."

With Catherine's no, not that it's a surprise, Grissom moves to his next choice. "What about you Sara?"

There's no way Sara's going to stand for being second place, so she gives a bitter and sarcastic "I'm supposed to be getting a life, remember?"

Next is "Warrick?"

"I've got a date."

"Nick?"

"Sorry Gris, as much as I'd like to, I wouldn't want to deprive Greggo of such an important learning experience." Nick says throwing Greg one of his adorable Texas smirks.

Greg's response is a horribly insincere "Thanks Nick." and an annoyed pout.

Grissom misses the entirety of what goes on between them, and is just happy to have his supervisor duties over with so he can get back to the science. "So it looks like it's you and me Greg.

"Warrick and Catherine, DB at the Palms, Greg and Sara, 409 on Route 315, Nick, we've got a serial rapist. Greg come find me after shift so we can get started on the warehouse."

~~~

Greg is going through what appears to be one of every different type of red lipstick ever made when he asks "What is all this stuff?"

"Things that the crime lab ordered to be used as comparisons in cases where databases aren't available." Grissom says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"So, what do we do with the things we decide the crime lab no longer needs?" Greg asks moving on to a new set of boxes.

"We take inventory and keep the things I think we need, and properly dispose of anything I decide we don't need."

"Would letting me take something home be a proper disposal?"

"You can't have the lipstick, we need that."

Greg was sure no one in the lab knew about his one fabulous night on the town as a woman. Unless there were pictures. He would have to look into it. But back on point, "I was thinking more of the twenty cases of vegemite."

"You want the vegemite?" Grissom's not confused often, but Greg has this uncanny ability to confuse him.

Greg gives Grissom a deadpan stare. "Not all of it."

"You can have a case."

When Greg throws his arms in the air and shouts "Alright! I'm having a par~tay!" he looks remarkably like an overexcited puppy.

This prompts Grissom to make a casual observation. "You're weird, you know that?"

"Duh. What do you want me to do with the doorknob collection?"

~~~

Greg thinks his party is a hit. The music is pumping. All the CSIs made an appearance in addition to Jackie, Bobby, David, and unfortunately Hodges. The only people left this late in the game were a very drunk Sara, a Greg's not sure why he's still there Grissom, a slightly buzzed Nick, and his self sitting around his little kitchen table.

They're discussing things they've done while drunk. Which is a fascinating topic while drunk. Nick's talking about a sorority mixer he went to. "It was a 'Hook-up or Throw-up Party.' The sorority pledges couldn't leave until they puked or got lucky. My girl puked. It was a bad night."

"That's disssgguusting." Sara slurs. "Force-hic-forcing girls to have sexxOr drink themselves sick.

"Hey, they chose to pledge. And hooking up doesn't necessarily mean sex. Even if it didn't work out so well for me, John, one of my brothers went out with Kelly, his hook up for the night for the next two years." Nick is quick to defend the greek system. "And I'm sure you have some bad, embarrassing sex stories in your past."

"I'll never tell." Drunk!Sara says, mimicking Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted.

Grissom will tell, though. "Sara's a member of the mile high club." He adds in the same tone as one might use to talk about the weather.

"Heyyy." Sara protests, not happy with Grissom giving away her secrets like they were nothing.

Greg who's been pretty quiet so far does a double take at what Grissom says, and he just has to ask "You know this how?"

"Dead guy in first class. We discussed it processing the plane. Two of the people were ruled out as suspects because they were having sex in the bathroom at the time. And now, I think it's time to get Sara home."

"Oooooo.... Are you gonna come with me?" Sara asks trailing off into giggles. "I'll show you a good time." More giggles.

"Not drunk you won't. You're going home to bed, alone." Grissom says in his calm, no-nonsense Grissom voice to Sara. Then to Greg and Nick, "Goodnight guys, I'll see you at work."

"Night."

"Night."

Grissom escorts a wobbling, stumbling, mumbling Sara out of Greg's apartment, leaving Nick and Greg as the only two guests.

With the party down to it's last legs, Greg gets up and locks his front door before moving on to his living room to round up the empty snack platters. Nick follows him, not because it's weird to be sitting alone in Greg's kitchen, but because he'd rather be with Greg.

When they get to the living room, Nick plops down on Greg's sofa. Greg has moved on to gathering up the scattered cups around the room. "Do you know whose glass this was?" Greg asks Nick, gesturing with said glass.

"I think that one's Sara's, why?"

"Because now it's mine. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't accidentally drinking Hodge's cooties." Greg says taking a gulp. "Damn, this is strong. No wonder Sara's so drunk." Although noting that doesn't stop Greg from taking a few more gulps before moving over to fix up his coffee table.

"Stop puttering, G. Sit down and relax."

Greg takes Nick's advice, stopping where he is to sit down, nevermind that where he is puts him practically sitting on Nick's lap. "That was one successful party."

"Yea."

"Although the vegemite is barely touched."

"It's vegemite, what did you expect?"

"You mean you didn't have any?"

"Of course not, just the thought of it is gross."

"Vegemite is great. Have you ever even tried it?"

Nick thought he had a good poker face, but he must be wrong because Greg knows. "You haven't." There's a pout on Greg's face as he twists around to grab the jar of vegemite and two spoons. "I bet you would like it if you give it a try."

"The probability that I like vegemite is probably somewhere around the probability that Sara and Griss ever sleeping together."

"Oh, come on. The first time I had some I was in Australia on spring break. This was junior year of college to go surfing. I was still a beginner then, but there couldn't have been a better place to learn. It was gorgeous there. And back to the point, I didn't think I was going to like vegemite, but when I tried it, it proved me wrong. The stuff is great."

Nick hasn't heard anything Greg said. The way Greg is almost sitting on his lap and squirming around is very distracting. And Nick is sure that the way Greg's lips are moving are much more exciting than whatever he's saying.

It takes a moment for Greg to notice Nick was not listening and he was pissed. He knows he speaks a lot, but would it kill people to listen to him. He has a point. Usually. Although Greg doesn't mind Nick staring at his lips. And it takes this long in his thought process to think 'Hey, Nick's staring at my lips! I can do something with this.' So he not so quickly slips the rest of the way on to Nick's lap.

"Actually, that trip was a lot of firsts. The surf instructor was so hot. And after learning to surf all day I learned all sorts of other fun at night."

"She was hot?"

"He."

Neither is sure who moved first but they're kissing. It's a meeting of mouths; soft, warm lips coming together. Mouths open and tongues meet. At the first glorious taste of each other they become frantic, desperate with desire. Greg's exploring Nick's mouth with his tongue and Nick is pressing right back taking it as good as Greg's giving. It's new and exhilarating, bright and special, and like finally finding home for the first time, safe and warm. Greg's shifting around straddling Nick's lap; Nick's arms coming up to pull Greg closer. Now it's a full body experience. Hard, firm body, and yeah Greg's hard and grinding down to meet Nick's answering hardness.

Almost as fast as it started, Greg's standing several feet away and pacing. And he's babbling again. "You're drunk. I'm drunk. We're both drunk. We're not doing this drunk. A six year crush is not ending up as drunken sex."

Nick looks slightly dazed, but his thought process seems to be working better than Greg's because he interrupts, calm as anything. "So what about that bet?"

Although maybe his thought process isn't working so well, because Greg has no idea what Nick's talking about, and he's sure he's giving him the most confused, befuddled look ever. "What?"

Nick, unlike Greg, isn't fazed at all. "You said you bet I would like vegemite."

"We just kissed and I'm having a crisis over here and you're talking about vegemite?"

Nick reaches out to stop Greg's nervous breakdown and pulls him back down to the couch. "I was thinking that we could go out on a proper date, say Friday."

Greg just nods, curious to see where this is going.

"If things work out the way I expect they will, I'll take you out to a wonderful dinner somewhere. If by some freak occurrence Sara and Grissom sleep together by then, you can take me out to someplace they serve vegemite and I'll eat whatever weird foods you can serve me."

"That works for me."

They sit there, not sure what to do now that they've decided they're not doing anything else tonight. Nick breaks the silence with "I should probably go then."

"You don't have to. I mean, if you had too much to drink you can crash here. It won't be weird."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

Despite what he said, Greg feels awkward and is ready to be done with this conversation. "I'm gonna go to sleep, make yourself comfortable out here."

This time it's clear that Nick moves first to place a gentle kiss on Greg's lips. Greg just wants one more little taste before bed as he opens his mouth. But this seems to signal something to Nick and he pulls away.

Greg wants more. In his best seduction voice "Are you sure I can't change my mind about the drunken sex."

"And ruin my reputation as a Texas gentleman? Just think of all you have to look forward to Friday when I win that bet."

"You mean when I win? I can't wait. Goodnight."

~~~

Doot doot doot dudoot dudoot doot doot

Greg picks up his cell phone, looking at the display to note that it's Nick calling. "Hey."

"Greg, you got to get down here, now."

"Nick, where are you? What's wrong?"

"I'm in the break room. Sara's here, and I think I lost."

"What are you talking about?"

"Our bet."

"So, just ask her."

"I can't. That's just weird. And inappropriate."

"So you want me to do it?"

"Exactly"

"I see how this relationship's going, you just using me to do the dirty work. I'll be right over."

Greg lives close to work, hitting all the lights it takes about 12 minutes to get there, hitting none of the lights it takes about 5 minutes. In this instance 8 minutes later, Greg is walking into the break room. One look at Sara has him doing a double take.

"Hey Nick. Sara."

"Hey G." Nick responds giving Greg a look that clearly says talk to Sara.

Seeing as Greg came in just for that, he gets to it. "Sara, what's with that smile?"

"What smile?"

"The smile on your face that says I slept with Grissom."

"I'm not allowed to smile just because?"

"You can, it's just a matter of which smile. The one you're wearing right now says you slept with Grissom. Usually when you smile at me it's the shut-up-Greg-smile and then there's your evil genius smile and your mad scientist smile, which are not the same thing. You don't flirt with someone as long as I have with you and not learn their smiles."

"I'm never going to sleep with you."

"I know, that's not the point. The point is that you slept with Grissom."

"You know, you're weird. Has anyone ever told you that before?"

"Believe it or not, yes."

~~~

"So, Nick, there's a slight change of plans for Friday."

It's mid-day Thursday (or well, mid-night for normal people) when Greg corners Nick in the hall and delivers this line.

Nick's been remarkably calm in considering their upcoming date, but when he hears this line, panic sets in. His "Oh." is choked as his attempt at being casual fails miserably.

"Calm down man, it's just that there's not a single restaurant in the greater Las Vegas that serves vegemite. I know. I called them all. So, it looks like we'll be eating at my place. Luckily I have plenty of left over vegemite."

"You know G, we could skip the vegemite and go straight to the sex." Nick blurts out, as close as he gets to giddy with the-date's-not-canceled happiness. Because while Greg's the type of guy to casually mention that he's been crushing on you for six years, Nick's the type that of guy who will never, ever, ever even hint that he's been in love with you for just as long.

"Hey, I won that bet fair and square, you're eating the vegemite. Besides, who said I'm gonna put out on the first date."

"You were going to sleep with me before the first date."

"Okay, so I'm gonna put out but not until you try vegemite."

Resigned, "Fine, I'll try the vegemite."

"Good. Oh. Hello Catherine."

"Catherine!" Nick exclaims, jumping around to look behind him. Oddly, no one's there. And then, "Greg!"

Greg's laughing hysterically. "I'm sorry, that was just too easy. Anyway, I've gotta go do work." Greg makes a disgusted face as he says the word work. "I'll see you later."

~~~

It's Friday night and the moment of truth is here. Greg hands Nick a heaping spoonful of vegemite and holds his breath in bated, suspenseful silence. As if in slow motion, the spoon moves inch by inch towards Nick's mouth until he obscenely closes his mouth around the spoon head, and then pulls it out, leaving the vegemite in his mouth.

And then, "Blech, I can't believe you made me try that stuff."

"You just have unrefined tastes."

"No, you just ate paste as a child, and this is a sentimental manifestation of your desire to still eat paste in adulthood."

"You're the one spouting psychobabble bullshit and I'm the one with the problem?"

"We wouldn't have a problem if you would go get me something to wash this horrible taste out of my mouth with instead sitting here listening to me. Did you actually make dinner for tonight or were we just going to skip to the part where you invite me to your bedroom?"

"Well, I've got food in the kitchen, but it's easy cook food, because I'm not good at cooking, so it can wait."

And then there's silence again. Flirting has always been easy between them, the banter and casual touches coming fast and furious since day one. But leaning into each other, without the slight buzz of alcohol muting the senses, they both realize the change and weight of the situation. Then their lips meet and it's gone again. Now there's the warmth and wet and sweet of their tongues reaching out to tangle together. Nick's hands are on Greg's waist pulling him in close. All Greg can register is a bright, fuzzy happiness inside until Nick succeeds and they're pressed up together. Then he's thinking 'more' and thrusting down against Nick. Nick's answering Greg's thrusts with his own and it's delicious, hard, rough friction but still not enough. Greg ripping his mouth away from Nick's but this time it's only to stop a hairsbreadth away and speak.

Breathy and wanting "You mentioned something about a bedroom?"

Nick's response is to tangle his hands in Greg's hair and pull him back into the kiss. But there's no strength in the hold, and as Greg stands up, Nick follows keeping them attached at the lips. They stay attached by hands and arms and bodies and mouths as they stumble their way to the bedroom.

~~~

Greg wakes up before Nick and gets up to make his easy-cook food, which turns out to be pancakes. When they're ready he makes up a tray and takes the food into Nick for breakfast-in-bed (or dinner, or some other meal, he's not really sure). Nick has woken up in Greg's absence and is sitting in bed looking adorably sleep rumpled.

"I brought you food to wash out the taste of the vegemite."

"G, I think that's already pretty well taken care of."

"You don't want my pancakes?" Greg makes an over dramatic sad-puppy dog face at Nick to accompany this statement.

"I'd love some pancakes." Nick says appeasing Greg.

So they settle down in bed to eat pancakes. But about halfway through, there's something Greg just has to know. "So, do you usually simulate a blow job when eating things from a spoon or was that just for my benefit?"

Nick chokes on his bite with that statement. "What?!?"

"You know, with the vegemite."

"You're weird G."

"But you love me for it."

"You betchya."