Panic

[anmani.livejournal.com]

Have you all seen my new icon?
The lovely dagdrommer made it for me and this fic.
I can't even begin to tell you how happy that made me, but I am so loving it.

Title: Is it worth it, chapter 7: Panic
Pairing: Nick and Greg.
Rating: R
Summary: Nick needs Greg more than ever.
Spoiler/Warning: Set after Grave Danger.
Disclaimer: They belong to the CBS and not me.



It was worse.

The image of Nick sitting in one corner rocking back and forth with the phone to one ear, clutching the ‘woobie’ and seal and screaming from the top of his lungs burned into his mind forever.
He dropped to his knees next to Nick and gathered as much of the man in his arms as he could. Nick flinched at his touch and he relaxed it considerably waiting for Nick to recognize him.

“It’s me Greg.” He repeated the words in a calm soothing way to no avail. He moved back and slapped Nick on the cheek hard and suddenly to bring him out his world of panic. It worked enough for Nick to show some sign of recognition and he was allowed to hold him. Nick’s hysterical sobs slowly changed into something sounding like words but not quite. He just held the crying man for what seemed like an eternity.

“Louise?” Nick asked for her when the worst tremors had left his body.
“She’s right here. Your mother has got her out in the living room.” He whispered.
“I want her.” Nick’s voice grew clear and demanding.
“Mrs. Stokes you can come in now with her.” He called out figuring that she had most likely hovered close to Nick’s bedroom all the time.

“Here you go son.” She handed Nick Louise and he took the phone and the seal from Nick who insisted on keeping his ‘woobie’. Louise’s eyes were burning red from all her screaming and she was fidgeting about in Nick’s arms clearly not happy. Her presence worked wonders on Nick though.
“Sorry.” Nick looked at him with eyes so dark and clouded that he had to struggle to hold the gaze.

“Nothing to be sorry about. You just panicked.” He soothed stroking Louise on the head for his own comfort.
“When does it get better?” Nick sniffled.
“When I was laying there waiting for you to come I thought everything would be alright once you found me.” Nick continued in an unsteady voice.
“But now it just seems to get worse.”

“It’s just your mind catching up on what happened. It takes a while to accept stuff that bad and then move on.” His voice dropped to a whisper but he still continued.
“Just don’t take as long as me.” He firmed his hold on the Texan and Louise.
“Promise you won’t leave!” Nick demanded the only thing he couldn’t promise, yet.
“I won’t leave tonight, but tomorrow I’ll take her for a walk and you’ll just have to wait until I come back. You need to learn to be alone again.”

“Nick relax!” Nick had drawn back at his words and he knew it had come out all wrong.
“I still want you! I still love you! But you have to let yourself heal. It won’t be long. I promise.” Nick still eyed him suspiciously and he so badly wanted to kiss all of Nick’s sorrows away.
“I… maybe you’re right, it’s just so bloody confusing to have you… almost.”

“If I hadn’t been through the explosion I would have jumped at the first chance you gave me. But I know how the brain reacts, I know that it needs time to catch up and I know that it would just end in tears if you weren’t to have that time.” He moved his hands in soothing motions over his two most treasured people in the world.
“I love you both so much.” He needed to say it, he needed to let Nick know that it was true and he needed Louise almost as much as Nick.

It took all the strength he could muster to get Nick into the bed and the fact that Nick was still holding Louise didn’t make it any easier. Nick curled protectively around Louise and he lay down on the other side to prevent Louise from accidentally falling of the bed. He placed a hand on Nick, a habit he had adopted in the hospital, so he would know what state Nick was in at all times.

“Will you sing that one about the troll-mother again?” Nick’s voice held the innocent plea of a three year old and he complied singing the old lullaby till Nick was breathing rhythmically. He was exhausted mentally and there were so many feelings milling about in his brain that he felt the onset of a powerful headache. When he realized that sleep unfortunately was far off he sat about sorting out at least a few of those feelings.

“Greg?” Nick’s mother whispered from the doorframe.
“Yes, he’s asleep now” He whispered back, careful not to move so he would wake Nick.
“Can we talk?” She walked over to him and squatted next to the bed also careful not to touch the bed.
“Sure, I can’t sleep anyway.” Since the light was on she couldn’t hide her bloodshot eyes and he knew he had a matching pair.

“I felt so useless him screaming like that and only wanting you.” Her voice was soft and sad.
“Oh what have they done to my poor baby?” Tears had begun to roll down her cheeks.
“Made him suffer, made us all suffer.” He whispered unable to restrain his own tears.
“I counted his pills before. He’s only taken the antihistamine and the mild painkillers.” She was fighting to keep her voice low and calm at the same time.

“But that means… Oh my God he is such a fool.” The doctor had told Nick about easing of the meds and how you never did a cold turkey with meds like that.
“Shall I get them for him?” He told her what pills to bring as he could feel Nick’s uneasy stir under his hand. As Mrs. Stokes left he softly sang the lullaby again and Nick relaxed in his sleep.

“Thank you Mrs. Stokes.” He said when she gave him the pills for Nick.
“Call me Jillian… It seems like we’ll be family soon so you might as well… call me Jillian.” Her words were a bit hesitant and since he didn’t really know her he felt rather insecure and self-conscious.
“Okay, well thank you …Jillian.” He said her name testing it for effect.
“You know I already have 5 sons in law?” He nodded.

“Well I knew that Nick wasn’t… all that straight, but it… you. He really dotes on you.” She looked at him with the same intensity that he had seen Nick use on suspects and it made his skin crawl; which in turn reminded him that he was only wearing a pair of jeans and that thought produced a full body blush that was very visible in the lighted room.
“Why don’t I get a blanket for you, it looks like they’re not gonna share.” She pointed to Nick and Louise all curled up under the comforter.

She had said son in law. When had his life become everybody else’s business? It had flattered him at first in the hospital but now it was driving him mad. He wanted to have a say in when and where, he wanted to seduce Nick after all the rules of attraction and he wanted to enjoy the first months of falling in love with only the person that he had fallen in love with.

“Here you go Greg.” She handed him the blanket from the couch, the same one Nick would wrap up in when they played videogames. Both he and Warrick had teased Nick a great deal about his habit, but like most things it just became as natural to them as to Nick.
“Thank you Jillian.” He looked at her and then at Nick.
“You know nothing… intimate has happened between us… yet.”

“I nearly lost my little boy. All I want is him to be happy and alive.” Her voice was low and quivering.
“I want the same, but I also want my privacy back… and his.” She backed out of the room staring at him with a look of first contempt then more realization blended into it.
He held the blanket up to his nose inhaling the scent of Nick, it was a bit silly he figured as the man was laying right there next to him.

“Greg, Greg, Greggo, Greggoooooooo.” A voice penetrated his sleep and insisted on pulling him away from the surfboard.
“Greggo are you awake?” He opened his eyes and stared into so dark brown eyes they were borderline black.
“Hmm not yet.” He mumbled still trying to figure out where he was and who those eyes belonged to.

A hand running over his right nipple ripped the last sleep from his mind. He reached out to feel for Louise since the eyes held his in deadlock.
“My mother took her to give us some privacy.” Nick panted in a low needy voice. His heart skipped a beat and then took off at break neck speed. It what was he yearned for and he could feel a certain part of his body betraying his decision.

He reached an arm out behind to feel for the pills left for Nick and found them gone. That could only mean that Nick had taken them and that he now was high as a kite. The black eyes were swimming a bit and he knew for sure that he had to put a stop to Nick.
“Nick please… please don’t.” He caught the hand traveling down towards his waistline.
“I want you Greggo, I want my little Greggo.” Nick panted.

“Nick!” He made his voice firm and it was so hard to say no.
“Come on Greggo, you know you want to. You know you want to fuck me.” He wondered which one of the pills that made Nick like this knowing only too well that normal-Nick would never say that to somebody he hadn’t had sex with before.

“Not when you are high.” He pushed Nick away and sat up shaking with frustrations.
“Fuck me. Please Greggo fuck me!” Nick’s hands now roamed his own body. He took the blanket and walked out of the bedroom with tears running down his cheeks. Nick didn’t call after him, the Texan just moaned and groaned as he rode the waves of the drugs.

Crying he threw himself on the couch and wrapped the blanket, the very Nick blanket around him. It burned in his back for the first time in more than a year and 5-year old Greg dominated in his head calling for his dad making his headache worse. He could only too clearly hear Nick jerking off and the thought of having to clean Nick up afterwards when the drugs or the orgasm brought him down again made him feel sick.


A/N: Once again, I can’t tell you all how much I love all the reviews.
But I do, I thrive on them. They make me wanting to keep write more.
Again: thank you dagdrommer for the translations. Even if there aren’t any in this chapter, but you know they’re coming.