Fic: Nick/Greg, PG

[acroarcs.livejournal.com]

Title: Shame
Author: acroarcs
Rating: PG (uses one foul word, quoted from show)
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Episode: 5x16, "Big Middle"
Summary: Greg is angsty.
Warnings: Angst.
Notes: Written for the first csi_missing_500 challenge. Cross-posted there and at nickngreg.


Shame

“Bastard liked doing fat girls, but didn’t want to be seen with them. There are some women around here who spend all their time and energy giving pleasure because they think they aren’t worthy,” the woman at the message board said.

“You don’t have to be large to have low self-esteem,” Greg said. Sometimes all you have to be is gay. Something has to change.

***

Greg sat down on the edge of the bed, watching Nick sleep. His hand reached for Nick’s shoulder, but he drew it back. Do you really want to have this conversation, Sanders? Are you really willing to give him up if that’s how it goes?

Greg told the voice in his head to shove it. He was tired of his position in Nick’s life. Before he could stop himself again, he put his hand on Nick’s shoulder and shook it lightly. “Nick,” he said. “Nick, we need to talk.”

Nick’s eyes opened and he groaned. “Man, G, what time is it?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Greg said. “This has to be now.”

“Fine,” Nick said. “Give me a moment.” He sat up, his hands going to his eyes, rubbing the sleep from them. He yawned and stretched. “All right,” he said. “What is it?”

“I’m sick of being your secret,” Greg said quickly. Get it out before you chicken out. “I’m sick of not being able to go out with you, of not going and doing things together.”

“Greg,” Nick said. He rubbed his hands over his face, but Greg wasn’t sure if that was because he’d just woken up or he’d just gotten unwelcome news. “Greg, I thought we’d talked about that.”

“You don’t want to get outed at work, I know,” Greg said. “And I can even understand that. But why can’t we go to a restaurant sometimes? Or a movie? Or any of those other things people on dates do?”

“Someone might see us…” Nick started.

“Vegas is a fairly large city, Nick,” Greg said. “And that doesn’t explain why we couldn’t go out. Sara and I go out to breakfast together all the time, and no one thinks anything of it.”

“People think something of it.”

“Really?” Greg said. Stop getting distracted. “But there’s nothing. It’s just talk. We could handle it the same way.”

“What is this about, Greg?” Nick asked.

“I don’t like feeling like you’re ashamed of me, Nick,” Greg said. “And I don’t care if you’re ashamed to be gay or not, I need better from you.”

“You don’t need that,” Nick said.

“I expect it.”

“I’m sorry, then,” Nick said. “You’re asking too much.”

That’s it then, Sanders. You get what you ask for. Greg stood up and left without another word.

***

“What do you like? What gets your juices flowing?” Greg asked that night, looking from the catalog over at Grissom.

“Someone who doesn’t judge me.” Grissom said. He left, and Greg watched silently as he disappeared down the hallway.

Just how much does he know?


Additional A/N: Yeah, it's a lot like the Dealing series, only with a different end. Some people see fuzzy slash everywhere, I only see angst. Sigh.