nickngreg | "At Fault" ficlet

Author: xkacie
Title: At Fault -- thanks to those who suggested it!
Pairing: Nick/Greg (of course)
Rating: PG, reference to homosexuality and drugs
Summary: Nick tries to comfort Greg.
A/N: Wrote this trying to do a fifteen minute ficlet thing, but I ended up without the challenge word in the fic, so blah. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Not mine.

Comments/criticism welcome and appreciated.

---

Greg crosses his arms and slumps to the floor. He rocks back and forth, silently screaming at his support, his lover. He does not look at Nick. He knows without looking that he is there, and that he is worried. The past week has worried Nick so much that Greg almost can't bear to look at him.

It's all Nick's fault that he's worried. It's his fault that Greg's the way he is. It's his fault he started doing the drugs. It's all his fault.

Or, that's what Greg keeps telling himself. He refuses to believe that it is actually his own fault, because that would mean accepting his mistakes.

He doesn't want Nick to see his mistakes, to feel his imperfections. He knows them well enough himself, and he hates himself for them.

He often wonders why Nick loves him. He wonders why Nick continues to stand by his side, to hold him when he's hurt, to love him when he cannot even love himself.

He wonders if he loves Nick in return. He thinks he does, he almost knows he does, but how can he be certain? If he hates himself, is he even capable of loving another human being? If he has so many imperfections, is he even worthy of someone so perfect?

Greg feels Nick slowly sit next to him, then wrap his strong arms around him. Greg doesn't want to, but before he can stop himself, he is sinking into the depths of Nick's eyes. His chin quivers. He needs the drugs to make him strong. He doesn't want Nick to see him like this, to see him so weak.

Nick ignores the whimper in Greg's face. He knows that if he relents, then Greg will never heal.

He knows that if he relents, Greg's death will be his fault.

end.