nickngreg | (no subject)

Title: Is Love enough.
Chapter Title: chapter 1
Characters: Greg, Nick, Sara, Warrick
Genres: AU, drama
Rating: NC17
Warnings:
Summary: Greg is taking steps that will forever change his life. But is this what he really wants. Warnings cross dressing and transgenderism!

I stand back and look in the mirror. I hold my breath as Sara looks me up and down. She has her hand under her chin and is chewing on a pen. She takes the pen out of her mouth and writes something down.

“This is the last stage you need to go through to see if this it really what you want,” she says. “Once you take the next step, there will be no turning back,” she says, smiling. Again, her eyes look me up and down a few times. “You look really good.”

I run my hands through my hair a few times and pull at the collar of my turtle neck. I hate wearing them. I’m nervous enough as it is, the last thing I want is to have something so tight around my neck. I jump a little when she puts her hand on my shoulder.

“I’m scared,” I say. Scared is an understatement. Terrified is more like it. I wish there was another way to know for sure. They have a pill for just about everything except this.

She again smiles at me and flips her hair off her shoulder. “I’d be worried if you weren’t scared. You’ve come so far and you have a long way to go,” she touching me again.

A long way to go? Hmm, she’s always been honest, but, at times, I’d wish she’d say, ‘Oh it will get easier,’ even if it is a lie. She’s always been here with me, guiding me through each small step that led to a much larger step. And here we are, one last step to take. Well, more like one last mountain to climb. If I turn back now, I fear I will have let her down and wasted all the time and help she’s given me over the past few years. She’s turned into my family. Her and her brother have taken me in and have never judging me or made me feel like I’m a freak.

Freak…will I be a freak? Will people look at me and say, ‘Oh, my God, look at that person!’ Will I be excepted for who I am, or who I want to be?

I close my eyes. It hasn’t been easy for me. Nothing ever was, is. I’m just trying to find a way for me to be happy with who I am. In doing so, it has cost me dearly. I’ve been disowned by my whole family. They turned their backs on me a long time ago. They didn’t understand what I was going through and why I’m doing this. I’ve been told I’m sick and fucked up, or I’m just doing this to ruin the family name, to get attention, to hurt them. Or it’s just a faze and I will out-grow it. Once it became apparent to them that it wasn’t a joke, or a way to get attention, I was told to leave the house and never come back.

“So, this is what I’d look like?” I ask, touching my face.

“For the most part. You have a good frame to do this. Some people don‘t, but it will go well for you, I can feel it. If I didn‘t think you did, I‘d tell you. Believe it,” she says. “You’re a bit tall, but not too bad. There isn’t much to you.”

I again play with my hair. “You’re just saying that because you have to,” I say. I take a step forward and feel light headed. She rushes over to me.

“You should sit down,” she says, guiding me over to the bed. I sit down on and place my hands over my face. “Here, drink this.” She is holding a bottle of water out to me. I take it with an unsteady hand and take a sip. I finish it off and sit it on the floor. I reach down and twist my ring around my finger a few times.

“We don’t have to got out tonight,” she says. “A lot of people can’t do it the first time,” she says, sitting next to me. “The realization is starting to set in, and it’s hard.”

“If I don’t do it tonight, I may never do it,” I say, standing up.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to force you into anything,” she says.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I say. But I’m not sure. I’m not sure I can walk out of the room looking like this, but I do know one thing; If I don’t, I mostly likely will never be strong enough to do it. I walk over and pick up my bag and drape it over my shoulder. She smiles and picks up her bag. We walk to the door and she has to push me forward to get me to go outside. We walk to her car and get in. I place my hand on my stomach, as it is in knots.

“Should we get something to eat?” She asks.

I shake my head, knowing I’d most like throw it all back up.

“Will this ever feel right to me? Will I ever feel normal?” I ask, placing my hand on my head. It was starting to hurt.

“Greg, honey, you will know if and when it’s feels right. That is why we make you do this for a year,” she says. “You have plenty of time to figure out if this is what you really want.” she says as the car comes to a stop.

“This is a small place. Not a lot of people come here. If you get to uncomfortable and want to leave, ask me about the movie tomorrow,” she says.

“It’s now or never,” I say, getting out of the car. I take a few slows steps, then stop waiting for her. She smiles and walks up behind me. We head to the door and a someone steps in front of us and holds the door open.

“Ladies first,” he says, smiling.

I smile back and, “Thanks,” is all I can get out. We walk inside and, just like she said, there were only a dozen people in the place. It was pretty dark as well.

“Just sit anywhere you want,” the hostess calls out. “It’s ladies night, so drinks are only a dollar.”

“Let’s sit at the bar,” she says.

I would have preferred to sit in the back, but I don’t say anything. We walk to the bar and sit down. I pull my skirt down and cross my legs. Sara places her arm on me, giving me the ‘you better relax’ look and I take in a deep breath.

“What can I do you ladies for?” The bartender asks. He’s a very nice looking man, wearing a black t-shirt and black jeans. He’s got on a black belt as well. His hair is a bit long and it’s kind of feathered to the side.

“Do you have anything to eat?” I ask, looking down.

“Yeah, we got nachos, wings, popcorn, dogs, chips and poppers,” he says, leaning on the counter in front of me. I had better get something in my stomach if I’m going to drink tonight.

“Nachos,” I say.

“Anything to drink?” He asks.

“Coke, for now,” I say.

“I’ll have a Bud,” Sara says.

The bartender smiles and disappears into the back.

“See? I told you look fine. He was checking you out, Greg,” she says.

“Oh, God,” I say, putting my hand on my face. He returns and sits my nachos in front of me, along with my coke. He hands Sara her beer.

“I haven’t see you ladies around,” he says.

“I’m new in town,” I say.

“I’m trying to show her around town,” Sara says. “She doesn’t know anyone around here.”

“Hmm, well, I’m Nick,” he says, holding out his hand. I take it and shake it. “Now, you know one other person.”

“Thanks,” I say as I pick up a chip. I push it around in the cheese a few times.

He looks at me and sighs.

“Her name is Ginger,” Sara says.

I look up. “Oh, God, I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m not really here tonight. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“It’s ok,” Nick says.

“Oh, Nicky, who are your friends?” Another man asks. I’m guessing he works here, too, since he is also dressed in black.

“This is Sara and Ginger,” he says. “Ladies, this is Warrick. He’s the cook,” Nick says.

“I’m not a cook, I’m a chef,” Warrick says, looking at me. I can feel my cheeks turn red and I look away shyly. Lucky, he seems more interested in Sara, but this Nick guy really seems to be looking me over. I pull at the collar of my shirt and again pull my skirt down.

“Chef my ass,” Nick says. “You heat up wings and dogs and pour cheese on chips!” He smirks.

“But I do it with style and class,” he says. “Well, I’d better get back there. Those dogs won’t cook themselves,” he says. “Ladies, it was an honor to meet you.” He flashes a smile at Sara and heads back into the kitchen.

“Hmm, he’s very friendly,” Sara says.

“He likes you,” Nick says, looking at her.

“Oh, really?” Sara asks.

“Yep,” Nick says, sitting another beer in front of her. Me, I haven’t touched my drink and I’m still holding the same chip I started out with.

“What about you?” Sara asks.

“Well, see, I’m kind of like your friend,” he says.

My eyes widen, and I’m sure I have a look of fear on my face. I swallow hard and pick up my drink and force some down. Nick either doesn’t notice my discomfort, or he finds it interesting because he’s still looking at me and smiling.

“She’s really shy,” Sara says.

“I’m shy, too,” Nick says.

“That a bunch of bullshit!” Warrick yells from the back.

Nick picked up a rag and tossed it at him, hitting him in the leg with it.

Sara looks over at me. I wipe my forehead and finally eat the chip I’ve been holding for a while. It is cold and nasty by now.

“I’ll be back,” Nick says, going down to take someone else’s order.

“Are you ok?” Sara asks me.

I look at her and sigh. “Yeah,” I say. “I just wish he’d leave me alone. I’m not even close to being ready for that.”

“Oh, Ginger, he’s a bartender. He’s just flirting to get a good tip. Lighten up and have some fun with him. At least you know you look good,” she says.

That is true. There are a few other ladies at the bar and he doesn’t seem to be paying them any mind at all. He comes back about ten minutes later with another beer for Sara and a fresh coke for me.

“They would have tasted better warm,” Nick says.

“What?” I ask. I look down at my nachos.

“Would you like some fresh ones? I can have Chef Warrick make them,” he says, again leaning on the counter.

“No, thanks,” I say. I get the feeling he’s not just flirting, he’s interested in me.

“So, where are you from?” He asks.

“California,” I say, picking up my drink.

“I have to go to the ladies room,” Sara says. I look up at her as she walks off.

‘Thank for waiting for me,’ I think.

Nick watches her leave and looks at me again.

“So, what was your name again?” He asks.

“Ginger,” I say, looking down.

“Oh, that’s right. I’m sorry, I thought I heard her call you something else,” he says.

I do my best to hind the panic that is running through me and laugh a bit.

“No, it’s Ginger,” I repeat.

He nods and takes the plate of nachos away. He walks back over to me and hops up on the counter. I wish that Sara hadn’t left. I’m getting a bit worried, now. I take another drink and look at him.

“You sure fooled me,” he said, much softer now. “I had no idea.”

I’m not sure what to say now, and am thankful Sara is making her way back.

I don’t look at him now. I am looking down into my drink. What the fuck is taking her so long? I look over to find her and see her talking to Warrick.

“So, which one is it?” He asks. “Ginger, or Greg?”

I stop breathing and my heart stops as well. Fuck, she called me Greg when we first sat down.

“Greg,” I say in a whisper. I think I’m going to pass out. I feel sick now. I stand up and he takes my arm.

“You don’t have to leave,” he says.

Should I scream for help? Should I try and pull away from him? He’s a lot bigger than me and I’m guessing I couldn’t get away if I wanted to. Me wearing heels didn’t help, either.

“Sit down and chat with me,” he says, letting me go. He smiles at me and hops down.

I again look over at Sara. She’s already touching Warrick’s arms and laughing at everything he says.

“I’m sorry, I can’t,” I say, taking a step back.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Nick said, softly.

I open my bag and removed my wallet and pull out a fifty and sit it on the bar. “Thanks for everything,” I say, backing away from him.

Nick looks at the money and sighs. He picks up it. “You have change coming,” he says. “Do you want it?’

“No. Keep it,” I say.

He puts the money in his pocket and leans on the counter. He’s still watching me.

“It’s ok,” he says, and points to the stool.

I think about running over to Sara, or shouting, “What fucking movie are we going to see?!” But I take a step forward and then walk back to the bar and sit down.

He smiles and picks up my drink and refills it.

“I’m glad you stayed,” he said, handing me my drink.

“So, what part of California did you grow up in?” He asks.

It takes me a while to even realize he’s talking to me. I don’t get it. He knows I’m a man ,but, yet, he keeps talking.

“San Diego,” I finally say as he was about to turn away.